Here I go into your un-comfort zone (see tag). But this is a very common phenomena. I’m writing about it so people who have experienced this know they have company.
A woman is just going along, dating or whatever. She may be in her 30’s. If a woman has stayed single all her life, by then she often has plenty of sexual experience.
I’m talking about women who go out and play and date around. I know there are some who do not. There are virgins in their 30’s. I know because I work with them all the time.
In whatever case, this other woman (and I have been one of them) is going along with the status quo, staying somewhat oblivious. It seems almost inevitable that eventually she winds up in someone’s bed where she is clearly being used.
The range of what can happen is vast. There are many scenarios. She may meet outright violence but more commonly something occurs the makes her realize she is part of something that turns her stomach.
A man might film her.
A man might flip her around like a piece of meat; handling her in a way that makes her know she’s an object.
You get the idea.
An experience like this is painful and humbling, never mind it can scare the bejesus out of you. People change their lives on a dime after something like this happens, I have seen it over and over and over. The person no longer want to take the risks they have in the past. It leads to deep transformation (Pluto).
Anyone know what I’m talking about? Has this happened to you or someone you know?
Stopping the physical behavior is the easy part. Changing the emotional mindset that led to those behaviors is the hard part. There is nothing worse than a dry drunk.
Yes. Pluto has had it’s way with me, over many years. And my Saturn in the 7th has made me very gun shy and fearful.
Yes, I can very much relate. I just looked up the date to see what the sky was doing that fateful day, and Pluto had just moved into my 12th house, directly opposing my Venus in Aries.
Nothing like that happened to me, which some might find surprising. I was clever, but I also realise I was to some extent lucky. I have very good ‘antennae’ however, and I *used* my psychological skills, turning down some attractive men because I didn’t trust them. I was always looking for intimacy and affection, not for ‘excitement’
I knew women who did go looking for excitement, often in the form of ‘rough trade’ (I knew several gay guys who were into that too). Some got into bad trouble and met with violence – one woman got seriously beaten up by a car full of men and after that she developed epilepsy, strokes and other problems, which led to her death – she set fire to herself accidently.
Yes, it has happened to me – nothing too awful just a realisation that I was being used as a plaything, or a trophy and a sort of challenge. The fact that the man had a very senior position in the company I was working for at the time (he was unmarried) seriously affected me. It tansformed me practically overnight, but not without my confidence taking a serious blow. That was back in 2005 and I have never since been intimate with a man. It’s taken me all this time to come home to me, to really just be who I am and your post is timely – as I was discussing this with a friend of mine today, and told her I was ready now to meet with someone and be part of an honest, real relationship.
All the best
I know what you’re talking about and have seen it happen to others, but I’ve never experienced it.
Either I’ve been lucky or it’s my boundaries: all behaviour is outlined, upfront, before I move and if it goes beyond that then I move to the door. And as some of you are aware, there are proclivities of mine that are on the fringe where things like this can happen almost without warning.
Yeah… luck and boundaries. 🙂 Saved my bacon more than a few times. 😉
I was too young to understand this when it happened to me. Took me 20+ years to get there, but MAN when I did! Whew!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This happened with someone I was in love with, once. At the time, I couldn’t wrap my head or heart around what can only be described as sexual gas-lighting.
It has happened to me. I dated a Cancer man who treated me extremely well at first, then said something akin to ‘I’m falling for you’, then turned on a dime and just displaced all his old female hatred on me at once. I felt like a non-sexual object entirely. I felt like a corkboard for him to stick his issues to. I felt used as a cardboard cutout of a person who meant absolutely nothing.
I’ve had a really hard time since, finding someone I like who also likes me. Someone who isn’t using me to satisfy something in themselves, only to give nothing back. Dating is very difficult. I’ve lost pretty much all motivation to date at all.
Lexie i relate to your comment the most so far. This happened to me last year, only after a string of years of it happening before that with other men. I dont want to get into why, only for now want to share that after that encounter last year where the man took out all his hatred on me, through sex, I decided NOT to date. Im a 25 year old woman, perpetually dating/in bad relationships. After a few months of my singleness, I heard my mother telling her boyfriend
“she can find a man whenever she wants to”
in the most unmotherly voice ever.
I said, I dont want a man, isnt that obvious?
It pained me and rippped my world apart, akin to the abusive sex that made me stop dating and choose to finally heal.
