I’m aware there are a legions of people who have no inclination to help others. I’ve stated I feel Saturn in Pisces will drop the veil on things, allowing you to see them clearly, or in this case, more clearly. Point here, is this is something I’ve recently began to realize. I don’t have a good understanding of this; it’s the reason I’m posting.
I am a person that helps people. This is not because I am nice and and kind and sweet, I don’t even know if I am any of those things. But I do help people, all the time, every day. I think this is my calling… or whatever. It’s my essence rather than a conscious choice I make. I help people as easily and as readily as I breathe. Matter of fact, if I am talking to you, in any scenario, I have one ear listening for any way I might help.
Let’s say my neighbor tells me he or she is going to the store to get a hammer. I would immediately say, “Use mine!” Or if I had an extra, it would be, “Don’t need to. Take mine!”
Now this might represent a lack of boundaries, I don’t know. Venus Neptune! The point is, I would never, ever, withhold assistance from anyone if I were right there and able to help.
I’m just beginning to understand that there are a lot of people who help no one, ever. Under no circumstances will the step up to help or offer information that may make your struggle easier. They have what you need, but they are not going to give it.
I guess they might say something if you were about to step your foot in a bear trap, but what I can see, even that should not be assumed. So what is this?
I asked one person and they said it was greed and self-centeredness. That may be right but it’s not what came to my find first. I thought of a number of things ahead of that, actually. Let’s see:
- Competition – the person wants to be ahead of you in some way. While you searching for the answer, that is right in their mouth, they can gain on you. The feel every inch you lose, is their gain.,
- Jealousy – the person resents what have or they are jealous of you in some way. They’re not going to help you at all.
- Feeling of power. This is a withholding move, to see the other person squirm. You’re moving into psychopath territory here, I think, though this is very common.
I’m at a point where I want to better understand this. My chart describes a person who behaves the way I do. Do all the charts of the people who hold or even hoard everything they have, describe their behavior? I’ve seen A LOT of charts and I don’t think this is the case. If I’m right, what is the case?
Did someone not appreciate something they offered, at some point in the past?
Were they criticized or attacked while helping and decided, to hell with it all?
Are these people acting as programmed?
I witness this behavior all around me, including in people who are relatively close to me. At this point, I’m ready to reconsider these relationships and here’s why. Or rather, here is what ultimately triggered me to write about this, as these questions been swirling around me for some months.
I had a client this week who was crying on the phone. She had what seemed and what may be an unsolvable problem. Something along the lines of a medical problem that just *is*.
I wanted to help her but my information on the topic was “thin”. However, I felt this was something, Satori, might know about. I told the client, I would contact, Satori, on her behalf, which I did.
Satori came back, quickly, offering every shred of information she had, that might help this gal. See? And this runs in her family!
Years ago, my hormonal teenage son was trying to redo his look. This is outside my area of operation or expertise, so guess what happened? Satori’s teenage daughter stepped up. She took his picture and took the time to outline ideas for him. She had a bunch of looks for him. We took her advice and with a year or so, my son developed his own aesthetic. He’s known for his distinct way of dressing today.
These are very good stories, of course. So let me ask you this: If you’re someone in every kind of position to help and you refuse – what’s your reason?
Fear that helping will create a relationship with the person being helped, when such a thing is not wanted?
Interesting. Thank you!
I have learned to share more of what I have, when I have it, but I do have a little post traumatic stress from episodes in the past when I had very little and was struggling. This happened 3 separate times when I owned next to nothing nd no ready cash! My time, advice and effort were, of course, available to help. It’s kind of like being physically hurt and remembering the pain and shuddering bout it long afterward. You are constantly afraid of being in a state of lack AGAIN even if that’s very unlikely. There are no guarantees in life though! In the end you don’t need as much as you think.
Also, interesting! Thank you.
