Bully Update – Mom Goes In With Her Mars

ambush3a.jpgI decided to confront the bully (and his mother) at Vidroid’s bus stop this morning after learning the bullying has been going on for some weeks and now escalated to the point where my son is being choked up against a wall. It turned into an ambush, something Vid and I have done before. We pulled up at the bus stop and waiting patiently. As soon as Vid said, “That’s them,” we were out of our car making a beeline.

I guess I am not someone you want to see headed towards you at 7 in the morning, with my black gym clothes and wild hair because I could see the fear in the kid’s eyes when he saw us coming and knew the game had changed. The mother glanced at him but had no time to react.

“You probably don’t know your son has been picking on mine but he has,” I said, speaking low and slow like John Wayne. On the driver’s side of the car, I stared the bully down. “Yep, he’s been doing all kinds of things and yesterday your kid had mine up against a wall and he was choking him,” I said addressing the mother but staring daggers across her at the kid. “You keep your hands off my son. Don’t you touch him,” I said to the kid.

I let go the eye contact and addressed the mother directly looking her right in the eye. “I would appreciate it if you could encourage your son to keep his hands off my son,” I said.

“I will.”

“Thank you. I have contacted the dean so I am sure you’ll be hearing from him today and you,” I said, staring at the very flustered kid… “You keep your hands off my kid, this is no joke.”

On that, I touched the mother’s shoulder, “Thank you.”

“Thank you,” she said, flustered.

“Have a good day, Vid,” I said.

“You too. Bye Mom.”

I got in my car without looking back and drove away. An hour later the dean called after getting my voice mail.

“I don’t care what you do,” I said. “It’s just got to be effective because we… my family is not going to put up with this kid beating on Vid and that is just all there is to it.”


Comments

Bully Update – Mom Goes In With Her Mars — 18 Comments

  1. Go Elsa!! And does Vid take karate classes? Or get lessons from the Soldier? My fiance’s son is really very small, and would be a perfect target for bullies if he wasn’t so popular… But he’s taking karate anyway, just in case. I’m going to get my own kid (who’s big enough to be the bully) into classes as well, both so he can protect himself and for the discipline.

  2. seekingzen – he used to take karate some years ago but quit. That the soldier will teach him to fight is a given and as for this situation, though he has said nothing to Vid (and won’t unless it becomes necessary) he outlined exactly how Vid could take this kid down and put him out. Make very sure the kid never messed with him again.. he’d get his nose broken for starters and this is why it is in everyone’s best interest this kid leaves my son alone. Er… he’s backed by a man who did nothing but train to fight for 20 years and he knows a trick or two.

  3. Good! Then I hope the brat’s mother puts her foot down effectively! But then, if she’s ineffective and her kid continues running rampant, then maybe it will be healthier for him to get a broken nose now than much worse later, you know? Cuz sooner or later he’s going to run into someone who won’t stop at popping him in the face…

  4. i was telling a friend recently that i see defending yourself from bullies and manipulation is a form of public service (different kind of bullies for our conversation but same idea). every time the bully techniques work, it’s reinforcing it. by standing up to the bullying, you’re helping to spare not only yourself but others from the same thing.

  5. Wow Elsa. You could market your technigue and sell it to PTAs around the country. But you know what I love about this? Vid was right there in it with you. Right there. What a strong kid!

  6. “But you know what I love about this? Vid was right there in it with you.”

    Yeah, he came on the last ambush too – it was his idea, I gave him a choice and boy am I glad he did. Bid difference to stand together then to have me speak up while he hides in the bushes.

    It very much sends a message, “you are messing with more than him,” and because I am so forthright (downright scary actually, when focused like this) I am pretty sure we appear to be backed by the entire fucking mafia, or at least this possibility enters the mind.

    And I don’t mean “braggart Italian” I mean, “You’re only going to get one warning,: type Italians.

  7. “Well personally, I would like to see defending yourself come back into style.”

    A-fuckin’-men, sister! Where do we sign up for that?!

  8. “You’re only going to get one warning,: type Italians.”

    Hell yeah, I’m definitely signing up for that! Those folks ARE effective, they get it done. You gotta respect that.

