If you have Lilith in the 7th house of your chart, her themes will manifest in terms in terms of relationships, partnerships, and objects of pursuit. The “other” in your life will take on a distinctly Lilith flavor.
In the 7th house, we meet the people involved in giving shape to our journey to know ourselves. Everything present in the 7th house is present in our own being, but often manifests in the form of other people. With Lilith in the 7th, your partners will be those who live out your own pain and fury for you. They force you to either own your darkness or live in impotent outrage. They hold up a mirror to your darkest self. You often find yourself so angry and disappointed with them when you are really furious about the injustices that you yourself have faced. But until are ready to own them, you will continue to pick partners who remind you.
This is part of why, in traditional astrology, the 7th house is known as the House of Setting. Here is where the Sun sets, and here is where things we cannot or will not absorb into our own being cause us to come undone. With Lilith in the 7th, your partnerships will be your weakness. This can be as simple as being a sucker for a certain type of appearance or as all-consuming as sacrificing your own life and happiness to meet your partner’s whims.
Finally, Lilith in the 7th house is unknowable. Think about what a lifelong process it is to come to truly know yourself. With that in mind, think about what an impossible feat it is to truly understand another person. With Lilith in the 7th house, you will struggle mightily to fully grasp the scope of your own pain. And because if this, you will likely underestimate your ability to cause pain to others. Yours is a very sharp knife, and it is absolutely imperative that you learn to wield it well.
This placement is so complex and could be a book in its own right. But if there’s one thing I can leave you with, it’s this: Your pain is your own, and you have a lifetime of exploration ahead of you. In the meantime, welcome the partners who challenge you and make you uncomfortable, within reason of course. The more you are willing to engage with and understand their darkness, the ore you will come to understand your own. And then, finally, you can begin to find peace.
Do you have Lilith in the 7th? What is it like for you?
I have been looking forward to this. I have this natally in Pisces, and very near descendent. It leads to very unsatisfactory relationships, often with a massive element of sacrifice, and never managing to satiate either myself or my partners. Life always seems to be incomplete…never managing to quench thirst/hunger/sleep/emotional or physical needs. Funnily, while I think I meet selfish people, my closest partners accuse me of the same, so it is indeed a mirroring of some sort. I am yet to come to terms with my impotent rage, and wish I had the key to solving this very important part of my chart.
I have this same position in Pisces also. Its hell – married 30 years to a man full of rage – I suppressed my anger as he was acti ng it out physically, verbally, emotionally. I have never had a truly satisfying relationship, always third parties – ghostand flesh and blood.
My husband has Black Moon Lilith in the 7th House, so to read this, and view his relationships (and me) as a Scrying Mirror is powerful.
Great article, and it’s shed so much light on my own placement, I have bookmarked it!
One question, how do I reconcile a 7th house Lilith, with a North node in Libra? Seems like a large karmic ask there ?
I have the same issue, with a very loaded 7th house with BML, Mars and Uranus, North Node in Leo and Pluto and Moon in Virgo. BML has finally led me to give up on intimate relationships, but the NN leaves a painful feeling of failing to accomplish my purpose.
Thanks for your brilliant articles Midara.
I have these same placements! As I read your question (which I obviously need to know the answer to as well!), I immediately heard “use the mirror”. Allow your past partners to show you the shadows within you in order to heal codependency. Always bring it back inside, to show you something about your own growth. That Lilith “selfishness” will be integral to seeing your own patterns and reprogramming them for your future relationships. Especially if you are an empath, you sacrifice your own light energy and become what “they” are…if you aren’t consciously recognizing your shadows. If you do shadow work, those energies can’t take you over subconsciously, because you ARE those energies. Awareness of that allows you to CHOOSE not to suppress the shadow, but to allow it to be expressed of your own volition, not through someone else. They won’t project on you anymore, or you will not fear shutting down their projections because you’ve already seen that side of yourself and have developed a healthy way of sitting with it and releasing it.
I have black Lilith 7th house cancer, on the cusp of my Gemini 6th house. I also have nn. In libra 9H
I escaped a child predator(neighbor) on sept 17 1994, I looked up transit chart for that day and my natal Lilith was exact with transiting Mars in 7th house. Natal mars is also in my 7th house. I have felt so used and unknowingly drawn to deceptive people never understanding why.. still don’t besides this and my subconscious desire to belong manifests on this level…
Lilith in the 11 th, not sure I another
Willing to always consider another’s
Pain , mine is enough. I find my attractions start with the eyes the space in between words, the curling of r’s the throaty way to pronounce
Shoulders chin , don’t we all come with pain? I d rather consider pain shading like working with charcoals and can’t keep my hands from smudging strokes into smoke
I guess I listen but I prefer pain to be expressed in the eyes, not that I am uncaring just, can’t let anyone or better said any more thoughts of pain
Just the eyes please
The last man i datet had his Lilith in the 7th, conjunct mine, in Aries. I was a game changer he told me. I’m not sure if this was true. In any case, it was intense and some boundaries were crossed, i said no. He didn’t fully respect that. So i got out of there.
