Black Moon Lilith in the Eleventh House – Outcast

elsie fergusonIf you have Lilith in the 11th house of your chart, her themes will manifest in terms of friendship, groups, and aspirations. You embody Lilith’s character among peers and carry her energy into your dreams for the future.

In traditional astrology, the 11th house is known as the house of Good Spirit, where our wishes come true. But with Lilith present, it can feel like just the opposite. Those favors in high places ae denied, and there is no one to help carry your burden. It seems like every time you swell with hope, you are struck down, just as poor Lilith was filled with happy expectation in uniting with her lover and was struck down for having the audacity to hope to be treated as an equal.

In fact, you are also often scapegoated in this way, particularly in groups. You are silently designated to be the one to carry the shadow for the collective, and you are scorned when you try to assert your right to be treated with dignity and respect. You end up blamed for your own suffering, as if the anger of the group is something you are just supposed to accept. You may at some point decide to give up on groups altogether.

But regardless of how you feel about groups, everyone needs friendship. There’s a reason the house of Good Spirit is also the house of friendship. Friends help make life rich. Not that it is necessarily easy for you. In your youth, you were likely teased, scapegoated, and betrayed by those you thought you could trust. While this may also happen from time to time in adulthood, there are ways around it. Many people with Lilith in the 11th find others with the same or similar placements to create a group of friends who understand what it’s like to be an outcast. When you find them, it will feel like fate. In your gang of miscreants, you finally find the acceptance you needed for so long, and can shake off the fear and pain.

There is so much more to say about this placement, but I’ll end it here. Above all, remember this: you may have to fight to find your people. It may not be easy. But they’re out there searching for you too. And when you find each other, you will finally have the joy the 11th house promises. You will shoulder each other’s burdens and support each other’s dreams. And when you think of the people who made you feel so rejected, like no one would ever accept you, you’ll laugh and laugh. Shows what they know, right?

Do you have Lilith in the 11th house? Tell us what it’s like! 

I specialize in helping people understand and work through Lilith issues. Want to know what Lilith means for you? Click the link to consult.

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Black Moon Lilith in the Eleventh House – Outcast — 20 Comments

  1. I have black moon Lilith conjunct Chiron in the 11th house in Aquarius. How would you interpret this, I’m curious.
    Your comments regarding being scapegoated by “friends” is very true for me. So is being rejected for having insights they don’t want to have. Or people turning against me for something they assume I said or thought or must have thought! People!!! Of course it is all compounded by my full 8th house in scorpio with the sun, mercury, north node, and Neptune there. My Saturn is in Sagittarius at the end of the 8th house and I have a Mars in Pisces
    In the 12 th house very close to my Pisces ascendant. I’m wondering how the current transits which are happening in my 11th house will affect me. More isolation, lol?

  2. I have BML in 11thH, Pisces, with a strong theme of betrayal with friends and perhaps family too. I’ve always been aware of “this thing” long before I came to understand it thru Astrology. /Aqua Sun, Taurus Asc.I’ve accepted it, understand it, it’s made me feel cautious with especially women, friendship is really tricky.

    • Mine’s in 3rd but aquarius. The betrayal thing, I expect it.

      There is always someone more appealing to be with and easy to push me side or run me down. But their sorry assess always land back on my door stoop when they need something or are down and out. And in my head I silently say to myself about their tales of woe, their own experience with betrayal, you don’t know who your friends are.

  3. Wow! Yeah. Blamed for your own suffering. In groups this was the dynamic for a long time. I hope I can find a group eventually that works. My Leo moon dreams of dinner parties. 11th house Lilith in Aries.

