Capricorn Woman In Love With Older Scorpio Man

Capricorn goat with symbol metal

Dear Elsa,

I’m currently dating an older Scorpio man and feel as if I am in love for the very first time… truly in love. We communicate very well, have similar interests and ideas, and are intimate in a way I have never experienced. It feels so good and so right, yet I am having a hard time understanding him emotionally. He tells me he loves me and wants to marry me and all that, but sometimes I wonder about him. He gets really moody and acts rather cold to me sometimes for no good reason. I am five years younger and lack the same sorts of sexual and dating experiences and this sort of intimidates me.

The other night I went to a bar that had wi-fi so that I could take care of some classwork for an internet course I am taking. I sat in a booth by myself and only went so far as to order a beer from the bartender. It was a slow and quiet night and I was merely there for business. When I got home, he was asleep. The next morning, he woke up in one of his moods and said that when I came home and got in bed, I smelled like another man. I told him that was silly because I wasn’t near a man at all. I know what I did while I was there and felt very offended that he would make any sort of accusation. He kind of made me feel as if I did something wrong, but I know for a fact that I did not. I don’t understand him at all.

He’s also very private. He gets phone calls from people all the time and goes places while I am school. I ask him casually, where are you going? or what are you doing? and he says “none of your business.” I have called him out on his behavior, telling him I don’t mind that he’s going, but would at least like to be respected enough to receive a polite or cordial answer.

It seems to odd to me that whenever I am in a sort of depressive slump, he completely ignores me when I say it has nothing at all to do with him, but he always says stuff like “Do you still love me? I don’t feel that you want to be with me” or “you act like you don’t like me?”

How exactly should I be responding to him? I have no doubt in my mind that I love him and want to spend my life with him, but I am really tired of having to clarify myself over and over again. I’m always afraid that he’s going to start looking elsewhere because things aren’t just right at the moment. I don’t know what to do about him and would appreciate any advice.

Capricorn
United States

Dear Capricorn,

I am very sorry but this sounds ominous to me and nothing but. And I appreciate your feelings. I know how deep Scorpio can set a hook but based on what you report… well it makes my hair stand on end.

Now here’s the astrology, or at least a taste of it. He is 5 years older than you but it’s a very important gap astrologically because he is post his Saturn return, while you are heading into yours. In English, this means his character is formed while yours is still under construction. So let’s look at his character because guess what? At this age, WYSIWYG.

He is clearly emotionally manipulative. He keeps secrets, makes unfounded accusations, withdraws, broods and he is emotionally needy. I appreciate the idea he can communicate and connect sexually, but so you can you!

Now you may not believe me short term but I bet you this guy will escalate… everything. More accusations, longer periods of withdrawal and so on. You’re tough so you can hang in as long as you can stand but I’d say the odds are low you are going to teach or train his man in any way because he’s just not interested. He’s got his game. He’s defined it and it’s called “torture and manipulate the woman”.

The reason you don’t understand him emotionally because he doesn’t want you to understand him emotionally, this is how he keeps you off your game. You state you are afraid he is going to leave you and this is exactly how he wants you to feel because it is the weak (powerless) position. Stick around for more evidence if you want but please make like a Capricorn while you’re at it. Have an escape plan because I think you’re going to need one.

Good luck.

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Capricorn Woman In Love With Older Scorpio Man — 21 Comments

  1. I read that, and by the end, I was shaking my head. This screams manipulative bastard.

    If you’re insistent on staying in this relationship, then you’re going to need to draw some clear cut boundaries with his behavior. But be prepared for him to walk all over them. Cos he doesn’t really give a crap about you. People who really give a crap don’t treat their loved ones like this. Behavior like this usually gets worse before it gets better. And there’s never a guarantee that it will get better.

    Wouldn’t you rather be with someone who stimulates you completely and doesn’t make you feel bad even when you’ve done nothing wrong? Do you want to be with someone who is going to eventually get you to the point where you second guess everything you do? Who acts like a selfish child, and treats you like you are a child when it suits him? No, no one wants that.

    I’m with Elsa. Get out now. Or at least have a really good escape plan.

    Good luck!

  2. Uhh…that man sounds a bit like me, actually. Well, NOT REALLY (I don’t run around accusing people of things like smelling like other men). I am evolving, but YES that emotionally insecurity resonates a little too clearly. I have definately continued to ask my Capricorn SO for assurance–which Capricorn hates, by the way. Caps hate to be doubted, and of course they’d dump your ass if they didn’t like you, so…stop bloody well asking them if they really love you!

