Doesn’t everyone belong
In the arms of the sacred?
Why do we pretend we’re wrong?
Has our young courage faded?
Shots were fired on the street
By the church where we used to meet
Angel down, angel down
But the people just stood around
Right now, the nation is reeling from tragedy after tragedy, and none more than my own community. From hate rallies to deadly weather events to senseless slaughter, my little city has experienced so much pain. And what has struck me throughout all of it is the incredible strength and compassion I’ve seen each and every time. What is it about this kind of horror that somehow brings out the best in us? And why does it sometimes seem to fade so quickly?
To me, this is a Chiron phenomenon. Chiron, of course, is the wounded healer, and it represents our permanent wound, as well as the way we provide healing to others. It seems to me that Chiron’s effectiveness has to do with the immediacy of the wound.
Most wounds, thankfully, heal. Maybe not fully, maybe not without scars, but at a certain point we are able to get up and get on with living. But Chiron wounds don’t operate that way. They never scar, they never heal over. We never get to put up our boundaries and say, “Thank goodness that’s behind me.” No. Chiron wounds stay raw and wet and sticky. They are with us every day, soft and vulnerable. And therein lies our strength.
One of life’s painful realizations is that compassion and empathy are often born of pain. It is difficult to truly comprehend suffering until we’ve experienced it ourselves. And that experience, for most of us, motivates us to help others going through the same thing.
Each of us has a personal tragedy. I don’t mean the tragic things that have happened to us, but rather an innate pain, a way that we simply do not fit with the world. It’s the little child in us, bewildered and hurt, the tiny voice that says, “But all I wanted was…”
In my own chart, Chiron is conjunct the Moon in Gemini. I have always had pain around feeling heard and validated when sharing emotions. “All I wanted was to be understood.” It is a wound I carry with me always. Because of this, I try so hard to understand others. I must say some version of “I get it, I understand, I know how you feel,” at least 20 times a day. Because the pain is immediate. It’s always right beneath the surface, and I can never, ever forget what it’s like to feel small and alone at the exact moment comfort is needed most. This is what drives me. This is what makes me a great astrologer.
As much as I’d like to think that my skills would remain intact even if this wound were somehow resolved, I know that’s not true. Eventually the pain would become ephemeral, abstract, a memory. I might still understand, but it wouldn’t be the same.
So with our collective tragedies, like the ones we’re grieving right now, the question is, how do we keep the compassion alive? How can my community, the nation, humanity as a whole, keep our wounds raw enough to continue to inspire change, but healed enough to live and rebuild? How do we become the wounded healers the world needs?
Right now, Chiron is in Aries. So I’m guessing a lot of these violent mass deaths from the perpetrator (s) are from the perpetrator’s wounds.
Very timely and great writing, Midara!
Midara, I understand why Elsa has added you to her team. : -)
Thank you for writing this.
That is beautifully written Midara, thank you! And of course it is personal to every single person, so it is touching. I do not know the answers to your questions, though I think a good start would be for society to stop defining everyone else by the actions of the few. These folks do not represent the great heart of humanity. At heart, I truly believe most of us want the same things . . .
I don’t think people truly see each other anymore. They see everyone through a filter and make assumptions. Or fail to try to understand. We all like to put each other into boxes.
This is how I feel, at least. Of course, Chiron is in my 1st.
I have a pet peeve about the “boxes” thing. Human language and logic categorizes and defines thing. The human brain judges and naturally puts things and people into “boxes” all the time. It’s nothing new. Few people do not describe or define other people to themselves (i.e. “a brown haired tall man”). Human and animal minds are also trained to assess oncoming stimuli to be aware of threats. Only when you’re on shrooms it seems does the brain not filter and attach differing importance to oncoming stimuli. Things are categorized to make sense of them. People aren’t all Aquarian and the Aquarian battle is a losing one. I’m pretty sure every friend you’ve had, something about them attracted and interested you on first glance. I do judge people and I love to be proved wrong (in a good way) about who they are or what their motivations are.
