Dear Elsa,
I am in a relationship with a Pisces man. I am a self confessed commitment-phobe, but I am very, very conscious that “enough is enough”. I am tired of hurting others and myself. I want to commit and have a meaningful relationship.
I want to know how I can relax and achieve this. I am not saying that he is “the one” but I don’t want to throw this away either. I used to have it in my head that if it was the “right one” then my attitudes towards commitment would change. Now I don’t think that’s true and it has to come from me.
How do you think I should go about this, and do you think this current relationship would be helpful to me??
Many thanks for your help.
Commitment-Phobe Who Wishes To Reform
United Kingdom
Dear Phobe,
You have an extremely challenging chart as far as settling into relationship goes… and delineating the entire chart is beyond the scope of this column. But I can offer some tips on how you can start to progress towards your goal (that I think others can benefit from as well).
The way you’ll solve this is by getting to know yourself very, very well. So that means, forget about your Pisces man for the moment. Because he could be anyone. You can put anyone in his slot and you are still going to be you – and what I want you to see, is yourself.
To do this, you will have to pay attention. How do you feel when you have urges to bolt? Are you bored? Do you feel you could do better? Get a better man? Is some single friend out having a good time?
Are you sick of the sexual demands? Is it all just too much trouble? Is the reality of a relationship that you have to sustain just not as interesting as the startup of a new one? Do you wonder if the next sex (with a new partner) might be better?
I could go on and on and you should. Try to figure out what is triggering you. Try to understand how you tick!
Because it really is about you, ticking independently from what the other person does. Don’t forget that. Pisces man, Libra man, Scorpio man, Leo man. You are still going to come up with these feeling of disillusionment. But if you can gain awareness of how this constellates, you will be in a position to try to work with them. It’s just like anything else you want to change.
Say you’re afraid of public speaking, so you avoid it. But now you’re in your 30’s and want to master it. So you face your fear! And as you walk up to the podium to speak you’re going to want to bolt! But you remind yourself you’ve taken a new path for x, y and z reason and you continue to the podium, step up and make your speech.
And for a commitment-phobic who wants to be in relationship, it’s the same. You will have the impulse to leave but you can override it if you decide you want to move forward more than you want to go ’round and ’round and ’round.
Good luck.
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