Death, Crisis And The Separation Between People

Cemetary statueHow accepting are you of death?  Someone asked me how I might handle the death of a specific person (a relation). I told them that I was ready for the death and thought I’d handle it well.

I am not sure if this was surprising to her. I do know I have been influenced by my husband who talks about death all the time. I was also affected by what happened to daughter which is something that changed me, fundamentally.

Having merged these two things over a number of years, I’ve become more sophisticated around loss. This is probably fitting for someone with an 8th house like mine, however I was not always this way.

I used to handle death very badly. I saw a lot of it when I was young and then I didn’t see any for a very long time.  I escaped having to deal with death long enough to begin to live in a dream world about it but all that came crashing down of course. Today, I have been stripped of all my naïveté. I know I don’t live in a protective bubble.

There are things that come of experience. In conversation, these things can be exposed. An event that may send one person plunging into the depths of despair would send me nowhere. This is important to realize in event of a crisis but it’s also interesting to consider in the grand design of things.

Someone has to have a cool head and maybe that’s me. But a group can turn on the person with the cool head who is not having the collective emotion. This is something I’ve experienced.

I don’t think the angry mob considers how the cool head came into being.
It doesn’t cross their mind that cooling down their own head might be a good idea.

This makes it dangerous for a person like me. It leaves me the option of isolating or perhaps I can develop further though I am not sure how to do that at the moment. I am going to look into this now because I can see the storm on the horizon and I’m gettin’ too old (and too smart) to be run over by one of these just to stay in denial.

~~~
I wrote this in 2011. Eleven years later – still real.
To update, the family member mentioned (which was my father) has passed.  If was a like ripple in a pond.
Also, there is a full moon in Cancer today, opposing Pluto in Capricorn. Death in the family…

Do you have experiences that grossly separate you from others?

You may also like


Comments

Death, Crisis And The Separation Between People — 60 Comments

  1. Yes, and it is very Plutonian/8th house. I’m not big on sharing the details. Lets just say that this has taught me that not having the collective emotion can indeed be very dangerous. My way of dealing with stuff like this is putting some effort in *faking* the collective emotion. I don’t like doing it, but it saves me from massive attacks. I will never be one of “them”. I know they can still smell it. Perhaps this is why I have a lot of Pluto and Uranus people in my life. Birds of a feather and all that. We’re all the every (wo-)man is an island types, but that can be bonding in a way, too.

    • I am a nurse and have had many experiences with death and the process of dying. Its very helpful to assist someone over “to the other side.” When a person is actively dying they become oxygen starved as each system shuts down. They will appreciate anything that can be done for them to keep them comfortable as possible

  2. I am outside people & I am may not even know them, but I can see inside them. See things sometimes they themseves don’t even know about really. Often, it’s not pretty stuff.

    That makes me feel alone because I don’t know a single other Soul that is like this. So I’m separate always, mostly.

    Crap. I can’t explain this properly. Enough to say, I feel grossly separated!

    • I lost the love of my life and my best friend 3 years ago. I am an 8th house Aries in venus. This is the type of pain I don’t think I will ever get over. We met as kids when I was 15 and I had him for 10 years before he was taken. I still feel so connected to him and see him in dreams.

  3. This resonates with me.

    I’m completely cut off from my family except for my mother and one cousin. I have always refused to play into family dynamics on both sides, so I am the outsider, by choice.

    I have Taurus on the 4th Cusp – this makes me almost rabid about having my own family be happy and together.

    I found out two days ago that a school friend of my parents, who I grew up with, died two months ago. I just heard about it. My mother and I were talking about my “Aunt” last week, and I wanted to get back in touch with her. Too late. Two months too late.

    The older I get, the more people I add in my prayers. I’m very melancholy. This woman was hilarious and irreverent. I saw her and her family every weekend for most of the first two decades of my life. I’m trying to wrap my head around how we lost touch for so long – and now it’s too late.

