Demanding People (Hard Aspects From Pluto)

pressure cooker gaugeSome people place a high demand on the energy of others. This is for good or ill. It’s good and healthy that a person come across someone like this from time to time. These are Plutonians, basically. When  you deal with one of them, you know you’re alive.

It’s common to see demanding people have aspects from Pluto to personal planets. Sometimes the person knows they’re demanding. They may feel justified in being demanding. But often they’re acting compulsively which they may not realize.

It’s the people who are unconsciously demanding who are scary. They literally consume the other; who must fight to get away in order to survive.

I’ve acted this way myself. At this point in my life, I make a constant effort not to place demands on people. I concentrate on leaving all doors open and giving everyone I am involved with, maximum space and freedom.

I can’t say I’m rid of my deeper drives, though. I’ve just learned it’s necessary I control myself.

Do you someone demanding who does not realize they put others in a pressure cooker?

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Demanding People (Hard Aspects From Pluto) — 50 Comments

  1. I have a near exact square between Pluto in Libra and Jupiter in Cap. Ox has a near exact square to Pluto in Libra with Saturn in Cancer and trine with Jupiter in Aqua. I don’t feel like we put others in a pressure cooker. But, maybe we do. Thanks for this. I’ll have to think on it.

  2. I may be one of those that are demanding, and unaware of it. But I do make a conscious effort to not overwhelm other people. Pluto is in my 10th and sextile my AC/Neptune. It’s also opposite my Mars/Mercury conjunction.

    There have been many times that I will be passionately exploring something and want to process (talk) about it and I’ll get a response similar to: *bug.eyed.smiley*

    My mom even refers to my earliest years, describing me as ‘not a bad girl’, but exhausting sometimes. 😉

  3. My mother. Sun conjunct Pluto person. Yes, she puts you in the pressure cooker. And she doesn’t realize this! She’s a Leo with Pluto in Leo. I’m like, ‘mom, can you cool it when bob, he’s my friend’, LOL!

  4. My family are plagued with Pluto conjunctions. “Demanding” puts it very mildly. By the Grace of God, I am the Uranian, but I have Pluto sextile and parallel to Mercury, Neptune and Moon. So I see them coming!
    But STILL they try and control me (and everyone else). Outsiders are horrified that I can just walk away from a situation when I see the family trying to manipulate me. I can walk away from the family too.

    Wish they could see how they embarass themselves. It is so blatant and childish.

  5. I know a Libra guy whose Pluto-Mars in Leo challenges his Venus in Scorpio and Moon in Aquarius.

    Very intense chart! But old age has softened his edges: he is usually aware of how demanding he is and can be very considerate (Libra).

    But he has no patience for bad service in restaurants! He eats out every night and gets pissy if his food takes too long. He’ll complain and send food back, etc.

  6. Both my parents have a pile of Pluto. My father has Pluto/Moon/Saturn conjunction and my mother Pluto/Mars/Saturn conjunction.

    My dad has an understanding that he has a shadow. My mother doesn’t at all. Guess who’s easier to deal with 🙂

    I have a tight Sun/Pluto square. It’s a hard one, but not all bad for sure.

  7. Yes! An ex friend/lover who was Aquarius Sun on the IC with Pluto Saturn in Scorpio square on his AC. I fought for 2 years to get away from him! It was complete and utter madness. He did not know how demanding he was.

  8. I used to be like that in romantic relationships.. but I wasn’t aware of it.. as soon as did become aware of it.. I stopped doing it.. and now control myself much better. Ahhh this is why I love being almost 40.. I wouldn’t want my teens and 20’s back for anything.

  9. I think I used to be that way because I have an overwhelming need to.. merge.. as much as I can with the person I am in a relationship with.

  10. This kind of thing is why I hold back like hell these days and try to have low expectations and demand nothing. Being a born smotherer sucks.

  11. I unearthed a key event, deeply buried in my unconscious (TRANSITING PLUTO is lighting up my chart and is now CONJ SATURN, TRINE SUN, and SQUARE MERCURY) that didn’t involve me but it effected my relationships with all my siblings, 10+ years older, and my parents and all of their relationships with each other, and that’s for starters. Now I’m demanding the event be contextualized and talked about. So yes I’m the demanding one.

