Is Dating The Same Sign Over and Over A Form Of Repetition Compulsion?

HydraDear Elsa,

HELP! I am divorced from a Scorpio and now I’m in love with another Scorpio (Sun and Ascendant) who is getting ready to propose! What is wrong with me that I cannot get away from men of this sign?

Can a person have a successful relationship with someone in the same sign of a past failed relationship? Won’t I ALWAYS look for/see signs of my ex in my current love?

Libra in Love
United States

Dear Libra, this is a really good question. I think you will see signs of your ex in your current love as we tend to gravitate towards certain energies and have certain patterns that we repeat in relationship. Whether this is good or bad is difficult to say.

For example, 95% of the men I have had relationships with have either a Scorpio or an Aquarius Moon. This would indicate I like intense eccentrics, they like me, or perhaps I’m an intense eccentric myself. I’m not sure I can or should do anything about this. I am drawn to iconoclastic men courtesy of my childhood. I can’t imagine being with anyone who did not have this flavor to them but there is a darker way this can go.

You may still in love or obsessed with your ex and trying to recreate what you had via use of a surrogate. While this may be deeply disturbing, it’s incredibly common.

I am not sure but in your case  it seems the latter might have some play. If this is the case it does not mean your relationship is a mistake or that it is hopeless. Simply becoming conscious of your drives will go a long way towards changing the dynamic. Think of what happens the hydra when exposed to the light.

How do you feel about dating the same type over and over?

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Comments

Is Dating The Same Sign Over and Over A Form Of Repetition Compulsion? — 46 Comments

  1. I date the same type over and over. My type is VERY RARE, unfortunately.

    Honestly, to some degree you’re gonna like what you’re gonna like and it probably won’t change. You get “set off” by certain people, and in your case, it’s Scorpios. Let’s just hope in your case, the new fellow is different from the ex in the ways that are important/needed to be different.

    That said, I do wish I could somehow pick guys who are both more stable (i.e. don’t magically get over me in 2 days) and can take care of themselves. However, I like them charming (Mars in Leo) and eccentric (Juno in Aquarius), but stable (Sun/Venus/Chiron in Taurus). Gee, which one of those doesn’t go with the other two…. and now you know why I don’t do well.

  2. I think it’s difficult to run away from the patterns and people we’re usually attracted to, particularly if we’re not very conscious of why we attract these energies.

    I believe there are important reasons why we end up falling for the same types and I also believe that these reasons are connected to our personal development.

    So perhaps only when we learn the lessons we need to learn from these relationships and are very aware of what happened in these interactions and what we learnt from them…can we move on from the same old patterns.

    Or maybe we never move on, we just have to learn a better way to deal with these types that often cause us trouble.

  3. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with dating the same sign over and over unless it is (a) an abusive exchange (b) it demeans you or diminishes you or the other person in some way (c) it stunts your growth as an individual.

    I like all men, but there are particular types who have a giant pull for me, that’s for sure.

  4. Alma: yes.

    I’m not completely fulfilled in my job, and I don’t consider myself a full-on adult (yes, I already HAD my Saturn Return…guess I’m fucked for the next 30 years). And that’s who I get. With the last ex I managed to find a guy who was even more behind in growing up than I was. (To be fair, my parents never wanted a child that was all THAT grown up, and his parents couldn’t figure out adulthood to teach him, so it was the one-eyed leading the blind in that relationship.) The ex before him was piddling his way through grad school- I don’t think he ever finished.

    I am now convinced that unless I am a full-fledged, fully functional, conventional adult, I can’t get a decent guy. Probably true, right?

  5. Elsa-

    Thanks for the valuable opinion! I think you are right – I crave certain parts of the scorpio personality and that is what I am attracted to. I would also agree that to a certain degree I am obsessed with my ex – though not in ANY WAY to recreate what we had. The exact opposite actually as I was the one who asked for the divorce. While he did have really good traits about him (and those I can see in my current love) he also had some very bad traits and it is these that I look for constantly to ensure that I don’t see them cropping up in my current love. So far, so very good!!! I am very happy, don’t get me wrong. I guess just fearful that this one will go badly in all the same ways as the last one because they are the same sign.

    Thanks!!

  6. Jennifer–really?? Or are you being facetious? I do not fit the bill of conventional adult and I do have a relationship! Don’t sell yourself short (my Cap Moon smells that trap a mile away 😉 )
    Personally I think preparing yourself emotionally for love is the most important step to take.
    Take care of your heart!