Krikey Elsa – my husband is even worse than I. He’s had 2 lucrative careers and still had nothing -he’s given everything away – mostly to his brother and sister who desperately need. My dear husband has that inconjunction where he makes a breakout change of life and is family won’t know who he is. Just knowing that – HELPED HIM! It is a fine line – what is HELP and what is empowering Negativity? This is something we think about alot, for we want to give fishing poles not our souls/home away. And it just FEELS good to be of service to those who need….but truly only if we are really serving them. Only recently have we moved where the people are like us – givers also – and it’s such a happy exchange for all of us and there has a good feeling of balance – that we’re not giving to leaky buckets wasting our precious energy just because someone has to save them right now. We’ve spent alot of time talking about not wanting to take away other peoples life lessons – they need them to learn. sorry for the trite – but it’s a fine line to walk, imo. the ones with the BlackHearts – do not have the texture, depth of emotional life – it is a desert of a very brittle existence – they will break in the wind. God gives to those who Honor – it keeps the wheel, the cycle, the energy flowing. The Blackhearts stop and stagnate all for their petty egos, imo.
Really well said. Thank you. I think along similar lines but I’m wide open right now, trying to understand this.
The other thing that occurred to me, is this can also be passive aggressive. I’d have to think if this is part of something already mentioned, or if there is overlap or what.
The other thing that has gotten my attention, recently, is I was do X for a person’s benefit. That person will do nothing for my benefit. I don’t see myself dealing with people like this, at least not to the same degree, going forward.
I’m talking about decades of generosity, unanswered in any way. I think I’m going to find a new way.
I’ve was very astounded at how accessible you are – my friends also. And that rushing to help others is SO Commendable – but your professional boundaries …. – get blurred as do your own energy levels and wanting to help can become like a chore – and we don’t want you to get to that place. People are like water- they go to the First easy person, and if no response then the next and then the next – I guess realizing they will find their answer in due time? If the Universe, God, Spirit whatever the name, wants them to learn or have that item – it will come to them – but it is their arena. We chose to enter it , or not. This is the place where it all depends on the circumstance. Also not getting paid in the moment for the offering – there is a Trust that that energy given out – comes back 3Fold. I never think about repayment – for the Universe does that for those who can’t. It’s more an energy thing, rather then money. Passive Aggressive to me, means snarky – they aren’t Blackhearts – just not conscious of their motivations yet – and we have to educate them somehow. Definitely by not empowering them. the time is such, all have to grow up now, and no one gets through this unchanged and still the same.
my husband and i were just talking about this last night. i have also always been a helper and i can feel empathy for *anyone.* however, this is just a thing about me just like my eye color and height; if anything i am blessed with these traits, i did not choose them from birth.
my mother, however, is not a helper. other people’s needs just do not seem to occur to her. it seems to me that she has programmed herself to ignore as many of her emotions and needs as possible, as she is or feels unable to deal with them. but further than that, others’ needs seem to trigger some kind of scarcity alarm in herself, leading to the jealousy you described in the post. as if, if she’s not in the exact center of a situation then she won’t get enough… whatever she needs.
it’s all very immature but she’s stuck there. she has pluto conjunct moon opposing venus conjunct chiron. i know that can’t be pleasant to deal with.
Another theory, well, it’s something that is quite commonplace. That the people who are always helping, giving, providing empathy, etc, got so sick and tired of getting taken advantage of, used, and getting no help in return, they shut down completely. They USED to help others but no longer have the bandwidth to put up with the one sided dynamics, the bottomless pit that is never filled, so they switch to cold.
Or they help people who don’t help themselves, those that always ask for advice or talk endlessly about their problems, but end up doing nothing about it. So again, they don’t bother in the end. Patience runs out.
I can see this happening a lot more during Saturn in Pisces. Putting a big stop sign of boundaries.
Which brings me to the next point – people who don’t help because they don’t know HOW to, or what to do in a crisis. Because it’s always THEM that are being carried by others, so when it’s THEIR turn to help, they simply lack the skills of knowhow.
I think assisting others does require some innate leadership skills as well, quick decision making, it’s not always about being soft and fluffy and kind! It’s about KNOWING how to help.
Cancers and Virgos tend to do this very well.
This is interesting but I am specifically talking about people who *can* help. I mean, they KNOW they can help but they don’t do it.
Another thing occurred to me – it could be immaturity. Like a child thinks people do things for them and that’s it.
Could it be these people never flipped the switch? You’re an adult; show some responsibility to… everyone. Your friends, family, co-workers, neighbors and community online and off?
