Disgusted With Your Partner

Many people have had the experience where they’re disgusted by their partner. The feel physically repulsed for whatever reason. It might be their physical body, their age, something they did or they said, or whatever. I have a couple questions:

Do you think a couple can recover when it’s gotten to this point? Also do you think there is any projection going on? For example, a man sees his wife aging and focuses on this while denying the fact he’s aging as well?

Have you ever felt revulsion for your spouse or significant other and recovered? What is the astrology?


Comments

Disgusted With Your Partner — 35 Comments

  1. yep, I have a definite path for doing that. it starts with dreaming them up in my mind, music or movies that remind me of how I felt when things were good. then bring in the physical intimacy to restore the factory settings. pisces mercury in the 7th trine scorpio mars in the third.

  2. I have to be careful that I don’t work this scenario on myself without conscious thought when I’m trying to get over someone too. I’m totes the kind of person who could wind up ANYwhere if I let my mind wander and my body takes over.

  3. I do think it’s possible to recover but more often times than not one doesn’t. And sometimes I don’t think one should necessarily try to overcome these feelings, particularly if the relationship itself has degraded past the point of no return. I would think in that case that the feelings are a sign to get the ________ out of Dodge. For example, one can be physically revolted when they find out their partner is cheating on them. Feelings of repulsion need not be triggered soley by changes in physical appearance – they can also be triggered by behaviors. One may find their lover physically disgusting after uncovering an affair, or after finding evidence of deceit, or any number of things.

    I’d say this is a very Venus/Pluto phenomenon.

    IMO in the example you’re referencing yes, it could well be based on projection. But in the contexts I am describing I think this less likely to be the case. You can be revolted due to someone’s cheating without ever being a cheater yourself – I think disgust would be a pretty natural response in a case like that, actually. I know I certainly wouldn’t want my partner touching me after finding something like that out!

  4. I think I am along the same line of thought with Althea. I don’t think I would become physically disgusted with my partner past the point of no return for reasons such as aging or even a physical disability. However, if they became an alcoholic or drug abuser or deceitful/betraying I would be physically disgusted. This would stem from the psychological aspects of the behavior, although there are some physical behaviors of addicts that are physically disgusting.

  5. I think a couple can recover somewhat from this and get the repulsive feeling down to a manageable level as long as the person that’s repulsed works on themselves instead of the mate. That’s the trick. Most people want to work on and fix their mate instead. That’s asking for trouble and an all out bloody war. The repulsed person should probably work on forgiveness, compassion, and acceptance of the “offending” party.

    I have been repulsed with a mate. I can’t recover. Took me some trial and error and a lot of wasted time to realize that I don’t have the capability to recover. I wish I were a bigger person than this, but alas…..
    .

    It’s usually something they did or said that they can’t take back. I’ve learned that to forgive and then to graciously let go of the person works best for my mental health. If not, I just fixate on the problem or repulsion feeling and then I start feeling REALLY ugly on the inside. I feel much better when I release and move on. I have Sag moon conjunct Neptune in 6th house. I can literally start feeling ill if I don’t release. I think there is always projection going on to some extent.

  6. With the aging scenario I think that’s projection. I think Uranus can be in on that sort of bodily disgust, maybe Uranus/Saturn too can have some vicious disgust about the humble body. Uranus/Saturn opp, have been on the receiving end a lot but have felt it too. A horror at the bodily reality. The blobby, lumpy realness. The awful intimacy of it all. Resistance to earth.

  7. Yes, and yes. I agree with J’s angle as well. Age is a harsh hall of mirrors. Projection: “We are old, you are toothles, I am fat. Can’t you DO something about being toothless!!” Knowing the body ages and having no mirrors helps until I walk into a place with mirros.

    Pluto transits my 12 H of deep fear while opposing Pluto N in the 7th H with Saturn and Mars. I can make myself sick with projection.

    The recovery: while I wathched my sleeping toothless one, a visit(Pisces Water Spririt = my mom) came to me toothless, wonderwoman. Did I love her less because she had aged? On the contrary.

    This is a great pre-Scorpio in Saturn musing. Timing and now I’m taking to the garden to dig worms:)

  8. This is a great question! Yes I have been repulsed. Absolutely I was projecting. Shadow work… one of the best things that ever happened to me actually because I didn’t really know what my preferences were for myself before. I have Venus in the 12th house and my relationship with this repulsive person lasted for quite some time! Physical is not an issue for me. It’s about Pretentiousness, Not telling the whole truth and close mindedness. I can see that all of this really has to do with what I don’t like in me. Venus in Scorpio in the 12th conjunct asc.

  9. “But later on down the line when a sexual relationship has matured, something like that would mean to me that the relationship can’t or doesn’t have the potential to go very deep.”

    Interesting.
    I think Neptune can happen here…nothing to do with depth. You see the partner is not perfect (the veil drops)…and you transcend.
    And then you realize you’re jacked yourself and at that point it’s a love-fest. ๐Ÿ™‚

  10. Great question. I identify most with BurnedBridge. All the comments are right on and pithy though. I am most repulsed/attracted by a person’s spirit, rather than their physical appearance, at the end of the day.