You’re right but I wasn’t really talking about that part of it. I agree that as you get to know someone your understanding of them can change, but I have experienced it when it hasn’t. I’ve experienced people making assumptions about me, but when my behavior shows something different, that initial assumption sticks anyway. It’s not being seen and it sucks. It’s very Chiron in the 1st, which is why I added that little disclaimer. 🙂
I see, dolce. That is a sad frustrating thing 🙁
Being seen is so fundamental to many of us, we crave it. I was watching Pete Holmes talk about it. If I remember, you have a stellium in Cancer? This is so fundamental to this sign, I think. Being able to be vulnerable with someone. To let yourself be fully yourself. I’ve lived alone in the past because who could understand my weird morning shit I do..
“I’ve lived alone in the past because who could understand my weird morning shit I do..”
Made me smile – I feel this way about myself too!
Yes, I do have that sensitive stellium. Once I’ve made myself vulnerable it’s hard to feel misunderstood.
I totally get your “weird morning shit” comment, haha!
Chiron in Aquarius just short of the Pisces Asc. in the 12th. An exact trine to my Gem Sun in the 4th but square a Sag moon in the 9th. My wound is unseen by me, maybe subconscious. I wonder if a past life regression would be useful.
All I wanted was to be special. (Sun/Chiron in the 5th.) I hear you. I tell people how good they are and how to use their strengths.
Also this post made me be like :O .. what degree is your moon, if you don’t mind me asking?
I’m having several Chiron transits lately including Jupiter opposition Chiron. Also Saturn will hit my moon again. That ol cryin on your dick in the bathroom feelin (I don’t have a dick, not that it matters.)
Would be nice if I could just cry for me.
Kri, I’ve resonated with your comments on several posts, particularly this one and the one about the talent of millennials (pluto in scorp & neptune-uranus in cap). Makes me wonder if you are a frustrated musician (or artist) too? I also have Chiron in my 5th and my Sun next to the cusp. What year were you born?
Thanks, Macateta. I’m a frustrated.. writer? Maybe journalist? I don’t know what to think. I’m having my Mars Pluto transit, not much special destiny stuff is coming up for me. Also having loads of Chiron transits right now, Sun square Neptune, and Moon Saturn. Just don’t know which end of my ass is up. I made a really beautiful circle of people around me during the majority of my Venus/Mars Pluto transit, but lately seem to be doubting and pulling away from everything, not really writing either. I am trying to choose some day job thing that matters, but none of it is easy.
I at least want to be around people who didn’t let their plan b swallow their plan a. Most of my people are younger than me and I don’t really care. I have Pluto in Scorpio. I’ll take my inspiration where I can get it. I don’t want to be around people telling me I can’t, but I’m around myself all the time.
I think the song “Mr. Jones” is a rare revelatory “wounded ego blues” song for Sun/Chiron issues. (My 6th house is laughing that it wanted to autocorrect “revelatory” to “regulatory.”) “Man I wish I was beautiful..” that type of thing or “when everybody loves me.. i’d be just about as happy as i can be.” It captures the rather hopeless feeling well. How fleeting the exhibitionist or performative quality of being beautiful is. And how being beautiful and loved is something that can quickly become exploitative, uncomfortable, objectifying.. part of why we protect ourselves by hiding.. or the depression that prevents us from seeing just how high we can fly and what we are worth. Though seeing how high we can fly is important and actually increases happiness, I believe. I’ve never found a better song to convey this problem I have.
I think wounded ego in women isn’t highlighted much or as precisely as it should be. It’s always assumed we feel ugly or not good enough cause we want a relationship with one man. (It’s not always that, sometimes I feel insecure about how others perceive me while dating someone too.. nor do I think one person can assuage my insecurity issues.) Not that we feel sad when no one wants to dance with us (cause we are less worthy) or that no one will ask for our number.. or that our life isn’t a shampoo commercial. It’s not that I want exactly that.. I just don’t wanna feel “less than” every day. Every day I step out and feel this just among random stranger dudes in the world.