    So, yeah, Scorpio man may be an asshole, but what if he is like me? I’m learning my lessons on a minute-by-minute basis.
    I’ve been given a wake-up call by my SO in the past, and guess what? I listened and made a conscious effort to include him more and more in my day-to-day life (then again he has 6 planets in his 6th house, so if his partner won’t share the day-to-day…well my SO would be truly unhappy-or gone-if I didn’t).

    But I’m an intensely private person who can surprise another person by refusing to ‘say where I’ve been’. I know for certain I drive my SO bat-shit crazy when I don’t want to tell him what I ate for lunch, for example. Those kind of questions feel like interrogation to me. Must be my paranoid side coming out, ha ha.

    I had my privacy invaded on a regular basis in my family home, and that just bleeds out into adult life, unfortunately.
    How long have you been dating?

  3. Put together a plan and leave because putting up with this sort of manipulative behavior, designed to keep you off balance and vulnerable, will eat away at your self esteem. Run, FAST! Been there, done that and had to tell the Scorpio after me, to leave me alone . . . several times.

  4. An article from a sex/health organization about healthy vs unhealthy relationships

    I like the article because it addresses the fact that no relationship is perfect nor 100% unhealthy, and sometimes it can be very difficult to assess one’s relationship.

  5. yes.
    particularly the accusations. that’s just creepy. reminds me of something i fell into once, and they got more and more frequent and worse over time and the tricky thing is you start expecting that it’s normal to have to have an alibi for everything you do and then your world really starts constricting.

    if he really thought you were with another man, why didn’t he just leave you, hm? he’s just saying that to keep you off balance and make you scared to do anything outside the box.
    or, at least, that’s how these games tend to work, in my experience.

  6. oh man…this guy has bad news tatooed to his forehead. i know when people decide they are in love, they overlook all kinds of things. but god. what you see now is the tip of the iceberg. i would lay money that not only is he NOT going to change, but his behavior will escalate, particularly if you get your own emotions stabilized. what you have here is a control freak who actively works on keeping you off balance emotionally. that doesn’t seem very loving to me, and certainly not a life i’d want to commit to.

    good luck, cap.

  7. Good god, woman–RUN. NOW. And DON’T LET HIM DRAG YOU BACK. (And he will try. And if you won’t give in, he’ll then *attack*. Just keep holding firm, you’re earth, you’re stronger than him!)

    Unless, of course, you WANT to spend a great deal of your future learning some painful (and potentially *lethal*) lessons…

    How do I know? Because what you write is deja vu, only it was my sister (a Cap) and the guy she married (a Scorp), and she allowed herself 13 years of his ever-increasing crap before getting too fed up and finally cutting the tie. And it was a very nasty ordeal at the end–he got so threatening and pulled so many underhanded tricks that she literally hid notes around her apartment “in case something happens to me”. And wound up with basically nothing material–he demanded it all, and she gave it just to get away, she didn’t care at that point! Yet even without any opposition from her at all, he STILL was the total bastard, up to and including at the courthouse during the final divorce hearing. It was frightening, but also quite pathetic…his behavior was so unnecessary, but classic *unevolved* Scorp…just like your guy sounds from your description…

    Find yourself someone a little more mature, puh-LEEZE. It would be so much safer & saner!

  8. This guy is totally insecure and Elsa hit the nail on the head: “The reason you don’t understand him emotionally is because he doesn’t want you to understand him emotionally, this is how he keeps you off your game.” Bet he’s far more scared of you leaving him than you are of him leaving you! If he felt confident in your love (or himself) he wouldn’t need to test you all the time with this shit. Love him as much as you can, but ignore him when he pulls this stuff till he learns to stop. Get him to understand that if he wants to keep you he has to treat you with respect. If he won’t, then you’ll know how much he cares about you – and you can drop him.

    To be fair though, I’m kind of curious why someone would do classwork in a bar. Not saying there’s anything wrong with it, but it is unusual. Perhaps this sort of thing causes him to be paranoid? Since he’s so innately insecure this probably puts him over the top. And asking him about his phone calls and trips – just don’t ask. Maybe he sees this as an invasion of privacy? Play the game and don’t ask or answer his questions, and keep YOUR privacy. Turn it around on him and do to him what he does to you to leave you hanging. Balance his power with your own and it just may motivate him to cut the crap. And whether it works out or not, perhaps you can use this as an opportunity to experience your own personal power!

