Can A Person Conceal Their Character?

My husband and I got into a rousing debate over this one. Let’s say a person misrepresents their character in order to form a relationship with someone who might reject them otherwise.

How long do you think they can go without their character flaw being revealed?

Can you elaborate? Where is your Venus?



Can A Person Conceal Their Character? — 76 Comments

  1. venus in aries, 8th…..i feel i have to answer this from ego-centric view…(aries here) … well, they couldn’t go more than about 2 minutes with me…ok, maybe 2 days…but still i voted decades because there are some or can conceal from those with eyes/hearts closed for a long time…but then, is that a relationship, what’s that??!!

  2. I voted 6 months on the outside, but I confess I have no idea. I have Venus is wide-open Leo trine wide-open Jupiter and I just can’t fathom that sort of thing. I can’t hide one damn thing about myself, and I have no desire to try. I don’t understand; what’s the motivation?

  3. Of course, each person brings out a different side of one’s character…so if they don’t bring out the flaw they’re not likely to see it. It’s a lifetime’s work to know all the sides of even ONE person. But I kinda like surprises. Sometimes, you think you’ve known someone for years, and just then they reveal a new layer, and you realize you cannot fathom another human being ever.

    Venus in Aries

  4. “I don’t understand; what’s the motivation?”

    The motivation is conceal things that if known would prevent the person from entering the relationship. A man who wants to date a single mother leaving out the fact he’s abandoned 3 kids with 3 women for example. A woman who went psycho on her ex but claims innocence and victimhood.

  5. I agree that someone can’t hide true aspects of themselves for very long (like if they pretend to be “not jealous” but really are very possessive), that is going to come out I think less than a year. But being in a (very) long-term relationship, if you are with someone from their (and your) 20’s, right up into their late 40’s, you will sure as hell not be with the same person you met way back then. But I suppose as long as the basic values you had, and agreed upon, still remain true, that will still keep you together, even if one of you decided they now want to take flying lessons (I am upping his life insurance, you can bet on that!).

  6. Yea love is blind and “everybody’s some body’s fool’. And I was Fool # 1.

    I just learned that the guy that I was with who portrayed himself as the most monogamous, loyal, partnered up guy (5 planets in Libra) was on this on line dating site writing to women the entire time I was with him.

    Oh, and he was totally financially solvent (until I found his bankkruptcy records)

    It was like the holocaust of betrayals in the aspect that he sent these little ‘icebreakers’ to hundreds of women the entire time he was with me.

    Up until this minute, even though i caught him dating someone else, he still tells me I am crazy, there is no one else and I am ‘destroying us’

    I guess we will see how long the next person last.

  7. I voted indefinitely because I think there are some people who choose to be deceived. If a person who would conceal his character paired up with someone who would ignore those flaws the match and the deception could go on indefinitely.

    Now if you’re asking how long someone could fool me… usually not long enough to get a date in the first place and definitely not beyond the first date.

  8. I actually wanted to vote ‘less than’ 1-2 months. Perhaps this is because I have Venus in Aries in my 4th in a grand trine with 8th House Saturn and 12th House Neptune.
    The veil lifts ever so briefly before dropping just as quickly…but I see it. For me the trick is to be able to decipher what is worth ignoring…because to me it is floating on the surface… and what is worth lifting out of the water.

  9. i voted 6 months. i think that if someone is really good, they are a sociopath. or have some sort of mental problem (they are able to decieve even themselves). rewrite their history.
    if it is just plain mis-representation to be loved or liked, 6 months tops, little quirks or language/ behavior slip ups will start comming out… my venus is in sag almost on the ASC (tech.12H-1H)
    but i agree with lupa- there are times when you can see and times when you are blind.

  10. I think I could get fooled for decades if not indefinitely, and I bet that’s Venus square Neptune. As far as fooling someone else, I am confused by the concept. I’m not sure how you intentionally go about it. I can imagine how someone could be fooled (fooling themselves?) about my character but I don’t know what I could do about it intentionally. If they’re spending any amount of time with me, how could they not see who I am? And whatever that is, I think they are seeing what they want to see. I guess I assume I am doing this in viewing other people’s characters too.