    And…lots and lots and lots of people are unfulfilled at their work (I’m one of them). But enriching your creative/personal life can certainly help!

  7. Do you think that we draw people who have the same sort of energy or issues we have. For instance, I’m not completely fulfilled in my job, and I always date men who are still struggling to find themselves career-wise. Will I only attract someone with a particular trait once I possess that trait myself?

  8. I’m all over the creative life…it just isn’t at all compatible with the sort of job I’d like to have (i.e. stable and has insurance- Taurus again).

    I think the adult thing is true for me. I fit the bare minimum requirements of being an adult (not in jail, not an addict, pays her own bills, stays employed, but that’s it, and I have the same life now that I did in college. Real Stable Adults look at me (I don’t drive and live in California, for example- this is really bad) and think, “God, grow up already.” Even I think that, I just can’t figure out HOW.

    I am definitely not open to love any more, though. Due to ugly family circumstances, I shut down in that area years ago, and I’m really doubtful on whether or not I’ll ever want to turn it back on. I don’t trust myself at all if hormones kick in, since my hormones pick guys who are worse than I am at adulthood.

  9. I am a scorpio sun with lots of Sadge..Moon,venus and jupiter. I have been married twice. First to another Scorp. That didnt work at all, and we divorced after 18 years together. I wanted to leave after the 11th year, but had a young son. My second husband was a Gemini with Sadge moon also. We had a really good relationship, but he had alot of baggage that he never, ever wanted to deal with. He passed away a year ago, yesterday, of cancer. Before the 1st marriage, and inbetween and after the 2nd, I continually attract Sadges. Almost all fall for me like a ton of bricks, and try to take ownership of me. I then feel suffocated, and just want to get away from them- even though I enjoy their company, and truly like them as people. It’s to the point that if I find someone that’s a Sadge I’m afraid to get romantically involved because I already what know the outcome will be. Oh well- there are alot of other signs out there to try; except for Aquarius…been there done that!!

  10. hmmm…I tend to go for guys with a blend of gemini and cancer, capricorn and scorpio. I like men who are playful and charming…but have a serious side and depth too. I have pretty good radar for picking up on the type too, never fails.

    I think what attracts me is a combination of similarities and opposites. Some common ground to feel unified, but plenty of differences to keep things interesting! I have lots of capricorn/saturn energy and draw in a lot of cancers to compensate. My gemini, cap and mars/pluto tend to like the similarities in these energies I see in myself and others. I think I see these traits as more “positive” and so I can accept similar traits in others. But the cancer energy is a polarity for me and I see its traits as more “negative” and I tend to be attracted to it in a more unconscious way. It’s a love/hate relationship…and it’s always fascinating to me.

  11. Heh, thanks.

    I think of being an adult as, well…wanting to be everything I currently hate. Wanting to cook and clean and have a family (all things I really dislike- the relatives I have are nuts enough, thanks, and I’m not domestic), wanting to buy a house and remodel it and care about stocks and bonds and my 401k, “settling down” and spending my life worrying about taking care of everyone else. That’s what being a Real Woman is in my (1950’s) family, and I don’t fit in there, or with most women I know. I hate all of the above stuff, but I’m all too well aware that’s what most people want, and that’s how you become an adult. I think I just want to be a kid forever because adults don’t seem like they have any fun.

    Why, yes, I am in therapy…:p

  12. I was lectured about being an adult the other day. The person said I had to get up in the morning, show up no matter what, clean up after myself, and do what needs to be done. Ok, sure, this was coming from a Cap and involved a fair amount of projection on his part.

    I don’t feel like an adult yet. I support myself, have held my job for 5 years, have no debt, etc., but that doesn’t make me an adult. Maybe I’ll feel like an adult when I finally make a decision to take a pay cut and do exactly what I want careerwise.

  13. I get fiery passionates- Scorpios and Leos. I’d say this is some sort of ill compulsion, but I’m fairly cognisent of the men I choose versus the men I disregard. For one- They turn me on. Power plays in relationships rev up my sex drive, they make life exciting, it shows passion. I realize it’s not everyone’s cup of tea, but the way I see it, they have to be someone’s cup of tea or those poor signs would never get married.

    Not to mention I’m pretty fiery myself. When I flame up to other personalities, for the most part, they scream and run. Leos and Scorpios are the ones still standing there, looking at me like I have a booger in my nose.

