I coved this topic eight years ago.. I’d like to take another look at it because in 2023, many people have adopted this mindset. They choose to isolate themselves.
I wrote this as a follow up to Why People Fail To Make Friends Or Find Love.
Reading the comments and some of forum discussions that post prompted, made me realize that a lot of people are just plain anti-social. And they don’t necessarily realize it.
First, let me define that term. To me a person can be Antisocial But Not Disordered. They may be crotchety the way I described in that post. They may just not like to be around people all that much.
My husband is like this. He’d rather do X, Y or Z then chat or interact with people. Consequently he doesn’t encourage people to form relationships with him. He’d rather study something or work on developing and proving his mathematical theories.
Since he does not want to socialize, he’s consciously and purposefully, anti-social. This makes sense to me.
I am the opposite. Having Libra, I am consciously and purposely social. This also makes sense to me.
What kills me is the legions of people who claim to want to get along with others, but everything they do is utterly anti-social. They won’t give an inch.
What’s up with this? You either want to get along with people, or you don’t. Why can’t people decide?
*Update in 2023, do you think this mentality has been cultivated in the population or is this just how people are?
How strong is your desire to connect with others? Does your behavior correlate? Or is there a disconnect?
I’m a Libra, but I have little to no desire to “connect” with others in that sense unless they’re part of my world. Which is a very private world at that. Sun conjunct Nadir, it’s basically impossible for me to form intimate relationships unless they’re VERY intimate and I sense something about the person that makes me want to open up. I value people, but I prefer to deal with them at a distance rather than letting them in. I can still have in-depth conversations with strangers and allow powerful exchanges of information but I constantly shield myself emotionally and refuse to take things too far. I guess I’m anti-social, but I’m not a misanthrope. I like people. I like to help them (and I do). I just don’t like to be around people that much.
mars square venus?
The word ‘antisocial’ today is a very loose term to describe (in twisty way) the facing of acute and chronic judgment + lack of respect that is rampant in people.
‘Getting along’ with people is a series of political correctness, respectfulness of boundaries and minding ones business. I would say both are different neither better then the other.. ‘Getting along’ is purposeful ‘antisocial’ is natural.
I don’t believe humans can be classified as strictly ‘social beings’…They have simply been coerced into thinking they ought to be.
There are cycles, phases and weather patterns in the ‘social vrs solitude’ desires…I don’t think we can pin to either or but again,…we are certainly prevented and discouraged to be the latter.
Those ‘antisocial’ times be it decades, weeks, habits and ways are there with tremendous purpose and give immense strength to those who choose this path.
On a side note for those who have children that are this way and as a parent find it difficult or for anyone really…
may I recommend the book QUIET by Susan Cann
Like me I’m the worst copywriter in history especially lately but I told a local young librarian 7 yrs ago about a child’s story title, premise which was cold snow ice, two main character’s, names! I said, watch I’ll get nothing it will be big. I sang a Rif of the song. Amaziningly the girl speaks with a girl who rooked Dad into a paternity (word on the dog walk he got taken). Plus I gathered easily add liked this tenured librarian maybe back 7 yrs ago! Yup the hype with the Disney movie of s woman saying the story was her life yup I thought it up. Ndver in my dreams wax I up against this much. I emailed a big entertainment attny. Human Copyrite yet a library person like government official?? Maybe I saved myself maybe I’m so sick of Dad. He’s short chubby 82 wow with so much preying on half sisters a cousin. It’s far fetched to believe! With Facebook puzzles put together.
Flimsy stories of Moms & Dads. Two peas in a pod. Sure I don’t have a social life.
Oops that plus is I believe the librarian young vibrant had Dad’s kid. All I can say is oh yuck. Are ladies inclined to think they are getting famous? Wow if they friended me they very very much would most certainly yes!! Hope to carve my own road soon. I sure gave that car back to Dad never driving since. I’m used to 22 years of 5 nice cars or decent ones given to me by dad
i absorb all the energy around me (cancer asc.) so i tend to withdraw and escape to home in order to not let the people overwhelm me. people/things/situations bang into me (cardinal grand cross – asc/sun/mars/uranus) and i feel i have to protect myself all the time. ack, it sounds a little nutty writing it down, but that’s how it feels! i do want to connect sometimes but…it’s difficult.
Right there with you Kendra. Cancer Asc, Venus/Neptune scorpio 5th,
plus we have
Saturn in Sag 6th. It’s easier and comforting to withdraw home.
Completely relate to that! Cancer ascendant here too 🙂
we should form a support group! 😛
Doesn’t sound nutty at all! Makes perfect sense. Cancer rising also, with Neptune and Mercury trines to the ascendant. Peace, tranquility, solitude, and home.
