Can Men and Women Be Platonic Friends? Gray Rape…

I had a date rape situation come up with a man I thought was a “friend”, except it was no date. We were on purely friendly and had been for years. He was well aware of my budding involvement with another man (my husband) but he apparently thought if I was coming to his house, I must be interested in him or more likely he figured, “I’ll try this and see what happens”.

Had something occurred it would have been a so-called “gray rape”, I suppose. What am I doing at his house if I’m not interested?

Well fact is he was very social and I am somewhat social. I felt comfortable because I’d known him for years, and he entertained people at his house all the time. Plus we’re old! He was 50 and a doctor no less so it’s not like he was stupid. He made a calculated decision to sell me out, cheap.

That’s what I call it when a friend or someone you think is a friend sacrifices their friendship with you for little or no gain. But anyway, here’s the question and it’s age old but still:

Can a man and a woman have a platonic relationship?

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Comments

Can Men and Women Be Platonic Friends? Gray Rape… — 22 Comments

  1. This was so hard for me to decide! I’m a double aquarian and uranus is in my 11th house…scorpio moon,so I want to believe that everyone can be friends, and I have alot of them, but I know that deep down that it can’t always happen. I had many encounters with my male friends. I brushed it off, but yeah. So definetly no. Final verdict.

  2. Yes, men and women can be friends. I have had male friends since my early teens, I could not survive without them. But there is a very clear line – if you’re interested sexually in each other, or have been at some point: no go. The men I partner with and those i befriend belong to a different tribe for sure.

  3. Yes they can be, and SO WHAT IF SOMEONE WANTS MORE. I would have sex with about 10 of my friends right now if I was in a different life, but what am I going to do, heap pain on top of pain in other people’s lives?!

  4. Yes, but the women will be turning the men down repeatedly and if the woman EVER opens the door to what might be, it’s on. It’s just nature.

  5. Always had friends of both sexes and only the occasional problem with bounds overstepped, probably the Scorp Rising.

    Elsa, that man is a fool and this sounds like your Neptune thing at work. What a pain in the butt! Makes you wonder who he was having a relationship with as in which illusion he was busy projecting on your shiny Neptune/MC?! 😀

  6. Tough question. I enjoy having male friends but I have to say the flirting is always there and that’s what makes the friendships feel different and sometimes more satisfying than with women.
    Oh my God, I’m terrible!

  7. if it’s really a friendship it doesn’t matter if someone would like more or not. the friendship itself should be valuable. i figure if someone can’t draw that line i obviously don’t need them for friends.

    i don’t see where the grey comes in. going to someone’s house doesn’t mean you intend to sleep with them… it means you want to spend time with them at their house. two totally different things.

  8. Question: it’s not clear to me from the posting that he made a *forcible* move on you. If he just tried to be romantic then I guess you can’t blame the guy for trying. People harbor secret feelings. But if you rebuffed him, then I hope he stayed rebuffed. If it happened differently, ok. But I don’t like to see the word “rape” thrown around.

    Men and women can be friends. I have a lot of male friends. But…I have Venus in Aquarius and Sun in 11th house, so for me, friendship is what it’s all about. Gender doesn’t really come into it.

  9. Sorry you had that experience. I guess I agree that Pluto’s transit in some house v. other houses would affect my answer for this. Each person is different but overall I’d say there’s an overtone of attraction in most platonic male-female relationships, and usually it’s only one member of the pair who has the feelings.

  10. I have way more male friends than female friends, in fact I looked at my going away party picture from last year a few days ago and counted them up and it narrowly missed being a 3:1 ratio.

    In fact, if you put the lesbian’s on the boy side, it is a 3:1 ratio.

    People’s projections/expectations are their own, and you can’t be responsible for them. This guy can only be visited by women he fucks? Every woman who visits needs to be open to this? Did he make that clear before you visited? Heck no! Or you wouldn’t visit! I bet most women wouldn’t.

    I’m all off topic now but people get along with the people they get along with.

