I was talking to someone last week, she’s facing something I had to face when I was her age. I’d have not put this together had she not asked me a direct question about my life. I realized I suffered through having to make a horrific decision. It was at the time of my Saturn return.
Venus retrograde in Scorpio has been something else, especially with the square from Mars. People are getting cut left and right. Some are finding out for the first time – HEY! You’re really not going to make it through life unscathed. You’re going to get dirty at some point. You’re got to get bumped, bruised and it you live long enough, you’ll probably be cut to the bone.
“Cut to the bone” is a figure of speech, but in some cases, your actual bone will be cut through. I speak from experience, seeing as they sawed out my hip a few months ago.
The fact is you will be scarred. And the decision this gal makes that I also had to make will cut her, one way or the other. THE CUT WILL HURT.
I thought it might be worth bringing this up with Saturn and Pluto heading towards conjunction in Capricorn. Everyone is brought to their knees eventually (Saturn). Everyone has their dark night of the soul as well (Pluto).
The conjunction of these planets are going to bring a lot of people to these points. It can’t happen to you, it can’t happen to you and then it does.
Have you ever found yourself in so much pain of whatever kind, you truly thought it might kill you?
And what about waking up with your illusions shattered, realizing you’ve grossly inflated your own value?
I haven’t been cut, literally. But I have been cut out of some people’s lives, a lot for great reasons. Can’t say I blame them, but I can’t think about them too much. I need to be somewhat positive.
I did mean this metaphorically. Sometimes you have to make decisions that you know, in the moment, will have life-long consequences.
Or you’re forced to draw a line or do something you never thought you’d do. And it kills you to do it because the “you” that dies, never would. So this new person is left where you that you know, used to be. You can’t go back because you’re not there anymore.
I’ve already been through so many cuts, gashes, bloody gaping holes ~literally, and excruciating pain for almost 60 years that I really don’t know if I can make it through anymore. AND… day before yesterday I found out that the sub-floor under my kitchen and bedroom floor has an inch of standing water on it (!!!), all the studs, beams, and sheetrock on the inside of the walls are covered in THICK black mold. I have no idea what to do, who to call, if it’s covered by insurance, etc. I have a very bad feeling that a malicious plumber is to blame. He caused a lot of problems and never finished the work, leaving things in bad shape. The thought of facing 2020 is terrifying to me because my Sun is at 23*53′ Cancer 5th house, which ~as you well know, is in the direct line of fire from all the Pluto, Saturn, etc transits coming. I’m actually afraid for my life now. I really cannot take anymore.
Rubysun, I just sent you a prayer❤️
Libra noir, thank you. I mean that from the deepest part of my heart. _/|\_
My Sun is 24 degrees Cancer, 6th House. I’m also terrified by what’s coming in 2020.
I try not to dwell on it, but it’s difficult.
Just wanted you to know I understand.
Sigh. Let’s see what happens to us both. Thanks for understanding. I hate it when people act righteous and say stupid things minimizing the pain and acting above it all. A good friend who is 65 said, “my daughter tells me not to be over protective or dramatic and think the worst, but I am all those things because I’ve lived long enough to know really bad things happen to good people”. So far, I’m still here, and I still want to be 🙂 Sending you love and hugs.
We will get through this. I have small children, and they need me. It’s the strongest motivation I know.
Also, thank you for the book recommendation below. I will definitely look for it.
That’s my bathroom. And I’m 58. Sending prayers.
OH NOOOOO! Oh god, I’m sending you prayers too!
I’m a Plutonian and used to take great comfort in Nietzche’s saying “that which does not kill me makes me stronger.” After my Saturn return in 2010, then transit Pluto square to my sun-mars-venus tight stellium and currently Saturn square to itself, I can paraphrase Nietzche and postulate that that which does not kill you makes you wish it did.
Thank you so much.
I know what you mean and I dont think its as dark as it sounds. I think humans do have a death wish (freud). But really its a wish to be with God again. Death is just the only way we can conceptualize it.
I agree. Since I was 3 years old, whenever I was upset,hurt,sad, etc., I would cry, rock and say “I want to go home.” I still do this to this day. I remember my mother saying to me “But you are home!” I would always reply “No, this is NOT home, I want to go back from where I came from!” They all thought I was melodramatic but a long time ago I realized that some part of my unconscious or subconscious remembers being with God and that’s what I meant and still mean.
Both my girls do this. It breaks my heart, makes me think “are we not giving you a good life? Why do you want to leave us?” It’s really hard to hear.
Jen, I just started reading, “Journey of Souls” by Michael Newton PH.D. It explains exactly what you’re girls do. You may want to read it. Fascinating.
Thank you. I will look for it.
That is an AMAZING book! Helped me know why I’m here.
I wouldnt take it personally. Youre not responsible for your childs journey or his perception of his/her life. I dont think we can take much credit or blame either way ya know?
And I really do think its a sign of a healthy soul. Because the truth is that happiness is not found in the world. Its found in the heart.
Yes, I’m in the middle of reconceptualizing death in this manner; the pain was so unbearable that the only comforting thought was that some day it will end – so maybe a death wish which has come to light, insted of it being unconsciuous.
Maira, my addendum to that saying has long been, between not killing and making stronger, many of us spend some time squashed flat (picture Coyote, in the Road runner cartoons). I don’t like it, either, when people try to put a glossy dismissal of others’ suffering. 🙁
Praying, here too.
Nah, that’s Neptune’s work, when you wake up from the fairy tale and realize all you thought was true wasn’t.