I’ve got a stallion in Cancer and have the same problem. I was told to wear a Labradorite or Moldavite to shield me. I do think it helps.
I’m Libra sun, Gemini moon, sag Asc, so yes, I do try to connect with people, although mostly “nice people,” who aren’t hostile or overly critical. My Taurus sun, Cap moon stepfather doesn’t seem to want to connect with anyone (except Mom), so I think that is awfully lonely at times. My Aries sun, Virgo moon mother wants to connect, but only if she can be boss and point out your flaws…sigh. Such is life.
Same thing for me, Cancer sun and north node. I have Scorpio ascendant conjunct neptune. I can only be social for a little while befor I feel as though I have to go home and decompress from all that I have absorbed.
I can only be social for a little while befor I feel as though I have to go home and decompress
That’s me as well. Cancer IC, Virgo stellium, Libra Moon.
My progressed chart: Virgo IC with four planets in the 4th (Sun, Mercury, Mars, Pluto – all in Virgo!). I’m very easily rattled by social energy and need to get away.
I wish I really liked people, but i really don’t- I’ve tried to like people but time and time again they drain my energies. Im really introverted- I have a lot of pisces and 8th house. I do however love connecting with people spiritually and emotionally. Chit chat is okay and i can do it but it leaves me feeling sort of hollow, like- what was the point? There is a sort of sense of satisfaction in it because you can use your brain for word play and entertain others if you’re clever enough and i do value this in others. i love a sense of humor in another person and people skills attract me majorly but as for myself, i am not naturally that way.
I am not socially inept though- i used to be but i learned to charm anyone over the years. I think my saturn return had something to do with it. i have saturn in scorpio conjunct pluto in libra in the third and they oppose venus. I learned how to say whatever people want to hear i guess you could say. its really libra-like.
Most seem ambivalent on this issue. My husband must be simple people. Whatever it is, I’m glad.
I have a date this week, with several women from my (disbanded) Woman’s Club. I organize these things…it’s always so much fun.
I don’t see the downside. Where does all the mental duress come from?
It seems like “control” stuff to me, but I guess there are many reasons.
Anyway, I also think there are people who would like to socialize, but they have no invitations. Those are the people I would like to try to engage. I will have the party. You can come if you want. But if coming makes you crazy, why bother?
I hoped this post might help people see themselves, in either myself or my husband. Because love/hating socializing is a bit…odd?
Why is hard to enjoy yourself?
My husband enjoys himself, calculating. I enjoy meeting women for lunch…or whoever. Family. Socializing.
Since I don’t have a family, I’ll socialize with yours!
I can’t imagine isolating myself, any more then my husband would become a social butterfly. He threatens to kill people, socially, working for the church!
Ha ha ha ha. If they want someone nice on the job, I guess it’s not him!
Anyway, I organize these lunch meetings…and people love coming. What would happen if I invited you ^^^^^^^ ?
It really sounds as if I’d be injuring you, insulting you, putting you at risk, making you uncomfortable?
What is the deal with this?
I also think the younger generations are going have an even bigger problem. Been interacting with a device, since they were born.
I’ve always been socially awkward. I was born into a family of socially adept butterflies (the women are butterflies, the men are something else). I want to be able to socialize! I am anti-Facebook, pro-Twitter. I love my blog. I love flickr. I love this site. If you invited me to a party I would show up and everyone would say,”Wow, you have so much to say online…” Ha. But I would try. I wouldn’t feel injured or insulted. It would be a good risk. Not a bad risk.
Introverted people process sensory experience differently than extraverts. Biologically, we’re more easily stimulated (e.g. we have more natural “cortical arousal”), and too much social activity makes us feel drained and/or overwhelmed. (Sorry, but I’m Uranian, and y’all know I throw in the science!) However, that doesn’t mean we hate being around people, just that we need to take breaks from them. (And, I’ll point out that introversion is different from social anxiety.) This is just a natural variant in human biology and is not pathological.
So, knowing that I’m an introvert, but that I also like people (Libra in abundance), I know I need to make adjustments. I tend to go for one-on-one interactions or small groups, as opposed to larger crowds, and if I have to decline an invitation due to the need to regroup I will always invite that person for coffee or something later on when I feel better, in order to maintain the connection.
