I only want what I don’t have.
For the longest time, I thought I needed a steady relationship to make me happy. Now that I have that, I miss being single. I find myself resenting my man, and I don’t want to have to hate him. I feel like I’d be stupid to throw this relationship away. He’s a wonderful man and no one has treated me as well. But I am just cranky and spiteful whenever we’re together.
What’s wrong with me?
I feel for you.You have is a complex problem and you’re right. This guy is irrelevant. Your struggles are internal and he’s just standing there. It won’t matter if he stands there, stands on one foot, or stands on his head, you’re going to suffer until you take some action that’s fairly dynamic.
This is not a forum where I can analyze your situation in depth, but I can isolate what I think is causing you the most grief and perhaps offer you a some direction.
Mercury in your chart is highly, HIGHLY stressed. Mercury rules the mind and look at you. You’re thinking is hideous. Hideous meaning it’s creating all this chaos and pain for you. You want to think your thoughts but you’re hindered (Saturn) and tortured (Pluto). Not only that, there are too many thoughts to think(Jupiter)!
You need to get a handle on your mind. You’ll have to control it to some extent… get it working for you. I would recommend you get a therapist. TALK therapy, not a drug. Because your mind…it’s one hell of an instrument, if you can just learn to play it.
So see if you slow yourself down and think about your thinking. Not what you think, but how you think. And why you think the way you do. Because your chart suggests a formidable intellect, if you can just tame it.
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