  4. Yes Lilith in11th, my people?well have 6 sisters ;just started friendship with Man close to my age, incredible
    Artist, studied design in Europe
    He is Cuban and starting to tell me his life, listening, amazing ;could he
    Be one of my people? Time will tell
    My stories mostly get squashed quickly, told ,best left in past
    Not anyone to date can hear my past
    Starting to think, past is just as important as dead meat, vegan anyone?
    But if our past the hands that formed
    Today how do I fly into my future
    Without the lessons from my past ?
    I am just one that needs secrets
    And how much of me is truth if not
    Described? Not needed ,take me at
    Face value, as today the only real day that matters
    I have an edge, yes I probably one
    Most likely to be hated as my thoughts are not of the majority , yes
    I probably have the stance of the gunman in desert waiting for call
    Of Comanche
    Do I distrust ?yes ,once I am lied to
    Used or not treated as valuable
    Not sure if I answered the question
    Am I looking for my kind, I am listening for the sound the call the sign

  5. BML in 11th House Aries (intercepted,) also square my Uranus and Neptune. I have definitely felt like an outcast in a lot of the groups I’ve been a part of – groups at school, around coworkers, in crowds, etc. I feel a lot of pain and hurt when I get singled out, often in the form of criticism (I rarely feel like I hear the words “that’s a good idea” or “you’re right”). Only in the last few years have I found my misfit groups to fit in with, and learning to prioritize the people who don’t shun or reject me for my individuality – my comfort levels when I’m at school versus work is enormous.

    Unrelated, but I read somewhere that BML in the 11th is also good at destroying friendships, sometimes turning them into friend-with-benefit situations because of the sexual aspect. I like that take. I definitely have a propensity to flirt with my male friends until we turn it into something else, even if it doesn’t last.

  6. Thank You for this article, it has put words to a life-long struggle and deep wounds.
    Not glad that other people went through similar stuff, but glad to find out other L@11th people. Bless your hearts!

    • Me too Amber! I patiently waited through 11 houses(helpful in understanding other people) but Im really looking forward to the 12th house where my Virgo Lilith resides. Should be quite a read!
      Hope to see it soon Midara! Thanks for the series

  7. 11th house BML is everything you say starting with family rejection and eventually friendships that are never true. Finding like-minded people has been difficult and turned me into an Omega (loner). Some things just have to be accepted. With Leo Uranus, Pluto 10th house North Node, there are reasons for everything. I’ve struggled with Aquarius 4th house issues most of my life but have finally risen to the north node of my chart ready to commune with people of similar values and with it will come the resolution of 11th house BML.

  8. I have this in Aries conjunct my venus/mars/part of fortune. I am a complete social pariah and get the brunt of everything and always have. ANY assertion of my self towards or into the public is met with very aggressive reception, always. I am a very passive person and I feel like this has something to do with it.

  9. I have black moon lilith in libra in the 11th house very close to the 12th house cusp and i find that both the 11th and 12th house interpretations are correct for me personally.

  10. I am only just learning Lilith, which suddenly seems a bit overdue, given that she is conjunct my sun and widely conjunct Venus in Taurus, with a grand trine to the moon and a Pluto/Uranus conjunction, and a T-square to Neptune in Scorpio and Jupiter in Leo…Where to begin..? Back when I learnt astrology she was not a thing. It is great to actually read not only the articles, but the responses from people who have the various placements, particularly in a relatively new field of study.
    For myself, this one resonates. As a young child, I had no friends, and was often teased. “Making friends” seemed like some arcane art, something I needed to research and practise, whereas to everyone else it came naturally. I am a quick study, and I got better. By my late teens I was widely liked and in some ways even admired, and yet I did not “belong” to a friendship group the way that other people did. As a young adult I formed a series of very close friendships, but none of them lasted – not because we fell out, but because something else drew the person away. Usually it was an “Eve” who saw me as competition. But sometimes it was death. Otherwise I maintained a benevolent distance from people who never seemed quite at ease with me. One friend said of me that I didn’t have friends – I had disciples. That made me laugh, but it also made me sad.
    Now I am married with four children (all to different men). My family is very close and loving, and I know I am the heart of it. But in broader social terms that sense that I have never quite cracked the code remains. Covid hasn’t isolated me. It has simply brought home to me how profoundly isolated I have been for a very long time, how very tenuous the connections are that link me to humanity. Social media, which is supposed to connect people, makes clear that I am out of step with the zeitgeist. It’s not because I disagree with people. It’s the internet – You can always find people to agree with. It’s because their communication leaves me starved of a sense of “likeness”. It’s because my communication doesn’t garner the validation that I desperately want. And yes. Where is my tribe?
    Some years back I made friends with one of the school mums. She told me the other mums were astonished: “You’re friends with Her?” I was baffled. What was Her? Did I seem mean? Stuck up? I’m a friendly and approachable person. Total strangers walk up to me and tell me their life stories. No, she said. You seem Special. That specialness is a blessing and a curse. I know this person envied it, but I envied her a house full of drop in guests and a busy social calendar.
    The big unsatisfying thing about my horoscope has been that I have my affectionate Taurus sun and Venus, and my sociable Gemini Mars, in the 11th house: Involve my Leo Jupiter and I should be a social beacon…so why have I always felt like an alien? Why have I always felt fundamentally, even fatally, weird, subtly -sometimes not so subtly – excluded? Have I unconsciously invited people to hold me at arm’s length? Maybe the capricorn moon square Saturn has something to say about that..maybe the powerful Neptune aspects, the whole Uranus thing….I worked on it to no avail until I became tired of astrology and abandoned it.
    Now I have come back, and found Lilith. And what I am finding, beyond the annoying Wonder Woman on cocaine prattle, is the wilderness where I felt cast out. I am starting to realise that I am not in the wilderness. The wilderness is in me. And I am what brings the wilderness to town.
    What does that actually mean..? Yup. Bloody good question.