  11. Some things need no motivation at all. They just are what they are. A flaw is in the eye of the beholder. The one you may think has a flaw may not view it as a flaw at all. From their perspective it may just be something that is best left unspoken or unimportant.

  12. I voted ‘not at all, 1 to 2 months at most.’ Venus in Aries in the first house, perhaps I am only speaking of my own inability to be someone else for very long.

  13. I voted six months….I dated a guy a while back that the first 3-4 months was just too good to be true….perfect in every way…then, at about the 5 to 6 month things start happening that I could not quite explain and when I would ask my friends about it, they thought I was making too much of it….but it began to add up and more things were going on…really strange stuff until it finally exploded and I could not believe it…he had lied about so many things. It took me a while to get over that one….in some respects I can be very gullible and naive….venus in pisces in the 7th house

  14. I voted 1-2 months but I am abit of a supersleuth. Having said that I can deceive myself if I don’t want what my intuition is telling me to be true!

    I had this experience last year – there were 101 clues but I was hoping it wouldn’t be too bad because I like to see the good in people. It was worse but in the end he got counselling for something he didn’t think was a problem until I left him for it! Think that was about the best result really. I learned a few home truths about myself along the way of course…

  15. Dena- was this guy from Windsor? Seriously, mine was perfect for months. And the amount of time he spent on me, you couldn’t imagine he’d have time to think about anything else.

    Every time I would say something was wrong, my friends would excuse him and some Very Close friends were telling ME that I wasn’t giving enough or trying to understand his point b/c he seemed like the nice guy.

    I don’t think I’ll ever get over this b/c I really stretched myself to give him the benefit of the doubt. I had to go rouge to figure out WFT was really happening.

    Right now he’s on a dating site saying he makes $150K a year – while he’s just declared bankruptcy. Says I’m a good partner, I’m loyal, I’m just here looking for my best friend, I’m fun and I’m successful’ I would submit he’s neither.

    So he’s a liar and I feel like an idiot. Why?

  16. I voted 1-2 months because I don’t believe a person can be something they aren’t for very long. My Venus is in Aries conjunct the 8th cusp and Saturn in Scorpio in the 3rd, so with these placements I will ferret out things pretty fast and if I don’t I deserved a kick in the ass LOL

    I have to admit though with Pisces on the desc I do get pretty starry eyed, but it doesn’t take too long to get to the real deal.

  17. Mz. Scarlett…I don’t either…have not met another one like him again…he is from North Carolina and that relationship was over 5 years ago…yikes, didn’t realize that much time had passed, but I still think about him from time to time…just because it was so magical and surreal and that is the clincher…he is also still on a dating site and has had various girlfriends since then and I had read his dialogue a while back on that site and it floored me how he said all those wonderful things about himself too….just like your guy…it is all an illusion.

    A friend of mine suggested that he may be bi-polar and I met him while he was in a manic state and then he got depressed and that is when he changed….he did do extraordinary things…..buying dozens of flowers and had them delivered to my house…showing up at my job and asking me to marry him in front of my co-workers…showering me with gifts…I felt so caught up in this “spring love” that my normal capricornian logic didn’t stand a chance.

    So, I guess that means there are more like him out there if you got stung by one too….I am wishing you a speedy recovery from yours!

  18. Venus in scorpio. I think indefinitely with the right person. There are people with a desparation in their hearts and predators can smell this a mile away. They will play their part until they have no use for the victim or they are found out. If a girl wants to get married and have kids then she’ll believe anything.

  19. I voted decades for myself because I think I’m that stupid. It’s not my Venus in Aries that has done me in, it’s my Neptune which is conjunct the other person’s Neptune/Venus. I will probably make excuses for them for who knows how long. Pathetic.

