Turns out around here at least, the Mercury Pluto opposition (along with the Moon in Scorpio) rules the day. Talk of sex, hidden knowledge various things stimulating and disturbing.
The soldier had me read a passage in a book this morning, one that he’s mentioned and referenced many times. I got the book months ago but if you’ve been reading here awhile you know I don’t open a box just because he sends it. At least not right away I don’t. I have to let this stuff cool off and that’s what this book has been doing sitting next to the bed for the last six months.
In whatever case, today he put it in my hand to read after reading it himself as I bootled (wrote the last blog).
“Just read this part right here,” he said with his fingers grasping a 10 page section.
(swearing below the break)
I decided I should read the thing considering today’s sky so I agreed and he tweaked it up a notch, “You can read it aloud if you want.”
So I read the thing and was disturbed by it as we both knew I would be.
“See?” he said. “Our lives are disturbing. Out lives were disturbing when we were together as kids and we had disturbing lives separately as well.”
“But I am a normal motherfucker now,” he said.
“P, I am. Look at me just lying here like a normal motherfucker. So you know how good it would feel to just be a normal motherfucker for a change?”
“We don’t have that option,” I said. “This is as good as it gets.”
“You go with me and I go with you. We are finally with the right person and that is as much comfort as I think we are going to get in this life.”
He shrugged in agreement.
Add the astrology if you know it….
I would say my life is somewhat disturbing, but most people don’t know it. I keep it under the radar and there are people I’ve known for over a decade that still don’t know half of what I’ve been through — for whatever reason, I’ve tagged them as unreceptive.
I’m hazy on the astrology here, but my Mars-Venus-Pluto conjunction in 4th contacts everything in my chart (if you count all the semisquares, quintiles, and what-not) and forms a nearly exact trine to my Moon, which is my chart ruler, the 8th-house “handle” to my “basket,” and the only planet above the horizon.
I chose “Somewhat disturbing”, but other people might say “very” & I’m aware of this. To me, however, my life is “normal”. It tends to go like this:
“Yeah, I got sick of my husband cheating on me, so I just gave him permission to fuck other women.”
“You did WHAT?!”
“Well, I figured if he needs it somehow, then I should just get over it & let him do his thing. It’s not like he doesn’t have RULES!”
“Are you serious?”
“He can’t fall in love w/them, he can’t leave me, and he can’t stop loving or fucking ME…so, who cares if he needs to screw other women, it’s only sex!”
Right there is about where the other person’s brain implodes! hehe….Of course, that’s not the only one, but that’s the most recent example.
As for the astrology, I’d chalk it up to my Moon conjunct Pluto and Uranus in the 8th, all of which opposes my Sun & Mercury. I’m drawn to unconventional, disturbing things/relationships/ideas, etc. If it’s emotionally reaming, I am in my element. If it’s deep, dark, crazy, or freakish, I’d probably love it… 😉 Oh!! And I’ve got Aquarius rising, so being seen as “different” or “weird” is also appealing. 😀
Lilly, that sounds normal to me. 😉
SaDiablo, you’d be surprised how many people get freaked out by my life 😉 I’m sure yours would sound normal to me, as well! 😀
Lilly, sounds reasonable to me too. Most people would find my open relationship disturbing too.
Scorpio moon and ascendant, 8th house Venus I suppose are most at blame for my life being disturbing to other people. I’m fairly comfortable out here on the edge but people close to me worry a bit.
I voted ‘somewhat disturbing.’ But I have people in my life who I love and have deep emotional connections with and their lives are disturbing. More so than mine (not that this is a contest, ha).
I feel quite blessed that the Universe deemed me capable to listen to the un-listenable.
12th House Neptune trine 8th House Saturn
Venus/Mars opposed Pluto
Pluto Square Moon
Sun Square Saturn
Sun Opposed Uranus
Kashmiri, have you figured out how to work your Saturn-Neptune trine? I’ve got the same aspect (2nd to 6th), but I have a hard time recognizing it and when I do I have no clue how to use it.
Lilly, this is really odd, but that sounds reasonable to me as well. I could almost see myself saying the same thing.
Not sure though. 2 or 3 months ago my Scorpio Sun guy told me he had a girlfriend (I figured out (decided) a little later that he lied). But until I figured that out, oooooooh, the green eyed monster was out in full force!!!! I never knew (at 40+!!) that I was the jealous type. Heh, heh. Guess I was wrong. And even though I am sure he lied, I still feel jealous if I think about it. So I am not sure that I could say the same to a SO that I loved.
Maybe it’s my Uranus in the 7th house that makes your response to that situation seem all right? (Uranus, Mars and Pluto in the 7th)
Well SaDiablo it’s also part of a Grand Fire trine (the other point is my 4th House Venus/Mars conjunction).
