Body Language On A Date

I just wrote to a client about body language as far as attraction goes.  I really think you should mind yours if you are trying (and failing) to attract because it’s very powerful. This is from 2007.

From my coffee date. He’s a Libra (polite) with a Pisces Moon (intuitive). His mother is a shrink. That’s his word, not mine.

“Yeah, I’ve been watching you for awhile,” he said. “One day I was standing with this other guy and you were walking… you were headed for the locker room and you were walking all straight with your head up.” He straightened out his posture. “But then you saw us and as soon as you did, your body language changed. You closed in like this,” he said, rounding his shoulder to his center.

I nodded.

“And I thought, I don’t know. Either she’s really shy or… I just don’t know. What’s that about? I wondered because you’re usually so confident.”

“Uh huh.”

“And you stayed like that a couple seconds and then you straightened back up and you said hi to us,” he said, waving. “You said hi in your usual friendly way.”

“I see.”

“And I had no idea what to make of it. See, I notice things like that and besides it was pronounced. You couldn’t miss it and I thought, hmm. I wonder what that was.”

“Well I know what it was and I’ll tell you if you want,” I said.

“Go ahead.”

“I love the gym, that’s why I’m walking tall like that. I feel great when I am there. But as I told you, I am trying to dodge men. I am trying to dodge them in general but I am especially trying to dodge you,” I said.

“Because I’m trouble?” he asked. He was smiling, I’d told him he was trouble, earlier on the date.

“Yeah, exactly. You’re a problem. You’re a particularly special problem for me so I’m not surprised my body would react like that when I am about to collide with you. Here I am done with my workout. I’m feeling good and about to get out of there free and clear and next thing you know, there you are and I am walkin’ straight into the fire!”

He laughed.

“Yikes!” I said, smiling. “So anyway, that’s what was going on that day. I told you I am trying not to meet any men, especially men who are attractive. Because right now, I have no idea what to do with them or do about them so basically… I guess you could say I’m terrified.” I hesitated. “And ambivalent,” I said with a smirky grin.  So you can see it’s a true mess and I don’t know what else to say about it beyond what I already have. Except I am glad to be here. I am very glad, so thanks.”

“You’re welcome.”

How much mind do you pay other people’s body language?

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Body Language On A Date — 28 Comments

  1. A lot. Except I don’t read body language the way ‘all those books’ tell you to. I have my own interpretation of what body language cues mean and it generally goes beyond the stereotypical definitions.

    What one person ‘does’ can mean one thing in one situation and another thing in another situation, for the same person, and it can be entirely different for another person.

    My therapist and I used to wrangle playfully about this all the time. For example, I have a back problem. Which means a bunch of things happen, which people who don’t know me misinterpret all the time. (I have actually been taught to do these things in physiotherapy.) There are three things that help keep my back in top shape and not hurting: one is shifting my weight around regularly, especially when sitting. Another is crossing my legs. A third is crossing my arms. You can imagine how those ‘signals’ are perceived by armchair ‘body languagists’!

  2. WHAT IS LIBRAS’ ATTRACTION TO THE WORD AMBIVALENT?! I had a shrink that was a Libra (unmarried and I kept unsuccessfully trying to find out whether she was a lesbian because I assumed she was) and she would always assume or call me ambivalent. “You are a bit ambivalent about this, eh?” “Uhh, I suppose.” And the attraction is obvious to me. I just didn’t know any other Libras that used it.

  3. I liken the interpretation of body language to that of dreams. I don’t believe in ‘universal’ interpretations. Dreaming of a snake may sometimes yes perhaps maybe refer to some common archetypal motif. But it can also be a reference to something personal and unique to the dreamer.