    • I agree, and i agree it’s all about the neptune. i have venus in aries but neptune in the 12th. If i want to believe in you i will especially if i shouldn’t 🙁

  20. Sometimes what looks like “character flaws” are episodes that arose within dysfunctional relationships. For instance, if someone went psycho on their ex, we’d have to know what part played the ex in this episode, because some people know how to drive others crazy while they play the flawless and honorable for the outside world.
    I think that with the right partner these “flaws” will not repeat, and not because of the new partner, but because the person would have changed (evolved) enough to find this new kind of partner.
    Venus-Uranus in Cancer, 6th house.

  21. Venus in Aries, 8th house.

    I vote indefinitely. Because some people are just THAT dishonest and others are THAT delusional. A person willing to go to those lengths to get the person they want will keep doing it as long as they’re able, or as long as they think it’s necessary. If the person being duped wants to believe badly enough, they’ll go along with it, though probably not consciously.

    Also, there are liars who even lie effectively to themselves. Those kinds are extra scary.

  22. Venus in cancer in 2nd. i voted 1-2months, usually I can tell pretty quick. I guess it depends on the person they are trying to fool and if they want to keep believing in the fantasy,lol. There are usually clues that pop up but most people want to “ignore” those signs.

  23. Psychopaths can conceal their character for decades.

    Sometimes, I cannot conceal my character for five minutes. I really don’t want to conceal my character much of the time. Generally I think this is a good thing, but it freaks some people out.

  24. I voted 6 months. I would have said 1-2 months, because when I’m detached I can read people very well. But when my emotions are involved my judgement gets clouded. I have Venus conjunct Jupiter in Capricorn in the 7th. I also find I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt very often, and if someone is trying to conceal their character flaws, they can use this against me easily.

    The psychopath thing is interesting – maybe they can conceal their character because their ends define their means… aka they don’t HAVE a character?

  25. Gee Dena:

    Mine sent flowers every two weeks, he made me a ring out of cigar band before he met me or had seen my hands- i have a finger that is smaller than a size 4 and when i put that ring on, it fit like he had been in the room when he did it.

    I believe that he is not bi-polar but has borderline personality disorder. They are psychopaths. They are very narcissistic and need lots of source. When they are in that falling in love stage, they mirror your feelings and its the only time they feel ‘normal’. Once that ‘wears’ off, and they realize that you are not the answer to their problems and they start to feel their chronic emptiness, they fall into a depression and must seduce again in order to feel alive.

  26. MzScarlett I wish I had the words to convey how badly I feel this has been your experience.

    “he made me a ring out of cigar band before he met me or had seen my hands”

    I’m just…I don’t know. It’s a wonder, how different people are and what they respond to. I guess my Saturn in the 8th makes me suspicious as hell because if someone did that for me I’d run for the hills.

    I’ve had guys tell me they love me in what I thought was a ridiculous amount of time (like, a couple of weeks) and my free-wheeling Sagittarius side wasn’t attracted but in fact repelled.

  27. but has borderline personality disorder. They are psychopaths.

    Uh, no they’re not. Some people with BPD do have it, but not all of them do, and not all psychopaths out there have BPD. Also, each person with personality disorders have different problems, and each case varies.

    *plutonian woman with venus conjunct mars in taurus in the fourth house, practically on the cusp of aries*

  28. Anyway, as for how long a person can conceal their character.

    Depends on the person and how good he or she is at doing this, and the types of people who are more or less easy to fool. I’d rather judge this matter on a case by case basis instead of attempting to make generalized statements about events I know little of. 🙂

  29. Being bipolar is to be manic in expression of depression and euphoric highs. Too bad their are so many false diagnosis out there.

    Have you ever felt severely depressed? Have you ever felt estatic and like you could achieve anything? During those times did you also feel psychotic, like you would harm someone? Of course not!

  30. I don’t think it takes long to see a person’s true character at all. However, whether you choose to acknowledge it is another story.

  31. My Mom is bipolar. Her chart is off the hook. She does not have one planet in earth. Only two; Saturn and Leo in water (cancer) and the rest fire and air.

  32. histrionic is one of the differential diagnoses for BPD, if memory of the ol’ DSM-IV serves. of course, bpd’s don’t have to be sociopathic. but they can sure feel that way sometimes. and I’ve been known to call a few “psychopaths” myself, but in the colloquial sense of the word.

    either way, read bad news.