    I was contemplating this last night – why, in my life, all the people I was so close with when young, disappeared as I got older. You think these people are going to be in your wedding, and your children will grow up together. But, things happen, and suddenly, they aren’t even in your life peripherally. I hate that.

    All I can do now is get in touch with her via meditation.

  4. @McKenna, I wonder how do you deal with this? I feel I tend to keep my mouth shut more than I should, because of fear of playing God or something….
    I don’t how to explain in a different way than this.

  5. My husband had a heart attack. It was a mild one. More troubles were to follow, and thankfully, eventually, to be resolved, for which I am deeply grateful, but at the time of the heart attack we were both self employed, and his business was floundering and causing him stress.
    After initial 48hrs of checks and tests,we were told that it had been a very small attack and that he was now stable, and in no danger. I was with him at the hospital a lot over that week, but I had a work commitment that would mean we would meet the payment on our mortgage, and he insisted that I must go and do that, so I did, calling back to the hospital twice to make sure he was indeed fine and being reassured that he was.

    Later that day his sister arrived with her husband, visited her brother, then came into our house and proceeded to tell me I didn’t care about her brother, that I was way too cool and calm for her liking, and that obviously I’d gone away to do that work because I didn’t care. I kept cool and went over all the details, but inside I was crumbling, as I’d been terrified of losing my husband. She went on and on, yelling away until I broke down..then she smiled, and suddenly started being nice to me, sending her husband out for food and making tea.

    It took a while for me to get my balance back..especially as I was always helping her out with money when she got in debt, and always had been kind to her. Why did she then have to force me to break for my caring to be validated in her eyes?

    Those who truly care often do it quietly. x

  6. The trouble with some people is that they haven’t had enough sorrow in their lives. Petty back stabbing power hungry… Dear Karma please send some compassion and integrity.

  7. Sorry lindiloo that was awful! 🙁

    My family for the most part wasn’t overly emotional. No one was coddled or protected from death or life’s hardships.

    I do feel like an outsider due to one experience, but not terribly so. I can easily slide into either camp.

  8. 8th house. I’m used to losing people. I was honestly surprised when people kept outpouring kindness after my mother died – why are you apologizing, it was expected. Why would I need anything? Thanks for the offer, but I’m confused.

  9. I agree with you on this Elsa having a cool head when this grim event takes place is paramount. I too have a cool head when it comes to death. None of us get out of life alive is my way of thinking. It is not something I relish but it is a fact of our living. I also believe that when our time comes no matter our age it is our time to go home and be with the creator and our loved ones who have gone on before us.

    You experienced a most dreadful loss and no parent should ever have to have that experience. I am always very sorry to hear of such an event. Though I know it does happen. It sounds like to me you have done very well and much better than most I might add.

  10. Death and loss makes people angry. Who better to turn on than the cool head. It is always interesting when people berate the way others grieve. Me, I keep the cool head until everybody else chills, and then deal with it. I always think yay, I’ve had so much of this, I can handle it. But when it happens it’s different.

    I know a family of awesome grievers. I think I’ve seen death. Posh! I’ve seen them at funerals, they wail and scream and cry and kick the ass of their emotions. And then they move on. How they pack it all in those moments and cleanse is a mystery to me. Practice I suppose and the need to move on. I always get a kick out of people who comment on their style of grieving. They are spectacular.

  11. (((lindiloo))))

    I have Saturn in the 8th and am used to death and feel I handle it well. I can’t argue with it. I submit, readily.

    That’s not to say I don’t grieve. I do, and deeply. But yeah-Saturn in 8th allows me a grasp on reality perhaps I would struggle to have, otherwise.

  12. I go to funerals with the intent to cry and inevitably I hold up someone who is struggling to cope. I don’t mind this at all, it just took me some time to recognize what was happening. Saturn at work.

  13. “Do you have experiences that grossly separate you from others?”

