Do You Blame The Man By Default?

I know a woman who does not trust women. She’s aware of her bias but she can’t overcome it.

Her problems stem from her relationship with her untrustworthy mother. Her father was as bad or worse. She knows this. She’s told me this, but for some reasons he’s forgivable.

So now she’s an adult. Whenever something goes wrong, she zeroes in on a woman to hold accountable.  She does this so fast, it’s uncanny. It’s like  a knee-jerk reaction and once the knee jerks, that’s it.

Other people do the exact opposite. The man is always a bastard; the woman, always a victim.  This is 100% of the time. Are you kidding me?

Mistakes like this will destroy your life overtime. They won’t exactly help the people around you either.

Do you have this sort of bias? Can you tie it to the Sun and Moon in your chart?

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Do You Blame The Man By Default? — 26 Comments

  1. Yes. This black and white thinking regarding men/women at times has unfortunately followed me into adulthood, I will admit. I have tied this to my Sun/Moon opposition.

    It is easier for me when I remind myself of my tendencies; when I do this, I am able to look at it the ‘right’ way (I collect all the information necessary in order to come to an educated conclusion).

    But yeah, knee jerk reactions/trained reactions to preconditioned stimuli has been a problem for me.

  2. Funny, because I have Sun & Moon opposing each other but, that sort of thing is not overly common with me. I have a general dislike for most women. However, when I find ones that I like, who are genuine & not manipulative, I welcome them into my life with open arms. I don’t *automatically* blame one gender or the other, at least I hope I don’t. I dislike nearly the same number of men, actually. Misogyny & denial seems to run rampant nowadays. I’m just misanthropic, I guess. 😉

    I will admit that I blamed my mother more than my father as I grew up. My dad wasn’t as bad & I think, as a child, you need at least one “good” parent. When I got older (teenage years), I saw the reality of who/what my dad was & it really opened my eyes. Frankly, they were both fucked up, just in different ways.

    I can’t see the world in black & white. I think I have too much Libra. I always see both sides of things. Can be frustrating, honestly.

  3. I blame the man more because I don’t like the Jezebel archetype and I do think women are often objectified and I don’t want to be jealous or resentful of women. In certain situations. I have a strong moon. Pretty women have dated the guys I liked or intimidated me but goddammit if I’m going to blame or hate them I’ll just leave. When men don’t like me I resented them but how to blame myself for being ugly.

  4. Going by this logic(sun moon contact), I have the trine between them. So that shows a basic tolerance towards both male and female, I guess.
    In a slightly less knee-jerk manner, my Mars conjunct MC often shows up as sparring with men in public. But I’m aware of it and try my best to control this tendency. That’s the upside of learning astrology!

  5. Sun square moon here. In my younger days I was a jealous person…which is to say I was an insecure person. If I see an event between sexes and feel a bias I usually look at my insecurity as the source, make sure it is not rearing its ugly head and then let logic decide where the fault lays. All men are not horn dogs and all women are not backstabbers. But those that are should be avoided.

  6. I don’t usually blame anyone ..just myself. my sun and moon only 10 degrees apart in pisces. I usually think it is my own fault, something I didn’t think through enough or some faulty thinking on my part. mercury is right in there with moon and sun in pisces.

  7. I’ve seen that misogyny from females towards females in Venus square/opposite Moon, usually and in males with Mars square/opposite Moon.

    My Gem moon is sandwiched between Taurus Mars and Gem Venus. All in the 10th. My Sun is unaspected.

    My mom was definitely a much bigger influence on me. After he abandoned us when I was just a tot, she was very bitter and openly verbal in how everything was his fault and I should be a career-driven woman (10th) instead of a housewife who is vulnerable to financial ruin. In essence, I was brainwashed, by default, to hate him and fear all other men without even having another perspective.

    Now, when he was reintroduced back into my life some years later, I got to see his true colors for myself, both good and bad. And I also saw how much my mother chose to blame instead of accept responsibility in the breakdown of their marriage and in her life. I’ve vaccillated between in my life hating her and then hating him and their respective genders alternately. ?

    But I finally came to terms with any hatred I project is coming from myself and I need to evaluate it. But by default, I am a feminist. I have a strong Lilith signature in my chart and while I condone traditional marital roles, I will never condone a man putting his hands on a woman nor treating her as less than his equal. Nor will I condone a woman exploiting the system and using their children as pawns to strip the man of his rights as a father and the majority of his assets. There has to be balance. ?

  8. Holy synchronicity, I was just thinking about this. Yes, I think I find women in certain situations (not all) to be a little intimidating and fault-finding. This mostly happens in my workplaces, basically I feel I can’t achieve any type of status, because of dominating fault-finding, hateful women out to bring me down. I think I can relate this most easily to my sidreal chart where Venus is situated in the 10th in detriment and opposing Saturn in the 4th. Even in western, my Venus is still in detriment and opposing Saturn, rules the 10th, yet it’s in the 9th in western.

    • And I do think this is how I perceived my mother growing up. Dominating, fault-finding, insensitive. Not that this is completely true, but it was my perception. When you have a mom with a Capricorn Moon I guess it fits the bill. It’s really interesting, perception.

  9. First I dealt with my dad’s faults in my life (abuse, abandonment, violation of my self worth).
    Then I made peace – almost – with these things.
    Then I hd to deal with my ex who did something of the same emotionally and sexually.

