Disowned by Mom

Apple_Pie_sliceHey Elsa,

I’m independent from my parents and my mom and I have a number of  disagreements. Matter of fact, at the moment, I’m disowned. I find her condescending and domineering – she finds me whiny and petulant.

We saw each other recently and it was the same old pattern…her considering me a mess, despite the fact that everything I’ve done in the past year has been without her assistance (this includes getting my license, getting a car, paying a year of tuition, getting accepted to study in Europe over the summer). She would like to view me separately from the conditions of my life right now, cause she doesn’t like them. That frustrates me. Will this woman ever see me as a capable individual? Will I stop trying to prove to her that I am?

I have a 3.6 carrying 20 credits and working four days a week in university, I’m double majoring and minoring…this seems to impress everyone BUT her. Situation ever gonna get better? Are we capable of looking at stuff the same way? If we are – how hard will it be?

No Credit At All

Dear Credit,

This is a very sad situation. Nothing could gross me out worse, than a parent who does not appreciate their loving, hard-working, caring, and competent child. Really, I’d like to slap her, but then I looked at her chart.

The woman is a mess. And she’s looking at you, right? She’s not looking in the mirror, so she’s not apt to be changing anytime soon. And this means it’s up to you which is brutally unfair. Your mother should be in your corner, rooting for you hard! But she’s not. At the moment, your mother is not a working model! So what are you going to do? Be broken yourself? Stay hitched to her, like some sort of sink? I wouldn’t. I’d detach.

Now what do I mean by that? Well, I’m not recommending you permanently write off your mother. There are degrees of detaching! But you do need to find a new way of dealing with her so here’s my idea.

Quit imagining she’s your Apple Pie Mom. She’s not. She’s more like Psycho Mom, okay? So when you’re called to the phone, don’t even get in your head, “maybe she’s appreciate x, y, or z”. Instead, call it like it is. Know up front that “Disapproving Control Freak Mom” wants to have a word with you and act accordingly.

“Blah, blah, blah, blah.”

“Yes, Mom.”

“Blah, blah, blah.”

“Yes, Mom.”

“You aren’t taking me serious.”

“Yes I am. Anything else on your mind, then?”

See that? You can be detached, and still have integrity. Because you are taking her seriously. You seriously know, there is no reasonable way to please her! So what are you supposed to do, huh?

Well, I’ll tell you. Independent from her, you’re a brilliant star. This is fact, based on your post, so I’d run with that. Cut the rope! And catch the magic in this, you Virgo! If you grow, she’ll grow. She’ll have to. So this means, acting in your own best interest serves you both. Pretty appealing, huh?

See, at the moment she has you to reflect back at her. She serves it up, and you return the ball. But what if you learn to duck the ball? To dodge the ball? She’ll have to find a new game, yes? And that’ll be good, because this one sucks.

So there’s the surface, but I want to go deeper with this one, so I’ll be back.

To be continued.

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