My best friend has moved away, but still comes to visit quite often. When she’s out of town, she doesn’t seem to have any time for me. But she always wants to stay at my home when she visits.
The problem is, I feel she’s a very inconsiderate house guest. I finally talked to her about it and I may have been a little harsh. I just wanted her to understand I put a lot of work into being hospitable, and I feel like she takes advantage of me. Of course she is angry now and says she will never be a burden on me again.
How do I approach her again to explain that all I really wanted was to know that she appreciates what I try to do for her? She and I have had several major struggles over the years and I always feel I have to walk on eggshells to keep the friendship. I end up apologizing when I don’t think I’m wrong.
I’m not sure it’s worth it anymore. What should I do?
Friendship on the Rocks
I’m not sure it’s worth it either. I tend to think it’s not. And I can think of a bunch of babble to tell you but it doesn’t seem respectful. So like a surgeon, I’m going to cut right where it hurts the most, in the hopes of effecting a cure.
I notice you call this gal your “best friend”, in spite of the fact that she has no time for you. She does not respect you, or your effort, or your home. When you put this all together, it’s a big OW.
Astrologically, you have Venus (love, relationships) conjunct Saturn (limits, restriction, hardship) in your chart. I have a friend with this aspect and he describes it quite aptly as a “starvation diet” when it comes to love. He gets some, but only a little – and only if he jumps through hoops. Sound familiar?
But there’s an alternative expression. And I can tell you what it is, but you will only find it if you face your fear.
I understand how frightening the prospect of letting go your “best friend” when you’ve no replacement waiting in the wings. But I swear, if you will take that chance and look for a new deal – and if you make some boundaries (a Saturn word) around what is and what is not acceptable in relationship – you will find the high side of this aspect. And that is “real” love and a “real” relationship.
With this said, I would dump the friend. Yeah, yeah, I know it will hurt… but not much more than keeping her in your life, you know? Then go looking for a REAL best friend, and I’ll tell you what that looks like.
A real best friend values you. They understand what you’re worth and treat you accordingly. You need to find someone like you. Get it? Because if you pair up with someone who uses others as a matter of course, you are going to be screwed, blued, and tattooed, every single time. Good luck.