I do get a lot out of love in general. And escapism of all sorts. Rejuvenation if you will. It’s a marvel in art school to watch how different people are, especially when creatively expressing themselves.
We’d be given an assignment which had a strict criteria that was too vague for most people. In one, we were given a roll of wire (I think it was 12 gauge? Anyway you had to use pliers) and told to do a sculpture of a head. The ‘strict’ critera was that it had to be open/see through and had to have flow from inside to out and represented emotional complexity.
So I decided that I was going to give myself ONE EVENING to do it. As in, 5 hours. People were working on it for over a week and I simply didn’t have the inclination (or time, frankly).
I sat down and went crazy. Students were so worried about ‘what does this mean and what does that mean’ blah blah blah.
My project was nice and fun and flowy (Neptune) but made from a metal wire (would that seems Saturnian to you?) and I was quite pleased. Other students were like ‘Nice thing–you’re obviously screwed in the head.’
Well you know what? I got an A+ and the Design department asked me to donate it to the school.
Furthermore, I had actually incorporated a female figure dancing within it without even being conscious of it.
Kashmiri (love your name, btw) did you take a picture of it? I would love to see.
What do you put your artistic talent down to? I am really quite artistic myself, just wondering if we share anything. (Haven’t really had any schooling in it, though)
Thanks Snap. No I didn’t take a picture of it. My camera was broken and the only person with a camera at school that day was a gal who got so angry when she heard my mark she gathered people around it to rip it to shreds.
She had agreed to take a picture before the marks were released, and after her disgusting behaviour I didn’t want to look at her, never mind remind her.
Now there’s a nice little positive spin on the story, LOL!
hmmmm, speaking of jealousy….
That’s too bad, I would have like to see it. As I’m sure you would have liked a pic. But maybe you can still get one another time?
SaDiablo and Lilly, Your situations are so hard to fathom. I can much more easily relate to Elsa’s talk about the soldier and their one-on-one intensity. My chart is overflowing with Pluto and if something is not hard-core, to-the-bone passionate and real — and the only thing on the menu — I have no interest. Maybe not surprisingly, I end up with people who are the same. If someone I were with were drawn in another direction, fine, but I would then walk away.
My life? Somewhat disturbing, but it’s when I’m at the extremes (good and bad) that I know I’m really living (Pluto, again….)
Yes, I like the one-on-one intensity, too.
I said somewhat disturbing. I think it may be related to my first house Pluto-Mercury conjunction.
I don’t get to hide my Pluto stuff. There’s really no hope. And I don’t feel healthy unless I express it anyway.
So I wear my life wounds on my body as fat – every body can see pound-for-pound how wounded I am and have been. My eyes are intense and make people uncomfortable when stop to listen to them and look them right in the eye. I am often heavy and serious seeming. And I laugh at things that other people apparently find uncomfortable.
I am usually able (and there have been uncomfortable exceptions) – to ultimately create a cushion between me and disturbing things – holding at arms length like a scientist, studying it, and talking about to other people. But as I said, there are exceptions. And also, just because I’m finally comfortable with something, doesn’t mean other people are ready for it when I decide I have to share it.
Nycgirl, I have a relationship that is both deeply committed and intensely intimate as well as sexually open.
Gemini sun, Merc and Jupiter in the 7th needs freedom and variety. Scorpio moon/asc needs commitment and depth. It’s perfect for me.
Lupa & Snapdragon – well, at least I’m not the only one who sees the sense in my relationship! LOL…we’ve been together for 9 yrs now, what’s a little sex on the side? 😉
kashmiri – I would have loved to see your sculpture, too! Don’t know how long ago this was, but if the school has it, I’m sure they’ll let you photograph it! 🙂
nycgirl – In a way, mine is still very much a one-on-one relationship. We are deeply in love with each other, you see. If he DARED fall in love w/any other woman, I would have his balls!!! hahaha…
Lilly what is your sun sign? My guess is that you probably don’t have too much Scorpio in your chart? Or do you?
thanks you guys–it wasn’t very long ago and I know the school has it. Next year!
I don’t think my life is very disturbing at all. But I don’t really have a frame of reference.
Snapdragon – I’m curious as to why you think I have no Scorpio…but, you are correct, in that I don’t. However, I have Moon conj Pluto, which gives me a Scorpio-like Moon 😉 In fact, I have no water in my chart at all…I’m mostly fire & air (Grand Trines in both). My Sun is in Aries, btw. 🙂
Hmmmm Lilly, maybe your slightly easy, breezy attitude. Or could be the whole JEALOUSY thing. Or lack of it, I should say.
I am a Scorpio Sun, Venus and Neptune. As I said, the idea of MY guy with someone else was just about killing me. I basically had told him that what’s good for the goose is good for the gander. It was an empty threat, but I’m pretty sure he believed me. Guess he got to suffer a little as well.