My reason would be one of the following:
– if my help would actually back fire (lead to a connection or dependency I don’t want or would be made fun of at a later date)
– I know that person made a selfish decision that led to this problem and I want to withhold my help because I want that person to learn a lesson from it (some lessons can’t be taught but are learnt via experience- staunch believer of this).
Venus opp Neptune
Sun opp Saturn
Moon in Capricorn and Venus in cancer
This is tricky , like breathing deeply or not. The discernment of how close the assistance is and what I know will continue to draw is one condition. I’ve gotten a little older now and my body learned some lessons on helping. I have to draw a line. I also see opportunities at every moment. I let many go now that my time has to balance into later and other personal goals. I think there is a spectrum for every moment and a reason to respect.
No. Boundaries are needed. I had someone asking for chart readings for different situations. Then for their job, of their boss, of their boyfriend, then of their parents, of their friends. For me it’s the absolute thing that people can and will ask and feel entitled for as long as you let them.
I let them for too long. When I tried to put my foot down it was too late so had to cut them out of my life because they were pressing on. The script they knew since it worked with me, right? It almost happened with someone else but I instilled boundaries earlier and now it works. Lesson learned. I would still be here today reading for them for free to this day if not. It’s not the money. It’s the time you’re sucking out of me. It’s the being taken for granted. As a capricorn moon, fuck that.
I think if it’s your nature to be constructive and perhaps conservative, then helping another to construct the fix for the cure or the find it’s all good however as a reflex in the business when you offer help what happens is you assume the liability and responsibility and then people you’re helping expect different things from you so one must be very careful one I believe must immediately begin to talk of costs I don’t mean helping a poor unfortunate, or crying or broken down on the ground kind of thing I think that’s our nature to be supportive, but in business one must be careful these days one time we had split wood and had gotten a Call someone asked us to sell some of it sure we had a mountain of it let’s throw in a little more she’s older let’s give her a hand well halfway through the winter, she calls again and she would like more wood and this time we just gave her her fair cord of wood no extra so she complained that it was not the appropriate amount and she wanted another delivery. This is quite a lot of labor involved in this little word wood so I explained how we had given her extra to be nice she said you gave me rotted wood , I explained it was well seasoned and light the extra because you are older she said now you’re trying to rip off the elderly by getting rid of rotted wood and you’re not giving a fair amount for the money! you see you have a done her a favor made her expect it the next time, so I understand where some withheld because you assume the liability and the responsibility to care for someone that cannot do that for themselves it’s tricky
That was just a tiny offering of help now when you get to a bigger scale on work projects and can get ugl.
I always tried to help people, be it with money or advice or taking people in to live with me. Or taking responsibility which isn’t even mine.
I do it because I don’t want others to suffer, feel alone or helpless.
I gave my uncle 1000€ for paying school funds for his son. My uncle never worked a day in his life. But I did it for his son. Only later to learn that that same son came to me asking for material things and never bothered to say thank you. My uncle after I gave him that money, kept asking for more. And i got fed up with it.
I’ve learned never to expect something in return.it is ok to expect a thank you! But I’m at an age and point now that I feel due to circumstances that I really need to put up big boundaries.
My brother always expected me to take care of everything, never thanked me, and when I needed help I got a blunt no I’m not going to help you, do it yourself. I never asked him for help again. While afterwards everytime he was without an home due to debts , he expected me to help him. And he’s the one who won’t miss a nights sleep over it. And we’re twins. How weird is that?
I’ve started working for my friend, wanting to help her out, but after 2 meager payments she doesn’t feel she has to pay anymore. She owes me 1000€ . But also she doesn’t feel guilt at all. Still she expects me to work for her. Because we are “friends” and she offers me the chance to work since in her eyes 👀 I don’t have nothing better to do.
I do think that it’s selfishness , my brother that didn’t want to help ever, never wanted me to grow or even get better than him in our careers. My so called friend admitted that while we were young she used to be jealous of me, I was the pretty one and had a wealthy bf. Now the tables are turned. She lives a wealthy life and I’m not. It’s staggering to say the least. And for her it’s the jealousy. I’ve never been jealous of my friends or family. That was because I simply didn’t felt I deserved it. But they were jealous of me. That’s why I tried to prove myself.