  33. Thanks Goddess, Satori, Dena.

    1) I apologize if I hijacked Elsa’d thread b/c this was about character and I think when you get into personality disorders – well that’s a whole nuther Oprah show.

    2) I wrote about the ring, etc not for people to feel badly but to show how much of a sense of ‘me’ this guy had, right down to my fingertips even prior to meeting me. And no not all bpd’s are sociopaths but the jails are full of them.

    I could probably write a book about some of the stuff he’s done/does to me after I stopped contact. Maybe i will.

  34. I have Venus in the 9th in Cancer, and I have been the one who was fooled many times, trusting people who did not deserve it – wiser now!

    On the character thing, I voted with the 9% who thinks someone can hide their true character for decades because I was thinking of all those guys who were married, lived quiet lives, loved their kids, pillars of their church and community blah blah, but who were also serial rapists, killers and cheaters and nobody had a clue. There’s probably women like that too but none come to mind right now.

    I agree with those who said there are those who can fool others and there are those who can be fooled, but I think there’s also a certain number out there who can pretty much fool anybody.

  35. i’m usually certain by three weeks, one way or another.
    my gut usually kicks in way sooner, but all my mutables tend to make me hold off on judgement until i’m as certain as i’m likely to get…

  36. I picked decades. It’s happened.. 2nd families, being connected to the mob, having killed someone.
    I have venus in libra in the 12th.

  37. Liz, I see your point but have no experience that relates to that. I picked 1-2 months but only because I think the flaws will be evident very quickly, but it’s a matter of whether the other person will recognize that they’re there. Then there’s the question of ability to see vs. propensity to see it. More projection and illusion, of course. My ex projected a better character than he had, I think because he wanted to believe that was who he was rather than trying to deceive me per se. I wasn’t ignorant about his character flaws, but wanted to be right there with him believing the better part of his character would win out. Of course, what happened in the end was that the balance tipped precipitously the other way. He still is trying as hard as he can to convince himself that his character is flawless, of course.

  38. I don’t think they can conceal who they truly are for very long. Certain situations bring out the primal person that you are. You’re bound to get into one of these situations at some point your relationship with this person. These days, it seems like everyone’s personal business is being broadcast on the front page… Bringing up the most primal, deep, firmly rooted emotions a person can have. You have no choice but to act in the way you did as a child, your most true self. Before you grew up in the world, became “tainted” by other’s ideas, and actions. I think this happens sooner now than it may have in the past. Then it’s totally up to you and this person to decide if the two of you want to stick it out and continue on in your relationship, or call it quits. I’m not saying any of this is a bad thing, either. I believe in being my most true self with people from the get go so they won’t be disappointed if they happen to see something they don’t like. Well boo hoo, I am who I told you I am. Don’t expect more or less.

    Sadly, that is such a difficult thing when you’ve got Venus and Neptune sitting right next to each other at 5 and 6 degrees Capricorn, respectively.

    Venus in Capricorn
    Venus in 1st house (literally a part of how I present myself, and people don’t understand how someone can “naturally be so sweet.” I’m like I’m not always miss rainbow… So chill out before you get your feelings hurt haha…)
    Venus conjunct Neptune (1 degree, Capricorn, 1st house)
    Venus conjunct Uranus (widely, Sagittarius, 1st house)
    Venus sextile Mars (in Scorpio, 11th house)
    Venus sextile Pluto (in Scorpio, 11th house)
    Venus trine Moon (in Taurus, 5th house)

    So, Pluto is hitting my Venus/Neptune right now and I can say that it’s bringing up a lot of things that don’t feel so pleasant but I am able to share these things with my friends, and family who support me no matter what and they are seeing my wounds I may try to hide (Venus/Neptune) while Pluto is exposing them one by one, and I am slowly starting a major healing/growing process. I won’t say I’ve necessarily tried to conceal this part of my character, I’m just kind of able to morph (1st house Neptune) into showing the part of me I want to show… And I can change this rapidly. Sometimes I’m profound and deep, other times I’m shallow and fun. But you can always, always, always feel a vibe of intensity around me and you always know there’s so much more under the surface. This either attracts people like CRAZY or quickly repels them. Haha.

