I truly feel constrained when I write these days. I started out just writing, writing, writing. I said what I wanted to say. I swore my head off. I said outrageous whatever. I did not hold back at all. I did not censor myself at all. I didn’t worry about the mouth police, the PC brigade or people who eventually showed up in droves just waiting to be offended. I was a wild ass tornado, creativity unleashed and I didn’t even know it.
Slowly, I’ve been curbed and this is for good and ill. My writing is more accessible now. It used to be hard to parse because I had such a strange cadence. I didn’t know that either but I have been through what? 6 years of Saturn transits to Mercury? Let’s see…
Saturn transit through my 6th house (Mercury’s house) followed by Saturn’s transit through Virgo (Mercury’s sign). Now I have Saturn bearing down on Natal Mercury and I am about to become unglued with the pressure of the restriction and it is not like I haven’t fought back. I have fought back, most notably by boldly announcing last year, I was not going to write for dummies on this blog.
That’s right. There is a lot of pressure to dumb down everything you say. Cow-tow or else! Make sure everything you say says nothing or else. It’s sickening. Think what we think or else. Say what we say you should say or else! Read from this script, Elsa P, or else! Use these words, not these words, Elsa P… or else.
Well, I’ve just about had it. Actually, I have had it. I am sick of complaints and orders and threats and while I have every intention of maintaining my blog I decided for my own sanity to create a space where I can write freely, without restraint and that is why I am having this astrology class with the RUDE, CUTTING, OFF-PUTTING, OFFENSIVE title, “Elsa P’s Blood and Guts Astrology Class“.
I was warned of this but told, HQ:
“…I am super hindered by these kinds of things these days and just want a break. I want to write freely the way I like instead of massive concern about everything all the time.”
I explained I didn’t care if anyone bought the class. I just wanted to be normal for awhile but guess what? People did buy the class and I am so heartened by this, I can’t tell you. Turns out there is still an appetite for food for the mind that has a bite. There are still people willing and wanting food they’ll have to chew.
I am not a manipulative person. I am mistaken for one at times but the fact is, I write straight from my heart which is almost impossible to find anywhere. What you have out there is like cosmetic surgery. It’s not real, it’s fabricated. “I’ll say blah, blah, blah so people will think I am this and this and that and it will get me this and this and that.”
People go for this, obviously. I mean the crap sells, it’s undeniable and it leaves a real, feeling human being like me to wonder just where I belong.
At the moment I have an answer to that. I am going to enjoy the living shit out of this class because I feel like a tall person who has had to stoop and strain to fit in. I really feel like if I have to mind one more P, I am going to punch a Q.
Here is the astrology on this:.
Saturn is bearing down on my natal Mars Mercury conjunction and is MY responsibility (Saturn) to come up with a structure (Saturn) where my mind and my mouth (Mercury) can run (Mars) free (9th house).
Thanks everyone, for your support and your vote of confidence. Very much appreciated.
Fuck the haters.
yeah! what she said!
(p.s. my Mercury/Uranus wishes you all the fun and frolicking you need for your class).
Haters gonna hate.
Natal Mercury-Saturn conjunct in 6th house person here, my immediate response to your entire post is, “WOOOO GO FOR IT HELL EFFING YEAH!” The worst thing about that conjunction is censoring yourself because of worrying what others think. Say what you gotta say, and fully absorb the compliments you get, because the writing under Merc-Saturn is badass, people who criticize it now are scaredy-cats, afraid of Saturn’s delicious energy. Don’t block that communication, you have a right to it as anyone else does, dammit!
I kept my own nature blog for 1 year. Had jerks at first telling me I was doing it wrong. I went, “Who gives a crap!” Wrote that blog the way I wanted to, told the haters to go die, wrote very seriously, threw in some science, and even talked about my suffering from Lyme Disease. Not typical for nature blog, most of them are fluffy. Lo and behold, followers came, loved it up. Hell yeah Merc-Saturn!
You are a breathe of fresh air. Your honesty is needed and wanted. Please do not change.
Thanks and welcome here, Kathy. 🙂
“I really feel like if I have to mind one more P, I am going to punch a Q.” That is as brilliant as anything Dorothy Parker ever came up with.
I agree with you completely. Things have become so politically correct and “sanitised for our convenience”. Personally I think what you write always sounds very reasonable and I’m not sure why anyone takes offence but it takes all kinds, I suppose.