    And there’s an amount of respect toward someone who can handle me, even at my worst.

    • Sounds like what an aquarius woman w/pisces and gemini would say. Leo rising marilyn monroe. “love me at my best and worst or you dont deserve me.”
      My mother said monroe and liz taylor had too much sexual power.

  14. I MARRIED 2 Virgo Sun – Scorpio Moons. NOT knowing anything but their Sun signs!

    This was way back before I began studying Astrology and thought the Sun sign was basically the whole astrological enchilada. Imagine that…must have been some sort of Karmic lesson or something.

  15. I’m astrologically unequipped, but will post here some sound relationship advice I got and never took at the time and wish I would have. 😉
    1. Make a real-live physical list of qualities that matter in a partner. Prioritize it. Feel free to revisit and change it up as your experience and you evolve over time.
    2. When considering someone as a partner, check him/her against that list. Are you in the ballpark? If not, what’s the attraction?
    3. Almost every man will, at some point, tell you exactly who they are. Listen. Believe them. Take action accordingly.

    Jennifer: In ten seconds I have thought of twenty amazing very adult guys who are unequivocally *not* interested in a woman with the qualities you’ve listed. They kind of run the gamut of personalities and lifestyles, too. Soup to nuts (heavy on the nuts? heh…yeah, maybe a lil bit)

    Twenty seconds later I’ve thought of about twenty women of varying age, occupation and socio-economic standing who are merrily “adulting” their way through life–some single, some not. So, I guess I’m just saying–don’t count yourself out just yet, eh?

  16. @Libra in love: The ultimate question is, is he better than the last Scorpio? 🙂

    The people we attract to us are a mirror fragment of ourselves (all of our friends reflect a unique part of our own personalities). My hunch is that you are growing as a person, and that the ‘improved version’ Scorpio you have attracted is a reflection of that growth.

  17. i never dated the same sign twice. im 27 and for the years of my dating life till now, i tend to experiment. he he is this is a good thing or no? my first bf was gemini, hte second is leo, the third is virgo, then an ex fiance is a libra. and just recently a scorpio guy broke my heart. i wonder whats next.

  18. The last two men I had relationships with were different sun signs – Leo & Virgo – but coincidentally they both had a large concentration of planets in their first house. How strange given I have a scattershot pattern. In both cases we made better friends.

  19. Early degrees Leos’re my curse. I have Saturn in Leo T-squaring Scorpio Uranus and Aqua moon, plus my Saturn exactly conjuncts my Mars/Venus midpoint and I’m am a Scorpio rising Libra. A perfect romance and a total disaster at the end. I’m trying to break the curse but every time I’m getting attracted to a guy, turns out he’s a Leo. Now I just stop communicating with a guy as soon as I find out he is a Leo. Virgos and Tauruses are attracted to me – I have a Venus in Virgo but they’re soooo boring and conservative.

  20. I feel that I am learning lessons through different relationships…friendships or romance. I tend to attract the same sign at one time. Then when I get the lessons and understanding with that sign, they tend to disappear from sight…some do remain good friends, most are gone.
    I have been with Aquarius, Libra, Capricorn, Virgo, Leo, Pisces, Cancer, Scorpio, Aries, Sag…working with Taurus now. Enjoying the differing perspectives of the different sun signs.
    It is making life interesting to say the least.

  21. Libra in Love,

    I’m inclined to agree with what kashmiri has written. Abusive word / actions, dimeaning your feelings , and any other things that hurts the relationship should always be a warning sign to either end it or seek help.

    a little bit about myself. scorpio sun, pisces moon, virgo ascendant, a stellium in scorpio. Yeah…. just a bit compelled to put my 2-cents in on this topic.

    while I could rant on-and-on about my own bad marriage , I will say simply this: your current love is a completely different guy. If he treated you just like the last one and you haven’t run away by now…. I’d say you need your head examined. I rarely observe women who stay in those relationships .

    But…. I’m getting the impression you’re in good hands.

    oh…. I’d recommend you take note of where his planets are in his chart . Never rely on sun sign alone…. the whole chart can help you understand him better.

  22. I’m trying to breake the curse too but all of them was a piece of Pisces. I have Mars in Pisces..Ascendant-my first lover, Moon in Pisces-my second lover and my ex-Moon and Jupiter in, of course! Pisces.
    My ex was a liar: he said to me that he is born in 1985. Very good i say-no more Pisces for me. But he is born in 1986- it’s a course, i tell you!