    So, when I entered my current relationship I gave him flag for almost anything that upset me. It got better. But I’m not perfect. I’m MAD at men. I’ve allowed men to treat me bad my whole life. They wouldn’t listen when I said no either. So yeah, I’m mad. Mad at them for not acting accordingly and listening when I asked them not to do what they did. They were angry at women so they treated me like sh*t.

    All that anger… i have moon in 8th house square Mars.
    I have retrograde Chiron in 3rd house, directly opposite my sun, mercury, venus and jupiter stellium in Scorpio.
    Chiron is located smack dab on the fixes star “Algol” (Medusa’s head). It’s raw, it’s ugly as f…

    So yeah. I’m mad. With good reason. I’ve started seeing a therapist – and that helps a lot. I might never get over my anger, but maybe I will be more conscious about it in the future. I hope so!

  10. I can’t, or haven’t overcome my bias with other women. I get along with a lot of women, but the other half of women, don’t know that I’m gay, and may project their issues onto me. One half of me feels sorry for their hurt feelings and past. The other half needs self protection, so I have my stingers out when I meet some of these women. I have a love/hate relationship with other women, and I’m gay! Once they figure out I’m gay, the game changes, and their bias, and mine, goes away.

    Although I have Venus in Aquarius, and prefer objectivity, even Aquarians are human, and have biases of their own. I’m annoyed with this biased part of myself, and sometimes even hate my own biases, but it’s part of being a human being.

    • I’m not totally straight and sometimes it’s hard to reconcile the competitive or friend type image of women being like you to the attraction of women being unlike you as the object of affection. I’m guessing. I tend to try to play a more masculine angle around them cause I have Mars in cap and don’t fancy a relationship with one.

  11. I see both sides – this is something that frustrates most people terribly, but not me.
    A Libra Sun and Scorpio Moon, Venus and Mars in conjunction.

  12. It is insecurity that has me blaming men because blaming women is a slippery slope towards slut shaming and misogyny. And I don’t like when women blame the other woman when a man cheats or judge clothing as slutty. Clothing matters less. I’ve behaved in a way that may be conceived of as slutty and wore boring Ally Sheedd clothing. A sexy girl I know keeps it locked and dates many men at the same time. Getting hurt or manipulated is not a woman’s fault. I’m angry at some men, less now, and am very yin so it’s easier to identify with vulnerable yin people. Men and women. Confident brash logical types get my hackles up more . It switches cause I have an opposition . I think I may have an unlimited capacity to hate or repress contempt behind liberal tolerance.

  13. I actually try to avoid placing blame. Situations occur and each person has their perspective. If I am struggling to see someone else’s point of view I assume there are angles I can’t see that if I could see them may change my opinion. I also try to remember that not everyone is operating from the same playing field, some forks are just less aware or evolved or let’s face it sometime less intelligent than others. We are all responsible for ourselves and the only person you have control over is ourselves. I review situations that affect me personally based on my behavior and what I may have done differently to garner a different result. But placing blame is fruitless. I am a Libra Sun conj by Libra Jupiter which I believe is responsible for my empathy of the enemy so to speak LOL

  14. I have seen this type of behavior from people who had either:
    Sun-Moon square
    Sun-Moon opposition
    Venus-Mars square
    Venus-Mars opposition

  15. Scorp sun trine Pisces moon- no, I look at both sides. While I see for example, some hardworking moms and deadbeat dads, I personally know a few dads where the mom disappeared and the dads did everything. Each situation is different. I like women and I like men so….I guess I dislike them equally too, if it’s warranted. 🙂

  16. When people ask your opinion they usually expect you to take one side (their side) on the situation. Well, I just can’t do this, with me it’s: ‘Yes, that’s true, but on the other hand …’, and on and on I go. The person asking just doesn’t want this. You get accused of being two-faced, not being able to have an opinion, or, like they say in my country: ‘a person not stinking nor smelling’, etc.
    I’m sorry about this, but I just can’t help it. I can’t have an opinion based on what you want me to think or say.

  17. I’m an equal opportunity blamer. Depends on the situation. But mostly, anymore I’m like why oh why do people get themselves in these messes. Sorry, I’m not much of an advocate anymore. Being an empath by nature, it was just too stressful. It was destroying my life. Everybody got a hard luck story about one thing or another these days. I’ve heard it termed chronic dissatisfaction.

  18. Interesting. I don’t trust men. And it’s not a problem generally in life, it’s a problem in relationships. I think it stems from hearing my father lie all my life (and then having some disappointing experiences with men early on). That said, I just read your post on the shadow and integrating it and I know I’m not trustworthy when it comes to relationships. I keep myself in check but I do have a wandering eye.
    I have no idea what is at work here – I have Sun square Uranus (in 8th house), trine Pluto (in 7th house) and sextile neptune. Also I have Mars and Mercury conjunct my SUn. The only moon aspect is conjunct with jupiter.

  19. It stems from protection. Sometimes it’s better to offer protection first then to worry about how you will carry this through in the moment. When there’s a will there’s a way. Don’t make threats. Don’t try to pacifier someone’s anger. Just try to get ready to take the gears to land the plane.

  20. It stems from protection. Sometimes it’s better to extend help then to worry about how you will carry this through in the moment. When there’s a will there’s a way. Don’t make threats. Don’t try to pacifier someone’s anger. Just try to get ready to take the gears and land the plane.

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