“Here’s your scarab” as per CG Jung Synchronicity an Acausal Accounting Prrincipal. What do you think Elsa?
As the kids at work helped me to post the above link from my clipboard, the hostess sat my first table, patio 3. Just by coincidence it was an american man and an attractive 30something Filipina. The avalanch of textbook Castaneda omens related to my half Filipina would-be gf with 7th house BML conjunct descendant continues…
Correction: The above subject’s osculating apogee aka BML is not conjunct the descendent but is in the seventh house at zero degrees Aries.
I have BML in the 7th Leo. I see this now in my dating years of long ago the monster in the mirror is handed to me in the last argument-the breakup argument. Outrageous harsh and ugly truth! Black and white thinking dominates and sometimes there is finger pointing. I think my pride has won out over the love at that point and I turn on my heel and go not looking back. It seems so harsh and contrary to my Libra Cancer nature but it’s true. When the door hits me on the ass they are dead to me. And I lick my wounds for a long time.
I Just learned that I have lilith in the 7th house in the sign of taurus for me. and it explains so much, I have experienced alot of trauma in my childhood and growing up i never had alot of friends as a young adult with 3 young children i find it harder to keep friendships i think being alone for a few years just me and my kid might be a good solution for me.
Wow my 7th house is in Taurus and I have lilith in my 7th house as well and am only 17. And have experienced the worst of the worst of failed friendships time after time again. Even now, the one friend I have I feel has a different agenda. Also have trauma and a very complicated family dynamic.
extremely interisting lilith knowledge there!
I am interestedin synastry reading from you Midara with lilith interactions. How to proceed for it?
thank you and congratulatioin for your work!
I’m so glad this was helpful! If you’d like to purchase a consultation, here’s the link! 🙂
Thank you for the link.
I did it!
I have a lone Pisces bml in my 7th house. I think pretty much every relationship I’ve ever been in has caused me some type of pain.
Starting with my first and only love that I met when I was 15. We stayed close for ten years, off and on. He was the only person who I ever loved and had such a soul shattering connection with. He always said he was the only one who knew the real me and vice versa. He died 2.5 years ago and I feel like a part of myself is gone with him. I’m still processing this hurt and not sure if I will ever get over it.
I have been through a lot of pain and grief in my life…. I’ve been in many abusive relationships and tend to attract dangerous partners. Working on heeding red flags and being ok with being alone in the future.
Welcome, Starseed! <3
I have it in Leo 7th house. But I also have Saturn here in 7th house Leo. Am I correct in thinking that Saturn might give me limited exposure to all this exhaustion, although I do agree I have experienced itquite a few times by now?
Bml in 7th house of Libra, 2 failed violent, dominating relationships.. my partners come into my life eating to control me at my core, who I am as a person, I also have pluto here aswell. But dominating factors in relationships is obsession, control, anger and violence also sexual obsession, I do know I have left trails of broken hearts along the way without even a glimpse back or care in the world about the other,I think life has taught me to own my darkness and sexuality and it’s become alot easier
You’ve got all my compassion and sympathy. I so well know that feeling of being devoured by someone else. I think this may call for learning to love oneself, as nobody else will do it for us, and the people we conjure turn out toxic most of the time.
Even though I’ve got the North Node in the 7th house and yearned for partnership, I’ve had to learn to avoid it.
My 1st/7th house axis is intercepted. The 1st houses only holds Chiron in Pisces and the 7th BML, Uranus and Mars (the 2 closely conjunct)and NN in anaretic 29th degree in Leo and then Moon and Pluto in Virgo). This is a Molotov cocktail. The only way I could stop harmful relationships (I had a choice between partners that either died or were violent)was remaining single. I’m much happier that way, even though I also harbor a great sense of deprivation. But I have peace. I’ve become a hermit… with a few friends and pets.:=)
I’m paying my relationship karma,hopefully all in one go!
I have a 95 trine between moon and Venus that makes me ‘lucky’ in relationships and money, so maybe that is what is counteracting this Lilith destructiveness somewhat.
I also have a lovely Moon in Virgo Venus in Taurus trine but that wasn’t enough to save the day for my love life. I was widowed young and the other relationships are just best forgotten. But my 7th house is rotten.
I have black moon Lilith in the 7th house and consider myself to have been very happy in love generally throughout my life. My husband has Sagittarius in the seventh house. Where I have experienced challenges is my family of origin, divorced, dramatic, conflicted. Also some past and even current conflicted and maybe dysfunctional relationships at work for me.
I’m curious of your other placements in your chart. This is a rare anomaly!
How interesting, and how nice to hear that one is not condemned to a hysterical frantic relationship life with BML in the 7th! Maybe I’ll try again in another life then!
Taurus Lilith in 7th conjuct Chiron, South Node and Vertex.🙃