How important is it to have a Best Friend in your life?
I’ve “had” three in my life so far. Second one dumped me on/off like a rock for another girl, simply cause their boyfriends are really close. I tried my best to at least be there for her when she needed it, but of course all in vain. Our ties broke for real cause she accused me of “stealing” her two boys. She knows me long enough to know I DON’T STEAL MY FRIEND’S BOYS (personal rule). My heart was broken cause of her mistrust and hatred to me.
I took the longest time to heal from the mistrust issue. I disbanded the whole “Best Friends” concept – it’s bullocks! It’s a BIG thing/issue and a total taboo in my world.
Then in comes No. 3 – the most unlikely pairing – knew since high school but never close at all then. I put my foot down on labeling the “Best Friend” title to her. I thought long and hard about it. I hate giving a title to someone who will eventually slip away from me. Everyone whom I think are stable in my life always leaves. But… finally I gave her the benefit of the doubt. She was extremely happy.
All was merry until I screwed it up. I had family problems – she got a new beau. I needed her support during my dark, lonely, depression hours and she disused me, even with a straight out request for help. I felt abandoned. My heart closed again and I tried to cut ties with her. She got irritated at my emo-ness. I got angry at her ignorance. Then, we grew apart.
I hated the concept of “Best Friends” again, vowing that the title was OVERRATED and the BIGGEST LIE a con artist create. I take people I meet as acquaintances and only those proven otherwise are dubbed friends under my book. Yes, I overthink things. The thing is, I take friendship very seriously cause I never got many when I was small. I treasure them.
I still crave that “best friend” safety net. Someone whom I can confide to and deeply trust and can be myself without worrying if revealing myself would be a bad idea. I miss my 3rd ex-Best Friend the most. Does she miss it? Doubt. She’s the kind who can make friends whenever she wants. I talked to her about it – we end up arguing. “Past is past” she told me. ‘Cause of this, I can’t even converse with my other classmates properly. I feel like an alien when I’m with them.
We’re starting to be friends again – only cause (to put it bluntly) I agree to do what she wants: basically make her happy. If not, she doesn’t even know I exist. It’s bullocks and unfair!! I’ve always had to work to maintain friendships!! They never put in effort: “I have more friends to spare.” ERGH!!
My question to you is this: What defines “Best Friend”? How can I open my heart again? Should I keep a glint of hope about this or just be merry with others but no Best Friend obligation to anyone ever?
Mizz Goth Angel
You wrote me 3 times. It’s obvious you want my opinion, so here it is:
You are going to have no problem getting, having or keeping a “best friend” as soon as you decide this is what you really want. Right now, it seems you would rather say “Bollocks!” And it’s cute. That’s very cute, as is your rant on the best friends con game and your drama emo-ness. So I figure this is working for you on some level. You like to be besieged! But if you ever change your mind and actually want to form a friendship that functions, you’re going to have to be a lot more sensitive and lot less ready to amputate and paint the whole thing black.
For example, your friend who had the new beau when you were in crisis? Well turns out, people are human. And if you want to keep your friends, sometimes you have to contain your angst when you see they are preoccupied… in this case with their happiness.
Ask yourself this: why should she come to be miserable with you? Why not you go to be happy with her? Why are you abandoned? Wasn’t she abandoned as well? She got a boyfriend and you cut the rope!
You get the idea. You’ve got Venus in Scorpio conjunct Pluto. You’re got Saturn conjunct your Sun and Moon. As long as you see things through your current lens, I guarantee you that every relationship you have will fail and disappoint you. But you’re a Double Sagittarius! So perspective to the rescue! And here’s a short tale to show you how this works…
One of my close friends goes up every time I go down and vice versa.
“How are you?” she asked me yesterday.
“I figured you probably were. I figured you were doing better because I took a dive…”
This never fails. So think about that.
I don’t expect her to mourn just because I’m hurting. She is empathetic and compassionate but she still goes on her hot date, you know?
And if I were you, I’d dump her for that. I’d call myself, betrayed! But instead, I understand my friends are having lives independent from mine and simply can’t be on call for my black mood, 24 hours a day. And it goes both ways of course. I am allowed to have fun while they suffer as well.
So like I said. If you can learn to do this, you will have no trouble at all coming up with an inner circle (Scorpio)… a stable (Sadge) of loyal friends. And if you want to call one of them “best”, then you right ahead! 🙂