  9. I don’t know. Call me insane, but to me this guy sounds like a run-of-the-mill insecure person, not some psycho. If every insecure person was given the boot, where the heck would that leave half the world??
    I used to be incredibly insecure and it’s only through the love and compassion of other people that I have been able to grow.
    Ask yourself the really hard questions and see what you come up with. And if you don’t want to do that, then stop wondering about games and lay it on the fucking table: “I want to know what the hell is going on, or I’m not interested.”
    Then again, I find it very easy to walk away from nasty people.

    Seriously, you say ‘you’re curious’ but have you ASKED him,or yourself the really hard questions??

  10. kashmiri — I get what you’re saying about asking about the whereabouts of the guy when she’s not around (and feeling sort of like you’re being interrogated), but the thing that bothers me is that he seems to be completely unsupportive, emotionally, when she’s got the blues. Add that to the fact that he questions her commitment to him and you have somebody who appears to be suspicious (and doing a fair bit of projecting) — and it’s not perception here, it’s suspicion, the kind that escalates. I dated a Scorpio Moon for three years and he was always accusing me of things, like fooling around with somebody else, and once I went on a weekend trip to a convention and he filed a missing persons report on the day I returned (even though I’d made it clear I was going to be back late at night).

    I found out after we broke up that he’d slept with two different women while we were still together. Most of this shit was him foisting his guilt off on me. And I never would have guessed.

    I see what you’re saying about insecure people, too. They’re everywhere, after all, and I’m one of them sometimes. But it doesn’t sound like this guy is even interested in becoming a better person.

  11. Thanks Piya…maybe I’m feeling a bit sensitive, heh heh. What made me stop and think wwhhhhat was this:

    “It seems to odd to me that whenever I am in a sort of depressive slump, he completely ignores me when I say it has nothing at all to do with him, but he always says stuff like “Do you still love me? I don’t feel that you want to be with me” or “you act like you don’t like me?”

    I saw it as: if someone says ‘it has nothing to do with you’ and you ignore them, it could be a gross miscommunication. As in, oh, okay, I’ll leave you alone then. Then, insecurity kicks in and the dude says: “Do you love me?’ Etc

    Obviously it’s fucked up, right…but what if he’s just clueless, not a bad person? I’m all for kicking the chumps to the curb, but if you love someone it’s worth exploring recesses

  12. “Obviously it’s fucked up, right…but what if he’s just clueless, not a bad person? I’m all for kicking the chumps to the curb, but if you love someone it’s worth exploring recesses”

    I agree with this. Absolutely. My boyfriend is in his 50s. Lots of people would think he’s way too old and set in his ways but I do love him and I hate this philosophy that discounts people based on a checklist. However, both sides have to be willing to work at exploring and healing those recesses. My guy and I both have dark dark recesses. We are both extremely possessive and jealous. And it’s tough going at times! Very very challenging and scary. But my guy will talk to me. He’s a Scorpio too, btw. He will tell me that if, for instance, I’m late when I’ve told him that I’ll be at his house by a certain time, he’ll come up with all these paranoid fantasies about my cheating on him. Anybody else would say, Man, he’s just insane, thinking those things, just leave! But I know what that’s like bc if he doesn’t call me by a certain hour, I run through paranoid scenarios myself!

    My part of healing him is in knowing that I have to keep his trust and if I say I’m going to do some thing, then I have to do it just like I said I would. (This is actually quite challenging for me bc I’m flakey but he understands that I DO try and am succeeding somewhat. It takes a lot of patience on both of our part bc changing a behavior is not as easy as 1-2-3.) His part of it is that he processes his paranoia/jealousy and gets it under control on his own. Plus he talks to me. This way we can both see how we view the world and help the other out a little.

    We are all a little fucked up. I know am a LOT fucked up, actually, but I can’t just let my partner carry the load of my insecurities all by his lonesome. That wouldn’t be fair, nor would it lead to true intimacy or self-knowledge or maturity. One of the reasons that I am patient with him (and he has a terrible temper, as I do) is that he and I have similar wounds. When I had boyfriends who hadn’t had abusive childhoods, they were so uncomprehending that it verged on them rolling their eyes at me over something that was very important to me. (“Oh, just get over it!” As if it were that easy, man!) My present bf knows what it’s like to come from an abusive home so he has compassion for me as well. He doesn’t make light of how difficult it is to get over certain traumas. I also see how my behavior has hurt him terribly at times, even if it was unintentional. And he does the same with me. I feel like he’s on my side, you know, that he’s not just so enmeshed with his own troubles that he refuses to see my side of things.