    Yes. I’m very “odd person out” and always have been. It’s not just the experiences, it’s the emotions of situations and reading them at a depth many others don’t fathom. Or noticing details others don’t or are unable to see.

    I’ve learned to explain when I’m clearly the “odd person out” my experience. Got it down fairly succinctly now. Ultimately I don’t want to be judged negatively or called a hero. I work hard to explain I’ve seen and experienced things and what those were so that’s why i’m xyz about something. Makes it easier on everyone. They may still not like me or be able to understand it fully, but it’s acceptable enough to others to prevent negativity or awe directed at me. I’m just human, we all are. That’s the key for me.

  14. Thanks for those hugs, all..Like you, Kashmiri, I also have Saturn in 8th… and hopefully, like you, I have a little understanding of where 8th house people are coming from when they show a tip of their iceberg. What they show is what they are willing to share. The rest is private.

  15. I don’t fear my own death. I fear the “process my dying” but not being dead. My father had mouth cancer and cirrhosis of the liver. He died a horrible, disfiguring, prolonged death. When he died I actually felt relieved, for him.

  16. “What they show is what they are willing to share. The rest is private.”

    Absolutely. I’m glad you’re husband is okay xx

  17. Death… with an 8th house sun and moon conjunct neptune in 12th house Scorpio, death has always been by my side. Not only on a physical level, but emotional, psychological, material… I feel like I’ve had many lives within this life. I have always felt separated from people, but I think that that’s because I’m unable to relate to people on a superficial level, and there are only very few people who I can connect with the depth I desire. I also look forward to death, not on a suicidal or depressive way(Sagi rising)but with curiosity and fascination… I hope I can fly…

  18. My brother and I had a superweird childhood. My dad died when we were young and we were raised by my grandmother, because my mother had an Aries moon and sort of always had to be gone. It was so weird I can’t even tell you all the things that went into the weirdness.

    I was talking to him last night and I said, you know, I keep going back to where it all got strange, and then I keep having to go back some more. It was *always* weird. There was *always* something wrong, even before my father died.

    Most of my life experience has been isolating. My brother too, but we’re also isolated from each other in a lot of ways.

    I know exactly what you’re talking about. Although handling death…I don’t know, sometimes you think you’re handling it and you’re not, at all.

  19. @Esther… yes, I keep my mouth shut too. For the same reason as you. Most people aren’t aware I have this “knack”. I feel like a spy but I don’t want to intrude, or even know these things. It just happens =(

  20. “Do you have experiences that grossly separate you from others?”

    Yes: I feel the particular combination of stresses I’ve experienced since earliest childhood and ever since have separated me fundamentally from other people.

    I now accept this in a way I never did until the last year or so, and part of that is seeing that other people recognised my ‘separation’ while I was still fighting it.

    I think it’s why I’m so isolated – other people just can’t deal with ‘who I am’ – they recoil, in effect. I’ve always felt ‘different’ or ‘other’ but I guess I tried always to bridge the gap and to hide my otherness.

    But in the end people aren’t fooled – they sniff it out! I feel at home here because I think there are quite a few of us around…

  21. Yes. One of the biggest steps forward I’ve made in recent years is accepting that I am different and will never blend in with other people in the way that out of insecurity I used to crave. Also, have had several major ill health episodes which have taken me out of circulation for long periods. At the time each felt like a “death in life”. I’ve emerged fundamentally changed from each one.

    Moon conj Nth Node in Aries in 8th. Mars in Taurus also in 8th.

  22. I’ve had a lot of death that has affected my life. Not necessarily my own immediate family, but for those that are close to me and those I cared about. It seems I am more comfortable supporting those in grief than I am when it happens to me. Maybe my Cancer Moon? Like Lucie “I am used to losing people”. Death, abandonment… whatever. It’s a natural part of my life and those I love.

  23. my challenge of the moment is to not perpetuate the isolation. it’s safer. mobs can have lots of sharp little piranha teeth. or worse…

    i have to learn how to be a part of it anyway. it’s terrifying. i can’t keep amputating my community.