One thing I have never understood, however, is the assumption that most people “suck”, or are “beneath” an individual, and for that to be the reason that they are alone most of the time. This is an issue of pride or, conversely, profound insecurity. I firmly believe that if you feel rejected by the world most of the time, it is usually because you have rejected the world on some level.
p.s. when people invite me I tend to show up. And it’s funny because I am socially awkward yet I have no trouble whatsoever just showing up at an open mic and reading my raw poetry. “That was Misti Rainwater-Lites, putting the free in freedom of speech,” an open mic host said once in Albuquerque after I read my poems to a room filled with squirming people.
I will show up to- Im eternally optimistic. being introverted is hard. it sucks feeling drained after social activities. i would be extroverted if i could. I think its maybe some kind of underlying fear.. . not sure. my husband who is double scorpio with his sun in the 12th is worse than me. come to think of it it may be a 12th house thing. my husband is always saying he hates people. when he says this i usually say- how can you hate everyone, do you hate so n so and so n so? i hate when he says this but i get it now kind of- every time i tell my husband about someone saying or doing something rude he goes- see that’s why i hate people. so its just generalized
My husband definitely keeps people at a distance…however, he likes a party with food and drink and lots of people, kids and dogs. 🙂
And bring your guitar, of course! Or your violin or your banjo or what have you.
Just don’t expect a call but once or twice a year…and don’t expect him to answer if you call him, either. 🙂
All the social stuff is done by his wife. I’m sure this is what he’d tell you. It’s why he has a wife!
Interesting to read more of these responses. I was in a relationship with a man who claimed on a couple of occasions to “hate everyone”. He had a strong sarcastic streak, however, and I did not take it literally. The thing was, though, he had been in the military for 9 years, and had been on special missions where he’d seen awful things, and I think his general feeling toward his fellow countrymen when he got back home was that he was envious of their ability to still be innocent and naive, when he could no longer be that way having seen what he’d seen. These feelings are all understandable, from my perspective. But as I’ve said, I really don’t think he hated everyone. He had friends from the military that he socialized with, and if he was truly a misanthrope he would not have been able to do this, and he also would not have been able to have any kind of relationship with me!
Yes, my stepfather who is a Taurus sun, Cap moon really likes people I believe, but just doesn’t know what to say or how to say it. When my brothers and nieces come visiting he sits in his chair in front of the TV and acts semi-aloof for the most part. He doesn’t really put any “emotional energy” into anything as does my mother and myself (my mother tries to compensate for his attitude and is 180 degrees the other way, but too much so). Yes, he was in the Army, but not that long.
So can any Taurus people tell me why you can or cannot relate to the feelings of others? I’m a Libra, so I don’t get it. I relate so well to others that I can easily meet your need or expectation, but deny my own needs, which is not good thing, too.
Yes, he bought 3 hams between Thanksgiving and Christmas! LOL!
On this phone i can’t reply to Elsa’s comment directly but its not the site, just the phone so no worries. . . I think its beautiful when a husband and wife can in a sense complete each other in that way- where one is strong where the other is weak and this is something i miss. I long for a fulfilling social life. if my husband were strong in this area i would appreciate it so much. granted lately he has been trying. he used to never make any attempt to have a social life as a couple but he has started to see how much this area of our marriage needs to be worked on- together. i think a healthy social life is almost essential in a relationship. no one likes to feel isolated.
It’s true. I cook, serve, invite…he’s security and comic relief.
Together, we’re pretty good hosts, in a weird sort of way.
I think we make be far more comfortable then they ever expected to be.
It’s our dual grand trines in earth.
When we went on vacation and invited people…they came with some trepidation, lol. But then one couple, canceled their hotel reservation, when invite to take one of the bedrooms in the cabin we rented. Everyone else, came and stayed, until they had to go.
You really can’t help yourself. Food, drink and put your feet up.
We don’t have expectations of people. You’re invited because we like you. That’s the long and short of it.
take that back- some people do like the feeling of isolation- 12th house people maybe- but they have friends in their head so doesn’t count. he he jk
“How strong is your desire to connect with others? Does your behavior correlate? Or is there a disconnect?”
I feel a disconnect. Oftentimes, I would rather stay home and make things, study or work… but I have this innate push to be social. Maybe, it’s some internal guide post or maybe it’s some unconscious ideal.
I mean, I moved to Brazil (SOCIAL TO THE MAX) and married a man whose Saturn and Venus are conjunct my Gemini Chiron in the 11th. My daughter is a Gemini Sun, Venus and ASC with Mercury (Cancer) in the 1st house. !!!! A handful of those planets also conjunct my natal Chiron in the 11th. All of my planets are in the Northern Hemisphere… except for Jupiter which is just above the DESC. Maybe it’s my Scorpio Moon in the 4th squaring my Venus Leo/ASC?
