CD writes on Does Neptune On The Midheaven Make A Martyr? Yeah…
“... I think it starts to get into martyr territory when you lament that people can’t see your suffering because of the smile. Cause people are never going to be able to reconcile the suffering with a genuine smile. Or one that looks genuine, anyway….”
So that’s one line a person could draw but someone else would not be able to reconcile my prodigious output while in crisis and yet another would say she can’t be suffering, she has a man!
All these lines are ridiculous, really. How many people are out there? That’s how many lines might be drawn.
“She manages to make it the gym doesn’t she?”
So let’s say I manage to do none of the above. And I come on here and say so. “Oh woe. My life has fallen and it can’t get up.”
Well then I get the same diagnosis. MARTYR!
You know I have picked up my daughter at school about 100 times. More like 150 or 200 times I guess. And what do you think the people at the school think of me? What do you think they say when they see me coming and what do they say when they see me leave?
I don’t know but I bet it’s something. How many mothers pick up their kid 3 days out of 4? None! So you know people are going to have something to say about it. How could they not?
And because I am always there due a crisis there is little opportunity for anyone to talk to me as a human being… as a woman or as a mother, whatever it is they say, they just make it up, see? Neptune! My life or my feelings are whatever they imagine my life and my feelings to be.
And I walk out of there feeling wiggly too. Wiggly the way your reflection looks in a pool of water. It’s a surreal experience, really. It’s like being on a drug…. more Neptune.
And no one is a victim in the situation. It’s just how it is. We all have our job on the planet and this is one of mine. Think about it. Someone has to be wiggly out there, don’t you think? People need someone to look at and imagine things about and in this way I serve.
I suppose it’s no different than serving food to the hungry. Is it different than serving food to the hungry?
Yea, Elsa, I think you’re right — very few people really get acquainted with the cafeteria ladies, do they? And it’s most likely a self-centered thing, we are busy getting our cake w/the flower in the frosting and the best slice of pizza that we can’t seem to work up any feelings for the cafeteria ladies and their bunions. As humans we tend to be all self centered. It’s almost like they aren’t even real people, isn’t it? How many people take the time to look the hair-netted ones in the eye and even say thank you??? Not many of us, I’m afraid.
It occurred to me… guess where my daughter’s Neptune is? It’s conjunct my ascendant. 🙂
Now just imagine that out walking around. 😉
Well, if there is one message you put out there clear as can be, it’s that you can suffer and live at the same time. You can suffer without being a victim. It’s a very welcome message too.
Amber – Thank you. If there was ever an apt description of this situation as well as the rest of my life, that’s it.
Now, I am getting the hell out of here before the tide shifts, LOL. 😀
i have to agree with amber.
i recognize a “wiggly feeling” maybe like that. like nobody’s perspectives match up and reality’s all distorted. it’s when i feel like i’ve been dumped into a play without being handed the script. disorienting. i know who i am but not what everyone’s expecting of me and somehow think i should.
when i could just play the role the way i like it instead.
that’s a lot of energy people throw your way when they do that, you know. just difficult to integrate, in my experience. if you would even want to.