If i could pin one reason why I have been in and out of the psych ward, it would be stuff like this. Never again.
butterflysunbby, I’m sorry for what you went through and very happy you’ve healed. The brutality of a Cancer sun misogynyist is something I’ve experienced and over a decade later it still affects me.
Lexie, I’n sorry for your terrible experience and continue to encounter the same dynamic you mention with men over and over and over who don’t see a woman as a person but someone to take out their insecurities on. I hope it changes for you.
There are many, many scenarios. I just know it is possible to have an encounter that leaves a woman saying, I am going to get off this train.
Thanks to everyone who commented. You’re very brave.
I’ve never had serious violence but I’ve been hurt like that a couple times, especially when I was younger. It’s painful but I never felt it was life-changing — or at least I never felt it was more life-changing than any other sexual encounter.
The thing is sex is karma; the eighth house is a karma house. If someone abuses you sexually eventually they will pay — either through regret, or losing something they value when their behavior catches up with them. I really do believe that if one person violates the contract of intimacy they will eventually feel their own mistake.
I know this is true for all bad behavior, all consequences. But when the behavior is sexual it seems to have a lot more of a charge to it. At the very least it’s really doubtful that any perp is going to walk away from the exchange and live happily ever after.
Are you kidding? I have chiron in the 8th house.
My chart, as far as I know, doesn’t have violent aspects though — so I’ve been physically safe. But hell yes I’ve known men whose only interest in me was to use me… and I had blinders on, couldn’t see it, didn’t want to see it, hoped for something else, hoped it would turn into something else.
Women should trust their gut and instincts when dating. Just because he’s handsome or has job security doesn’t mean he won’t use you or abuse you. But who knows if some women want to be used like this? There are books on how to develop your intuition. I have to get around to it, just because I want to. Not many people have God in their relationships or lives so that spells for trouble and that’s just my opinion.
The problem isn’t always lack of intuition. It’s choosing to temporarily ignore it because uncaring attention is still more seductive than more of nothing.
Thaaaank you so much. This has been an addictive cycle right now that I’ve been thinking of posting about (I’ve talked about it, too). Once a month, bing, another issue! It’s like that Richard Pryor joke about “My parents told me not to step in the dog poopoo. And I’ve been slipping in shit ever since.” It’s formulating a plan to get out of the cognitive cycle that gets me into the impulsive experiences. Of course they don’t call back or want to remember me. It’s so hard to get back when I’ve derailed.
The astrology is what I’m not sure about. Sun/Chiron t square Jupiter Uranus? Getting into impulsive situations that screw me up. Mars in the 12th stationary retrograde (!) biquintile Chiron?
I dont have what you would call instincts…I’ve tried very hard to call on them numerous times and only came back with an echo.
I swear I should have been born male. If someone could help me find my ‘womanly instincts’ I’d be eternally grateful.
@ eva – sound logic, boy I hope you’re right.
Yes, I’ve had this experience on more than one occasion. With Neptune/Mars/Moon conjunction,it has led me into painful, degrading situations (that later I could have regretted) due to unclear boundaries and unclear emotions and those damn rose colored Neptune glasses.
I choose not to regret even tho’ I’ve experienced lots of pain and disillusionment, because these experiences have made me able to help other people so much more. I continue to be a sexual/love explorer, ever optimistic. (Chalk it up to Venus/Jupiter? ;-D )
I would ask anyone who has had a bad experience to look at what it has taught them, to look at the gift hidden inside the shit. There is one, no matter how awful the situation, and once realized, its easier to avoid being led into trouble. NEVER blame yourself for any abuse you’ve suffered!
I think that Pluto may be the task master leading into being used, (or not) but the experience is Plutonian if one can profit by it to change themselves on a profound and hopefully better, NOT destructive level.
@daisy hit the nail on the head about changing the physical being the easy part.
I thought abstaining would be enough and I was cured but found myself repeating the same pattern as soon as I became emotionally attached to someone. It wasn’t bad at first but got real bad real soon, both emotionally and physically. Now I’m back to abstaining and still working on the emotional.
and yes, there is always a lot to learn with these experiences that can then be passed on to others.
I am very accident prone when it comes to relationships. The go-round last weekend with the latest guy has demonstrated this to me beyond any doubt. I have had many painful experiences with men but this one really took the prize. I have to be extremely careful going forward. Being “accident prone” in this way was just not something I ever considered, until now.
Thanks Elsa for your help on this one.