  23. Hi Jennifer; Just saw your question. I think you were teasing a bit, but home is the Great Pacific North’wet’. I believe I’ve seen several other posters who are neighbors, too.
    It’s an eclectic and iconoclastic haven by and large (perhaps not as much as it once was) but one does need a tolerance for the experience of ‘living inside of an oyster’ for a good part of the year (or conversely, the ability to take frequent ‘sun-breaks’).
    Of the guys and gals referenced in my post above, several call PNW ‘home’ or at least ‘homebase’. Otherwise they are quite geographically diverse. Some are downright impossible to keep track of from adventure to adventure. 😉

  24. And yes, I do see the same, repetitive behavioural patterns. And the same effect they have on me. Yikes! But @Wizron said it right, is [he] better than the last [scorpio]?

    Unless you absolutely loathed the first one – the 2nd, 3rd, and so on in the same sign wont be that bad. He’ll have the same attributes to him though, and depending on your likes, this can be good or bad.

  25. Also, perhaps in the context of the composite chart, there is a reason the scorpio man keeps coming around. If forming a composite with a scorpio man keeps creating configurations that conjunct some important angle or planet in your own chart – that, certianly, could also be why a relationship, whether serious or short term, with them scorpios always form!

  26. I’ve dated two people with pisces moons, and I’ve dated two July 1st Cancers.
    That’s interesting that we date what we need. I’m wondering now about the evolutionary aspect of it all.
    My daughters father is a cancer with a pisces moon. He was a liar, and I hated him for this.
    Then, there was a Capricorn, moon unknown. He felt more like a friend. Felt bad for the guy, cuz he really liked me. Then, I met the
    Scorpio. I don’t think I knew it at the time, but he changed my life. He had a pisces moon, pluto conjunct my desc. Fell in love. Hard. Didn’t last more than a few weeks. Won’t ever forget him.
    Then, another Scorpio, this time, aquarian moon,(compatible with my aquarian moon) saturn conjunct my venus though. Saturn conjunct my venus is a no-no, lol, 🙂 Don’t want that, thank you, and that was a first. Hope I never have that again.:) Just wonder if that saturn contact was a test. Never had that, and I don’t think I was ready for ‘the glue.’

  27. I think you could say I shopped right around the zodiac store.
    I went up and down the aisles, and stopped at all the little sample carts.
    I tried the things on the end of toothpicks until I found one that was piquant yet sweet, and had lots of protein.

  28. I think it depends if the repetition is about repeating a painful experience over and over again. If so, then its about learning the lesson, and hoepfully sooner than later.

  29. I’ve got a Venus square Saturn oppose Neptune t-square, and men who triggered that configuration were very attractive to me in my earlier years. They were triggering my low self esteem issues BIG TIME, but I had to date them in order to grow. It was painful, but necessary. My last boyfriend trined my Saturn instead…..much, much better!! It wasn’t about picking him, it was the fact that i had grown enough to not be attracted to the other types. So, if one is attracted to those that trigger and challenge (squares) painful parts of our charts, then there are lessons that still need to be learned.

  30. IMO dating the same sign is not a compulsion, anyone has a few characteristics of that sign. No matter how we avoid sign x, some one will have the moon there, or many planets in that house, many aspects to that energy.

  31. I always fall for Virgo/Cancer combos and Scorpio somewhere. But I think there is an astrological reason for this…. Virgo is mostly in my 5th, Cancer is my 3rd/4th and Scorpio is my 7th.

    Other than that, I usually date fixed moon signs, mostly Leo and Scorpio.

    I dunno. I am open to trying something else, minus Pisces which I just know doesn’t work for my chart.

  32. I dated a Scorpio and swore I’d never date one again. Married and divorced a Sagittarius. Married and divorced a Scorpio and swear never again to date another one. Although, if I’m deeply attracted, I know he’s a damn Scorpio.

    As I’ve said elsewhere, all I can do is post the new guy’s chart on here so y’all can vet him properly!

  33. I have an ex, a Cancer, who has only ever had serious relationships with Virgos, including me. It happened by “accident” – he’s not into astrology. IIRC he may have had a Virgo Moon which helped the connection.

  34. I hope it’s not a compulsion! There’s the two Gemini men with the same birth day (different years). That sun is conjunct my Mars and DC. Then there’s all the Tarueans (yay!) and Libras (yikes!). The common thread is the vast majority of the boys are served with a side of fish sauce.

