Cheating Husband – He’s At It Again! Capricorn Woman, Leo Man

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Can you give me some advice? My lying cheat of 20 years has done it AGAIN! It has been ongoing as you can tell.

I have told him it’s over, but I haven’t felt the need to tell him everything I know. It’s my way of having one up on him… I think?

My problem is that my close friends and family cannot be called upon again, as they have been there before and after watching me take him back, I feel they won’t want to know. I haven’t spoken to them and the struggle of going it alone is hard.

I am so god damn humiliated. Before it was always ‘real’ women; this time he is cyber cheating & text cheating. I feel that this is the final proof that he will always do it, at every given opportunity.

Our children are 12, 17, and 18. The two oldest ones have noticed a change in him recently and (again without telling them what I actually know) they have agreed that he may be up to no good. And sadly, they have said they would have no problem with us separating. Our only son told me ‘You’d be a better person without him, he is dragging you down’. How depressing.

Please PLEASE give me strength. The f*ck*r has gotta go. He is a Leo, and has a temper; he’s always turning it around to be my fault, and I’m not keen on confrontation.

Do you have any advice for Capricorns like me who are by nature very faithful?

Married to a Cheat

Dear Married,

He’s not going to go. He’s in a fixed pattern and so are you. He has no apparent motivation or desire to change – so if you want a new movie, you are going to have to be the one takes the responsibility to assert yourself. Because here’s the script:

He is the little boy. You are the Mom. Little boys do things. They misbehave. Moms scold and chastise little boys in an attempt to guide them to adulthood. Most of them make it. But what if you have one of those fuckers that are still living at home at 29 and at 35? What then? Well this is where you’re at.

That Mom with the 32 year old baby boy is entirely complicit, you know. She missed the boat. Should have kicked his ass out when he was 20, 24, 27. Can you see the correlation? And the whole world agrees what needs to be done. Your own children, for godsakes. So if you don’t do something, who can you blame? Him? I don’t think so.

Look. The guy is a Leo who did not grow up. He is with the other women because his bottomless pit ego needs feeding. He needs this kind of validation like other people need food or water and I would not be expecting change any time soon. So what are you going to do? Keep this oversized baby or kick him out?

Well you know what? Most people in your situation keep their baby. But if you do kick him out, I’ll tell you what’ll happen. 99% chance he will find another woman just like you and commence doing what he’s always done. So you see where this leaves you. The only way to win is to cut your losses.

Good luck.

 

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Cheating Husband – He’s At It Again! Capricorn Woman, Leo Man — 15 Comments

  1. You know what you need to do.

    And, your friends and family will be proud of you for trying for a while and now proud of you for letting go. They WILL be there to support you. Just ask!

    Further, let go of the past…the whats and whys…it doesn’t matter anymore. Look forward and build a new Life which you will be proud to Live! Do your work on yourself too-it will make you a better person as well!

    Think strong and Be strong. You children are in support and want you to Respect yourself-it will be a great example for them!

    Ask your friends for support to END this cycle, not for support to continue it. It is up to YOU.

  2. I made the mistake of taking a cheat back. He did it again. Thankfully, I was young enough and had family that supported me the second time it happened. Years later I can say that the guilt of making the mistake of keeping him around has kept me down – way down. Don’t let the guilt of “I gave him a second (or fourth) chance” stop you from telling your friends and family. They love you, they will see the commitment in your attitude to making life happy for yourself!

    Sometime ago I had to face my role in his cheating. It was hard because I changed, changed a LOT after he cheated the first time and it “didn’t work” and that’s when I got to learn that there are serial cheaters.

    You have a different situation. Your response to your husband teaches your children. What do you want to teach your children? To stand up for themselves? To demand respect? To leave when someone cannot meet your needs? To be happy? Let your children’s future give you strength in making a healthier, happier situation for yourself!!

    I think the fact that you wrote Elsa says that you’re ready to make the change!! I hope you discover new aspects of your personality, hope, and new friends in the process!! The very very best of luck to you 🙂

  3. Wow! Ouch! Harsh! & Thank you so much.
    This advice is an eye opener me. All I usually get is, “well… it’s up to you really”, which is a weedy get out from people who plainly have a tv programme to watch, or shopping to do which is far more important to them.
    What I have been needing is a kick up the arse and you guys have delivered it.
    All I need now is the guts to see this through. Me, him & the kids are going on a family holiday soon. We have both agreed not to tell anyone until after this as we travel the day after my youngest’s 13th, and we are going with family friends. The woman in our travelling companions lost her mother about 6 wks ago, so I really want her to have a nice holiday.
    I will keep you updated on the separation process.

    Married
    (That is an odd nickname, coz we’re not married! But it’ll do)

  4. you’d be surprised how loving and supportive family and friends can be, even if they’ve seen the scenario many times before. they may be cautious as far as getting excited about you moving on to a better place, but they care about you and your well-being. they want you to be happy and healhty, you know?

    good luck on the situation. i know it’s a hard time, but it seems clear you know what you want to do and how to do it. so it’s an exciting time, too, because it’s the beginning of a new, more honest life for you. peace out.