“looking for intimacy and affection” with a Pisces 7th house Venus and Chiron in the 8th??
I am celibate most of the time and all is good and well. But I am human and we live on this planet with all these other humans and so perhaps one night in a year I connect with someone and my longings and desires get the better of me….and the experience might be a beautiful one, but I am left with nothing but the buildup of all the years of shame, I guess. Sex is not a crime – actually it can be…argggggggggh
So glad this was posted. I have found myself wondering of late about having Pluto in the 8th house. Opposition to my Chiron – of course just now putting that together! Hmmm
Yes, I have been horribly used when it comes to sex. I was so naive in my youth and was looking at sex for love, but instead was used. I had sex when I didn’t want to @ 18. I can’t say it was rape, but I didn’t want to do it either. My memory is really fuzzy from then, but I did that several times and I believe it was my first time I was left with a life long STD. After that I had five years of two really great relationships then I was back on the being used bandwagon not mention self-destructive path. After a not so pleasant experience at 30, I did wake up! However, I haven’t had a relationship since. It is embarrassing how long that is now. I would love to be in a relationship, but not sure I have hit that transformation mentioned in this piece. So back to @daisy. I changed the physical by avoidance, but not the mental.
yes. the most significant one was what prompted me to realize that my self hatred was messing me over really badly. and that i needed to fix my eyes.
i hadn’t looked at it that way before. it really helps to think about it from this angle, instead.
moonpluto i have chiron 8th too. no violence, either. but it’s not necessary to feeling used. i’d imagine it would make it even worse.
but the (rather different) situations where i actually got hurt i woke up to really fast. i kept seeing the bruises and remembering.
Yes. This when I was able to stop. Sure no one wants to date me and in November I would have not had sex for a year but… sometimes I worry no one would even want to si much as have sex with me anymore. The wisdom is for naught
Paraphrasing a book whose name I can’t remember: “Sometimes I felt too ugly to have sex. Sometimes sex was the only way I could fully express my self-hatred.” Being treated like property and getting shoved around in childhood primed me to attract degrading sexual treatment as an adult. That flash of fear when you realize you’re being degraded sexually is not something I ever want repeated. It’s made me afraid to trust anyone. But unless you count continued pain, emptiness and loneliness as transformation, other than avoiding men nothing has gotten any better.
The best I hope for is a casual sex partner who isn’t a terrible person and won’t do those things. That would be a lovely step up and for me critical to feeling even slightly more hopeful about life. For me, not only does happiness not come from within, it often doesn’t come from without either. But sex and affection help.
I do not know you, but I hope things improve. Personally, I must still be delaing with childhood issues, as my own mother has been very insensitive to my situation/history. But I believe we can heal, gradually, the memories become less important, we can find the right things to make us happy, or relieved. I hope.
That was very kind, butterflysunbby. I think healing is possible it’s just that symptom management is a bitch. I do EMDR therapy, it kicks up a lot of extreme feelings. It’s a technique to help people process and move past trauma.
I wish you improvement too.
I was in a relationship almost like that for 8 years. I prostituted my body for love because he early after moving in together, told me he was turned on by other women.
He was deeply perverted too, wanted the kind of sexual dirtiness you read in the “50 Shades of Gray” books, never with love – but with anger behind. He was a woman hater.
I didn’t have sex for a year. I didn’t want men in the near vaccinity of my body and I didn’t trust any man. I hated men actually. Four years after I’m OK. I will never forget but I’m past the worst. I discovered the past childhood traumas leading me to do it, and I will not settle for anyone like that again.
Pluto started transitting my 12th house when we broke up in 2012. With Uranus in the mix he made sure I was never without shocking discoveries about my self defeating patterns.
Then I met a man. He was afraid of sex, having been abused by women from early on. We have healed each other now. And it has been a truly transformative experienc. My Natal Pluto and the Moon is in 8th house, 4 planet in stellium in scorpio opposite Chiron/Algol star – and Pluto is transitting his 8th house as well.
So sorry Anette! ? It’s amazing what we will do for love, especially when we aren’t aware of how wounded we are. Wishing you loads of healing! ❤️
I’ve had too many to count –mostly when I was young and full of self-loathing. But you can experience this in marriage too and it is devastating, even on a much lower scale. When there are too many unwanted sexual advances or the partner treats you like a blowup doll to satisfy himself with. Sexual body parts are fondled in the middle of th night without permission. Partner throws a fit or acts like a jerk when he doesn’t get it often as he’d like, etc. He shames or belittles you when you won’t give in and/or uses that as the reason he’s cheating or using pornography. Yep… Experienced that
You’re preaching to the choir, Primrose.