  11. Yes, heterosexual men and women can be friends. And they can even be affectionate friends without sex always being an issue (or even being brought up). Some people may find this hard to believe, but sexual feelings are not the only urges that bring people together. I refuse to believe that I cannot befriend a person because he happens to have a penis. That’s not to say things don’t ever get a little complicated (particularly if you do have unattached friends while you yourself are unattached, and there’s an underlying attraction somewhere) but it doesn’t mean that the friendship is worthless or nonexistant. It means that it’s a friendship that requires clear boundaries. But yes, it’s possible.

  12. I said ‘yes’, and I probably should ad ‘some’ women can be friends with ‘some men’.
    It really depends on what the friendship is based on. I’ve been in romantic relationships that started in a a ‘friendly’ way, but there was always flirtation, and I also since my child years I had male friends, very good ones. It never happened to me that a strong friendship became a relationship.

  13. my fingers and my brain aren’t connected lately, it’s even hard for me to read properly what I wrote in the message above. sorry, I’m going through a difficult communication period.

  14. “…overall I’d say there’s an overtone of attraction in most platonic male-female relationships, and usually it’s only one member of the pair who has the feelings”

    True, and I find the best male/female friendships are where there is no strong sexual attraction on either side. But I’ve had all three kinds – no attraction, and attraction on one side or the other. I’ve even had very strong friendships with men who were in love with me over many years – a couple of those I’ve had to withdraw from for obvious reasons, so as not to cause more pain.

    This doctor sounds an *rsehole – there are ways of showing you want to take a relationship further with a woman without putting her under pressure in your house; that’s inexcusable. It has happened to me – but always in my house rather than his. Mostly I’ve found it possible to remain friendly with the guy.

    At least half of my really close friends have always been men. I’m a big flirt but I do try to send out clear signals if I know he’s attracted to me so we don’t end up in compromising situations which would affect the friendship. If I’m attracted to him, it’s not a problem as I wouldn’t run away – I’d give it a chance

    Interestingly, on the few (?3/4) occasions I have ended up in bed with a good friend, we’ve not been able to get it on! We just know in the bones it’s not a good idea! – and his body responds accordingly, probably in response to reticence on my part…

  15. I want to but they always want more. I like doing guy things. I like cutting wood and riding 4 wheelers, fishing and all that. I like cooking and baking and such as well. Why can’t we just hang out?

  16. I say yes, but it depends on so many factors. If there really is the one person wanting sex out of it, it’s not going to stay a friendship, it’s either going to become more or it’ll explode.

    I have all sorts of friendships with men (and I’ve had friendships with some that were sort of similar of your experience, which always sucks and I hate those men for awhile). I have the gay guy friends, where there’s no sexual tension. I have a hetero friend who just loves having tons of friends but is very loyal to whomever he is seeing, and he knows I’m very not sexual and finds that a relief! So again, no sexual tension. However, I do have one manfriend who is very sexual, has slept with all his female friends except me, and there’s always that dissonance between us, but we’ve been close for 10 years. I trust he’d never do something like that, but then again ya just dunno.

    I don’t really believe in ‘grey rape’, to me rape is rape, if you don’t want sexytime, then you don’t want it.

  17. It all depends on the individuals and the situation… Each person’s ulterior motives and hidden agendas complete with their intentions must all come into play… Not a simple question with no simple answers…

  18. Yes, men and women can be friends if they start out with a clear understanding.

    I’ve had male friends for many years (prior to 2nd marriage and during) that are still dear to me – the lines were drawn early and definite…I’m NOT interested in them other than friendship, and I value their male perspective on things..

  19. Definitely can be friends but occasionally one person or the other can overstep boundaries… works great if the two people are happy with their lives and relationships.. and it’s a very safe and comfortable feeling to have friendships like that.

  20. i’d second Read_em…

    i’m male & i’ve many female friends & that’s it & it’s fine & ok. my sisters…

    there had been occasions these female friends had their own needs… let’s say for closeness & that can easily morph into intimacy. i stopped it, everytime.

    why? next day situation would have been different, very different. & though i enjoy sex a lot… i’m aware most of my female friends are _not_ up to enjoy physical interaction just for the fun of it. especially, when real needs are just for being close.

    thing is, the closer people are to me, the more i know them, the less i’m sexually attracted to them – as i simply find…, they all carry their problems & pain. & i can’t help but trying to ease _that_. pisces…

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