    So I understand and see where his recesses come from and how much pain they cause him. He’s done that for me, after all. So all of you insecure people out there, you have to try a little harder to open up, especially if your partner truly loves you and is trustworthy. Just have compassion for the ways in which your own behavior and insecurities hurt your partner. Be willing to take responsibility. And have faith that, regardless of your past or childhood, you can change your script and encounter people who are trustworthy and loving. That’s what partnership and love are about, imo; trying to see the world from the other’s perspective and trying to make it a little easier for him/her.

  13. I say be like a taurus. He’s wanting a wall that is secure to lean against. He’ll test you on all levels. I’m with the people who say communicate about it. Help him with it where you can and leave the rest up to him. And try not to get caught up in a power struggle (no tit for tat) because then what Elsa fears could vary well manifest, but not out of an inherent evilness, but rather because they can do themselves in with their paranoia.
    All of us cardinal signs can get caught up in reacting to every nook and cranny, while that’s not what a fixed sign wants, they are looking for something stable and enduring. I like your approach of asking for a cordial answer. Be like a bull about it. As well, that you aren’t going to stalk him, you just want an idea of what time he’ll call or when to expect him for dinner. Remember they like to have the power (or think they have the power) if you can find ways of allowing them that and still getting the answer you need then that would work.
    As well next time he asks what’s wrong, don’t tell him it has nothing to do with him because you are cutting him out when you want him close.
    He’s not naturally your opposite energy, which would be a sensative crab who can tell when you’re blue and bring you a pillow. He can definately help you with your funk, his way will be to help empower you, so if you explain what’s going on with you then he will come up with a helpful response. Or even ask him to just hold you. Their energy can heal.

  14. What makes ir Wroooooooooong is that he can keep secrets and you cannot! I do know that man tend to need love more than women at times and I have a scorpion ascendant and sometimes am afraid of losing the one I love but to manipulate someone is anti-love.

  15. NO! NO! NO! NO! I Completely disagree with this! Honey, I’m a capricorn, myself and trust me, there is no one who understands your situation as much as I do.
    My best friend is also a male scorpio and it took me a LONG time to understand him, but I analyzed (the way we capricorns do) and I found out ALOT!

    #1- Scorpios are like one of the most honest types of people you will ever meet and in return they need people around them who are going to be honest also. But you have to win over their trust. He’s going to say stupid things like “You smell like another man.” just to see how confident you are when you answer. (All you have to do is convince him one good time that you don’t even have the heart to cheat on him…. EVER! and be sincere) Scorpio’s are very very jealous and although that might be a turn off to some people it’s very securing to us capricorns! (ppl dont understand why but whatever! most people dont understand us anyway!)

    #2 Scorpio’s are like walls. They never let an expression read on their face. You could punch him right in his back and he will be in crucial pain, but he would NOT LET IT SHOW!!! Thats just the way they are. They’re very sensitive and they feel the need to protect that. And I bet he’s a very decisive person and that its hard for you to change his mind about AnyTHING, right? Well, guess what? That’s the same way he feels about you. Once he made up his mind to pursue you and to make you his lover he meant it to be permanent! TRUST ME! I mean permanent!!! And once again they might not let it show because they’re very secretive and protective of their feelings, but it’s the truth. Don’t let his coldness fool you. Like I said he’s very emotional and passionate, especially about love, and that’s something that you will only witness through his intense conversations and love making.

    #3 From what I’ve witnessed with my best friend, He wants to egg into my business to make sure I’m being honest with him 24/7….. because he needs that security. This is where the double standard comes in…. Our loving scorpio’s do NOT LIKE TO BE ASKED ABOUT THEIR BUSINESS. And that is NOT because they’re doing something wrong. Like I said they’re very honest. It’s just that they’re walls and for some reason they prefer to offer information than to be probed or nagged. It’s soooo weird, I know…. but that’s just their personality. :-/ Here’s my advice:

    When he’s going somewhere and doesnt tell you what he’s up to instead of asking “Where are you going?” ask him “Is everything ok…. youre acting kind of reserved… I just want to make sure everything is alright with you…?” Just feed into the fact that you would do anything at all for him because you love him blah blah blah and make him feel secure in you. AND I GUARANTEE that he’s just going to say “everythings cool” and walk away like you didnt say anything of importance. BUT TRUST ME…. you get in touch with his sensitive side when you show him that concern AND he would be more likely to later offer information on what he was doing (especially if you get him relaxed… i dont know … cook him dinner… rub his back… then instead of interrogating him with a “where were you today”… just act like you feel like being a good girlfriend and say “How was your day”………. But dont let him suspect that your manipulating him!<– We capri’s are good at that. lol. and we’re good at being patient, so we can wait a couple hours to find about their whereabouts)