  11. I have Lilith in 11th house and all of this is so true for me. It caused me great pain and it has taken a few decades to heal the wounds. Very fortunately, I have found friends who get it. I’m not sure of their Lilith placements but I sooo appreciate them!!

  12. Hi all
    Disclaimer: none
    Truth: I resonate with every word on the page
    My Lilith H11 sextile Neptune 8th (ruler of 12th), trine Pluto 6th (ruler of 8th) plus a powerful Hades Moon (this helped me read people). Been there: outcast in groups, cheated on, talked behind my back, no true friends, attracted to – or sex with friends. When the latter happened, it was always wildly deep and when it ended neither of us could ever say hi to the other – we burned furiously fast. If I help people I know, they say I do it to earn their friendship. If I ask for help (rarely as water on the moon), friends usually decline. During confinement I encouraged people that were getting desperate because of isolation. Result: “he is weird”. BUT: what works for me: concentrating on family, keeping lighter friendships, not expecting and moderately cherishing what I receive, not expecting thanks but saying it, not pushing friendships too deep but neither rejecting them, and not envying people who are in groups like fish in the water. Another BUT: many times people I did not know personally helped indirectly a whole lot.

  13. I am actually crying a little bit reading some of these comments also confirming being the target of humiliation in groups, being scapegoated, met with hostility, just generally being singled out, and also betrayed. My boyfriend has this placement, lilith in aries, and Venus in aries as well in 11th. With sun in aries too.. moon and asc both in cancer tho, youd never guess he were an aries unless u truly know him. Anyways, this is hurting my heart so much seriously.. because i love him to death, to me there is no one better in any aspect, ppl do tend to like him tho, he’s just such a gentle, caring, selfless human being, a lover.. does not like to be anytbing other than kind and feels deep guilt if he ever does hurt someone on any level. God i just love him so much met 3 yrs ago and it was immediately understood by us both without even speaking that we both ended up at that place we hadnt wanted to be, yet were obligated or forced to attend, super crowded loud room, we noticed one another sitting quietly in the very back of the room on the opposite sides, trying to nkt be noticed lol.. but all the way through the entire crowd of ppl we connected, didnt speak at all until 2 or 3 more of those meetings where each one we got a bit closer to one another. We each recognized a familiarity in the other and sense of home or peace in the others company, rest is history. Crying cuz he absolutely does get singled out ir targeted for no fkn reason, in his family on his dads side is the worst ive ever seen, from his dad specifically.. the way his dad treats him and always has from my understanding, is so cruel and it lights me tf up so quickly when i see anyone being targeted or purlosely humiliated in public for no reason other than the mean ass mf doing it gets an ego boost or power trip from belittling others and purposly embarassing them? Wtf is wrong with u, his dad was and is extreme tho.. it is actually considered severe mental and emotional abuse.. and i am not exaggerating. Since he was a child, and it explained to me once i knew… the parts of him that are scared and hidden, wounded.. he has the lowest self esteem of anyone i know… and ive been in several treatment centers and know mostly only mentally ill and severely depressed and damaged people. He sees no value in himself, believes he is not good enough for anyone ever, he is ugly and anyone who would be with him is just settling and cant ever actually be excited by him or have passion for him, truly want to know and love him on a deep soul level the way that he loves and has loved.. he had one real love.. that he truly did love deeply and it was his first love.. she basically hid him.. didnt go inside stores with him, kept his amd her friends seperate, generally seemed by his perception, embarrassed of him. He loved her so much tho that he accepted that treatment, knowing him now im sure he did deeply love her, actually i know he did… when he loves.. its with his entire being and its like a fire, this boy is filled with passion.. extremely intelligent, brilliant writer… creative writing… poems. And im not only being nice, he is just so in touch with emotion and spirit, its all he knows and is