It takes courage to put your intimacy out there…to hope whoever picks up on it will treat us with tender care. But that’s not the world we live in. I notice it’s usually folks who have everything already that are most likely to abuse the hopefuls waiting in the wings. No way of telling ahead of time which are which (people don’t get away with abuse without being deceptive). But we have to toughen up and jump into that blender, anyways, to find out what we’re made of. So when that special someone really does treat us with care…we’ll appreciate it that much more.
‘displaced all his old female hatred on me at once’…
Yeah been there done that.(too many times) Fear and self loathing /childhood abuse/etc
The last was with someone who I know actually loves me deeply, and is a lovely human being on many levels (except this one), but is still full of big issues re women.
Which is why I walked away (although its taken me a very long time to let go of him emotionally…I am so glad I did not go there…)
My sister-in-law whom has Pluto opposing her sun in her natal chart seems to search for people to take her dignity and not just romantic partners she does this with so called friends too. She has mars in the 8th and Scorpio in the 12th she is drawn to dark side characteristics and it is often a Plutonian personalities that serves up the indignity for her. This is a very timely post as this very thing has presented itself to her right now. She is on an upswing in confidence after recovering from the previous hit to her dignity and a repeat offender has resurfaced as of today thanks no doubt to Mercury retrograde. S-I-L natal 10 degree Virgo Pluto and opposing 10 degree Pieces Sun will be directly effected by the solar eclipse. While I suppose there is the hopeful possibility that this friend grew a conscious or developed some integrity the cards are highly stacked against it. Also S-I-L has Saturn transiting right around her ascendant 12 degrees Sag and she is refusing to see anything but sunshine and roses with the return of her “friend” She handed me my ass for suggesting she be cautious even though this person has burned her multiple times before. She said she luuuuvvvvsss this person and doesn’t want to hear anything negative those were the actual words she used (anything negative …uh you mean like the facts…just saying…fine I’ll stay out of it) any hoos looks like she is in for a doozie of a life lesson and I would feel bad for her if she weren’t closing her eyes shut tight as she walks into the lions den wearing a meat necklace. Again very timely post it brought my attention to the Pluto aspects that helped put things into perspective. Since early today when she called me gushing about the “friend” contacting her I felt like I was being punked. Considering that this is prominent in her natal chart I may need to remember she is wired to seek this type of relationship out. When it’s in ones natal chart like that does the Plutonian energy ever actually transform one past the victim stance?
It’s like they just masturbate with your body. One guy I met in a bar and had sex with even left me 2 euros on my table when he left. One said “you should have sex with me now because when I’m sober I won’t want you”.
Back then I felt repulsed by men who wanted to please me and to have a real sexual relationship with me. In hindsight I was obviously looking for guys who didn’t care. Abstinence didn’t work for me either. I don’t think I even like sex that much tbh.
I’ve had my share of bad (some really bad) experiences and hate myself for this.
What I find horrible is feeling guilty, feeling it’s all my fault. So, part of it WAS my fault, shouldn’t have getten near some guys in the first place. Seems I didn’t have a radar for avoiding such guys. Or perhaps, I was unconsciously looking for trouble, for whatever complicated reasons.
After many years I see/read/understand (here, for example) that some of this can be linked to issues of self-worth (which apparently I didn’t have for myself). So, now I can sometimes imagine it wasn’t ALL my fault. Meager consolation perhaps, but when you’re feeling like sub-shit, every bit helps.
You have no reason to hate yourself. I often attracted those kinds of men too. I never blamed myself for their abusive bad behavior but do take responsibility for temporarily tolerating it when I needed sex, affection and attention more than I needed dignity or self-respect at that moment. I made a choice. When you’ve been lonely enough long enough, sometimes dignity and self-respect are just words that are no match for the comfort that only sex with someone you’re attracted to can provide, even if the person is a total bastard.
I got single in the 90s. Ooo wheee! Delicious fruits just waiting to be picked. It was great fun. But then one day I asked myself, is it really worth getting HIV? That’s what changed me. Yes, there were condoms, but still. Not worth the chance.
