Ben In The Spotlight… His Un-Comfort Zone: Parenting Scorpio Children and Betrayal

Six years ago…

“I wanted to ask you something,” I said.

“What? Shoot, Elsa. Shoot.”

“I want to write one of your stories.”

“My stories? Go ahead.”

“No, I need specific permission.”

“I just gave it to you.”

“No. I want to write something ultra personal. I’ve just been thinking about this non-stop and I think it’s something I should do. You know how your parents took your journals when you were a kid?”

“Yes, Elsa,” he said sounding solemn.

“They stole your writing. And your drawing. They took it from your room without your knowledge or consent.”

“Yes they did.”

“And they took it to a psychiatrist. In fact they actually made copies and took it to various psychiatrists.”

“Yes.”

“They totally invaded your privacy. A complete betrayal.”

“Yes.”

“All so they could figure out how to fix you. They wanted to make you not gay?”

“Yes.”

“Well, when you told me that story and the effect on you… you’ve not written anything down since, and what were you? About 12?”

“Yes.”

“Okay. So a lifetime of not writing. You’ve spent your lifetime, not drawing. And when you told me this, it made me sick. And I am still sick. It breaks the heart.”

“Yes, it does.”

“Well this is why I want to write it down. Because guess who reads my writing? Heterosexuals, for the most part. Parents, I mean. Parents and people who are going to be parents. And most parents want to do a good job. They are well intentioned. They are not looking to mess up their kids. And some of the kids… they’re Scorpios.”

“Uh huh.”

“But they don’t necessarily understand the damage they can do. For example, your parents, misguided as they were… they were trying to help you.”

“That’s true. Some help that was. I used to love to write and draw. I haven’t put anything on paper since. Do you blame me?”

“I don’t blame you. So you can’t write. You don’t write, but I do. And if I tell this story, people will read it and someone, somewhere is going to have Scorpio kid. And maybe they’re just not that deep. Or maybe they are stupid, even. But this doesn’t mean they don’t want to be a good parent. And I think if I tell your story, anyone who reads it think twice before they betray their child in any way, shape or form.”

He sighed.

“And to tell you the truth, I think Scorpio gets betrayed, period. I think this is part of the Scorpio experience. And I’ll tell you exactly what I’ll say.”

“What?”

“I will tell these parents who have Scorpio kids that someone is going betray their child.”

“Yes?”

“So just make sure it’s not you,” I said. “Don’t let it be you.”

He was quiet.

“It’s up to you,” I said. “I won’t write it if you don’t want.”

“I can see where that might help to spare some kid out there.”

“I think so. A lot of things like this happen inadvertently. The parents are ignorant, rather than malicious. They just have no idea the damage they’re going to do. They are not meaning to mess up… to affect their kid’s entire life when they do something like this.”

“That’s right. That’s what happened and I have suffered a lifetime because of that. I never did get over it. How do you get over something like that? Would you make a record of your innermost thoughts and feelings if someone did that to you?”

“No. Hell no. No I would not. So just think about it.”

“I don’t have to. Go ahead and write it. That story is very personal. It’s painful for me but if spares just one child, it’s worth it to do it. Go ahead. Just don’t let me read it. I don’t want to read it.”

“Okay. Thank you. I’ll do the best job writing it, I can.”

~~~

So there you go savetonight, who prompted this thread with this question, “On Being And (Aquarian) Individual”: “How does he feel about the attention he’s getting on here?”

Ben feels any sacrifice he can make in service of a child is necessary and worthwhile even if it’s unpleasant… and it is unpleasant.
But he would tell you that he is going to his grave knowing he is a good person and that this is what he cares about.

Are you satisfied that you are a good person in this life?


Comments

Ben In The Spotlight… His Un-Comfort Zone: Parenting Scorpio Children and Betrayal — 10 Comments

  1. Satisified..no, do I think I’m headed in the right direction, definitely. And I remember that story…I had just given birth to a Scorpio, so I have taken that to heart. I know I haven’t done everything right by her, but I know I won’t knowingly betray her. And I have already seen other people do it…so I know it will happen, I just want her to have a safe place to hide out in my arms.

  2. auch. it’s not just children who benefit here. many aspects of his story have been resonating with me in various ways, provoking some shifts in consciousness and how i think/feel about some things. and it’s really good.

  3. Wow, I write down my ideas and thoughts alot. I don’t know if anyone has sneaked a peak at them or not, and quite frankly, I don’t want to know. I have an online blog for the nosies. I have about 5-6 notebooks laying around the house in place where I want them. I usually jot down ideas for prose and new drawings/paints. To be honest, many of them would be more than out there to the average person.

    As for the art thing, I love fine arts/illustration. I want to make a career out of it one day, but I often her the voice of my critical mother who thinks that graphic arts isn’t a viable field for some reason. She thought she was helping, but she truly wasn’t. I argued with her when I was a teenager about it, why couldn’t she just support me and believe in me?

    i’d kept most of my drawings to myself out of fear of criticism from my relatives, but i have no
    qualms showing my latest to the public. funny how it works that way, huh?

  4. I completely understand what motivates Ben to act the way he does even though he hates attention. Thank you for providing such a thorough answer!

    Ben’s perspective on all this is incredibly humbling, especially when you ask if I’m satisfied that I’m a good person. I used to think I was but the more I look at it, the more I’m convinced that the answer is no. I have a lot of work to do.

    Thank you, Elsa. There are very few people who cause me to reflect on myself so deeply and honestly.

  5. My Mom read my journal when I was about 15. She would cite quotes from memory to toss in my face in arguments and such. I have a Moon – Uranus conjunction in the 6th house in Scorpio.

  6. Man, my mom read my journals when I was growing up too. I just stopped writing things down, never left a trace of my ‘self’ anywhere in my room. There is no privacy except in the mind I guess. Pluto in the 4th.

  7. thanks, Elsa, i was looking for advice like this today. i’m worried about the subtler ways i might hurt my scorpio son, he’s so sensitive. i’ll do the best i can, though- rely on my own intuition and sensitivity.

  8. The first ever post I read on elsaelsa mentioned what a betrayal it would be to a Scorpio child and you asking the parents reading the post not to be the ones to do it to a child who was inevitably going to feel that hurt from somewhere out in the world.

    The first post I ever read here and it made me wanna stay, lurk for years, and finally start commenting.

    My sincerest thanks to Ben. He is a good teacher. To let his life be an example. So children could grow healthier. 🙂

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