Controlling Your Temper

My husband has Saturn opposite his Mars natally and has always been a dangerous fellow.   There was evidence of this in 1st grade when some kid stole his coffee-milk in his Bonanza thermos. He spotted the kid with his thermos which prompted him to run down the tables in the lunchroom and beat the kid with all his might. I wouldn’t say that he has ever been a bully but he’s definitely someone you’d not want to provoke and I think this quality is innate, the same way I have a blabbing mouth.

Last night I asked him when he felt he really got control of his temper. He said he learned to control his temper in the Army, which means he did not learn to control it in the Air Force or in the Marines.  It was not until he got into Special Forces that he really was taught and trained to manage his destructive potential which would have been around the time of his Saturn return. It made me question whether or not I have control of my own temper and I can’t really say that I do.

If you can find an extreme example of something, it’s easy to apply it to a milder version and this is a good example of that.  While I am hardly pecan pie or jello to deal with when I am angry, my husband is on the far end of the continuum.  Let’s see. I broke my sister’s nose when I was a kid. He ran his brother over with car!

I realize if he’s been taught an effective technique that allows him to have command of his energy, the same methods would probably work for me. After our conversation last night, I think I will raise my game on this.

It’s not that my temper runs amok.  It’s just not fully controlled or channeled and I see that if I move in this direction, I will squander less energy. Less energy wasted, leaves more energy available for other pursuits and that sounds good to me.

Do you control your temper?

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Controlling Your Temper — 29 Comments

  1. For the most part, yes. Mars in Pisces helps A LOT on this front (Yay! a positive Mars in Pisces thing!!)

    When I run into trouble on the control front, it’s usually my Aries Moon. But as I’ve said before, it’s kind of a “Fizz Pop!” situation, so if I get in early with the breaks & hang in there for a little while, I’m usually ok.

    I think it’s also a maturity thing. I used to go off like a rocket when I was younger. I know myself better now =)

  2. Not sure I ever will..lol Its better than when Pluto was in Sag. But I have mars in hard aspect to moon and jupiter. What is that big ego and irritability….I also have mars in flowing aspect to pluto as well, So I am not afraid of a fight. Thankfully mars and neptune keeps me so spaced out that sometimes I forget to repond to the provocation……..LOL

  3. I learned to control my temper at about 16. I think it’s a positive thing to control your temper- your outward reactions. Unfortunately, I also denied/controlled/subverted my anger as part of the package,it was justified anger and squashing it hasn’t made it go away, as it was justified. It has made it turn into depression, that bubbles up into frustrated anger. I’ve had this experience in a few different situations in various parental, sibling, friend & S.O. relationships.
    Maybe *too* much control.

  4. Yes I do (Mars Rx in Cancer conj Saturn) with friends, partners and formerly with family…
    But I do tend to run off at the mouth at strangers who are acting like jerks, eg really bad driving, queue jumping, and generally inconsiderate stuff. I’ll snap at them… then it’s gone.

    When I ever do really lose my temper it’s pretty cataclysmic. I’ve never thrown or broken stuff though 😉

  5. Yes very much so. I learned as a teenager that I have a snapping point after which I black out and say very hurtful things (according to those who have witnessed this). Not wanting to reach that point forced me to learn to control and dissipate my anger when necessary.

  6. Still learning, but it builds up when people cross the line. I haven’t gotten to the point where I can just say, “you’ve crossed a line, don’t do x” I get livid and once my mouth is open, that’s it. Uranus-Mars…I’m defintely trying to find a way around this. I try to be creative in my daily life and exercise to let off steam, but it comes out of nowhere and throws me off. I have a friend who never has a temper, and he says to just avoid the arrows…I still don’t understand what that means. How?

  7. I dated an ex-SAS Vietnam Vet in my twenties, he used to say “Vengeance is mine sayeth the Lord: but not if I get there first”. Some say anger is your defense against boundary violations, so I suppose you have to figure out what are boundaries and what are prison walls.

  8. i work on it but i need more work
    prefer to be in control of the energy rather than the other way around, but one way or the other, it’s got to move…mars in cancer here…the hurricane images hit ‘home’

  9. I’d like to say I’ve never been in a fight, but I just remembered one day when my elementary school tormentors (two girl bullies) caught up with me alone after school. They threw the first blows, they actually hit me in the face!