  12. My sun/pluto conjunction, squaring saturn–the one thing I demand is honesty/truth/integrity. Other than that, I try to place as little demand on others as I can. I’ve been very self sufficient over the years, and have learned that when I have a problem with someone, it is my problem, and it isn’t for me to expect anyone else to see that person in the light that I do. Like PlanB, I have a lot of uranus too, Aquarius rising, Uranus on the DC, and have learned when others, of whom there have been many, demand too much of me, I just walk.

  13. Just wondering Elsa….do you find my Angular Grand Cross with Pluto squaring four planets demanding? Not to put you on the spot or anything 🙂

  14. No I do not, turtle. My impression of you is just as I’ve told you before. I think you’re pleasant, well-boundaried and inordinately considerate of others. If I had to choose one word to describe you, it would be “sophisticated”.

  15. I’ve done this. Like i *wanted* to cause that person as much emotional stress as possible, to see if they could commit. Pluto virgo sextile jup scorp. Loyalty and commitment are a big effin’ deal! When the going gets tough, you either fight WITH me or AGAINST me. In or OUT.

  16. You know, I really don’t have this aspect – unless you count a wide (7 degree) opposition to Jupiter.

    Reading this, and having read previous posts on Pluto or pluto-venus aspects, I really do see how some of my friends are different. An ex has venus (chart ruler and at the top of the chart) square scorpio. A best friend has mars conjunct pluto.

    Someone I loved very much had venus conjunct pluto – he had these crazy demands of me, insisting to not see me in superficial ways or in casual encounters (like coffee), but in REAL ways that involved just the 2 of us, away from work or school. Then, he’d disappear and do his own thing, with no regard for the person he had just finished placing demands on. It was so contradictory, it was almost disrespectful. Anyway… now I know a large part of that was venus-pluto.

  17. (cont’d). and it’s so interesting to read or see that pluto-personal planet aspects seem to cause the individual to demand loyalty (paraphrasing @morgan). The thing with the boy I loved (above) was that he seemed to not return any of what he had previously demanded from me. So when I finally opened up, gave him depth, gave him the inner, real me, he bounced. WTF?! All that depth and realness and genuine feelings just didn’t seem to be backed up by any integrity. I speak with anger, I guess, because the way things turned out really shook me and because I’m still trying to understand or to forgive him.

    • I had a fling with a guy like that,-never introduced to his family, never want anywhere where his friends might be ect. Noticed this from the start, but was very fond of him, not in love. Never confronted him about this, but broke it off anyway. Came to several conclusions- he wanted to keep his options open. He wanted me to be his glamour girl and never see me with hairy legs ect, -whatever it was, I was no longer interested. He kept calling me, and asking if we could be friends, and I eventually told him we were never friends anyway.
      Sorry for your experience, but sometimes you can attract others who don’t want you to be real. I have Jupiter conj Neptune in 7th ( in scorpio) and often men have chosen to see me as their gifted saviour. Sadly they don’t see very unpleasant Saturn conj Mars in Sagg coming, after I demand to be treated as real. It can get ugly. I end up alone, but feel a certain satisfaction on finally setting my boundaries

  18. “Do you know someone demanding who does not realize they put others in a pressure cooker?”

    Me. I’ve done it. All my life I was known for being super independent, but when I got sick I shut out everyone but my boyfriend, putting all the pressure on him. I wasn’t aware of it most of the time, because I was so sick I wasn’t really aware of anything. When I *was* aware, I told myself it was what couples should do for one another. I lost him because of this.

    Sun conjunct Pluto. Mars square Pluto. Pluto sextile Neptune. Scorpio Moon.

    I can identify with Morgan and debdeb’s comments

  19. Geez, this must be me. Sun conjunct Pluto (exact). I really don’t see me being like this though. Honestly, I give people TOO many chances because my Virgo Sun is too nice, my Libra stellium too – well – “libral” and my Moon and Mars in Sag – easygoing. But honestly, some people who take advantage of me and are well “lazy” really need that whip cracked at them. I guess I do have a low tolerance for people who can’t “get a move on” – but only if effects others (mainly me! lol!) I have a few squares to my Mars – one to Pluto and someone once told me that whether I instigated it or not people tend to resist or fight me when I try to get what I need or want – even I don’t demand it. So no wonder I might get “pressure-cookery” everyonce and a while – I am frustrated! It is very tough for me persuade others for whatever reason.

  20. Yikes I hope I’m not demanding! 🙁

    I try to be very considerate of others. I’m sure I was probably a drain on others while I was being stalked.

    I know I’m intimidating at times for some people. I don’t mean to be. Pluto square Ascendant.