    Nice poll, I like it! 🙂

  39. Also, I kind of try to make sure that I tell people not to get too comfortable with the good side of me that they can’t handle the less than desirable traits I can display.

    A person is made up of several parts. You can’t just take all of the pretty and none of the scarred. And I think that if you can just take that from a person you hold any kind of relationship with, maybe you’re the one with the issue. Not them. They’re simply human. I expect to see all of a person. Sometimes I just tend to dwell on the pretty parts.

  40. I think it depends on the people involved. so I didn’t at all. some people can hide aspects of themselves from their partners and families for years (but you wonder why no one smells the bodies decaying in the basement), and others can’t get away with anything at all. I think the key is the partner of Mr. or Mrs. Flaw. On some level you always know. even when you don’t know, you know deep down inside. You just choose, on some level, to not deal with that knowledge because you don’t want to make a decision. So if one person is really undercover, and the other is the King or Queen of Denial, then they can go along forever. But if you are someone like me (Venus in Aries), you can’t hide anything at all. And when I learn that someone I care about is a deadbeat dad, or is lying to me about ANYTHING at all, then they get kicked to the curb in a heartbeat and I don’t look back.

  41. I said decades though it could also be indefinitely (never). Character flaws themselves show up, and seeing them all depends on the partner’s ability or choice to see them. You know a person is acting in a certain way, but you don’t know why… so you could make up your own reasons or excuses for the behavior and treat the person accordingly. But as Elsa said in her later comment, a person could possibly hide facts from their past forever, which if their partner had known up front would have stopped the relationship from ever happening.

    (We are currently watching “Dexter” on DVD — extreme example of the above!)

  42. I voted indefinitely (Venus in Sag, conj Neptune). I know a couple, married for years – the woman lived as a “proper” Muslim girl while the man used to be in a gang, slept around, etc. She doesn’t know and he has no problem with not telling. He’s now a Sufi, cut off completely from his old life.

  43. 2 hours if I can play cards with them. I was just thinking about this last night, that I should require prospective renters of mine to play cards with me. THEN I’d know. I was thinking of this because of the “plutonian” discussion on the boards. How do I put my feelers out? I realized that I don’t or I don’t as often as I should, or I don’t ACT on that information as often as I should because I see myself as a “nice” person that “gives people a chance”. I need a few hours with you solid and then I know. However, I voted 6 months because that is the outside time I’ll give you with your crappy character to mess things up and then you’re cut off. dating the guys with crappy character never lasted more than a month to 1.5 months. But in more distance work/business type relationship (ie my renters) I’ve had situations go on for up to 6 months before you’re gone from my life for crappy/nasty behavior. So I voted 6 months. I have venus pisces but pluto is all tied up with it so I’m either listening to my pluto and not wanting to act on it, you know, people are good, give them a chance to show you they’re good, etc. etc. and knowing that it’s shitty behavior that isn’t going to change. But honestly. If I play cards with you I KNOW (other, socially interactive games substitute well, it has to do with how you play and how you interact and how you use your resources and what you treat the game as)

  44. I have Venus in Aries in the 7th. So while I do project a lot onto whoever my partner is, concealing your identity is indirect and annoying and once I catch on and see through that, I get angry and then you’re scrapped.

  45. I voted 1-2 months ..Especially when being in a close contact with that person

    I think it depends from the person watching the show and from the actor.

    Personally I cant stand to watch films with bad actors because of their smallest sign or wrong grin that will give them away.
    Its like I have a small sensor that can show me when someone is acting,not sincere,true motivations..etc

    Venus conj Pluto in Scorpio(8th-9th)

  46. I voted decades, though it could be indefinitely/never. All it takes is for one person to successfully lie or not reveal events (and not be found out), and for the other person to choose to a) believe, b)project and/or c) not care.

    We’ve been watching Dexter on DVD — total case in point!!!