  5. His version might be interesting and maybe vastly different but it sounds like she still needs to do what she needs to do.

  6. in real life there are multiple versions to every story. in writing there is one. it’s art. you take each of those one-story deals and string them together and you have a REAL story, the story of the person writing.

    in advice there is one story, that of the person asking. even anonymous web-based persons are real people and when someone says they’d like to hear another person’s version of their story, well, in my experience that stings. are you saying I’m exaggerating? lying or whinging? just what are you saying? cos if you’re saying that and you’re genuinely just interested you should know it’s insulting.

  7. in response to satori’s comment:

    *shrugs* There is absolutely no offense meant by this one, so please don’t take this as an attack, because it’s not, but for all we know, you might be doing any, all, or none of the above. That’s the deal with being on the internet. Yes, you get to be anonymous and post whatever version you want to, true or otherwise. That’s the great part. But by putting yourself out there on a website that allows and -encourages- commentary, moreover one that some people might read only for entertainment, it is entirely reasonable that some objectively minded readers might express a wish for more information before deciding their opinion.

    Especially those of us with Gemini (and probably Libra, although I can’t personally vouch for that) who firmly believe that there are ALWAYS multiple versions of every story, even in advice columns. Because there’s the story of the person writing, the person answering, and then the story of every person reading, as what they read has its effect on their lives, even if the authors remains completley ignorant of these effects.

    -K

  8. PS. And I’d like to express my sympathy to both the writer and anybody who’s ever had to realize they never should have taken that bastard back. Been there. It’s hell.

  9. I’d like to know his side as well! But he’s a liar, so the truth will NEVER be known.
    He is even lies to the women (notice the multiple) he is having text relationships with. I know, I’ve read the texts. And I don’t mean lies like ‘I’m single’, as if that’s not bad enough. I mean great big whoppers which are terribly wrong and I am not ready to share. Thanks for all the supportive & constructive comments from most of you.
    P.S. Me & him both work at the same place, myself, well I was a shift worker, but I got a promotion this week which means moving to days, yeah, you’ve guessed it, the same hours as him. But I’m not gonna leave my well paid job. Why should I?
    I think ‘It’s MY life’ will become my inner mantra.

    Married
    x

  10. Taking theem back you have no peace no trust thats what marriage is all about not money!Have things… but no husband i dont think so been there done it got out doing great!!!!!Life is great again!!

  11. I feel like you are describing my life… We’re a little younger, but the situation is the same… If you’d like to talk, feel free to email… or leave a comment on my blog…

  12. First give thought on whether do you really need him? I think you need him. Why otherwise you would have been asking for the solution. You would have simply dumped him.
    Being Leo man I will help you.
    You need security in your life. You more obessed with negativity of life. He is positive force.
    He need attention. You need love and affection.
    Leo are the only best person who can make you comofortable and bring you out from your regular depressive thought. You remain more obessed with your work and children. Have you ever give attention of him? I am sure, no. All wives particularly capricon after becoming secured in the relation do not bother for hubby. Leo in general very loyal till you ingnore them. Have you ever try to analyse what woman giving him and you are not giving him. The easiest and simple way to change the world is to change ourseleves.
    I think you really need him, start now give him attention, importance. It will benefitted to you more. You will get best love on the earth.
    To brake realtion is very easy who will be in pain? you only. not the people who are commenting to go out of relation. DO not listen to them. Go for him change yourselef for your own benefit. I am sure he will other woman.
    All the best.

  13. I think, irregardless of sign, that blatant disrespect is blatant disrespect…You don’t gain that respect back by staying put, apologizing for HIS behavior and basically being a doormat. You get it by standing up for yourself in a respectable manner and quietly refusing to participate in the games any longer.

    You DON’T get it by: arguing, trying to make him see how he’s treating you, demanding that he stop, begging, apologizing, or clinging to the relationship. These behaviors will only drive him further away and lead to even more disrespect.

    Having been there myself years ago I can tell you; you need to open up the cage and set this one free. He may just come back at some point, someday, but you can’t do it for that motivation or quite simply, you’ll NEVER get him back.

    I say this because he WILL test you. He will test your resolve to see if you’re serious or if you’re just playing a game. He wants to see if the new change in you will last. You’re getting excited about seeing his renewed interest in the relationship is a huge mistake. While he’s testing you, you need to be testing him, because believe me, that’s all it is.

    I say this because he’s going to give you that attention you’ve been longing for, and after having been so lonely and hurt for so long, you’ll be mighty tempted to be affectionate and wonderful and kind and loving….and proceed to lose that relationship for good.

    If you go right back to your ways and set patterns, you’ll have ruined it permanently. He’ll never believe you again.

    He has it good where he is…so he’s going to try every trick in the book to get you both back to that same place. You have to resist him, for months on end, until he gives up and walks away.

    Once he’s been on his own long enough (I’m talking at least a year) AND tells you in no uncertain terms that he’s sorry and realizes that he treated you back AND is willing to work hard at making it work…then, and ONLY then, should you take him back.

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