  4. I give off ‘aloof’…and I am not at all like that inwardly. My moon is conjunct saturn…but my asc is aries; mars conj sun/merc in leo. It would figure…’cool’ is just how I project no matter how much I want to pounce.:-)

  5. yes! lol. i’m always watching, analyzing.. not in a bad way.. i guess i’m just really interested in other people. how the feel, what they think, etc.

    i guess it’s the cancer sun/scorpio moon combo

  6. also – people always catch my leo rising! they say i walk really straight, looking up, very confident. several have told me i seemed intimidating…but that’s so far from the truth..i’m as mushy and sensitive as it gets..

  7. I pay a huge amount of attention to body language … actually I think most people do, we’re just not always aware that we’re doing it.

    I think a lot of people wonder about why people treat them a certain way and a lot of it is about non-verbal information we constantly give out.

  8. Oh boy, yes I do pay attention to body language all the time. It often gives a person away as to their TRUE feelings or intentions, when what they’re saying contradicts it.

    I was at a party Saturday night. It was for a friend’s birthday, a surprise party arranged by her husband. We party with these people on a regular basis but there were a lot of people there Saturday that we had never met and the mixture of energies was so OFF. There was a lot being said with body language by several of the people there and it made me downright uncomfortable. I was there with a girl friend (Scorpio) and my husband (also Scorpio) and both of them were ready to leave almost immediately. We all three sensed it and just couldn’t relax and have fun. Apparently after we left around 1:30 am all hell broke lose and there ended up being a brawl poolside that ended with a couple of cracked skulls. o_o *shakes head*

  9. I saw my body language on video, when I was fifteen, and was appalled. I don’t know if I managed to change it much, though.

  10. Moon trine Mercury I pick up on others bodily language big time! Scorpio rising I can feel out situations and people with saturn teaching both myself things and pluto there too, them as well, but they might not be ready to learn that about themselves, and I might scare them away..

  11. Oh my yes. And even took a trick out of your (Elsa’s) playbook when I was out in a group situation with a guy I was hot for. *grin*

    (the exposing the wrist thing? Worked like a charm . . . )

  12. Oooh I STILL havent tried the wrist thing out properly! I forget when I get a chance…

    i do generally pick up non verbal cues, but not consciously & not always aware of what I’m expressing.

  13. my body language is a bit aloof (virgo asc + pluto 1H) when it comes to the attraction context and especially if I’m ambivalent…..or even oblivious (pisc stellium much?)

  14. @darvaish – he was playing with my hand within a couple minutes, and we scheduled a date later that week.

    Just sayin’

  15. I pay tons of attention, as a matter of fact, I’m more at a loss when I can’t see someone. I intuit a lot from body language, yet so many people are not aware of their body language, so I get lots of mixed messages. Merc/mars in cancer, and pluto in virgo/3rd house 😉

  16. I’m very tuned in to body language, and highly value those messages – having a handicap I can tell instantly how people are reacting to me, from intuiting it.
    I can also usually pic up on sexual stuff very quickly: who is attracted to whom (inc myself) and usually who is sleeping with whom, which can be useful 😉

    I’m also very conscious of my own body language and what kind of message that is giving off. That’s been especially useful, as a woman who habitually goes around on her own: I try always to project a kind of self-contained confidence

  17. Not a huge amount, actually. It creates too much mental noise. Unless they are within close physical range. My body registers stuff so my mind doesn’t have to. I can feel people.

    I do pay attention to my own. When I’m tired or tense I have to conscious relax a couple of key parts of my body. Dealing with chronic pain has taught me a lot, most specifically where I carry pain on my body.

  18. Oh my!
    This explains why I have been lurking around hiding my light under the bushel.
    Recently, subconsciously, I have been making myself invisible to men because I have been licking my wounds.
    And they DO stay away.
    Quite a change from the usual sauntering that I do and a string of wanted or unwanted admirers…
    Thanks, Elsa.

  19. @ Shannon Thats remarkable! how do you do it? just casually lay your hands on the table (or your knee) wrist upwards or what? or just use your hans to gesture and make sure yr wrist goes outwards rather than inwards?

    yes i know, I’m a bit slow 😉 I think I really need Elsa’s famous tips! I’ll have to look a bit harder for the article which had these.

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