often suicidal.. but beliefs he already had of himself due to the abuse from his dad, which still is a common thing when he is around him and they are in a group setting, he even tried to humiliate him in front of me knowing damn well that i am someone, if i had not already known about this specific insecurity of his.. that it would deeply hurt him.. his self worth his pride and ego, which are already destroyed.. to make him have to reveal that specific thing… and i realized immediately what was going on, im a scorpio moon, i see through any ill intent disguised as anything else before you even try that shit… so i said something that put an end to it. But even that one instance gave me a clear insight into the nature of his relationship with his dad, and the awful psychological abuse he has consistently been victim of from a young age and severely effects his sense of self today, and his sense of worth and value as a human being.. he sees none in himself because of that shit. And it is so bad that he will not stand up for himself either, he doesnt even believe he is worthy of being treated like a person with dignity, is just as entitled to speak up and tell anyone who feels he is less than them that they are wrong and he wont be treated as anything less than an equal and with mutual respect for everyone. And will. Ot tolerate any form of bullying because he does not deserve that anymore than anyone else. Like i genuinely have made a point to not hold back or ever feel tired of or annoyed by doing my absolute best to give him reassurance in any area he is currently struggling with and always his self image, that i would still never after 3 years imagine wanting someone else for anything. He is more than enough and completely capable without even trying able to satisfy all my needs, and that he never needs to worry whether i will be there when he needs me, ive made a point to be incredibly loyal and dependable for him, but mostly.. ive stayed so consistent the entire time.. so that tgere is an established trust there between us and for him, that his girl is always going to be there, and nothing is going to be hidden from him ever, nor is he ever going to be hidden from anyone else in my life, because it would be just stupid and bizarre to want to keep someone so admirable a secret and not show off the pride you feel in having them choose you as a partner and vise versa. I will fucking wring the necks of anyone i see trying to publicly humiliate anyone… ever, only to cause them deep and truamatic emotional wounds and deeply hurt their self esteem… why would another person derive any joy or any kind of validation from this? Its abusive and deeply impactful in such permanent ways.. i will seriously kill anybody fucked up enough to kill the spirit of ankther person in order to feel dominance or important. Because they are pure scum and shoukd br scraped from societies surface and wiped on a dumpster where they belong. I hate seeing someone so beautiful incapable of recognizing it in themselves due to years of this kind of abuse, and he accomplished what he had set out to do… i will never get what he gains from his own sons pain and lack of love or respectfor himself though? While he then criticizes him for the tiniest things, and definitely has a de masculating thing he goes for.. and good job, you won.. now what? Leave him alone like fuck you have done enough. Let him be loved now. Damn i cant believe i just actually wrote all of this.. i feel so strongly about this, and am overly protective of those i love. And he is my number one. Also actually came here for lilith in the 12th house.. my own placement haha.. in the sign of Gemini

  14. I have Lilith at 0 degrees of Virgo, 11th house. Very much an outcast. Throughout my childhood it seemed that friends would just drop me for no reason, so I started dropping other people for no real reason too. I can meet people and click with them, and think we have something good going, only to never hear from them again.

  15. Lilith 11th House/Aquarius.
    I am the weirdo of the family. The one that everyone abuses verbally and previously, physically. To read this is so eye-opening. It was not all in my head, like they’ve told me for years. With the betrayal and loneliness that I’ve suffered, even reading this is enough. At least there is a reason. That may sound dark but to read something that I’ve felt all my life makes it real. Sometimes just accepting a reality is enough. It is for me.

    Hello to you all. an e-hug to you.

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