Guess that was the “sting”, back. Didn’t even realize I was like that. Hmmm.
Snapdragon – OH! Well…it’s funny b/c I’m actually very jealous/possessive. But, so long as he doesn’t fall for any of the other women, they don’t matter. In fact, they don’t even exist to me. It sucks, b/c we are best friends, so he often wants to talk to me about them, which is when the green-eyed monster rears its ugly head. I’ll admit that it took YEARS to get to this point of acceptance! Once I figured out that his cheating had absolutely NOTHING to do w/me (or his love/attraction for me), I was ok. It’s funny what you said about “what’s good for the goose” & all, b/c I’ve told him the same thing! LOL Of course, we both have permission now to seek sex elsewhere, but no falling in love. 😉 If I seem “easy, breezy” about it, that’s just my Aquarian detachment talking! hehehe….
That’s funny hearing that you are an Aquarian. Two of my best friends are Aquarian, and my daughter (whom I love to bits) is. I don’t seem to have a jot of Aquarius anywhere….. maybe that why I have Aquarian friends? …have to seek it elsewhere?
Oh yeah, no detachment here :o)
I voted “somewhat” because mine seems to disturb other people but it’s just normal to me. I’m the freak magnet, though, and I like being that way. I get to hear all the cool stuff. *grin*
Lilly, I like your attitude. Very sharp.
“Once I figured out that his cheating had absolutely NOTHING to do w/me (or his love/attraction for me), I was ok.
Are you serious? A man who adores, lusts after and loves his woman/wife does not have sex with other women. You can rationalize it all you want but a man who values his woman would never do anything to jeopardize his relationship. The minute a man decides to cheat on you (with or without your permission), he has subconscioulsly decided that you are worth losing and your value goes down. You’re replaceable and he knows it.
And every time he’s with an attractive sexy woman your self-worth is kicked in the butt no matter how much you deny it. And by the way, how does a man (or a woman) stop himself from falling in love with a person he is caressing, fondling, giving and receiving pleasure from? It’s bound to happen sooner or later.
It’s women like you that give the rest of us a bad name. A relationship like yours is obviously not based on deep, intense feelings of love, trust and admiration. You clearly have no idea of what you’re missing out of which makes me sad. I have Pluto square venus, moon and mercury and I attract intense, sexual, loving AND LOYAL partners. I would never settle for anything less.
Kashmiri, thank you! You just reminded me how much easier I used to breathe when I was drawing. I think I’ll pick up studio art this semester.
On the open relationship front:
While I’m unhappy unless there’s an intense connection there has to be a certain degree of seperation as well, whether it’s as drastic as an open relationship or as simple as having different hobbies.
The only reason I would be comfortable in having an open relationship with my hubby is because I honestly love him so much that I would prefer his happiness at my expense than my happiness at his. I also know that he wouldn’t abuse the privilege and we’ve discussed all this, much to his dismay. (He hates having the “if the relationship goes sour” talk because it makes him sad for days. I hate the “when I die” talk for the same reason.) There’s one major rule for me when it comes to relationships and that’s no lying — I can deal with just about anything as long as I have the truth.
I think my opinions on this are backed up pretty well by the astrology: Mars-Venus-Pluto conjunct in Libra/4th, trine Moon in Aquarius/8th, sextile Neptune in Sagittarius/6th; Moon square Scorpio Uranus in Scorpio/5th.
And just for the record, my Uranus is in Scorpio. *eyeroll* Effin’ typos. . ..
“It’s women like you that give the rest of us a bad name.”
Anna, I have to disagree and I think this is why people who fall outside the norm are disturbing. You think that what I choose for my personal life puts your choices in danger. You are making all sorts of assumptions that are contrary to what Lilly herself says she feels about her life.
I believe that some people are well suited to monogamy and some are not.
Anna, while I feel you are entitled to your opinion – forgive me, but you know nothing about me, my man, or my life. We love each other more than you could ever fathom, obviously. Not every man “cheats” for the same reason…and ALL of the women he has sex with know about me, so it’s not like he’s deceiving them either. (Trust me, I’ve talked to them – he tells them all about me.) In either case, even if he were to fall in love w/someone else, I would wish him well…If he were to find someone that makes him happier than I do, then by all means, he should be with her. I love him enough to let him go – his happiness is all that is important to me. Not my own selfish desires….So, think what you will about me & my life – judge me as you wish…but know that I feel a bit sorry for you that you have such a narrow point of view.
“And by the way, how does a man (or a woman) stop himself from falling in love with a person he is caressing, fondling, giving and receiving pleasure from? It’s bound to happen sooner or later.”
