I have a problem with falling in love with the wrong people. I fall in love with friends. We meet, there is no initial interest, then they overtake my life and I find myself thinking of them romantically.
This places me in a position of vulnerability and angst. I become this loathsome pathetic person and I lose myself—that is, they become the object of my living. I often express these feelings, but I have not enough pride to walk away. Instead I am faced with bouts of dramatic manic depression, I isolate myself for days.
One in particular became the person I shared the most of myself with, he eluded me with “soul mate” “best friends” and such, but I loved him more than that. Pathetic. It has been going on for a year now, and we have mutual friends.
I always come out being the crazy person, which is understandable, I don’t control my feelings I burst. I am now in one of those bouts. Phones off, alone. Waiting for something, but I’m not going back, it’s not good for me. Please help me, some guidance is appreciated.
Capricorn in Angst
First, your problem is common and congratulations on articulating it so well. Not too keen on how you berate yourself but you do have this situation very well described and defined which is always at least half the battle. You know it is you not them and to have this delineated at 24 years old is impressive so now what to do?
Well these tendencies do show up vividly in your chart so you while you will not be able to rid yourself of them you will be able to find other outlets and ways to channel your energy. It’s no different that having a knife. You can stab yourself with it, you can stab others or you can carve a bar of soap into something beautiful. Learning to do the latter or something like it would be my recommendation and since you are you are a Capricorn, I’ll provide you a plan:
- Quit berating yourself. Calling yourself “pathetic” does not help. Crediting yourself with having figured out your problem will. (Use your Capricorn to support rather than punish yourself)
- Recognize you have a (Pisces Moon) need to serve and sacrifice and this is in effect what you are doing in these situations. There are other ways to serve and causes worthy of sacrifice, for example a mother who raises her children sacrifices herself on a daily basis.
- Recognize that you have an attraction to pining (Pisces on the 7th) and also to being terrifically critical of yourself (Virgo rising) and commit (Capricorn) to working on these tendencies.
- Start to slowly work on your problems and expect success to come in small increments.
Last, astrologically it is a Saturn transit forcing this issue. You can take heart in that, it means you are right on schedule.
Elsa, thank you very much for your reply. It is greatly appreciated. I just wanted to comment on a few points:
I am sorry I wasn’t clear when I sent the email, because it had been a terribly difficult email to write. I’m male and gay. Of course I’m sure this doesn’t change anything, but I just wanted to clarify.
Further, you said “Well these tendencies do show up vividly in your chart so you while you will not be able to rid yourself of them” — do you really believe this to be true? I am attaching myself to the hopes of completely deleting these aspects out of my character. Fighting against the grain isn’t easy, but I can’t seem to settle on this being me. This clingy, heart on a plate person.
Also, could you please tell me what you mean by “Recognize that you have an attraction to pining”
and “it is a Saturn transit forcing this issue. You can take heart in that, it means you are right on schedule.” I didn’t understand these two points.
I highly appreciate all of your help, you’re brilliant!
I’m going to chime in since I see we have a Virgo rising and Pisces moon in common and I have Pisces Saturn in the 7th..
Cap in Angst, I understand very well that it feels very deep and right to throw yourself into these things; there is a real sense of the bittersweetness of life that makes you feel very connected to the human condition and to other people. You can stay in that place for as long as you need to, and learn from it. But that astute Virgo is going to needle you just enough (and it may be overdoing it, but still..) just enough that when drama no longer serves you, you will use that compassion and understanding in a better way. Believe me, you’ll get sick of being depressed. You’ll have enough of being drained. Right now you’re wallowing in emotions, which can find a more practical expression, i.e. service, when it evolves from your personal drama. Think a lot bigger. I don’t know about any Leo in your chart, but your hair-tearing and hand-wringing is pretty theatrical. Maybe you could channel it that way, in something generous and big. Just a thought.
Thank you Jilly,
I believe what you say to be rational and truthful. I’ve tried time and again, during this entire year to “delete” these aspects of my character. It has been a miserable ordeal, I slowly started to realize that these aspects that I want to delete are purely, fully, good-ful. I mean compassion, love, sacrifice. Yes, they are all lovely, but I guess I just wanted to be cooler, haha. Going against the grain is tiring, it hits full on mentally and physically. I also have the tendency to bottle things inwards. When it all becomes unbearable, the “facade” I put up bursts so easily as if a barrier was never there. The entire truth comes out—and that’s the ultimate downfall, when it comes out all together and not gradually, it shocks the other and you come out looking like a freak. I guess I just have to accept this person that I am, I have a tendency to be furious but my nature is to be quiet, introvert–that scares me because it means i won’t quite experience life in a grand scale, but I think I still can—I can be social, sweet, nice, approachable–basically myself, and also jump head firsts into challenges and hold my balls high declaring independence from introversion. Haha! Thank you.
listen sweety i myself is a capricorn and i myself have recently felt the same exact way as yourself.Ihave always thought as myself as a strong person a virgo man came along and literally turned my world as i knew it upside down alot of patience and praying is the only thing that is getting me through it as caps when we love we love hard sometimes that can be held against us some people cant handle the love that we display
hello all…i am a sun capricorn in 1st house,moon virgo 8th house, sag rising. im 32 years of age and have never been in a serious relationship. i have men that are crazy about me the first 2months and then they avoid me like a plague!! although i have tons of male friends…i have no boyfriend! its starting to wear me down because i long and pray for a steady relationship! i think i either choose the wrong men or im crazy and just not aware of it! I’ve noticed that i attract mostly scorpio and sag men or men with venus and/or mars in scorpio or sag…i hear those guys are heartbreakers anyway. by the way, its quite odd that i would continue to attract scorpio men when i have absolutely no scorpio in my chart…my venus is in cap 1st house,mars in leo 8th house and merc sag 12th house.. why cant i meet a man for me! this is driving me crazy!Someone please help!
Im a capricorn woman and i think i really like this Leo man. When i first met him it was like magic and later on i thought i was already inlove with him but due to our compatibilities i just end up always hurt so i decided to control my feelings and just enjoy whatever attention he can give me. I tried to go away but i always end up going back to him and i think vice versa.. Is there a chance between a capricorn woman and a leo man at all? do you think there is something between us that no matter how much we tried to go away we always go back to each other..I really think that there is something special about us..
These Two met I believe late 2014. Intense Chemistry.
Alot of Square aspects between them 18 to be exact. He’s Virgo Moon She’s Pisces Moon. They Were Forced to cross paths at a BIG BOX Warehouse they both work for. They are both fighting their feelings for each other. Any expert opinions on their compatibility? They got that SUN-SUN QUINCUNX aspect going for them too?