Now I’m beginning to see , that it’s worthless. I need to love myself more. And also put in my foot and say a big no! Because mostly people are used to take advantage of others. And I do think that they realize it. That’s why they keep crossing boundaries. It’s sad in a way. Such people learn from it by hearing a big no. Eventually they have to do it themselves.
My point is : people are selfish, maybe it’s a too grim of a view. But that’s how I see it. It’s easier if someone else takes the blame, does the work or carries the burden. It’s like walking the stairs , it pulls your muscles and it tires you out but in the end you are getting higher . If you have to think about taking a step while you’re walking upstairs you fall. And that is what selfish or ignorant people do, just keep walking and don’t mind the steps. I’m sorry for my spelling since English isn’t my native language . But I hope you understand what I mean.
This is an interesting topic for sure. To answer the question posed at the end of the blog, if I am ever in a position to help, and I don’t, it’s usually because 1 – I have helped a lot already and the person continues to make poor decisions that require they ask others to help them out of, or 2 – I have helped a lot in the past and there is no reciprocity of any kind in the relationship. The word selfish carries a negative connotation that was born out of puritanical Christian belief systems. First and foremost I will make sure that my own cup is full, and only then will I offer excess from my cup to others. I’ve spent a lot of time in my life angry and resentful at how others have taken and taken and taken from me, and never once reciprocated. No more. I can both be compassionate to their plight AND say no. Paradox mindset. Both are true.
Now, this does not necessarily apply to charitable giving on a communal scale. I give a lot of my time to charities that work to combat food insecurity in our most vulnerable populations – children and the elderly. I’m also planning to do some small scale animal rescue when I am able, but again I only give what I can afford to give. If I have had a really tough week and I am exhausted, then no I’m not going to go work a 4 hour shift at the food bank, lifting heavy stuff. I’m going to go home and get some rest and when I am able, I resume the work.
I personally don’t think this is rocket science but I also get that everyone has a different threshold for giving based on their own ‘cup’.
I feel this is a recent-ish phenomenon. Back in the day, most everyone I knew lived by ‘cosmic bartering’ where we would all share what we had and received what we needed, whether it be food, clothing, care but especially, helpful information.
My personal belief is that, along with a lot of the reasons listed here, these days we are programmed to be pitted against each other, competing for everything, so when somebody has something somebody else needs, they keep quiet, as if owning it gives them the edge, the feeling they are ‘winning’.
This is a topic that I am obsessed with. Not wanting others to fail, but the idea of giving, caring for others, what are the limits, what are the hidden agendas? Saturn in Pisces and Pluto in Aquarius both lean right into this nerve.
Will my giving really help? Am I just trying to look generous? Is this person sincerely in need?
I have Pisces Sun conjunct Jupiter and I always want to help everyone, but I lack discrimination. (I just deleted a long story about how I was duped by a street person… never mind: I lack discrimination.) Or am I in love with the idea of being the person who gives?
I also have Saturn opposite Sun and Cap rising: total Scrooge! So I have both of these issues blaring all the time. I hope people will write more about their experiences, this is raw for me.
Last thing: I had this flash about Jesus and the moneylenders, how he raged against them, turned over their tables. Not helpful to them! They are just trying to make a living,.. Still, he is the one I want to model with my giving. He wasn’t all sweetness and light all the time! But he also didn’t interrogate everyone he helped to determine their deservedness.
Complex and important topic. I think this is what Saturn/Pisces and Pluto/Aquarius are here to school us on…
I have to ask myself:
CAN I help? Is it appropriate? Do I even know what’s needed? Can I know?
IS it a trap? Is it my ego? My past trauma?
Does the person even WANT help? What evidence is there of this? Are they asking?
I was raised by narcissists, so had a phase of being a codependent people pleaser earlier in life. Made me a big target and a glutton for punishment. The pluto/uranus square hit my mid degree cardinal planets pretty exact, my mom died on one of the direct hits, that was the catalyst for my healing process. I’m very careful with people now, and with myself too.
If I don’t help, it’s a self preservation type of thing. I generally do help, but sometimes a feeling of fear will creep up. Like if I give something away, will I need it later and not have it? This could be irrational. Or I’m selfish and only want to help in ways I’d choose, rather than being generous. I’m not sure, but it’s usually that little nagging fear feeling that stops me in certain circumstances.