My family has always thought of my unfulfilled need for a certain kind of attention as childish. I frequently name check it on the blog because there are so many relationship posts and questions.. for me it’s about being good enough as a woman in general.. I don’t get treated like pretty women do, it’s just that. Not to say that any of us get treated with dignity purely based on our appearance. There is usually some “seen as a t-bone steak” element to it.
Our society nourishes women’s underlying feeling of not being pretty enough.. it fuels the economy. Yet, acknowledging that, wanting many admirers or whatever, sounds childish to grown women. Fuck it, I haven’t found the magic recipe not to pay attention to rejection and people treating me worse cause they don’t like or dismiss my appearance. Rejection is rejection. I am just hypervigilant and notice, then take issue with, many things.
Love this, Kri. Love that song too. Aqua Sun
Thanks, GabrielleB 🙂
As far as keeping compassion alive, I don’t know. It’s quite a question. But, from observation I can tell you that stories, representation, and listening to people is so important. I was watching a Conan segment on Haiti which is a place we sort of have a distancing tendency toward, thinking it’s fucked up and backward. The people come across better educated than us and really warm. Meeting new types of people tests our assumptions.
I used to be more transphobic, I’ve had a couple of strong conversations and connections with trans men and women who are similar to me in synastry, I could feel how they shine in their truth when they reveal themselves. And how gender dysphoria is about feeling.
Listening is important. Well constructed human stories are important and give light to subjects that have been purposely obscured by media. For instance, I read the news that an ex girlfriend of Chris Hardwick accused him of abuse. This felt different than reading her testimonial. I believe that Awkward Black Girl, Ijeoma Oluo, Black Twitter, and a lot of other outlets are producing relatable and first-person content that people see themselves in. They are shining a light on racism in America specifically by saying how it *feels*. We can get tired of online content essays and thinkpieces, but being put into the author’s perspective is still a powerful tool for understanding, if not misused. The news where we are from is all about misdirection.
Every time I see how a white first person shooter is being portrayed in the media, I replace the person’s name with that of Mike Brown. Mike Brown was not written about the same way Connor Betts is being written about. He is a radicalized far right person, described as a guy with mental illness.
I had an argument with a dude in an army navy store. A Nazi uniform was being displayed prominently in the store (displaying shit prominently is such an SEO technique).. I asked him why. He said it’s a part of history. I said yeah, but explained that permissiveness in discussing far right ideology is causing a lot of neo-Nazis to have no fear about rising up. (My communication style is getting so weird lately.) He’s right that censorship is bullshit. But, I realized upon leaving that he could stock the uniform, but tempting others into the store with it sends a different message. He could have displayed a uniform from any other place. Where is his Pol Pot-era Cambodia uniform? Or his Communist Russia era army uniform? Pretty convinced it was a deliberate move to place it in front.
Sorry I have so much to say, I had coffee. I think Greta Thunberg has some interesting answers to the question of how to stay “uncomfortable” or keep compassion alive.
I stand by the fact that hearing the stories of people involved is crucial for empathy and understanding. I think the tendency to try to hide and stay safe prevents positive change. But when we are pushed too far into a state of discomfort, we can no longer be passive. 🙁
@Kri – I loved your every word here. How to hold compassion, tho?
It is a learned thing. Plenty of practice helps, so does being given many opportunities to feel it, taste it, know it. Com-passion, with the passion for, it’s easy, we can all show it every day, it does catch on and it does take effort, then it becomes natural. Aquarian Sun speaking. . . .
Thanks again 🙂
To be honest, for me I still don’t know. All I am learning is to listen.
I love the picture you chose to go with this post. It conjures up an emotion in me that I cannot describe…
“As much as I’d like to think that my skills would remain intact even if this wound were somehow resolved, I know that’s not true. Eventually the pain would become ephemeral, abstract, a memory. I might still understand, but it wouldn’t be the same.”
This seems like the key to this tremendous post. Chiron always creates stuff for us to chew on and is always so complex I think.
Great column Midara!
No wonder that I find this article interesting. The Sun is opposing my natal Chiron today!
Chiron transits always put in my mind what I can’t do and shit that’s been hard for me or persistent patterns.
What’s been on your mind today, Jayne? Curious.