  11. I’m not sure if you’re talking about a longer term relationship or a shorter one. If you’re repulsed by someone relatively early then it could just be a “no”.

    But later on down the line when a sexual relationship has matured, something like that would mean to me that the relationship can’t or doesn’t have the potential to go very deep.

  12. ๐Ÿ™‚ yeah, that’s what I mean. If you can’t recover from that repulsion — because everybody is kind of horrible sometimes — and accept that person because you’re committed to them regardless of this or that detail they’re displaying; then it does not have that love-fest potential. Or you don’t; or you don’t, with that person.

  13. You just have to make sure you really hate the person, not yourself, before you leave them. Otherwise the future is not bright.

  14. That happened to me, once. My longest relationship. We were both young, but the passion wasnยดt there, and it did not came back. HE ended the relationship.Actually, not really, the relationship was already dead.
    I believe desire and libido are conected. Libido may decrease, but it should always return.
    Well, that my take on the issue.

  15. I’m with Elsa, we all go through those eras of wondering who is that alien being I’m with, but we have loved them, and none of us is perfect and maybe we’re with that person to grow, to learn something about ourselves that we can’t see. Maybe if we just get a sense of humor and cut people some slack for being stupid sometimes because we all can be that way.

  16. I do this before 2 months into any intimate relationship with the opposite sex. Mars opposite Saturn/Uranus? I’m on the verge of doing it again, but I am transcending this time because I know its the right thing to do and I owe it to myself. There was a time when I missed each of the guys I’ve dumped after I’d burned the respective bridges, cause they were perfectly nice, datable guys – but not for me for different reasons. This current one is worth the effort to push through this little stage of revulsion. It’s actually much easier to get through than I’d imagined because we have a solid level of respect for each other.

  17. Happened to me twice in the past, with long-term boyfriends, and never recovered, despite my patience and efforts.

    It was definitely not projection. The reason was that, unlike me, they were not intense nor affectionate, so my desire died. I’ve got a Taurus Venus in the 8th.

  18. Wow. This topic is on the forefront of my mind. I am 2 months pregnant and, as my usual, my sense of smell has become extremely strong. I am completely repulsed by the baby’s daddy’s smell. I literally gag when I get near him! ๐Ÿ™ My logic reminds me that there isn’t any reason to reject this man. I am carrying his child! But, my entire physical being screams at me to get away from him.

  19. I could not plan a future with small penis man.

    It lasted a while but…that killed it for me. Also he had huge balls. I think biology just told me do not risk reproducing a small dicked big balled human.

    Darwin, you know? :-p

  20. @Pixie “I could not plan a future with small penis man.”

    I just had to laugh because this was the first entry under “Recent Blog Comments” on the homepage. Now mine is …

  21. @Pixie — Lmao!!
    @AMarie — when I was pregnant, my husband’s deodorant made me nauseous. The way it interacted with his body chemistry was even worse. I had to ask nicely to buy him new deodorant (he didn’t mind of course) and it turned out that the one that didn’t make me sick was the only deodorant on the shelf that didn’t have aluminum in it (??)Interesting…

    Anyways, back on topic: I was definitely disgusted with my husband in a lot of ways over the past year or so. It came to a head when I posted that I was scared my marriage was over. I wasn’t trying to be sensational: I really could not see beyond my own nose into the future as to how I could make a life with this person. We have children and couldn’t afford to separate into different abodes, so it forced us to find a reasonable way to coexist.

    And we discovered that we weren’t taking personal responsibility for ourselves. I realized that I was relying on him too much for my personal happiness. I realized I had a part in his misery, and he finally realize he had a part in mine. And when we gave a shit enough to adult-ly come together, eye to eye, and say “I am so sorry, please let me try again,” our marriage utterly revolutionized. I can honestly say I am genuinely happy/content in my marriage right now. I am married to a whole human being again.

    I am lucky though: I had been wrestling with the best course of action for years as we rehashed the same stupid shit arguments over and over again, but my husband basically checked out for a long time. Which made me meaner and more desperate. But I lucked out when he independently cared enough to try hard himself. So two people agreed to return to the state of happiness we once had. That made all the difference. If he had persisted, I think would have physically oozed into a heap of overwhelm. I felt like absolutely GARBAGE when we were headed toward divorce. Like a slow, undrugged amputation. Just misery. That was a clue eventually that maybe separation would be worse than swallowing our pride and growing up a bit.

    Saturn transited his an my Pluto in the 12H in Libra recently, and I think that stirred up a lot. We also have very close Chirons in the 7H in Taurus. I think the 7H Taurus lends a lot of staying power…

  22. “I think biology just told me do not risk reproducing a small dicked big balled human. ”

    I cannot stop laughing at this! Oh Crap!

  23. My husband loves my body more than I do. He looks fabulous to me! We are OLD compared to most of the writers here, and each thinks the other is HOT!!!

  24. By the time I reached revulsion, there was no going back. My revulsion was justified. I divorced him as soon as I had the chance (he walked out, telling me, “You’ll be begging me back!”).

    He is suddenly being “nice” to me. I am still just as revulsed as ever.

    Pluto Uranus Virgo 7th – When it’s over, it’s over permanently.

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