Publish and be damned, as the old saying goes. 🙂
Go Elsa GO!! I’m so thrilled you are putting on another class- an especially juicy one at that, from the sound of it!
This should be fucking awesome.
I love uncensored writing and learning opportunity! I have Mercury square Saturn-Pluto conjunction so I censor myself almost all the time but I especially admire people who don’t.. I have Mercury conjunct my 8th house cusp and I seem to get the reaction of my uncensored speeches almost instantly… I admire brutal honestly but generally that’s how I communicate.. but only in small doses and with few people!
Elsa, I actually noticed that your writing was different. I really haven’t started posting much until lately, but it in fact occurred to me that you sounded different than you used to.
In fact…I swear to God I actually thought maybe last night or the night before: ” Is Elsa sad? I wonder if Elsa is sad…”
:). I’ve been watching the way you handle the PA ( passive aggresion) and general reevers on your boards. I think you’re doing a great job and I’m learning a lot from you. I’ve been noticing that too.
But…it is your space afterall. I mean what is the point of the internet if you can’t say what you want to say?
eva, I had one hell of a month. The court situation was acute. I had to focus energy there and as far as priorities, I have to take care and do well with my private clients above all.
I try to inform people – I said I was disappearing and I actually mean that.
What that means is I can’t afford to start a fire I have no time to tend. It did or does impact my writing because I am in fact up to my neck in trouble and won’t invite more.
As for handling things, I am constantly learning and what I know at this minute is exactly what I said in that post.
Venus and Mars and going to be conjunct in Scorpio. This has a big impact on someone like me and I need an outlet.
I need an outlet but it need not be PUBLIC. I am really swirling with ideas that are potent but I just don’t want pain for my trouble so I came up with this.
I am at about 98% withholding at this point, when it comes to the blog. It’s enough to threaten my sanity, seeing as I work here all day.
It really is like I said above. I have got to do this for myself – make some space and find some people I can actually talk to FREELY rather than feeling there are piles of shit everywhere, I am supposed to magically not step in while still being engaging.
it started with the WORD…ultimately, the only thing we have is our word…and if it is the Truth…GO FOR IT WOMAN!!!
non despero, lube up, lean into the fire and laugh.
Elsa – Like Eva, I have noticed the changes in your writing as well and am so happy to see you ‘break out’ so to speak. I hope you continue to do so, because this is the stuff my soul craves and NEEDS for development.
I’m so happy everything is working out, you are truly a gift. Thank you so much for being here and doing what you do!
That’s the internet in general these days. God forbid you talk about your boyfriend or your job any more because you’ll get fired or your boyfriend will write an NYT article about how you blogged about him. Everyone’s feeling constrained these days.
Since I just discovered your blog I can only say that you are a first rate, passionate writer whom I admire. Personally, I think there must be people who are jealous of your talent and ideas and unique ability to communicate. Obviously you are doing something “write”. Just keep doing what you are doing!
yeah jen, and when you’re running an internet publication and it’s some part of your livelihood you never know what kind of chord you’re going to strike or what kind of crazy you’re going to conjure up by really innocently expressing yourself.
As an anonymous poster, you can be as nuts as you want, but if it’s your name there and your business then you suddenly have to be all kinds of courteous and ethical and other-oriented. It does limit creativity sometimes, takes the passion out because you have to watch where you’re stepping. plus you never know what’s going to come back to bite ya somehow.
I watched this story unfold with horror:
tell you what, I miss the old days, I really do.
“Make sure everything you say says nothing or else” brilliant!!
Why is that? Merc in Aries…Why don’t people appriciate honesty?
Don’t they know the truth will set you free?
But even worst is it when talk unedited til ur blue in the face and people ignore / don’t listen…that’s a sign people are just expecting blablabla ,and don’t bother tuning in..
Elsa, I’m in agreement with Togi- FUCK THE HATERS!
Please don’t dumb-down ANYTHING!
The flashes of insight, the truth – even if it is painful, the humor, the drunken-sailor swearfests all of these components make your blog fabulous and if the haters aren’t intelligent or literate enough to “get it” then let them go somewhere else… Like hell?
I will stand in support of your first amendment rights for freedom of speech… *gets out soapbox* And I will boost your soapbox up on top of mine and I will punch those fucking Q’s in their fucking P’s and hold down while you have your say!
You GO, Girl!