I can’t believe I’m writing this but maybe someone somewhere can be helped by it. The best way to know if the new man you’re dating is putting on a show to get laid or if he actually cares about you…can be gauged not by how he treats YOU (because he is putting on a convincing show) but indirectly by how he treats women in general. If you have an unattractive female friend watch how he treats her. He is not expecting his performance towards the other person to be something you are paying attention to. True dickheads can’t hide their disgust for very long. He can put the asshole away for you because he wants something but he can’t hide it 24 hours a day from all people
Invite the unattractive female to something where he is forced to interact with her….if he is a self involved jerk he will look for ways to get rid of your friend and steer you towards his own agenda. The signature of a true dickhead is he doesn’t care about you or anyone else. It’s a matter of getting him to show you who he really is when there is nothing for him to gain
It’s led me to avoid men altogether. It’s not what I want. I want to feel safe with a man. I want a man to protect me from other men! But It seems like the only ones that recognize my vulnerability are the ones that want to exploit it.I’m doing some work on myself right now so I’m hoping that dealing with that pain will allow me to love again. Well see.
it forced me to fix my eyes. so to speak, try to figure what i was really trying to address and fix that, and then (only then) figure out what i wanted in a relationship. entering relationships to fix a subconscious broken piece doesn’t seem to work very well..
Yes. I was in a steady relationship from 15-20 (and hence did not learn many lessons about dating). My experience was of the more mild variety you listed but it did change me, immediately. I had been hooking up occasionally as young uns do and very soon after I started a relationship. I won’t say that was the non-disordered thing to do exactly, but I needed to feel safe and loved.
A woman recently shared a story of her sexual trauma with me. It turned out my usual analytical reaction was not empathetic enough. Tensions rose, and I had to listen to an unending stream of accusations. I broke up with het the next morning. When I tried to patch things up over the next ten days I faced constant anger, accusations, unrelenting hurt. Soon afterwards she entered a new relationship for which she claims is the real thing, and the first one in which she feels like truly herself. But apparently she had to unload her negativity on me first. My 12th house Chiron conjunct her Moon. Her 8th house Chiron in the same sign as my Jupiter.
I’ve had some crazy experiences, some would even define them as rape if they watched through my eyes, but I don’t because I wouldn’t have learned without them. Some were just disappointing, of the “it seemed like a good idea at the time” variety and others were hardline “do not ever put yourself in a situation like this again” experiences. I think my intuition is decent and has steered me away from the really malevolent characters out there.
My issues with men boil down to freedom/possession and double standards. I need to do things independently for me, it’s the number one thing that has built my confidence over the years and I refuse to give up that tool to satisfy someone else’s ego. Let me go see the damn movie by myself! You’re going to hate it and complain the entire time anyway because you’d rather be working on music, why don’t we spend a few hours apart and nurture our souls? I just don’t get possession and need to do everything together. Always being together and never feeling like I can come up for air is the best way to cause resentment to grow inside of me. Why can you watch porn and I can’t? Why can you hang out with your girl friends but I can’t hang out with my guy friends? Double standards make my blood boil.
My point is that the sexual experiences taught me a lot about expectations and Neptune fog but my long term (2 years+) relationships filled with emotional trauma are what really stopped me in my tracks and caused me to think about the cycles I was playing in to.
I wish to release the masochism and self-loathing that keeps attracting these situations and people. The only thing I can think to do is avoid relationships while I travel backwards to the trauma. I am only 25 and I want to believe it will get better.
Very hard topic indeed. Pluto-tranasformation by very hard learned lessons, I’m sorry you had to deal with horrible men and experiences.
Just wanted to say, I’m 30 and still a virgin, lol! I know its hard to believe, in this day and age even the most bad looking girls have had sexual experiences!
But I’m virgin by choise, I’m very religious and sex and “playing around” outside marrige is not allowed and I havn’t found “the one” yet to marry :/
I’m good looking with an amzing body (working out a lot) and I’m very charismatic with with a strong pluto, somefriends says I’m oozing sex (so ironic! when I never had sex!) I Have my venus, N.node jupiter conj in my 8th house and have had serious flirtings going on with some close male friends, but no sex, so still a virgin. Asc virgo and my 5th house is capricorn. Delayed romance?
Can very much relate to what has been expressed in this blog. It was not until after I was profoundly betrayed by 2 men in a row (for whom I cared a great deal), plus some other major shit that went down during the Uranus-Pluto sq yrs of 2012-2015, that my reality came crashing in on me. I realized that I had allowed men to use & degrade me since I was a teenager, because my self-esteem was almost nil.