    That was when I discovered I have a helluva mule kick. I remember shouting “Two against one! Boy that’s fair!” I kicked this pair to the curb. Never had to do it again.

  10. Elsa where is ur Husb Saturn/Mars…?
    ive got that aspect with Leo Saturn on the 12th squaring Taurus Mars on the 9th.

    ive learned to control it since youth,one day at a time… used it on heavy weight lifting and such… ive always feared i could kill a man, without knowing when to stop, i had fights i could never win, but avoided those i was sure i would win. I have huge issues with my bro, as he spanked me since i was 10 till around 17, i never hit him on the face. Somehow i loved to get hit, for my resistance, but when i was finally stronger, around that time, i had a last fight, where i didnt put him to sleep in a jiu-jistu chockehold, i felt pity for him. Ever since he never tried anything physical again.

    Maybe its my Taurus mars that holds me, and my Leo Saturn that loves the show… where showing i have the power/self-control is better than putting on practice.

  11. thx Elsa… just reminded me that my mars square satrun, is part of a Grand square with 6th Aqua Moon opposing Sat and squaring Mars. Things take a emotional perspective

  12. Mostly yes. I learned when I was around 23/24… living with my mother after leaving home at 14, and fixing her house… I needed to learn so I didn’t assault her.. haha.

    I have Venus ruled chart: Taurus ASC, and Mars and Merc in Leo, and a lot of trines. I realy don’t like to fight. But I will and when I get hot, I am mad all the way through!

    More than one dude has said “Man you are like a ninja”
    I guess..

  13. I thought I did because I dont throw things or scream and yell anymore. I don’t even feel building rage inside most if the time. The thing I noticed is that this can-become burried or stuffed. So it’s still there but festering. I have a 6th house scorp moon and a 12th house mars. So it’s important to recognize what I’m stuffing and down load it … Get it out where it can do no harm. If I dont it manifests as illness most often now. I use 12th house ways(mediatation etc) to help my emotions and health (moon 6th house health things)

  14. My South Node is on Aries over the 8th… maybe thats why i balance myself with Libra.

    By 1980, Pluto had conjunct my NN 3x (Direct,Rx,Direct)… i was 3yrs old when it made that last conjunction. Natal Pluto 11º26’/ Natal NN 20º32′ (both Libra). That probably made deep transformations towards my libra Values/Side right?

    in the same year i was born (1977) i had a Saturn sextile Libra NN.
    Just after i made 5yrs old, Saturn did the conjunction 3x (Direct,Rx,Direct)… no wonder i was so quiet, to the point not talking to own relatives.

    Pluto will soon make a square to NN… idk what to expect.

    I talk about this NN’s aspects, as SN is in the 8th Aries, and that probably made me control my Saturn square Mars, once i realize aggressive behavior is part of my past life’s… and my 9th Taurus side will always symbolize a 2nd/8th axis, strengthen me towards a taurus point, rather than a Scorpio one (8th).

  15. not as well as i should. i tend to suppress it or lose track of it….
    i could use some tips and tricks, really.

    mars in pisces not so very good for me. it erupts out of nowhere when it appears. never mind the square to neptoooon…
    on the angles 😛

  16. mars pisces not so very good as in… not easy to control. suppress/repress/deny/sidestep/evade, yes. but not control. and there are limits to how slippery i can be when it erupts.

  17. Aries Sun. Short fuse. It’s the holding it in then exploding… usually about something that is really not life threatening! Mars in Cap but the Nep Libra ascendant and Sun in Aries in the 6th ..crazy!
    I was just thinking of Shirley McClain and her character in Steel Magnolias: I am not a B*itch, I’ve just been in a bad mood for 25 years…

  18. I have Mars square Mercury (as do 2/3 of my children). I have a verbal temper and lash out that way when I’m angry… very cutting and sarcastic. I don’t have control over it but my Mars is 1st house Taurus so it doesn’t happen often and it’s over pretty quickly.

  19. I have Mars conjunct Saturn. I lose my temper now and again, but it doesn’t usually last long.

    Today, however, I was provoked and lost my temper big time. I actually managed to control my mouth, though, and didn’t make the situation worse. But I’m in a fight with a family member and who knows how long it will last.

