I have a problem with falling in love with the wrong people. I fall in love with friends. We meet, there is no initial interest, then they overtake my life and I find myself thinking of them romantically.
This places me in a position of vulnerability and angst. I become this loathsome pathetic person and I lose myself—that is, they become the object of my living. I often express these feelings, but I have not enough pride to walk away. Instead I am faced with bouts of dramatic manic depression, I isolate myself for days.
One in particular became the person I shared the most of myself with, he eluded me with “soul mate” “best friends” and such, but I loved him more than that. Pathetic. It has been going on for a year now, and we have mutual friends.
I always come out being the crazy person, which is understandable, I don’t control my feelings I burst. I am now in one of those bouts. Phones off, alone. Waiting for something, but I’m not going back, it’s not good for me. Please help me, some guidance is appreciated.
Capricorn in Angst
First, your problem is common and congratulations on articulating it so well. Not too keen on how you berate yourself but you do have this situation very well described and defined which is always at least half the battle. You know it is you not them and to have this delineated at 24 years old is impressive so now what to do?
Well these tendencies do show up vividly in your chart so you while you will not be able to rid yourself of them you will be able to find other outlets and ways to channel your energy. It’s no different that having a knife. You can stab yourself with it, you can stab others or you can carve a bar of soap into something beautiful. Learning to do the latter or something like it would be my recommendation and since you are you are a Capricorn, I’ll provide you a plan:
- Quit berating yourself. Calling yourself “pathetic” does not help. Crediting yourself with having figured out your problem will. (Use your Capricorn to support rather than punish yourself)
- Recognize you have a (Pisces Moon) need to serve and sacrifice and this is in effect what you are doing in these situations. There are other ways to serve and causes worthy of sacrifice, for example a mother who raises her children sacrifices herself on a daily basis.
- Recognize that you have an attraction to pining (Pisces on the 7th) and also to being terrifically critical of yourself (Virgo rising) and commit (Capricorn) to working on these tendencies.
- Start to slowly work on your problems and expect success to come in small increments.
Last, astrologically it is a Saturn transit forcing this issue. You can take heart in that, it means you are right on schedule.