My recent post, Saturn in Aquarius and Toxic Relationships, got a lot of discussion going. This is great! But it became clear that I need to clarify my position. I am not in favor of holding on to terrible relationships! I am in favor of reassessing our ideas about what constitutes a terrible relationship.
When I first started consulting, the questions I saw most was someone asking me is there was any way to continue holding on to something awful. They were looking for ways to continue to stay in truly appalling conditions. Come hell or high water, they were determined to endure.
Now I see something very different. I see people who get annoyed by their partner, or whose partner has displeased of disappointed them in some way. They come to me asking why they shouldn’t cut their partner off right then and there.
In both cases, my job is the same. I help put the incident(s) in context and help you determine where your boundaries are and how best to enforce them. Sometimes that means leaving. Sometimes it doesn’t. But you’ll notice that it doesn’t include putting up with toxic shit!
But here’s what I know deep in my heart: Sometimes you have to let people suck. Because they will. Everyone will disappoint you in some way over time. And, in turn, we will disappoint others as well. But if you want to have relationships that last a lifetime, you have to make room for other people to grow, to change, to go through phases, and yes, to suck. And if you’re lucky, they’ll do the same for you.
Do you cut people slack? Can you think of a time someone cut you slack in return?