I just have this tireless drive to be social even though I love being alone. I figure it’s my call of duty to get social and to feel comfortable within the group.
I think I just need to respect all parts of me when they surface…
I definitely relate! Do you have Capricorn or Virgo somewhere in the mix, Shan? Just curious, because I feel similar, like an inner-belief that socializing may be an instilled responsibility to help those around me. Then, I retreat into my Scorpio bat-cave when I get the chance to reconvene the energies for more “battles for all humanity” lol. Don’t know maybe just me 😉 thanks
YUP! Virgo Sun, Mars and Mercury… and quite a few Saturn aspects. Yeah, that Scorpio Moon of mine takes me for a loop or two… I really have to keep it in check because it’s just so damn suspicious. It’s in the fourth house along with my South Node, hence, why I love being at home… and probably why I push myself to go out.
🙂 You got it though, Virgo is another motivator… I love teaching groups of people in my home!! I guess I struck a balance.
Also, never try to change anyone with a fixed sign. From Wikipedia – In astrology, fixed signs are associated with stabilization, determination, depth and persistence. They are powerful and willful in all they do, often achieving much more than the cardinal signs and the mutable signs. On the other hand, they are also inflexible, rigid, stubborn, opinionated and single-minded. These traits are often paired with the need to be considered “right”: they will ruthlessly fight on behalf of their beliefs, regardless of any contrary beliefs. Only during moments of importance or necessity would they consider changing an opinion.
It’s weird- you’d never know my husband is so anti social- he is always the most charismatic one at any gathering. but then i guess he’s more like your husband in that he doesn’t have a desire to keep a social life going. He won’t really go out of his way with invitations and decor and the likes. . . he also is not good with understanding another person because he is an extreme black and white thinker. He has a pronounced disdain for spontaneity. . i blame this on his capricorn moon square saturn in libra. but like i said he is charismatic and people do like this. he’s also funny. i dunno. . . its complicated.. . tehe.
Teresa, I don’t think it’s Taurus sun as much as it’s Cap moon that does it. Every Cap moon I meet acts like that. I am Leo with Libra moon, asc, mars and Leo venus – bring on the party baby! ha “I LOVE weddings! Drinks all around!” 🙂
Yes, I’m learning the serious cap moon person sees things from a different angle than from my chatty, spill-your-beans Gemini moon. Thanks. 🙂
I definitely prefer staying home but I do love it when people pop in – if the don’t expect to be fed. I’m a wacky cook, not comfortable with having people over for ‘lovely’ meals, but that is kind of required in my new land, so I’m trying – but not that often 🙂 Everyone here does dinners all the time, more frequently than I’m ready to be social, so I do feel overwhelmed by the lack of parity. I owe more meals than I could ever repay. I figure if that bothers people they will stop inviting us! It does make it more challenging that everyone else has great entertainment -friendly big houses where they raised all their kids. And that they are all great cooks! So while I dread going out for all those reasons, I always seem to have a great time. Give them big credit for making me feel so welcome.
Lots of Aries in the 4th, but Libra MC. Moon in Leo in the 8th.
I was never a social butterfly but divorce and single parenthood 25 years ago and my social circle shrank pretty dramatically. Then fell in love with a much older man of a different race. Almost everyone in my life disapproved. Family, friends, even my boss. I was hurt by the rejection. I cared for this man very much and still do. After my boss fired me way back when, I started my own business working from home which has been successful but I did work alone a lot. I also took some classes and earned a degree. I did a lot of the course work online. I just had a life that developed in a rather solitary way and I’ve grown very comfortable with it. Others notice too. I worked on a project recently for a client who told me that I need to stretch, get out of my comfort zone. Work on a team with others. I told him when I die I want my past team members as pallbearers so they can let me down one last time. 🙂 My son, grown now, has pretty much said the same thing. You need to get out and about. wow. Have I started talking to myself out loud or something? Anyway, I’m thinking about it. Someone on the board suggested there might be control issues for anti social people and that’s worth considering. I’m thinking about it.
I’m a major introvert – love and treasure my alone time.
With my work being such an open, outwardly opposite, I HAVE to decompress and not talk, watch Hulu and just, be.
Elsa! Invite me over sometime. Venus-Mars-Uranus in 3rd. I’ll bring something to eat, a bottle, and my best convo skills! 😀
Hehe this is funny to me. I get a kick out of introverts. I can’t imagine how being alone ad not being social can be appealing. But the introverts have no problem with it. Last guy I was with a Virgo, was an introvert. We went to a party a friend of a friend. It was a great party in a house off the water and there was a live band and food and drink. Nothing stuffy. Well he turned to me and said, why are we here. We do not know these people, and will never see them again? I thought for a minute because my head just couldn’t get around that.I was having a great time, talking and dancing, drinking and eating. He was just kind of there closed off, sitting. I said, well this is a great way to expand your social setting. It matters not if you will see them again, live for the moment. Enjoy! He rebutted quickly, stating that he has his social circle. He does not need more than that.I honestly couldn’t wrap my head around that. After we left he said well that was a big waste of time…. My Libra self was clueless.