  21. Pluto/Leo square Taurus Mars square Aquarius Venus square Scorpio Saturn = One Big Fixed GC. I am my own pressure cooker and sadly it isn’t the best energy that leaks out for those around me. However, after almost 57 years, I see the light and it looks good. My new mantra when I get stressed is “I am no longer a 5 year old.” This has really been a huge revelation and support for change in my behavior.

  22. “This kind of thing is why I hold back like hell these days and try to have low expectations and demand nothing. Being a born smotherer sucks.”

    Yup, I was like this when I was young: Leo Pluto sextile Neptune and square my fixed Taurus Moon, and I wanted to devour people, friends as well as lovers. I’ve spent a lifetime learning to let people be, and not to ask what people can’t give.

    My last lover the Man has a Leo stellium including Pluto, Sun, Merc and Uranus. His Pluto isn’t conjunct the other Leo planets, though – it’s conjunct his Virgo Jupiter… and it sextiles his Venus and his Neptune, and squares his Scorpio Saturn!

    Though independent to a fault and distant, with his Aqua Moon, he’s also immensely demanding in another way… and has no idea what he asks of women or what he puts them through. He’s a kind of emotional Black Hole, who just sucks women in

    I wonder if those of us with Pluto in Leo aren’t all a bit demanding, tbh. We all want so much of life!

  23. Yes, I am one of these. Used to do it unconsciously, but not malicious. Sun-Moon square Pluto. 8th house Sun. My parents are demanding people and they passed this on to me. However,I now have boundaries and know when to not be demanding, and to avoid stepping on others’ toes. Taurus NN means not getting so involved in other people’s lives/business, ie, being less demanding where the situation doesn’t directly concern me. And ever aware of the compulsive side of my nature.

  24. This reminds me of “When Harry Met Sally” when they are talking about high vs. low maintenance.

    Harry: There are two kinds of women: high maintenance and low maintenance.
    Sally: Which one am I?
    Harry: You’re the worst kind; you’re high maintenance but you think you’re low maintenance.
    Sally: I don’t see that.
    Harry: You don’t see that? Waiter, I’ll begin with a house salad, but I don’t want the regular dressing. I’ll have the balsamic vinegar and oil, but on the side. And then the salmon with the mustard sauce, but I want the mustard sauce on the side. “On the side” is a very big thing for you.
    Sally: Well, I just want it the way I want it.
    Harry: I know; high maintenance.

    yea, I’m like Sally (tee hee)

  25. Yes. There was a time when I didn’t realize I was so demanding because I worked hard with my Saturn and thought I deserved my share, but as I grew older I realized it’s something I can only have from other Plutonians or certain others with similar standards. It keeps me going on the inside, but some people really don’t have it to give.

    I used to try to contain it, but I’ve learned that a chunk of it is unconscious that I’m trying to control it, but when it appears I accept that too. If I try to stop or disown it, it doesn’t work, I can only focus it, like a laser beam. It also attracts its own debris, that’s for sure. Venus-Pluto.

  26. I am demanding. I have high expectations for honesty, integrity, ethics, etc. NOTHING less than I demand for myself. I am in the pressure cooker first and foremost. Others, well, it’s their life unless they’ve tied their life to mine.

  27. Thank-you Elsa for your kind words….the fog (Neptune) surrounding my Grand Cross seems to have me endlessly questioning who I am, it is also confusing as to how other people see me.

  28. Be the flame not the moth? The key here has to be balance, because sometimes people with slightly demanding energy drive projects to completion, get things done. They light the fire, particularly if they have good energy and are almost egoless drivers. Everyone looshes from time to time, but we can catch ourselves and lean out from the situation rather than lean in, which pushes people away. The trick is to shift away from demanding attention from our loved ones and becoming fascinated by whatever it is that compels, our interests in life. That becomes contagious for other people (it raises our energy). Anyone of us is going to dread that person who pushes too hard…

  29. I tend to demand that other people place few demands on me, which I suppose is quite demanding!. I need a lot of space, and plenty of time alone. Apart from that I think I’m fairly low maintenance. I don’t cross other peoples’ boundaries because I am so aware of my own. Pluto in Libra in the 12th square Sun, Moon, Mercury and Saturn and Uranus in the 1st.