  47. I voted six months on the outside, but I don’t think it is the only answer.
    I have worked as a hairstylist for over 30 years, and for the last 20, it has been from my home with the majority of people one-on-one, with no one else around for much of that time. I have also done numerous individuals over the years, who eventually bring their new partners. Mind you, I end up knowing all of the dirt on the majority of my clients, b/c people just do that with me anyway…I have Pluto in the Twelfth house, among other factors that bring this about.
    I don’t share the personal stuff with others…something AI am known for as a matter of fact..I watch how long the relationship lasts…sometimes years ending in marriage, then sometimes divorce.
    Granted I am never 100% sure what the parties share w/ each other but I get a pretty good read on the situation never the less. I will also add some of the stuff isn’t like what Elsa added earlier…but some of it is “deal breaking ” kinda stuff though.
    I have seen already married couples, and heard their stuff, and know stuff that the other half supposedly does not know, and they are still together, and am told never to tell the other half…( Ugh I hate that!!!) I never divulge anything, unless absolutely necessary, even then it is only on a “need to know basis” usually after the fact that the person has found out on their own.
    My answer is, that I think it depends on the levels of co-dependency there is, denial, to have most of what you want and hope it looks good to the outside world…there is a lot to explain but you get the idea by now, I feel. 🙂
    I have Venus in Virgo, conjunct Mercury in Leo, in the eleventh house.

  48. i think it depends on the partner’s willingness to self-deceive, in which case, it could be a couple weeks, or it could be indefinitely.

  49. I have heard of and known couples where the woman had been deceived for decades.
    In one case, the lady’s husband had a whole other family life with another woman, who lived in another country, and she never knew until he died and the other family came to her house to say that they had the right to claim all of his things. Imagine that.

    Venus in Capricorn in the 8th, square Pluto.

  50. LOL I voted 1-2 months the same as last year!! Whew at least I was consistant on this one,haha. I have venus in cancer in the 2nd house.

  51. I definitely think people can deceive others for years and years…even longer if, as wyrdling says, the other person chooses denial as a means of security. Venus in Gemini 7th house.

  52. Not for very long … I have venus in Virgo and met a guy who has it in Scorpio, when we met he said he was single, had not been in an committed relation for years… well I found out in less than 2 months that he was actually living with a woman and had been for the past 5 years, I think he has deceived her for years, it took me weeks to find out who he really was.

  53. Venus in Aries here. I voted 1-2 months. I’ve noticed about myself that if it takes me longer than that to see their character, then it’s because there was something there that I didn’t WANT to see.

    I think 1-2 months is even a long time… often, if I’m being brutally honest with myself, I can see it within the first few meetings or less.

  54. I’d say sooner or later, it always pops out. Always. And if fighting themselves to hide it, it will pop out harder, and inappropriately (which, I’m guessing, would be particularly frustrating).

  55. If we are talking about hiding character flaws, then it would take a very short time – something like a few days or a month at the most.
    Having children all over the country with different wives is something more than a character flaw.
    Venus in Virgo (and, more important, Mercury in Scorpio).

  56. They may try to conceal their character, but to the eyes, mind, and intuition open and skillful in observation, hardly possible. Unless the observer decides to override their own intuition and starts making excuses for all the unfavorable character issues that have been observed.
    Timeframe: one to three months, depending on the type and amount of contact.
    Venus in Leo, Sag Asc, Pluto in the 9th (trine Moon conj, Saturn), Neptune in Sco in the 12th.

    • Yeah, work with em or live with em and it all becomes real clear real fast.

      I don’t necessarily look at it as flawed. Who am I to judge. And I don’t really believe it is consciously hiding. It takes awhile for me to get to know someone. Really know them. And them me too.

  57. It depends on both parties. Does the other party want to believe this person is their ideal so badly that they lie to themselves? There are terrible people out there but they do mimic good people, until you cross a line. The signs are there maybe immediately or 3 months in… but it just depends on your point of view. I’ve been listening to the podcast “Dirty John” and this was what happened and it was so horrendous what this one man did to pick, abuse and use women. It. Makes me furious and want to educate people more about what to do.

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