    TRUST ME ON THIS ONE CAPRICORN.. KEEP THIS SCORPIO. TIME WILL MAKE YOU UNDERSTAND HIM AND ONCE YOU DO YOUR GOING TO HAVE ONE OF THE MOST REWARDING RELATIONSHIPS EVER! Ironically enough, the only reason why I’m not with my best friend is because he;s seven years older than me and it gets kind of weird since I’m still in college. BUT if I were in your situation I would jump at the opportunity to be with a scorpio man for the rest of my life. They’re down for us in the long haul and thats what we capricorns need. And yea he’s really reserved, but look at it as a challenge every time you have to read his mind or find out what he’s thinking. With our observation skills… it should NOT be too hard to overcome those or any challenges!

    Please stay with him. You will break his heart so deeply if you leave him. Believe it or not, now that he’s used to having you, he Needs you. And unless you ever lie to him he’s going to stay in love with you. Just stay honest with him and you guys are going to have a fairy tale ending relationship.

  16. OH YEA THAT REMINDS ME… whenever he asks you ANYTHING… ANYTHING AT ALL… answer him with a detailed answer. Scorpio’s need security because simply put, they’re prone to being insecure….

    If he asks you what’s wrong and you say nothing its not you he’s automatically going to think your lying because you didnt offer more info.

    Youd probably be better off asking:
    “You ever had one of those days when you just feel sooo out of it and sooo slumped? Thats how I feel right now”

    and you could probably throw in some “security” (as i call it) by saying some cliche stuff like:
    “I probably will never get over my dreariness without one of your kisses.”

    Whatever…
    Just make it work… make him feel loved no matter what… and make him know for sure for sure that you recognize his masculinity.

  17. That’s funny, Raquel. I have three planets in Scorpio and was really insecure and demanding in my youth. The more evasive someone was the more I demanded. The problem was with me…not the other person. They were being who they had the right to be which was the opposite of me in my case. I could not stand their inability to perceive my needs so I picked and threatened and pleaded and plotted….you get the picture.

    So here I’ve come full circle and marry a person with a packed 8th House and Scorpio Asc.! I’ve married myself! At least the old Jamie that is.
    He does to me what I used to do to others and do you know what I tell him? No, I do not tell him what he wants to hear. I tell him the truth at all times and if he cannot handle the truth then the problem lies directly before him to work on…not me. You know what? It worked. He realized that the proof was not in the telling but in the living. Scorpio energy can be a bottomless pit (especially if there are issues of self worth) and the more one feeds this negative energy the greater it grows.

    Playing into the fears of another does them (or yourself) not one iota of good. I think it is harmful because it keeps the person from realizing the positive potential of their energy.

    If this Scorpio has issues of abandonment and betrayal then he needs to work on it himself and leave other people to be who they are…even if it kills ’em.

    “and you could probably throw in some “security” (as i call it) by saying some cliche stuff like:
    “I probably will never get over my dreariness without one of your kisses.”

    Did you really mean this? This is called manipulation….and it’s as scary as an insecure Scorpio.

  18. that is sooooo true…if i had a chance to get back with my scorpio bf, i wd go for it…capricons just find scopios attractive&amazing and they cant tell why…

  19. (i dont know what happened to my first good reply) but:
    Scopios take long to open up,they are usually committed in relationships,and they’re ambitious!! Dont PUSH them too far cuz they will be Gone for good!! they rarely forgive!!!I had a scopio bf and i did one mistake trying to know who he really is since they dont tell, he started thinking am crazy!!lol..when they tell u, its true but it leaves u wondering…so u just have to know what you are dealing with when u get a scorpio man!!NOW that u know that u are not the only one having this problem, take control!!(he shouldnt let him play a game on u though)because they like challenges. stay Hot and challenging; he will never leave u…tell him it bothers you, but dont expect a big answer back!! but atleast he knows!..lastly, u shd expect a good years to come with this man..Goodluck!!

  20. Hi Im 47 scorpio male in need of some advise with a 45 capricorn female . we hit off good since the day we met .we ve been together every single day plus we work together.when we ‘er together time seems to fly and want to around each other but she gets angry about nonsense and wants to break up or i get angry about something she .wants to break up .and its driving me crazy cant sleep she’s always on mind .i really some help

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