Dealing With A Man You Can’t Dominate

House-of-Lucretius-Fronto-Venus-and-Mars-marriage-frescoFor a client who has recently graduated to a new way of relating…

“When I look at these charts, the phrase that comes to mind is “balance of power”. This is a masculine man you’ve got here which is very good. You’re not going to be able to dominate this guy which may be hard to take or accept at times but is actually a great fortune in the scheme of things. Congratulations on getting yourself involved in such a complex, adult, interaction…”

How do you feel when partnered with someone you can’t control?

 

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Dealing With A Man You Can’t Dominate — 20 Comments

  1. I guess it would depend on in what way. I’m not sure in what way he would need to be controlled. And I’m not even sure that sounds like a healthy relationship. I personally like a man who is masculine, and not a push over, but if that man just has no respect, and could offer no compromise when conflict arises…maybe he’s too selfish for me to be with. I really wouldn’t have the emotional energy to feel as if I needed to control the person, especially if this person was an adult.

    And if I was the one to compromise each and every time…..I wouldn’t stay.

    Curious what the astrology of this man is. Planet placements and what not. Sounds like a sun sign interpretation would be a mute point.

  2. Good if they are reasonable and it stays a dance to negotiate and learn.

    Horrible if they are unreasonable, cannot control themselves, and keep trying to dominate me. I’ve tried confronting, but time and time again I’ve end up taking the brunt of the hit during power struggles because I just don’t have enough weight. So now I make like a Pisces and escape.

    In my persona life, I deal better with men with more balanced yin/yang. I just cannot handle very masculine men for long periods of time, but I try to appreciate and learn from a distance.

  3. Been married to one for over twenty years . . . Aries to my Libra. Both my stepdaughters w/Pluto in Libra TOTALLY dominate their husbands.

    My Aries does have a strong Neptune influence (Moon opp Neptune, Neptune in the 7th & Venus in Pisces) and Saturn in Libra so he does believe strongly in compromise.

  4. Yes I second KR – congrats to this lady. I’m done with doormats, a masculine man who can stand up to me yet still loves me is what I really desire too.

  5. I feel great. I have loads of oppositions in my chart and am drawn to men who are very assured about who they are. My fiance has a huge emphasis on FIxed (as do I). It’s good for me–for both if us!

  6. Loving it. I’m finding it is mutually respectful, though a bit strange at times. The controlling part of me (from innate nature and past circumstantial necessity) is not in play with this man. And I like it. Power seems to flow back and forth quite naturally. At times, it disconcerts me. But I am finding that I am more adaptable than I believed myself to be. In various circumstances, depending on who has the knowledge or know-how, one cedes to the other and it balances out. It’s quite a shocking (for me) new way to engage with a man.

    Yep. Love it. And the best part of this is that we talk about it. Acknowledge it.

  7. i refuse to partner with any other kind of person. i can’t stay in a relationship with someone i can’t respect.
    (uhm, pluto/venus/saturn)

  8. I like strong, competent Hemingway types who cannot be pushed around.

    That said, I will stand for being bullied or put down myself. When people are truly powerful they don’t need to negate the people around them to feel strong.

  9. I have a tendency to steamroll people. *grins* It’s not intentional and mostly I’m blind to it, but I have a very strong personality that is, apparently, hard to contradict (from what I’ve heard).

    I need, NEEEEED!, someone who’s strong enough to contradict me, who has his own thoughts, opinions, perspective, and the willingness to argue their validity when I disagree. It’s imperative. I can’t be happy any other way. I turn domineering and cruel. Vicious.
    It ain’t pretty.

    I’ve noticed this with my fellow Libran Pluto peeps, too. Male or female, it doesn’t matter — the vast majority of us want a challenge in relationships instead of “pushovers.”

    Congrats to client for finding a strong man!! 🙂

  10. Well, it depends on what you mean by control. I was with an almost effeminate man ( small, blond, sweet voiced Peter Pan type) who insisted on calling every single shot there was or could ever be, down to what objects were “allowed in his house” and how he insisted his underwear be folded. I got to thinking a lot about control during this situation because the level of control he demanded was pathological.

    I don’t think I need to be in control of anyone. I think it’s boring actually because then people can’t surprise you. But when you get locked into something like that you find yourself fighting back for your *own* control and while you don’t want your intimate life to be a power struggle, you basically have no choice.

    I don’t want control over anybody but that seems to invite types who want control over me.

  11. it takes all kinds…. sounds fairly exhausting though, all that drama and testing(neurosis?) (neanderthal-like?) it’s better to have a strong person, but without give and take it just becomes a drag.

  12. I have a very Cardinal chart ans will control anyone if I get the chance – it’s instinctive. But it’s not what I need – the people I’ve loved most in my life are those I can’t control: there’s been a lot of give and take, or push-and-push-back in those relationships.

    At 35 I married a man just because he was devoted to me, and allowed me to push him around – I was beaten down and emotionally exhausted at the time. He was very masculine – an Aqua with lots of Aries and a Cap Moon, who’d been in the Navy… but put me on a pedestal. It didn’t work, it really isn’t what I need. My feminine side is much happier with a man I can’t dominate

  13. Now I’m smitten with another masculine man who wants to dominate me. I wouldn’t have it any other way. My Pluto in Libra squares my Mars in Capricorn. Tight. I have to respect a motherfucker.

  14. I don’t want to dominate a man. That seems to take up too much energy. I sure as hell hate being dominated though. That backfires. I like a confident, masculine guy. When I was a teen, I broke up with a guy and he started crying. I don’t think that’s effeminate but I didn’t know how to handle it.

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