  24. My fellow college grads went on to conquer the world and I went on to the unfinished business of being a mother who left my son behind. It separated me from the pack and a few times I was lonely, but it was tremendously beneficial and I think one of the ways I’ve been lucky.

  25. @ Mckenna its a pisces thing and people feel it and we scare them . I also have been through alot but happy with my Cap moon armor . When I meet a kindred spirit its all good . Thanks Elsa

  26. In the 15 years I’ve had to deal it lot of death. My mom, sister and uuncles and aunts. A lot of tha was just the aging process. When my son died 11/2 years ago it hit me do hard. He was only 33 and not ready to go. I talk to him daily and dream about almost every night. I don’t believe in heaven or hell or after life, but yet he seems to visit me all the time making me laugh smile,or cry. He is always so happy when I see him in my mind. My dad just turned 98 yesterday and Iam headed out to visit him in another state. I’m always thinking it could be any day for him but his passing will change my life. I don’t know if I’ll continue to go visit brothers and sisters if there is no home base to go to.

  27. I am alll alone, i live with my Mother who has suffered two strokes,she is still strong enough,and I am over paranoid about her ,and hover,wake up at night to check.
    It has affected my health.
    I tell myself to be prepared for anything.
    But I am NOT ready.
    I pray for her long life.

    I know despite everything I will be devastated.
    Its hard.

    • I can relate Shonaa. I used to wake up in the middle of the night to check on my mom after she had an emergency procedure to implant a pacemaker. She passed away 4 years ago and I was devastated.
      It is just part of being attached to our mothers and being a caregiver. I do recommend that you take time some time for yourself. Only then you can carry on and be there for her.
      Hang in there Shonaa.

      • My Dear Rekha,
        Thank you so much for your kind understanding and support.
        Yes I can well reciprocate the sentiment and feelings since you went through a similar situation.
        Yes our Mothers are very close to us.
        My Mother and me share a very close and unusual bond from many past lifetimes, I can hear her distress telepathically,since I was 10 years old.
        Of course caring for her in this situation has deepened our bond due to dependency.
        And brought us closer.
        Since it is now almost a reversal of roles.
        Thank you I have started talking time out for rest and sleep and topping up with multivitamins.
        Just the rest has helped.
        Its especially hard during covid times,as getting caretaker from outside could put her at risk.
        God bless

  28. I am very peaceful around this topic. I had a near death experience in my late 20’s. The overwhelming love I felt, the vivid colors and quality of light have stuck with me.

    And, I hear my dad who has passed over, so we still have chats.

    So for me, not afraid… I know it’s a beautiful, heart filled place to arrive at. For me to lose loved ones, I’ve been lucky. The ones who have crossed over have been ready to go & I’m in touch with them through dreams, and messages.

    But people do look at me sideways when I state I’m not afraid. They are often in a state of fear about it—-

    Death is not talked about enough. It’s something people shy away from, but it is an inevitable part of life!

  29. Karen Thompson – thank you for your post! Please keep posting about this. I had another post I got rid of when I read yours. Elsa – thanks for the resurrection today of this post. Guess I needed it.

    • I’m glad my experiences are helping. We don’t know what people think, feel or experience, unless we share what is going on with us….& I’m a pretty open book most times.

      I’m a Pisces with lots of Aquarian influences, so I’m a visionary & a dreamer. Sometimes these qualities make life easier!

      • I need to add, I am my mother’s main caregiver now ( but from a 100 mile distance) she’s about to enter hospice & my feelings about her leaving are very mixed.

        She has significant issues with breathing & it has affected every part of her life, down to the simplest of things like brushing her hair.

        I think more of my sadness with this is how much she has lost & her independence is the biggest thing. But I’m sure I have grief over her upcoming departure.