The other change is I have slowly disappeared my husband from the blog. I have hated to do it because he’s so rich a source and he’s brilliant but he is hard for people to understand and I am sick of that fall out too.
People are just not used to actual “freedom of speech” anymore and when they run across it, they’re beside themselves.
I have half a mind to ask his opinions of things in the Colosseum and then publish his comments as an addendum, sort of like I do satori’s pics in previous classes.
Chances are his comments would all include the word “motherfucker” but he reminds a person (if they pay attention) not to take themselves so damned seriously.
He often points out, the people in the graveyard are all forgotten a week after they die and he’s not exactly wrong on that.
I think it is easier to live happily if you realize that next, you die and it is in fact, final.
I’m with Annalisa on this.
Look, if someone’s going to decide they hate you (OMG, how DARE someone say something true even if it’s not warm and fuzzy! OMG!) and leave, it’s better for everyone if they figure that out as soon as possible. Those who like that sort of thing will stay, those who don’t will get the hell out and we’ll all be happier. What’s wrong with that?
Well they don’t want to leave. They want to stay and complain and be seen doing it.
I agree with the consensus (fuck em) I love your writing .I cant stand half assed anything, which is why i love your writing and your blog and your posters, i find you and them enlightening,entertaining and all around great .When i came upon it ,i found myself smiling inward and yea getting a lil giddy.I love all your stories esp ones about you and you husband,if he doesnt mind your writing about him fuck the clown haters i say !!Those haters must be all kinds of afflicted.I always wonder when you mention them ,what the hell is their problem?.ANYwho give them the side eye and keep it moving i say lol .Please Elsa keep on keeping on ( yea that ages the hell out of me ).I like and appreciated strong women and individuality , Beverly p.s. yes i know i babble …thats why i tend to be a lurker lmao
If I got a vote, I’d vote for you pulling out all the stops, and just being you. This is the only blog I go to. I come here because I want the refreshing, brutal, in your face honesty, that comes from a caring heart, that you provide. I may not agree with you 100% on everything, but I want you to have the total freedom to express yourself, just as I want the freedom to express myself. It seems to me that the majority of us feel that way.
I’m looking forward to the day when I can afford your classes. I would have liked to sign up for this one, but life is what life is, and that money buys a large bag of dog food……
@elsa, i totally empathise! I find that when i have to control the creative flow or it has to be subjected to editing that an almost hidden higher meaning, philosophy or inspiration for some is lost. So i try not to get in the way of the flow and hope for the best, meaning some or even many will be offended or disagree, but even if only 1 person gets what they needed from it, i have expressed myself and one person has been helped which in my book (excuse the pun) is better than it being lost completely in the editing…..
PS @elsa, also with your strong neptunian energy, perhaps if you stop thinking that you will offend or get crap, then you wont keep making it happen? just a suggestion 🙂
To whomever (you know who you are) Thank you. It was a morning I woke up really “needing” a kindness. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
another random act of kindness…very cool. Thank you anonymous random person, just for being. 🙂
YAY for Elsa speaking her Truth!!! She leads the way for some of us who have “learned” to stifle their truth to keep the peace…at a high cost to our self esteem.
I want in this class, dammit. It will be like Vintage Elsa, I have a feeling, and I will revel in that! Gonna check the finances now…
Mercury and Chiron being soon conjuncted by Saturn once it hits Capricorn. I hope it makes opening up something I can help but do. I’m writing a novel and have two critique partners, we’ve become friends over the past several years. When we started both of them had more experience then me, taken classes, studied the writing gurus. Well, I’m up to their level now and though I know you have to follow the rules grammatically, I also know that some of my favorite writers break the rules and their work is all the better for it.
I’m timid by nature and its hard for me to stand up for me (not you – oh I can stand up for you) but I want to break a few rules and I don’t want to be beaten up for it.
Elsa, I love this!!!! Please be wild, brutal, frank and deep. It’s what I’m here for! It’s what we’re here for.
I think I’ve been thrown in to the same maelstrom as you. For two years I had been promising to start a blog to accompany my website. (I have been warned about ‘dumb downers’). Recently I had my teeth kicked, part of which was about a testimonial I had written, which then became altered and had its meaning changed altogether; after the realization, the anger, I’ve rallied with a fury and a passion. Might is to write, to carve it out from the soul and enjoy it. I don’t care if people read it or not, but it isn’t dumb stuff.
Saturn stations on my Jupiter.