Couple Has Great Chemistry – Breaks Up Anyway

chemistryHi, Elsa

I feel energy and chemistry in relationships, very strongly. It’s either there or it’s not. However, what baffles me is if you feel completely at ease with someone, romantically, and the energy is fantastic coming and going both ways. The other person acknowledges the strong connection… and then the other person decides to walk away without much of an explanation. Baffles me and sidelines every time it happens – it has happened twice in the last month.

Virgo Sun/Aquarius rising/Aquarius moon
Canada

Hi, Virgo.

This must be frustrating but there are a number of reason it happens. You’re flummoxed because you are expecting the person you’re involved with to react to stimuli or some experience or scenario, in the same way you would.

In reality, the odds this would happen are virtually nil. This is because people are individuals who feel independently, want or don’t want certain thing. They also weigh and measure things using their own systems.

“Strong chemistry” means one thing to you. Chances are, you don’t really know what.  Does it mean you should marry? Head in that direction? Have sex?

“Strong chemistry” to another person may not be what they’re looking for. Seriously!  People are odd  and they have their own filters.

You should also consider age. What a person is looking for when they are twenty tends to change when they are thirty or forty or fifty. Also, if a person has had a couple of divorces, they probably don’t want to have a third; chemistry is barely a factor!

As for the lack of explanation when ending a relationship, this is usually done to either spare a person’s feelings or to avoid a fight or conflict.  Let’s look from the other person’s perspective.

Let’s say I want to break up with you. Yes, there is chemistry, but you drain me.  If I explain this to you, or try to, you’re likely to be hurt and you can’t “fix” it.  Maybe I don’t want to go through the drama.

People are often blind to their faults. They also tend to deny reality, particularly nowadays. If you want someone to explain why they are leaving a relationship, it’s up to you to make it “okay” for them to tell you.  Otherwise, why would they?

I’m sorry this has happened to you, twice. There may be something you’re missing. Maybe you can look for that thing.

Good luck.

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Couple Has Great Chemistry – Breaks Up Anyway — 15 Comments

  1. It is true that not everyone is after romantic chemistry, particularly the mature aged, who have lived long enough to know that unfortunately this fizzles out. And then what are you left with?.
    Solid friendship, shared goals and values are what create a long lasting relationship. Of course butterflies, nervous giggles and chemistry is great fun, but this alone is not enough.

      • I am that person! Actually I should have been clearer…one was in May; one end of July. I think it’s very possible, as it happened to me. Everybody has different energies that impact differently. Nothing is exactly the same. As for thinking about it, Elsa….I do. And I like the fact that I can discern what is what and who is who and how they affect me.

        • Should look at transits from outer planets to natal Venus or progressed Venus. If nothing else happened, means that 7th Lord was badly aspected or not involved.

  2. Hi Elsa, I was born on the 01/09-1970 @5:30am in Malindi Kenya and dating a woman born on the 18/06-1962 at 11:55am in Hamburg Germany. We have been talkimg through phone calls and internet for last seven months but not yet met.She seems to be serious with the relationship as dar as she is asking for marriage when we meet.Do you think this can make a good couple? Please help.

  3. I don’t mean any disrespect whatsoever but the fact it happened twice in one month would suggest to me that you barely knew these two people and must have had very little experience of them. Yes, I’m sure you felt some connection and chemistry, and you’re lucky you were able to experience that with two people in just one month. People often go years without meeting anyone they’re remotely interested in. But I don’t think you had enough time either to discover the things about these people that you’re not compatible with. You sound like the optimistic type, seeing the good points in people. Maybe you’re attracted to the more somber and serious types who are more quick to spot the negatives!

    • I’d be curious about Natal Venus and Progressed Venus, aspects to and house position. Those with Venus square Uranus can fall in love at the drop of a hat – go look at Elsa’s thread on the topic and read through replies from countless who have been there.

      I have P Sun approaching Natal Venus, and with a Leo stellium, I’m never short of social invites. However when it comes to attraction, it’s like lighting trying to strike an equally fast moving object. It rarely happens. Totally abhor the idea of being carted away by whims of fancy. I have Venus Saturn and regardless of transits, that seems to apply.

  4. I’ve been going through similar ordeals.

    We’ve been friends/dating on and off for going on 4 months now. We tried a relationship. It only lasted about 3 days because they realized they didn’t want commitment after ending a 5 year relationship over a year ago. Yet we still talk every day; occasionally talking about doing sexual things and hanging out. Feelings are there for both of us. Mine more so his, I think. But he’s also mysterious because although he’s honest, he has a hard communicating how he exactly feels. I think he detaches from his feelings, seems them as irrational. He likes being in control and I think feelings make him feel out of control. I’m glad we are friends. He’s literally becoming like a best friend to me. We talk about everything and anything and I never feel judged etc. but part of me knows we could be something great romantically. He knows this too, saying he wished he met me later in life and that he can’t get control over his wants and desires. Desires me, but wants to be free. I’m not sure if I should wait it out and have hope that someday we could be together or just move on, date other people and if I end up with someone then it’s his lost? But what if it’s my lost too?? I say that because I haven’t felt this way about anyone in years since my ex that ended back in 2014. I’ve dated since then but just all surface. Only really had 1 relationship since 2014 and it didn’t last long either. I ended it. This one is actually more depth than surface which is what I ultimately want. But I’m a bit confused so I’m trying to detach my feelings for him and the situation and just not think about love and relationships at all. The thought of being with someone has been bringing me down these days.

    Him: Virgo/Leo cusp Sun, Scorpio Moon, Cancer Venus, Libra Mars, Leo Asc
    He’s a complex individual, he confuses me at times but at the same time, I *get* him

    Me: Cancer Sun/Moon/Venus, Taurus Mars, Libra Asc
    I’m an emotionally complex individual myself which he admires

    He’s more rational while I’m more of a dreamer, but it works. The chemistry is magnificent. He just doesn’t want that emotional connection now yet is still trying to hold on to me saying things like “I don’t want you to disappear forever” after we got into it big once. Not sure how to feel. I’m conflicted

    • Can’t really say what’s going on without looking at your synastry chart but if I were to hazard a guess, from the placement of your planets, I’d say you have a role-reversal situation going on: His Venus possibly conjunct your Cancer stellium, his Hades Moon opposite your Mars. Basically it’s his female planets aspecting your male planets so unless you wanna take the lead in this, the way the male-animal usually does…

      I don’t know whether his Mars falls in your 12th or 1st, but if it does your 1st, that’s where the sexual attraction comes from. To know if there is anything here, I’d look to see if there’s any Saturn from him to your personal planets. I’d check to see transits against his progressed and natal chart, and likewise for you.id look at your midpoint composite and Davison. I’d go so far as to look at his most recent Solar Return and match eclipses against his natal chart. Does that sound like a lot? Not if you know if you feel as strongly about him as you say you do.

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