Scorpio – I’m Having An Affair With A Married Man

Scorpio block print

Dear Elsa,

I’ve been dating a married man for 3 months, and it has become way too serious. For one, I thought it was a mere fling. But now I’m wondering if there is any future with the man? Is it really meant to be?

The problem is I am feeling so guilty to be betraying so many people by cheating with someone’s husband, but I cannot figure out how to end the relationship. Please help me! I am so in trouble.

Young Woman

Dear Young,

Is there a future with this man? I don’t know. Do you want a lying, cheatin’ dog for a man? Considering you’re a Scorpio with Venus in Scorpio, I’m guessin’ no. I’m not going to get on your ass about this because you sound like you’ve got some scruples. And this guy is 10 years older than you and I imagine he’s got you a bit confused. I think he’s got you in over your head. Does that piss you off? I hope it does.

Here’s the thing. When you’re doing something that makes you feel like shit, this is your clue to stop doing it. You almost sound as if you need permission. You sound as if you need to be told it is okay to quit screwing this guy. Well, you’ve got it! You can decide right now to never take my pants off in his presence again.

With that decided, call him up right out of the blue, like this:

Briiiiiiiiinnnnng! Briiinnnnnng!

“Hello?”

“It’s me. You know how I’ve been screwing you for the last three months? Well, I’m done now. I’ve changed my mind. Please don’t call me again.”

*Click.

And if he calls you again, hang up! Because you just told him not to call you, and you owe this guy nothing. But you owe yourself, everything. You owe it to yourself to behave with integrity, and the sooner you begin, the sooner you will heal.

And don’t beat yourself up, okay? Just say “never again”. You’ve got plenty of Scorpio, and I’m sure you can make that stick.

Good luck.

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Comments

Scorpio – I’m Having An Affair With A Married Man — 23 Comments

  1. Love this advice, especially: “When you’re doing something that makes you feel like shit, this is your clue to stop doing it.”

  2. I love your raw truth, it’s so refreshing. Your advice is so clean, simple and easy to follow. You have a good thing going here Elsa.

  3. Right on Elsa!
    Although, it’s not always that easy to stop doing something you know damn well is bad for you..

    We all need a little straight talk once in a while. 🙂

  4. one thing we all have of inestimable value is our integrity – our souls – and it is a joy to hear this kind of advice.
    Elsa – you also seem to know very well how scorpio works – when scorpio is ready to turn around – nothing stops it – and all that is left behind is finished and over in an instant…..

  5. I laughed when I read this. If I were this young lady, it would make me want to date him more with a lot more guilt… it’s extremely difficult for a scorpio to do the RIGHT things. They are free when they are guilt free. I assure you she will give up on her own willingness or she will make him give up his relationship for her… in either case she will not gather enough of the kind of will power when she feels guilty. The right thing for her to do right now is to acknowledge validity of the bonding — doesn’t matter how bazaar it might sound. When she is free of guilt, she has tremendous will power to decide what to do for her own peace of mind.

    Being another scorpio with venus in Scorpio, I don’t have to “cheat,” but I do understand.

  6. I’m sorry but this advice seems naive, to me. Didn’t we learn long ago that “Just Say No” is not a very effective deterrent? Saying no to something that feels good is very, very difficult, even when you know that the “something” is not healthy for you.

    I, too, am seeing a married man and have been for 3 months. It was supposed to be only a fling, but for some reason it has continued. I have asked myself how something can feel so good (and I’m talking about the sex here) and so bad at the same time. I worry about his family and how his wife will feel if she finds out, but isn’t that his job, not mine? Why is it my responsibility to police the married men of the world?

  7. Could never understand why someone would want someone else’s husband/wife. Maybe not feeling confident enough in yourself to get your own? Or maybe this situation is for people who are trying to convince themselves that they want a relationship, but they pick someone who does not belong to them, so really deep down they don’t.

    But I am a Leo, with Venus in Leo, and for me, I am going to be the Queen in our relationship, or there is no relationship. No sharing for me – fuck that.

  8. I could never live with this kind of guilt(betrayer,instrument of betrayal).
    I am loyal to my partner and I strongly believe that other people should be loyal to their partners too.

    (Venus/Pluto Scorpio)
    ____

    ”I worry about his family and how his wife will feel if she finds out, but isn’t that his job, not mine? Why is it my responsibility to police the married men of the world?”

    You are in a relationship with him and you know the(his) situation. So I guess it makes you responsible too!
    _______

    The problem in the world is that people tend to blame each other(pointing fingers) instead of looking at the mirror first!!

    ____

    -Dont do to others what you dont want other do to you

  9. Janey asked:

    Why is it my responsibility to police the married men of the world?

    I don’t believe (and don’t believe Elsa was implying) that it was anyone’s responsibility to police the married people.

    The way I look at it, if I’m going to devote my time and enery to someone, they should also be in a position to make the same decision. To agree to be anyone’s “bit on the side” or “method of detachment from life’s responsibilities” devalues ME.