    Funny, I was talking to a friend last night about bullying/aggressive behavior (the adult version) and her dog interrupted to bark loudly at me(always does this to me but NOT her). I said “No” twice, then ignored it but it continued. She told me you *never* give a command to a dog more than once or else it stops taking you seriously. You say it once and if it doesn’t work you DO something. She demonstrated: said “No” ONCE with a direct stare, next thing I knew she was on top the dog and holding its muzzle. The dog stopped and started to lick her hands. I took a lesson from that – this is what you do when diplomacy doesn’t work, you giver yourself permission to push the bastard back 🙂 Today, the bully showed up at work and did his usual, and I resisted with a direct stare and a tough voice…he backed down immediately. I couldn’t believe it, I went from mouse to lion in an instant. I had NO idea I could do that! Problem stopped right there, no bullshit. I defended my boundaries effectively for once and stopped the bastard in his tracks. He won’t be picking on ME again unless he wants some trouble. Now that I know where that muscle is, I’m flexing it again next time someone else gets any ideas 😉

  9. “well you are better than them, just ignore them and they will go away”

    Shannon – that’s what they teach girls. And of course that’s the same technique we use as adults, and it goes w/o saying that it’s ineffective 9/10 times. Ever hear someone say that to a boy? He’d get beat up the first time he took such a wussy tack. Boys learn how to USE their Mars as a matter of physical safety. Girls learn that using their Mars is good in theory, but if they do it for real then there are nasty consequences. Somehow, defending yourself gets equated with being bitchy. And girls are taught to be nice, sweet, soft, to give way to others. It’s the perfect training for being taken advantage of later in life.

  10. Elsa that’s fantastic! Very poignant too as it reminded me of my own experience when I was young. I was bullied quite badly at school, but I was very vocal about wanting it to stop and was ignored, and even at the age of 11 was acutely aware of my teacher’s disgust with me. You know, who likes a rat, right? Especially a tittle-tattle girl rat. I had no friends, so I didn’t care if they hated me X or Y amount…they hated me regrdless so whatever.

    One day on the field I got choked by this boy, but when I went to complain the teacher, she told me I “brought it upon myself.” Theory being he was an unruly boy and as a girl I should act accordingly and take it I guess.

    I told her to “fuck off” and before I knew it I was frog-marched off the field and sent home, and told not to come back without a parent.

    My mum, who refused to have anything to do with the school (any school), told me I had to wait for my dad. So dad comes home, walks me back to the school and sits in the principal’s office. Principal tells us I am suspended until I apologize to my teacher and little tiny Mars/Pluto I am says:
    “My dad taught me never to apologize unless I mean it, so forget it.” (My dad’s a Libra with Taurus Moon).

    My dad stood up and said “Yes I did teach her that, and by the way I know for a fact my kid complains about those bullies day and night and you blame her. And you know it and you’re the principal and you do nothing, which is bloody pathetic. So she doesn’t need to apologize and I suggest you put her back in her class. Immediately.”

    I swear to god, Elsa, my dad also with the wild black hair and John Wayne voice, except with a Scottish accent (which sounds super threatening when he is enraged)…the principal was so pissed he had to…hmmm what’s that expression? Oh yes the principle had to eat SHIT PIE and that kid never tried anything ever again.

  11. I forgot to add the astrology: while my Dad’s Mars is 16 degrees Taurus, my Sun is 16 degrees Taurus as well. Tag team.

    I can’t remember, Elsa, but do you and Vid have Moon or Sun aspects with Mars?

  12. Talking earlier tonight with my hubby reminded me about my school bullies.
    Although I was a frequent target of gossip, no one tried to physically bully me; however, I was the “go-to” gal in elementary school if any of my friends were being bullied! 🙂 Like this:
    I was kicked out of the popular clique in second grade when I started a gifted program — too smart, I suppose. The next year, I started banding together all the other outcasts into “my” clique. “Don’t fit in? Well, you do with me! C’mon!”
    You guys know what I’m talking about.
    Well, if any of the other kids were picking on “my” kids and the person they were picking on was willing to confront the little asshole, off we’d march and I’d read the offender the riot act and let them know if it happened again I was personally gonna kick their ass.
    Surprisingly, I had to kick extremely little (read: none) ass.

    And that’s also a story about Sun-Saturn at 8+ years-old. 😉

  13. My teacher, when my mother went in with me to talk to her (my head of year- the bitchy PE teacher who hated me, because I hated PE, and had a genuine knee problem + excuse from the doctor), said to my mother, “I know those girls, and they would never do anything like that” when she’d *witnessed* it. She then suggested that I see a therapist, but not for the reasons I really needed to see one – she just didn’t want to deal with it.

    So my mother supported me in dropping out (I’d walked out just days before), and the school board intervened, due to my age, and the fact that I was in important exam-related years. The Board got to hear everything, even though we were moving over here, and I found out that not long after, they put something together to deal with bullying. I had one teacher ask me if I was okay – only *one*, and I should have told me that I wasn’t, but I just silently nodded, even though I’d been crying a little bit (to the chorus of, “Is she *crying*?” and sniggering). Mum told me, “I wish I hadn’t taught you to be nice; I wish I’d taught you to fight!”

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