  30. Yup – I tell people “I tend to come on like a really friendly tornado.” Pluto in Libra, 1st house, wide conjunction to ASC in Libra, out of sign square to the Sun (in Aqua), trine Mars/Merc conjunct in Aqua and sextile an 11th house Leo Moon. I’m just a liiiiiitle Plutonian ya think? Saturn Return showed me that I can be Chinese water torture incarnate in a relationship when I decide we need to talk about things. I don’t perceive myself as Grand Inquisitor but I often have things I say taken really differently than I intended them (Sag Neptune in the 3rd sextile Pluto)….

  31. What’s the worst is when you get a whole family of these people, a kind of pod of Plutonians. Even if you wanted to stop it yourself, you couldn’t, because there would always be some Plutonian hiding in the cupboards you forgot about waiting to for your guard to be down.

  32. There is NO question I am demanding. Its a by-product of being raised in deep uncertainly. Now that things are less uncertain its been difficult to just relax / not place standards on everything. On the flipside I’m also a huge push over when it comes to certain personality types so its about balance here. I’m not sure how to balance my pluto tho. help?

  33. I have pluto in my frirst house libra opposing my sun/moon/venus/chiron stellium in 7+8. I actually feel like I owe everyone an apology just for existing near other humans. I’ve been setting fire to bridges since before I could talk.

  34. I have definitely been like this and still have it in me–I carry this energy for good or ill (hopefully more good than ill). Pluto/Moon/Venus-Mars in a T-square.

    I am far more functional as a 34 year old than I was as a 24 year old. I was always subconsciously looking for my mother—

    I tend to give a lot in relationship (so I wasn’t merely an energy suck) but have definitely wised up in recent years.

  35. Pluto sits on my MC, squaring my sun. I have been accused of being demanding, but wouldn’t classify myself this way in general. I certainly don’t on a day-to-day basis expect anyone to cater to my wants. I have fallen into the classic trap of getting pushy if I think something is for the other person’s benefit (played this game with my ex for a few years). Overall, I’m aware I have the power to throw my weight around if needed, but I try to keep it a latent tendency.

    Before I understood this energy I ended up with either the demanding partner (see they’re demanding I’m not!) and/or the martyr (that tries super hard to “please” me). It’s the same power dynamic, just expressed differently.

    Pluto square Sun: If you don’t know how to control yourself, somebody will come along and do it for you. 😛

  36. Husband! Pluto conjunct his ascendant one degree.I have Pluto in my 7th. He is soooooo demanding and I’m so compulsively obsessed with “us” It’s a huge burden yet he cannot see it that way. He thinks it’s normal to demand from everyone in his sphere…he’s a boss at work expects everyone to perform at peak at all times and then he tries to boss me when he gets home. Pluto people are great at keeping people in line but they are such a bummer, buzz kill. No fun at all. Boring, in fact.

  37. I’ve never really thought of it in these terms. I’m Sun conjunct Pluto in Libra on MC. I am totally aware of my energy and I know it makes people squirm sometimes. The thing is- that that makes me squirm too! I used to be hyper aware of others emotional state so that I didn’t overwhelm anyone or make them uncomfortable. If someone can’t relax with me, then that’s really not relaxing for me either and when they pull away, I usually feel really relieved. Maybe it’s the Libra thing that does kind of a mirroring?

    Honestly though at this point, I’m really working on allowing people to feel or react to me however is natural to them because I see how controlling that other method actually is. I deal with adults who make choices for themselves and I don’t hold anyone hostage.

    Also, I’ve really seen that the people who are the most uncomfortable with me and get overwhelmed and run away are the ones who have little to no self awareness themselves so it kinda works out for both of us. I don’t take the time or energy anymore to feel bad about someone who can’t hang. I mean, I don’t try to make it harder on them but I also don’t try to make it easier (doesn’t work anyway- I think that actually makes it worse).

  38. Will Pluto ever move off 24 Cap? This is my natal Moon, Trine Sun conj Asc Taurus, & squaring Nep (Libra), Jup (Taurus), & Aries (Merc).

    Natal Pluto squares same Sun/Asc, Venus (Taurus), & trines Nep. Wish I could say how these all may interact, but I cannot. Not discerning as so many of you.

    I’m up at night, either reading, watching TV, or pacing. Dealing with a couple of issues and wish my 5’2″ could pummel this one guy. We are trying to resolve a work contracting issue that he & his team messed up. Met with my husband and I yesterday & first thing out of his mouth was a lie, trying to pin the whole thing on me. OMG. He did disengage at some point, stating that I was better at arguing the issue than him. Where do you go after beginning with a lie…to my face? How about you begin with, well guys, I understand we’ve got a bit of a problem here to address. Let’s see how we can get this fixed to your satisfaction… What is it about ignorant, redneck men that they think they can cow a woman and she will go blankly, blindly stupid? I’ve dealt with three over the last few years, and I’m done.