  20. Most who know me would say ‘no’, but they underestimate me. Um, hello; this IS me, controlling my temper. Hey, I’m a redhead AND a Leo…but I also have Merc./Leo, trine Jupiter/Aries. Mercury/Leo also opposes Saturn/Aqua. I reserve the most scathing blowouts for transgressions against my kids, though. The highest compliment anyone ever paid me was “I pity the poor motherfucker that ever tries to get between you and one of your kids.” This person knows me very well. : )

  21. I’ve got the same aspects as your husband Elsa (Cancer Mars opposite Saturn in Capricorn sq Mercury in Aries) but not the same houses, maybe.

    I do have a temper and it’s a struggle to control it. If I were a guy I don’t know that I’d still be alive. Being female and all of 5′ I come across more as an ankle biting chihuahua than anything else. I really don’t like not being taken seriously but that’s just not gonna happen until i control my self better. I do try.

  22. I have a friend who has a gorgeous chart. I mean, it took my breath away! It’s so beautiful, two grand trines in Air and she’s a Pisces. Such a beautiful, amazing person. She’s the most amazing human being I’ve ever known.
    But her Mars is at zero degrees Gemini, involved in a grand trine with Pluto in Libra and Venus in Capricorn. And when I tell you this person loses her temper, I mean stand back and take cover. This little pistol loses her temper like OJ on a bad hair day. I’m not exaggerating, she gets mad. And she’s ruled by Mercury so she’ll throw anything that’s already in her hand.

    It’s a very unexpected contradiction that defines her personality. When her Mars is not engaged, she’s the calmest most compassionate person alive. Heh.

  23. My usual state of being is frustration. I am impatient and anxious. I consciously make the decision to be slow and deliberate (Aries Mars conjunct Moon and South Node, yet trine Sag Saturn).

    My anger has historically been directed at myself. When it kicks in, it quickly dissipates if someone (anyone) takes the time to actually HEAR me. I usually call friends and talk (rapidly) about how pissed I am, and these friends are my sanity (Libra Jupiter 11th, Venus in Gemini).

    What gets me most angry are people who misunderstand and judge others, but won’t take the time to research or try to comprehend the details, nuances or reasons why the other person thinks as they do.

    I used to work out daily and also pull weeds in the garden. Both helped tremendously. Now, with health problems, I try to walk the dog. Meditation, although excellently helpful, is very difficult for me (Mercury conjunct Uranus).

  24. I’m trying to remember how I got an anger management hypnosis thing on my computer. I’ve just seen it, whilst scrolling through my music on here.

    I used to be much better at controlling my temper. When I heard someone yelling about me on skype a couple of weeks ago, after getting the wrong impression over something going on, I messaged her on FB, and told her what was what, before adding that I was tired of people using my mother as a free therapist, and watching her carry the weight of what was bothering them, whilst they flit off and do whatever they are doing, burden lifted for a while. It seems that I hurt both her feelings and those of my cousin (she showed him the PM, even though she had no business doing that – and she knew how upset I was). I’m not used to this, but it was also something I’d wanted to say for a while. :/

  25. I can literally count the number of times I have been overcome by anger in my life, and I say ‘overcome’ because it is always a surprise to notice my body is shaking like a leaf before I realize I’m mad. (Mars in Cap 4th, Saturn cj Venus in Scorpio opp Taurus 8th Moon.) Lots of parental anger ‘issues’ growing up. I biffed a kid who was badmouthing my siblings when I was fairly young and I threw a drink at the wall during a ‘romantic’ tiff once, but that’s pretty much it. I’ve got Mars square Mercury and I can say some pretty nasty crap when I get het up but I keep a tight leash on myself otherwise. I survived an attempt on my ‘virtue’ and life at gunpoint alone in a faraway place and spent about a year plotting serious revenge but it’s true what they say about ‘a dish best served cold’ and I let it pass. I have surprised myself though. I was on my way home from work one day and stepped out onto a crosswalk with the green light when some SOB pulled his car up so close he almost clipped me. Next thing I knew I was in the air executing a perfect ninja sideways kick of both my highheeled spikes right into his grille, and I landed and kept on walking without missing a step or my gait. I totally amazed myself. Anger is a heady draught.
    I do agree with Violent Hour Muse, that ‘you have to figure out what are boundaries and what are prison walls’ because my Saturn/Venus cjn in the 2nd has left me an emotional doormat for most of my life, where a good dose of anger here and there might have made all the difference. Of course, it’s that Saturn fear of standing up for yourself, thinking you’ll lose love; sadly, in the end, all you lose is your self-respect.

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