Hi Elsa,
For the past 6 months, my Sadge boyfriend and I have been arguing about the simplest things. Partly it’s my job and hectic schedule, and partly it’s his lack of motivation at work.
Whenever we argue, he says, “You just want to get your way.” But that’s not the case! For example: I like to go out in the evenings; he doesn’t go out unless I plan everything and take him there myself. In general, he doesn’t cook, clean, and barely can take care of himself. Yet he’s successful and intelligent and has been there for me ever since we met.
He’s reliable and makes me feel secure. Does that supercede all the rest? I feel lost without him, yet I always find myself trying to please him and avoid arguments. More often than not, I just give up and give in.
Can I fix us? How doomed are we?
Girfriend
Dear Girlfriend,
I don’t think you’re doomed at all. You just have all this Scorpio and Capricorn. So your first response to just about anything is to expect the sky to fall, and the other shoe to drop! I’m glad you wrote for an outside perspective because though it sounds that while things could be going better, there is no deal breaker in your relationship.
Astrologically, you have Saturn transiting your seventh house (relationships). This can create a lot of fear – like fearing you’re going to be alone, and bereft of love and relationship. This is what I think you’re experiencing. This is the root of your suffering, and I see it playing out in two ways.
First, you think, “Oh no, we’re doomed!” Then you conclude, “Fine, he sucked anyway. The bastard wouldn’t even do the dishes!”
This sort of chaos is all through your post and I’ll tell you what’s going to help. Commitment! With Saturn transiting the seventh, when it comes to partnership, you’re either in or you’re out. And it’s sounds to me like you want to be with this man. So how do you deal?
Well, as soon as you quit vacillating, you’ll recover all the energy you are currently wasting. Then you can apply this energy to “growing up” the way you relate to your partner.
For example, you say he’s always been there, every day for five years. That’s a big deal! Do you really care if he does the dishes? Would you be better off with a dish-washing man who neglects you? And you say he’s successful and intelligent, but lacks motivation on his job. Come again?
For the record, Capricorns tend to parent their partner. That’s fine to an extent, but here again, a Saturn transit through the seventh insists that relationships have boundaries. Is your man old enough to decide how to handle his job? Probably.
You say you have to plan… but planning is a Capricorn trait. It’s part of your nature. You say you have to please him but again: pleasing others is part of your personal makeup.
I mean this in the nicest way. I really think you’ll see improvement if you can control your need to control him. And I know this all sounds dismal, but if you do leave this guy and find someone else, all this stuff will constellate again. The reason is because this stuff needs work, and the universe is going to make sure you do it.
Good luck.