Dear Elsa,
I live in Texas and met a woman online a year ago; we dated for 5 months before she moved to Seattle. When she left she did just that – she left with no goodbye or any explanation. We were intimate and very close; it broke my heart.
Two months later, I got a text. I forgave her, we continued as friends – yet she started saying how much she missed me and of course I told her the same. She wanted to come home and I bought her a ticket. For one week we realized we still had feelings for each other. She told me how in love she was with me and how happy she had been. I confessed the same yet she was still dating people and told me she couldn’t commit since I live so far away and she said she wanted to continue sleeping with other women.
She told me that the sex means nothing to her, that it is me she is emotionally committed to and in love with. But I had to end it with her because the fact she is with other women breaks my heart.
For me being in a committed long distance relationship is possible. I could and would do it but she can’t and won’t. Now, once again, I am left with a broken heart. I feel I did the right thing yet why am I still questioning myself? I know it would kill me knowing she is with someone else. All of her friends are lesbians and they all sleep with each other. I just am not like that; I can’t be when I am in love with someone. Advice???
Brokenhearted Lesbian
United States
Dear Brokenhearted,
I think you are still questioning yourself because her perfume lingers and you are just not ready to let go. So let me help you by outlining a few things.
You have a lot of Pisces and this woman is oppressing you. She is quite cold and definitely mistreated you when she took off without explanation some months ago.
Pisces has an attraction to being mistreated… to sacrificing themselves, but that’s only part of the story here. Because you have significant Scorpio in your chart as well and I think this woman allows you access and experience your deep feelings when she cuts you the way she does.
Now it’s fine if you like this. You can stay where you are for as long as you want, but if you want to move through this and experience a breakthrough, or merely something new you could turn your attention away from how bad and sad this is for you and acknowledge the fact you are attracted to bad boys (women) and perhaps even embrace it. Because if you will allow this predilection of yours to become more conscious, you’ll be left with choices – which is something you don’t have at the moment.
For example, you could go looking for another danger-girl but this time with purpose. Alternately you could be the danger-girl yourself.
You could also decide this pattern has a psychological cause you want to resolve so you can settle in with someone more like you (as you express yourself today). Someone who wants to settle into a committed, loving relationship, that is. But please be advised, danger-girls don’t do that. This is like having a lemon tree in your yard, hoping it grows you some pineapples.
So this is my advice: Figure out if you want lemons, pineapples, kiwi or whatever else, and go get it. But never, ever consider yourself a victim.
Good luck.
Love is the greatest as well as the worst of all emotions. I was abandoned by the one woman I loved in life more than twenty years ago and she is still the first thing I think of when I wake up in the morning and the last thought that drives through my exhausted mind before it surrenders to sleep at the end of the day. I still often dream about her, usually making friends with her in the dream only to have my new found contentment crushed when I awaken. Given all and looking back, I wish I had never seen her face and never spoken a word to her.
I have thrown away most of my life one someone that hurt me, never apologized and has no feeling for me now other than contempt. Do not make the same mistake. Please let her go and move on. Some of us seem unable to do so. We lack the mechanism that allows us to uncouple ourselves from someone that we revere. Most call it obsession. You seem to be able but unwilling to let go. I think it best that you do.