If you have Black Moon Lilith in Cancer, the struggles you’ve encountered through your Lilith placement have made you adept at dealing with emotion. You learned that feelings can be a powerful tool when wielded properly.
However your Lilith wounds have manifested (which is determined by the house your Black Moon Lilith is located in), you’ve learned that safety is an illusion. Even the places and people around whom you feel most at home can change or be taken from you at any moment, and you never forget it. And yet, safety is what you crave the most. A quote I once read seems very fitting here: “I once mistook the feeling of safety for the condition of safety and I’ve been looking for someone to blame ever since.”
To push back against the great insecurity this placement can bring, you have become an emotional wizard. You are hyper-vigilant, aware of the slightest shift in mood or atmosphere. When something is off, you are quick to nurture, comfort, or otherwise save the day. Allowing painful emotions to fester is anathema to you. You want to fix your loved ones’ problems NOW and get back to the comfort you so deeply desire.
You are also driven to hold things together. It sometimes feels like your life will fly apart into a thousand pieces the moment you let your guard down. You spend so much time trying to keep things together – yourself, your relationships, your family, etc – that you are perpetually ready to crack under the weight. The fear of having everything fall apart is such a powerful force that you are willing to sacrifice almost anything to preserve what you have. By actively managing the emotions of the people around you, you create at least an illusion of security. In this way, you buy safety at the expense of your own inner peace.
Spending so much time managing other people’s emotions creates an unusual relationship with your own. On the one hand, you are loath to assert your needs and emotions, preferring to keep them bottled up to avoid rocking the boat, and only letting them out when you are sure that it is safe and they’ll be received well. But when all else fails, you are willing to weaponize your sensitivity as a last resort. In these rare moments, you’ll plead with all the ferocity your deep emotional well can muster, appealing to the other person’s higher nature or loyalty. The danger, of course, is that such displays leave you vulnerable. And if the other person fails to respond in the way you’d hoped, you’re left feeling horribly betrayed and with no other cards to play.
One of the easiest ways to reduce the risk is to channel Cancer’s opposite sign, Capricorn. Capricorn is just as sensitive as Cancer, but they prioritize differently. While Cancer may react to small changes in feelings, hoping to head any difficulty off at the pass, Capricorn is more concerned with actions. Capricorn says, “So they’re in a bad mood. So what? Did they still take out the trash? Did they still, in ways large and small, show up for me? Then we’re fine until they say we’re not.” Capricorn avoids much of the daily turmoil by ignoring the small ups and downs. Additionally, while Capricorn is also concerned with security, they approach it differently. For Cancer, security comes from the people around them. For Capricorn, security comes from relying on themselves. In that way, Cancer can redefine safety by incorporating self-reliance.
I could easily write a book on this placement alone, but let me end with this: Your uncanny ability to sense emotions and hold space for others’ vulnerability is such a beautiful quality. It’s also your superpower. As you work to build a world of safety and security, your skills will be needed more than ever. Just make sure that you build your own internal sense of safety first. You, too, deserve to be nurtured.
Do you have Black Moon Lilith in Cancer? How has it affected you?