        • I lost my dad in July. I am sorry to hear about your mom. I know when it is their time it is important to be at peace with it, even if you don’t want them to go. Thanks again for your share. I mainly just miss dad, our conversations. But it was his time.

          • Yes, it’s hard. We miss being able to hug & hold them, to have chats. My Dad died in September on 2020, and I still do have my moments…

            Mom will be glad to be back with him. They were married for over 60 years when he passed.

            Hugs to you, Dads are pretty special to their daughters!

  30. Yes, my father passed away yesterday, he was 81 years old, died of Pneumonia, on his natal chart I saw Uranus opposing his natal Sun, then Pluto and Saturn on his 4th, and other aspects forming a Destiny Gate pointing downwards

  31. Of course, I´ve been surviving a Pluto conjunct Mars transit on my 8th house, still leaving a trail, and having Neptune square Venus, currently separating, until it finally ends on March

    What a ride

    • Sending peace your way. These first few days to weeks felt numb to me. I hope that you can find your way through to some lovely memories—-& in the meantime, know that comfort is being sent your way, if you want it.

  32. With Uranus on the AC, I’m used to being the odd one out. I don’t expect the collective to pause to wonder why I might be different to them. If there is one thing I learnt very early in life, it’s that just about everyone is wrapped up in their own experiences of life; what they have experience, what they are experiencing and what they might experience in the future.

  33. As for death, 5 of my friends passed away between 2011 and 2017. 3 of whom I had spoken to just shortly before. I discovered that death leaves a lot of business that neats tying off and finishing up.

    I processed my grief by studying the process of human decomposition, viewing the images of body farms, exploring alternative ways to be “dispatched” (my mother’s favourite euphemism), watching a couple of YouTube videos on embalming, disinterred graves, reading all manner of what might commonly be considered macabre stories and tit bits.

    Gradually, I began to explore the astrology of death. I read everything I could find. I experimented on charts from astrotheme and my considerable “bank” of known persons. I made meaning out of my need to comprehend.

    I have to say that all this brought me eventual peace and consolation.

  34. Yes, I’ve thought about death a thousand times over. I have the Sun and Moon in the 8th. I don’t really just think about it but fully submerge myself in it and my psyche is prepared in ways most other people aren’t. I can’t say I’m immune to grief but definitely more prepared.

  35. ive recently thought of death again because my first husband, the pisces sun with pisces stellium died on the pisces moon recently, maybe it was pluto squaring alot of his aries stellium, but he died alone and a horrible death. He was never a good husband long ago, but i was thinking how his life was such a tragedy and a sad shame he lived his life as a criminal and drunk driving DUIs and in and out of prison. my 2nd husband the aquarius sun with aries stellium cap moon, who had i figured PTSD and severe mental problems also died long ago but not through drugs. my parents are nearing the age of where death is around the corner, or they can live another 10 years. I dont know. but the next decade will be very difficult with their health and old age.

    • meant that he only had pisces stellium with aries venus, no aries stellium. and when the moon entered aries, just around that time pisces moon. but he was found on the street homeless (he was given an inheritance but every month he would take it to buy drugs) and i’m only hearing it from his mother who told my mother.

  36. It’s been a few months of many around me passing. My mother has now passed. My husbands best friend died the same day, and 2 weeks later his right hand man at work. A son’s co- worker. ( also my sons best friend) committed suicide & we have several more people who are very ill & will be leaving soon. We are still standing & I am wishing them well on their next steps.

    Taking care of mom, I got to slowly let her go, as we repaired our relationship. I know that we said everything we needed to say.

    Hugs to all who have lost someone.

      • Thank you Elsa! It just seems like a time for lots of letting go, of people & of things. My childhood home is in the process of being cleared out, so it can be sold. That’s another shift… but, things are feeling lighter, the closer we get to putting it on the market!

  37. We were expected to be stoics about everything. Military. A lot of people died. I was not allowed to cry about it. I am ok now – took a long time.

Leave a Reply to luci Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published.