    If the married person is truly interested in no longer being with the person they are married to, they will get divorced/separated and then start dating. Anything else just shows that they haven’t decided to end their marriage (at least not yet). Again, to allow myself to be involved in this drama would just devalue ME.

  10. “It’s me. You know how I’ve been screwing you for the last three months? Well, I’m done now. I’ve changed my mind. Please don’t call me again.”

    …and then wonder why guys thing girls are mental – tff

  11. To the young woman dating the married man: Run, don’t walk. Every day that passes, it will be harder because your heart – not your head – is telling you what you think you want. He has 10 more years of experience with this sort of thing on you, girlfriend. It’s unlikely you’re his only one…run, run, run! Get some professional help – counseling – to help you break away if you need to, but get outta there!

  12. Its about integrity, and its about self respect. If you don’t love yourself enough to demand a relationship where the person truly loves and is committed to you, then you won’t get it. A cheater is a cheater is a cheater.
    No Janey, its not your job to police the married men of the world, but honey, its the women of the world, the women in your life, who will carry you through the tough spots, not the men. Start respecting those women. You can’t say “well, I’ll try and steal another woman’s man, but you are my friend, so I won’t try to steal yours…” It doesn’t work that way. A thief is a thief is a thief.

  13. Any woman who takes a married man as a lover has got to accept that he is married – ie committed to another: that’s how it is. I believe it IS possible to have a relationship of integrity with a man who is married, but not if the man is ‘cheating’ on his wife, and not if the other woman is working against the marriage.

    That comes from personal experience – and I know it will sound crazy to most of you. It does sound to me as though this man (like most in this living cliche) is a typical ‘cheater’ and not worth the heartache his behaviour is causing

  14. “Hello?”

    “It’s me. You know how I’ve been screwing you for the last three months? Well, I’m done now. I’ve changed my mind. Please don’t call me again.”

    *Click.

    The funniest thing is he’ll probably wonder which one of his flings is calling…;^)

  15. Excellent advice Elsa!

    Brizo, you nailed it.

    Janey
    “I worry about his family and how his wife will feel if she finds out, but isn’t that his job, not mine? Why is it my responsibility to police the married men of the world?”

    I could write a few paragraphs in response Janey, however I will keep it short and simple…

    You have a very interesting stance on the subject, and honesty is the best policy. I don’t think I need to break it down further.

  16. Blessed Place is obviously from a different culture than here in America. Europeans have always been very different in that area from us. Sometimes I think they think we are childish and naive to want to be number 1 in a relationship. But I’m with Dorothy the Leo…. Leo on my 8th with Sun in Libra in the 9th. Guess that’s why I’m ‘high minded’ about this too. I have a Scorpio sister who is similar to what ‘Scorpio with venus scorpio’ describes … I love my sister, but have never agreed with that mindset. My sister has been in a committed relationship for years now.. to a Taurus who would leave her in a heartbeat, if she ever strays… but is also the light of her life. Think about what you might be missing by wasting your time ‘young woman.’

  17. if the marriage were open and the wife knew about the interaction, in the world of polyamory one could maintain integrity & honesty.
    without that, i would suggest one examine how much integrity and honesty are worth to you.
    also, self respect… the chances of the man leaving his wife are next to zero.
    -thus, you may wish to consider what you actually want/need, and whether you think you can actually find it in the relationship.

    honestly, a good thing to consider with any relationship, no matter the specifics of the individuals involved…

  18. If I could ever find concise wording, I’d get t-shirts printed, and sell them.

    Really.

    The gist… So, very much wanting (or, not) a lying, cheating husband, thus, borrowing another woman’s lying, cheating man.

    I’d buy that t-shirt, if someone worded it better.

    Poppy

  19. SCORPIO:

    THE SCORPIAN ASK THE FROG IF HE COULD HITCH A RIDE
    ACROSS THE LAKE AND THE FROG SAID BUT YOU MAY HURT
    ME ….THE SCORPIAN SAID ‘NO I WILL NOT HURT YOU’
    THE FROG AGREED TO LET THE SCORPIAN RIDE ON HIS BACK
    ACROSS THE LAKE AND WHEN HE GOT TO SHORE THE SCORPIAN
    STUNG THE FROG !.. FROG SAID YOU SAID YOU WOULD NOT
    HURT ME ! … SCORPIAN SAID BUT IT IS MY ~NATURE~!!!

    • I heard the frog/scorpion story a little differently. Basically, the frog asks if the scorpion is going to sting him and the scorpion says, “why would I do that? Then we would both drown.” When the scorpion stings him halfway across the pond, the frog asks why and the scorpion says, “I had to – it’s in my nature.”

      In that version, it makes more sense because the scorpion did it knowing he would die and he still couldn’t help himself. It’s a perfect analogy for the self-destructive Scorpio.

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