    I’m pretty leery about it now, but it makes sense as anything Pisces will hit something in my chart. Depending on the placement, they can complete an emo Grand Trine with my Cancer Sun/Scorp Moon, hit my South Node to complete a mutable Grand Cross with NN+Saturn/Neptune+Asc/Mars, or form a T-square with my Neptune+Asc/Venus opposition.

    Just when I think I’m over it, another one sneaks in under the radar. Still trying to figure out what the lesson is here.

  35. I feel ya. I was married to a Quadruple Scorpio for 25 years. I call him that because he has a stellium + in Scorpio in Mars in the freaking 8th and 9th houses. WTF was I thinking? I vow to never get involved with 2 signs. Scorpio and Gemini. Maybe Pisces, but I know how to control them. I have to know a man’s exact chart and look at ALL the combinations. Gheesh. If only 1/2 the population would do that. We would save ourselves a lot of wasted time.

  36. From the time I was old enough to date until I finally recognized the problem I dated FIRE, married FIRE…. which ended badly every time. I married two Sag’s in a row. It was a nightmare all the way around. Was crazy about an Aries and a Leo… it seemed like that is all that was ever attracted to me.

    It took years for me to recognize this mistake.

    I am now married to a Pisces for two decades….peas and carrots. He even has an Aqua asc and still….peas and carrots.

    I am not sure what I was supposed to learn. I mean I really LOVE fire. They are full of energy and life and that appeals to my Gemini Mars….all that get up and go. They can be larger than life. But for the everyday….NO….

    I am not sure how any of us lived through it lol

  37. Soup, I LOVE FIRE ALSO even the cancer men I was involved with I am sure they had some Leo in their charts. They usually end up sucking the life right out of me though..My Hubby is an aries but thank God for all that grounding earth in his chart.

  38. I’ve noticed I tend to be drawn to both fixed signs & water signs. I do NOT get along well with Scorpio, however. They drive me insane & I become quite infuriated with them, quickly. (Plus, in my experience, we are NOT compatible sexually.) I can only assume I like fixed signs for two reasons: 1. My Venus is in Taurus & there’s a good chance there are aspects to that, which draw me. 2. My rising is Aquarius & that creates a natural ease/flow with Aquarians (my favourite, thus far) & those that hit on that axis. As for water, I have none in my chart & can only assume I’m trying to create balance in my life (I DO have Libra Moon, after all). Right now, I’m in the midst of an on-again-off-again thing with a Capricorn. I love him tremendously & can’t seem to quit him permanently. We are constantly drawn together but, I panic easily & run for the hills constantly. Which he interprets as instability & therefore, won’t commit…which makes me run, & so on. ? I’m also prone to quick decisions, which I feel scares him. But, he won’t quit me either so, we are stuck on this Tilt-a-whirl for now. I’ve noticed I tend to prefer men who are very smart & rather arrogant. I’d say I’m okay with that, so long as they don’t try to control me, we’re good.

  39. Interesting stuff. I’m still trying to figure it all out. Man I loved the most is a Capricorn with a Taurus moon and Libra ascendant that is conjunct my Uranus and trine my sun.

  40. I’m have a weakness to earth signs like woah! Air are strictly friends, water signs are impossibly attractive and yet impossibly elusive, and fire signs are simply a no-go. Yes, we do attract the same types contingent upon on what our Venus or Mars requires. My Mars is in Taurus so it’s a hapless cause. ?

  41. I’m not sure if the word compulsion always applies, it seems there are different reasons why people are attracted.
    If there is repetition maybe it’s because a person likes the energy/style of a sign. But if the combo didn’t work, and as suggested by Glenn, the next time around perhaps it’s a good idea to check out out whole chart and see if the dynamics might repeat.
    For my part (Leo Sun, Aqua moon, Libra Asc), I’ve been comfortable with Leos, physically very attracted to Libra and nuts about Sadge (incl physical). Can’t stand earth signs. Had one very bad experience with a Taurus and Scorpio is a no-no. Nothing very compulsive in all that, just some sort of general compatibilty.

  42. I repeated the pattern until I freed myself. They were the same in some ways, like sizz-a-ling. I tried something else and really did not know what to do with it. I think I had already changed but had to look in the mirror of where I used to be. Aargh!!! I was having a relationship with myself. Aaargh again. I can’t imagine being in a relationship again.

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