I was in so much emotional pain & so guilt-stricken, that I went to a Reiki healer. I didn’t tell her much before the session. She helped me to see my shadow side, my ego. Yes, many men had treated me badly. But, I had done my share of harming men, too. Lying, being unfaithful, loving the chase but then dumping them when I got “bored”, only to move on to the next lover.
It has been a long road towards greater self-awareness for me. What goes around, really does come around. I have learned true forgiveness & what is truly valuable to me … and that is … not harming myself or other human beings with selfish, ego choices.
I’d never have casual sex. It makes me sick to think about it. I decided that in my early 30’s. But it wasnt due to trauma. Porn also disgusts me for the most part. I have Venus/Pluto and Sun/Moon H8.
Sometimes hypersexuality is a way of expressing and processing trauma. I’m so glad I had as much casual sex as I did, I loved it and still want more.
I don’t care.
My apologies, I opened a reply window in error. And the feeling (or lack thereof) is mutual.
You don’t seem to have much respect for the others here so I don’t get why you want to engage with people you don’t respect. Or maybe this is some weird way of feeling powerful? I guess I just don’t get it. Like I said when you tried to come at me in the forum: I think it’s odd and bordering on bizarre.
I really don’t want to engage you. I’m telling you this because I hope you change your antisocial attitude or go away.
Or maybe deal with some of your anger and pain instead of projecting it here. This is an nice neighborhood and can offer healing if you’re open to it.
That’s directed at la sirena, not Scottish.
Thing is I’m not trying to engage with people I don’t respect. I was replying to Elsa’s blog post. I did not read scottishes posts. I skipped right over them. And no, it’s not a way to feel powerful. Although, I do think you should hold up a nice mirror for yourself. My not caring what scottish fold says has to do with her and not you. I decided i would rather pretend she is not here a while back because she acts like she feels herself to be a helpless victim and baits people for help, but then she challenges them on everything they say to try to help and thinks she knows more than anyone. It got very transparent and old fast. Anyway, ive rarely posted on the forum lately, and i guess I’ll take a vacation from the blog as well. Btw, try not to feel too powerful now…(its not really about me feeling powerful is it) I’m going away. I won’t be giving you or scottish any thought, my life is full ouside this blog. I’m doing it to bypass energies I find disturbing and do’nt want to be bothered with, i have way too much going on outside. If i were seeking power, I’d stay, but i have no desire to “outpower” you. That is mostly in your mind. Your idea about your personal power which you like to flaunt, is mispercieved imo. I Have a nice day.
la_sirena, I believe you and see what happened here. Hope you come back when the memory fades. 🙂
Minus the one or two truly degrading frightening experiences of course. Otherwise I wouldn’t change a thing.
One nighter’s are not and never have been for me. I don’t get the casual sex thing. I don’t think there is anything casual about exchanging body fluids with someone. The thought gags me. With all the disease and antibiotic resistant bacteria floating around. There are so many things that can be transmitted sexually. Not just your run of the mill STD’s… I was reading an article about kissing someone with cavities and the bacteria in their mouth passing on to whoever they kiss. The thought of this makes me want to jump inside a bubble. Ugggg so freaking GROSS!!!!
It would have been my luck to get some flesh eating something or other….Good God the thought of it makes my skin crawl.
I think sex is the most personal thing two people can do together. I have no idea how anyone can take that lightly. Guess I just blew that myth about Scorpio all to hell now didn’t I?
If a man suggested casual sex to me (and one wouldn’t – trust me) I would slap him in his face.
This isn’t due to trauma. I have never been traumatized or victimized sexually. Pluto-transformed me but not sexually. I just don’t like a bunch of bullshit.
If I hadn’t married the man that gave me unconditional love and friendship for 30 years I wouldn’t even be having sex at all.
I am sure its hard to believe after what I have said that I actually love sex. I think its amazing. But, to get in these dresser drawers you better have some undying love attached to that erection or it is never going to happen. Standing firm on this conviction has kept me from having anything degrading sexually.
I don’t claim to be better than anyone morally. (I have other asshole areas in my personality to deal with, trust me) I am sure the people who have been more free regarding sex have had more fun than I have.
Don’t know why, but it felt good to read this. Maybe it’s because I have very similar feelings about it.