Desperate Co-dependence in Relationship

libra and sparrow

Dear Elsa,

I seem to have trouble picking the right guys. When we meet, things get intense pretty quickly – and then the guy starts pulling away. I’ve been trying to lay off a bit and be a bit more laid back in relationships, but they’re still not going any better.

A few months ago, I met a super-cute Leo and true to pattern, things got intense right away. Then he backed off, but he still is hanging around in the background. I can’t tell if he’s interested or not, but since he keeps kissing me, I think he’s at least a bit interested.

Also, if I back off, he moves forward. Then I move forward, he backs off again. This has been going on for three months and it’s driving me nuts! Plus, there are always a lot of ladies hanging around him and flirting with him. I can’t tell whether he likes me more, or whether I’m just “one of the pack”.

I like this guy, and would like to see if things can move forward but am not sure how to get out of this deadlock, or even if he really likes me. Seems if he did, he’d be more anxious to move forward. What do you think? Any advice?

Lovin’ a Leo

Dear Lovin’,

I’m sorry. I think you are “one of the pack”, though I might have found a gentler way to say that. Men typically make it very clear when they want a woman exclusively. For that matter they usually make it very clear what they want in general, so based on your post, I think this guy likes to kiss you and that’s about it.  Regarding his coming on then backing off… it’s possible he is only serving his Leo ego. You know. He wants a harem interested in him, if he can manage it. And it doesn’t sound like this jibes with your desires – so if I were you I’d cut the rope.

As to this pattern of coming on too quickly, you have some work to do. I see your problem as a boil, so I’m going to slice it open so it has the opportunity to heal.

First, you have a lot Libra in your chart and Libra is always co-dependent to some degree. So basically you are trying to give these boys what you think they want. And in the process you are losing sight of what you want. So how about I tell you what you want?

With Moon, Venus, Pluto conjunct in Libra, you desperately want to be partnered. And that’s okay. I want to be partnered too. But with who? Not with any man who comes along, okay? And this is where you’re getting jacked up.

With Saturn square to all that Libra, you are insecure around what you are worth and what you deserve. And you see what happens. You serve your co-dependent self up on a platter to whoever might be interested and I don’t have to tell you where it leads. So here is my advice:

Forget the surface games. To be emotionally satisfied (Moon), what you want is a partner (Venus) with some depth (Pluto)….who can commit (Saturn) to a real (Saturn) lasting (Saturn) relationship (Venus) that empowers you (Pluto).

I suggest you keep your pants on until you run across a man who has the potential to fit this bill, and stop wasting your time and energy on those who don’t. Because if you keep doing what you’re doing you’ll never find him. Let me put it another way. ::smiles::

Let your pheromones build up until you meet someone worthy… and then let it rip. That’s what I’d do, anyway.

Good luck.

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Desperate Co-dependence in Relationship — 11 Comments

  1. Yesssss to it all!

    Especially this, “So basically you are trying to give these boys what you think they want. And in the process you are losing sight of what you want.”

  2. I needed to read this again. This is the sort of thing I should tape on my bathroom mirror and read until I really get it and can apply it to my life. Brilliance. ♤♡♢♧

  3. Elsa’s right. He’s definitely stringing you along. A guy who wants to take it to the next level isn’t scared of intensity nor intimacy. Saturn square to Venus also doesn’t mean you’re doomed in love but that serious love may be a little later than expected.

    Hang in there!!

  4. Ah yes, Mister Leo. What do you want anyway was my question? I kept digging to see if there was anything there but he was just locked up tight. Maybe there just wasn’t anything there.

  5. I’m like that Leo dude and everyone advises me to behave like that gal should and I run around insecure and hungry. They may think it’s silly to want to be wanted and be a bit afraid of being with one person but others haven’t really validated my self worth yet or ever. I’m on the trash heap and haven’t learned a mind trick to be OK with not being wanted

  6. I totally agree with your assessment, Elsa. This lady has the heart for serious, committed love. It’s worth the wait. I found my “true love” at the age of 57 (he’s 60). It took me this late in life, and a lot of astrology studies, to realize what I was doing wrong. I’d strongly recommend to “Lovin’ a Leo” to purchase Elsa’s “Saturn/Venus Relationship” transcript. It nailed all my past mistakes. After reading and practicing what Elsa clearly delineates, I now am enjoying a very emotionally stable and loving relationship. The best is yet to come Lovin’ !

  7. This is brilliant.
    I have Venus-Saturn, Venus sesquiquadrate to Pluto. I met my true love at 47, when I was never looking for love or for a partner, but was happy in my career. My future husband just popped up in my aeroplane.

  8. I’ve known many women with this problem, and went through it for a while. I strongly recommend Pia Mellody’s “Facing Love Addiction” on this subject. It’s been a tremendous help to all of us, because unfortunately, for something that deep-rooted, a few sentences won’t suffice to break the pattern.

  9. I fell into this trap too until I read the book “venus and mars on a date.” I followed it and ended up in a 2 year relationship. Good luck to you!

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