“Have you ever found yourself in so much pain of whatever kind, you truly thought it might kill you?”
Yes, I paid a massive debt for such a small thing but I am still here. I learned as much as I could, grew as much as I could. Responded with as much maturity and class as I knew how to at that age.
I have to admit this post scares me a little because Pluto in Cap is hitting all of my Cancer planets and even though I have Pluto-Sun natally, it isn’t what I would think of as “what I’m used to.” And it’s been going on a looooong time now. Pluto is opp. my Sun/Mercury and Saturn will hit it too.
Just thinking about dying a metaphorical death due to some choice I’d be forced to make, makes me sad. But I guess that’s life. I’ll just start gathering strength now and keep my eye on the calendar.
“Have you ever found yourself in so much pain of whatever kind, you truly thought it might kill you?”
More than once. I am truly shocked I lived.
There have been many times in my life, it would have been much easier, to just die.
Oh ya. Two times that were really significant. Like actual moments where you face that, and thats all there is. I surrendered everything. (I took some stuff back both times, but in those moments I was completely aware that the will of God was my only option). And several others that were more subtle.
Really it happens any time something doesn’t happen the way we think it should, but they arent acute enough to really make an impact. They are little hints that maybe we are putting our faith in the wrong things.
Its a good thing. It is. Because those things actually do kill you, or your idea of yourself. But really they kill what you are not.
It made me look at the fact that if my whole outlook could change, then who the hell am I? Wasnt I there for all of it? Arent I always there and isnt God always there? He was there when I hit bottom and so was I so what does that infer? Maybe that me and God are one?
Not saying its easy:) Its hell. Its the wilderness. And some dont make it out in this life. I remember that. Its by the grace of God that I got through it and nothing else. Its all I can rely on.
It also helps to remember that even Jesus went into the desert and was tempted. Its archetypal.
I love this … I’m going to print it out and carry it with me.
We’ve all experienced pain. That’s the one thing we all have in common no matter what. Some more than others.
I’m learning that you have to live for the present moment since Pain can be caused from living in the past. It’s beneficial to train yourself through meditation or doing something you love to live for right now. Even if right now is pain.
Yes. All of this. It’s quite relentless. I’ve also realised it’s not going to get better, it’s going to get more so. Ain’t seen nothing yet. Strangely, I can feel myself becoming stronger as a result. Even though I’m on my knees some days. Massive transformation, don’t recognise mysef (or the world) most days but I’m in here somewhere. As a process, it isn’t pretty.
‘Venus Retro is something else, especially with the square from Mars.’ The UK papers have been full of stories about a celebrity comedian and his dancing partner on Strictly Come Dancing (the British equivalent of Dancing with the Stars). They were caught together kissing in the street – and not just a peck on the cheek. The night they kissed was the celebrity’s girlfriend’s birthday. She was waiting for him at home. That relationship has now ended. The dancing partner is married to another dancer on the show.
I watched the show on Saturday night (dancing night) and Sunday night (results night). The celebrity and dancing partner, who had to apologise on TV for their behaviour but were kept on in the show, were voted by the public and judges to stay in. The dancing partner’s husband stood at the back of the auditorium the whole time not looking happy. The show had its highest ratings ever.
Even though they apologised it just feels wrong, and brings back bad memories for me of being cheated on by someone I loved when I was younger. His life carried on as normal with all the same friends, but I moved away and was isolated. A small cut compared to what others of you are going through, but an effect of Venus Retro, maybe. I do have this Venus Scorp- Mars Aqua square natally anyway.
My husband is going through his second stay at re hab.. the first was for 10 days..was doing good until after his flu shot then took a turn for the worse a few days later.He is already been at his second re hab for 10 days and still can not stand. I am facing the reality that when my husband comes home he might have to be put in hospice. He is giving up. He hates his condition and just wants it to end.
This is killing me. He is so much a part of me I just cant imagine my life without him. With every labored breath he takes I am laboring with him.
Youre stoicism and devotion is incredible Opalina and very beautiful. I send you my love.
I am so sorry. November 1 I celebrate 38 years clean. My prayers with you and your husband.
Whoa. I am so sorry for all you’re going through. When I worked for the American Cancer Society I’d let people know that sometimes you really need to let yourself fall apart and cry ~ like in the shower or when you’re alone, when you need to release so much pressure. I’ve been crying all day and my eyes are blurry and burning. I’m sending you love and hugs.
What is death to the caterpillar is birth to the butterfly x
So true, may we all become butterflies!
That conjunction is going to be right on my moon.
Already practicing the art of cutting, and mending myself when I am cut. Which I had no concept of prior to a couple years ago, when it felt like every bone was being broken in order to wake me up to what was going on.
Yup, been cut to the bone. Thought I might just die at any time. It wasn’t that I overvalued myself, it’s just that I never imagined anyone could stoop so low. It changed how I view people in general.
Me too, Notch. Shook the hell out of me that the ‘adults’ in the room were acting like no-holds bar Lord of the Flies naughty children.
hell yeah never even thought about my ego until a parting of the ways to realize the company i built no longer mine.divorce split shit up,i fought for my home and land and ,yep starting at ,what felt at the time,square one.Five years later,almost, I am beginning to see myself, choice more goals ;and yes keep crawling forward ,humbling .I feel I see more people I was unaware of,the terribly poor,we are rubbing elbows.I am the most comfortable i have been my whole life
Yes. Happened in 2010 during the last Venus Retro. Now, eight years later, this Venus Retro, finally feeling better. I was a lot more naïve then. Lessons and tests. Virgo north node – get it together girl.