Well, by using force? Rape? Sorry for being the blunt object, but some sex is taken by force and is not love. A person who has been raped or repeatedly abused is not going to be loved.
For all sexual relationships must be the ‘same’ to be valid or authentic is incredibly short-sighted.
I don’t think that someone else’s choice of who they have sex with, unless it is by force and therefor is an act of violence, should have anything to do of the collective value in the eyes of society, of women. I couldn’t disagree more. In fact I think it’s an archaic idea that promotes oppression of the individual.
I don’t even know if that last sentence made sense. Re-reading it does not, and I apologize so here is what I’m really trying to say.
Saying someone’s choice of being in an open relationship and being in agreement of a non-monogamous relationship ‘gives women a bad name’ is an archaic idea that promotes oppression of the individual, the person who has made the choice.
One individual woman [man] making a choice of who to have sex with has nothing to do with another’s value as a human being.
I COULDN’T STATE THIS STRONGLY ENOUGH.
My addition of “unless it is by force and therefor is an act of violence, should have anything to do of the collective value in the eyes of society, of women” is essentially part of another personal belief I have (that I don’t have the brain power to articulate) that I’ve mutated into this one and in piggy-backing on onto the other I’ve probably confused anyone reading it. Sorry for the confusion.
Anna I’m sorry if this feels like a personal attack to you and I hope you can understand that this a response to what I feel is a provocative comment that I felt compelled to respond to.
This dialogue is so interesting. I am a free spirit by nature, but am so Plutonian and intense in relationshipe — and have been taught to be that way, and only matched our outdone by, the men I have spent my life with — that anything else would just seem so second rate. But I am open to the idea of it, because I see so many people who are unhappy (and probably also because I have Venus in Aries).
That said, one key thing that has struck me about these exchanges is that those who are defending open relationships did so in the context of having a “disturbing” life.
People in more traditional lifestyles ARE often disturbed by those who don’t quite fit the mold.
Note all of the uproar over gay marriage. I think people should be encouraged to choose whatever sort of relationship works best for them without fear of being told their way is the wrong way.
Nycgirl, what does the “If” mean? Did you post too quick?
or am I too slow?
Snap — oops, thanks. I think the `if’ was left over from an abandoned sentence. 🙂
Lupa — I meant that Lilly, for instance, who was the first to mention that she had an open relationship, did so in describing why her life was somewhat disturbing. And others, too.
It’s a topic that I always find endlessly interesting. Maybe because, while I have always been monogamous, the idea of marriage for some reason still makes my heart nervous. I am fascinated by how traditional marriage came to be in the first place, and also the ways it is interpreted in other cultures, and the different ways people carve out to make things work for themselves (or not..)
Personally, I don’t have an open relationship, I’m just not opposed to the idea of having one in certain situations. The things that make my life disturbing to others haven’t even been mentioned and I don’t intend to delineate them. I just thought, when Lilly posted, to let her know I didn’t think it was so strange. Then it blew up into a commentroversy. So.
For the record, everyone else can do whatever they want with their relationships, I don’t give a hoot. 😀
The thing that I think is cool is that everyone who voted that their life was to some degree disturbing has Pluto contacting a personal planet.
Well after double-checking I see that I have Moon Trine Pluto, and Mars Conjunct.
I didn’t know how to answer. I guess my life HAS been disturbing, but now it is just not going quite as I would like. As I said, I tend to be alone a lot, and I think to have lots of weird shit go on, you need to have the people there to stir the pot.
Maybe when I become a nurse I will be able to answer this question better!
Well, Sa, I’ll consider myself told!
nycgirl – I used my open relationship as an example b/c it is the most recent incident in my life that people seem to find disturbing. I have plenty, trust me!! I’m just not going to broadcast ALL of them all over Elsa’s blog. 😉 Just figured one example would be good enough….hehe…didn’t know I’d start a commentroversy (as SaDiablo put it) 😉
I’m a walking chaos magnet. I am the eye in the middle of every shitstorm that blows up around everyone I know. I don’t do a damn thing to bring it upon me- I live a very Saturnian, “must be a good girl because if I don’t, I’ll be first to be busted”, well-behaved and 99% sober lifestyle. This stuff just FOLLOWS me around.
(I don’t know what the astrology of this is. Uranus rising?)
I’ve been in an open relationship, I had a sick father from ages 18-28. My relatives are generally nuts. People are very disturbed by those things. Whereas I am just used to the shitstorm by now and don’t realize until mid-story when someone is looking at me with pure horror that I’ve crossed the line. I scare people when I talk….
My life-long friend calls hers the “happy ball of chaos,” Jennifer. 🙂
It certainly sounds Uranian to me. I just checked and she doesn’t have Uranus rising although it does hit a couple of personal planets. Take this with a grain of salt, though — I’m an astronovice.