    I cooked him up one side and down the other. Even my husband said at one point, It’s only digging, to which I replied, Well, if it’s only digging, why doesn’t it work? (Any exterior drainage experts out there?)

    So. Not sure if this is the transit or if I’m always this way. My progressed planets have mostly moved into LEO. My natal Pluto is in Leo. Maybe this factors?

    • It went to 25* yesterday @carly42 I’ve been tracking it because my Sun is 24* Taurus and Uranus 24* Libra. In the last 2 years Pluto was at 24* Cap for 8 months in total (on and off), but its moved now and won’t return to that degree. Hallelujah!

        • @carly42 That’s a perfect way to describe the energy, it burns you out for sure, and yes, also affecting my relationships. I also think for us Taurus folk having Uranus in our sign is a constant factor atm. I don’t feel like I’ve had proper rest since it entered in 2018!

    • I feel ya! Pluto has been all over my Venus at 24° Cap for almost 2 years now and I still have my sun at 26° Capricorn which is where it is for most of 2022. My only saving grace is that natally Pluto trines my sun and Venus from 27 °Virgo and my moon at 21° Taurus. Not sure if I should be more concerned by Neptune/Jupiter conjunct at 24° Pisces exactly on my Natal Mars in March which opposes that natal Pluto and then shortly after Jupiter leaves, Neptune remains at 24° for several weeks while the Sun, Venus and Mars stop by to stimulate that degree in the spring. Holding onto my hat as this is my first house (Pisces rising). As for your moon at 24° Capricorn,that transit is over as of yesterday. Pluto will not be at 24° Cap again for 240 years or so. You’re safe now.

  39. My Dad has Pluto on his Leo MC opposing his Aqua Sun on IC. He also has Scorpio Mars squaring that. I would say he is the unconscious Plutonian type. Because he has a lot of air, Aqua Sun, Moon, Libra Asc, he’s like a stealth bomber. You can be having a perfectly innocuous conversation, very air feel to it, ideas, notions, then the next thing all hell’s broken loose because he’s projected some demented s–t into you/someone else whose open and suddenly you’re raging in an argument and he’s like, what did I say? I tend to wear crystals when I’m around him, the darker the better, and limit too much contact.

    • I get that. I have a way of attracting these Plutonian people. Since I’m an astrologer, I obviously find out. Husband has Pluto 25° Virgo, Ascendant 26°. Daughter has Pluto °15 Sag, Ascendant 21°, Friend: Pluto in Scorpio 14° Asc 14°…it’s definitely a thing for me having Pluto in my 7th and Virgo/Gemini energy is usually connected too since it’s Mercury ruled house and Gemini is 4th so it’s ancestral in nature. Astrology is so ironic!

  40. “I wonder if those of us with Pluto in Leo aren’t all a bit demanding, tbh. We all want so much of life!”- Blessed Place early in the thread
    I’m one of those Pluto in Leo generation, and Pluto is in my 7th House of relationships. Leo in stellium squares my Scorpio Sun. Pressure has been me for most of my life. It’s interesting you bring this topic up. I’ve become more aware of how that pressure, over time, has propelled me out of situations again and again: home of origin, jobs, and then chronic illness and the many attempts to find ‘cures.’
    Today, I have begun to feel the pressure starting to mount and have a different story I tell myself. When the dreams come (and they always do) I wake in time to decide to s l o w down before I blow. Uranus and Jupiter are natal escape hatch planets in my personality: Uranus sextiles that Leo Pluto in the 6th House Gemini to give me health insights out of the blue, and Jupiter trines Pluto from the 11th House in Sag. to take me physically or imaginally out of the picture.

  41. I get that. I have a way of attracting these Plutonian people. Since I’m an astrologer, I obviously find out. Husband has Pluto 25° Virgo, Ascendant 26°. Daughter has Pluto °15 Sag, Ascendant 21°, Friend: Pluto in Scorpio 14° Asc 14°…it’s definitely a thing for me having Pluto in my 7th and Virgo/Gemini energy is usually connected too since it’s Mercury ruled house and Gemini is 4th so it’s ancestral in nature. Astrology is so ironic!

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