Six years ago…
“I wanted to ask you something,” I said.
“What? Shoot, Elsa. Shoot.”
“I want to write one of your stories.”
“My stories? Go ahead.”
“No, I need specific permission.”
“I just gave it to you.”
“No. I want to write something ultra personal. I’ve just been thinking about this non-stop and I think it’s something I should do. You know how your parents took your journals when you were a kid?”
“Yes, Elsa,” he said sounding solemn.
“They stole your writing. And your drawing. They took it from your room without your knowledge or consent.”
“Yes they did.”
“And they took it to a psychiatrist. In fact they actually made copies and took it to various psychiatrists.”
“They totally invaded your privacy. A complete betrayal.”
“All so they could figure out how to fix you. They wanted to make you not gay?”
“Well, when you told me that story and the effect on you… you’ve not written anything down since, and what were you? About 12?”
“Okay. So a lifetime of not writing. You’ve spent your lifetime, not drawing. And when you told me this, it made me sick. And I am still sick. It breaks the heart.”
“Yes, it does.”
“Well this is why I want to write it down. Because guess who reads my writing? Heterosexuals, for the most part. Parents, I mean. Parents and people who are going to be parents. And most parents want to do a good job. They are well intentioned. They are not looking to mess up their kids. And some of the kids… they’re Scorpios.”
“But they don’t necessarily understand the damage they can do. For example, your parents, misguided as they were… they were trying to help you.”
“That’s true. Some help that was. I used to love to write and draw. I haven’t put anything on paper since. Do you blame me?”
“I don’t blame you. So you can’t write. You don’t write, but I do. And if I tell this story, people will read it and someone, somewhere is going to have Scorpio kid. And maybe they’re just not that deep. Or maybe they are stupid, even. But this doesn’t mean they don’t want to be a good parent. And I think if I tell your story, anyone who reads it think twice before they betray their child in any way, shape or form.”
“And to tell you the truth, I think Scorpio gets betrayed, period. I think this is part of the Scorpio experience. And I’ll tell you exactly what I’ll say.”
“I will tell these parents who have Scorpio kids that someone is going betray their child.”
“So just make sure it’s not you,” I said. “Don’t let it be you.”
He was quiet.
“It’s up to you,” I said. “I won’t write it if you don’t want.”
“I can see where that might help to spare some kid out there.”
“I think so. A lot of things like this happen inadvertently. The parents are ignorant, rather than malicious. They just have no idea the damage they’re going to do. They are not meaning to mess up… to affect their kid’s entire life when they do something like this.”
“That’s right. That’s what happened and I have suffered a lifetime because of that. I never did get over it. How do you get over something like that? Would you make a record of your innermost thoughts and feelings if someone did that to you?”
“No. Hell no. No I would not. So just think about it.”
“I don’t have to. Go ahead and write it. That story is very personal. It’s painful for me but if spares just one child, it’s worth it to do it. Go ahead. Just don’t let me read it. I don’t want to read it.”
“Okay. Thank you. I’ll do the best job writing it, I can.”
So there you go savetonight, who prompted this thread with this question, “On Being And (Aquarian) Individual”: “How does he feel about the attention he’s getting on here?”
Ben feels any sacrifice he can make in service of a child is necessary and worthwhile even if it’s unpleasant… and it is unpleasant.
But he would tell you that he is going to his grave knowing he is a good person and that this is what he cares about.
Are you satisfied that you are a good person in this life?