I’m an introvert and love parties- just don’t like run of the mill chitchat. Like the kind of chitchat you have in certain organised groups or super formalized parties. At most parties I have a blast- when there are lots of people I feel fine, it’s when there are ‘certain’ people at the party who talk to me, I don’t like when people talk without substance, period. I feel intruded on. I like connecting with people more in a feeling way, sort of esoterically. Chatter drains me, but I don’t mind it long as I can just listen and not partake. usually if the party has music and\or good food, I’m good. I love having a good time. 🙂 geez, I talked enough on this thread…
I’m like you, Wildstarz, it’s fun, something different, different people, you never know who you might meet and what you might learn! I was at a concert last night with a few hundred other people and I loved the energy! Same as when you’re at a ball game and you can connect with people around you, total strangers. I have lots of Virgo and I need to decompress, but it’s probably my Aquarius and 1&5 house stuff..*shrugs* 🙂
Cool ideas to discuss. Love that Virgo that wildstarz1 was describing. Anti-social, as in grumpy, not having to be polite. Ahhhh well, I wish I could get away with that at times, because I sometimes *do feel grumpy, and like I should not be touched with a ten foot pole (Scorpiooooo), but I like to leave people with a “good taste” in their mouths, so to speak, even if I do have to leave them (Venus in 7th aaaand Uranus in 7th, yo). Just the way I was taught. I tend to feel what others feel and am hyper-aware of the social/karmic consequences to my actions, so I try to remain professional with a smile even when I am pissed and not giggly/frivolous at a particular moment (Capricorn).
However, I am not really “classically social” either.
Sometimes accepting one’s natural state, and relaxing into it, is so much better than trying to be something you aren’t. Weird thing is I connect more easily with the right people, when I don’t desire to be “social” in the stereotypical way. I chat better when I don’t feel the urgency to connect with anyone for my own benefit/survival. 🙂 That is being “Scorpio-social” maybe, which might be interpreted as being “antisocial” haha!
In my personal time, I am alone doing my thing or hanging with 1 good friend at a time, or with my family, recharging. No frou-frou BS conversations there though. Always a purpose….
Ex: If I am at work, and someone chats with me, I will also chat and make jokes with them as well, but there is a particular reason to do these jokes and jovial-ness –to release tensions, to de-stress, to remind ourselves that we are people-first,–not cogs, to help the other person through the day. I discuss and express appreciation to enjoy the holidays and connect better with important people in my life. I make random conversations to learn about the world. I make jokes / say good things to the the people around me at the grocery store to put some folks at eas in a stressful situation, remind myself that there are good people / accidental friends I haven’t met in the world, although I stumble and make mistakes in the process too haha.
In a sense, socializing is a responsibility I feel to try to appreciate the people around me, or for me to feel grounded with the larger world, the bigger picture. It’s work but I love work too. 🙂 love these interesting viewpoints.
Elsa- I think you are a definite community builder. :] Good close-knit communities (what I studied for a bit in school :P) are built in trust, mutual respect, unspoken agreements / person by person, interaction-by-interaction, diplomacy with unique connections. They built in generosity, and setting a precedence to treat those unfamiliar like family! like here! 🙂 They are not just a standard operating procedure, law-book set-up, friends-by-usefulness only. That’s why it’s hard for many of us younger than 30 folk, (only my point of view though!), to connect with others that are different from ourselves, maybe at first. We have this “atomization” habit, breaking off into our separate interests / beliefs /tv shows / obscure music collections and building smaller communities from there, instead of meeting whomever is around us, in randomness. Or gathering with people we don’t agree with. College is the closest thing…. But even that is self/socio-economically-selected too….
We are not tied by physical space (internet/text) anymore, which can be good. But we may be adrift from our physical world in a different way, different from generations before. So, finding community and connection around us may harder in a different way as well. Relationships, family, marriage, love, home (house) careers, community, these “sure” investments are all uncertain, falling apart… Now, how do we reconnect? I wonder. How do we rebuild a trust in these things that shift?
How interesting. Thanks for sharing your insight.
I think your generation will learn by nessesity, eventually. Or you’ll not survive.
Our county is bankrupt. If you want to make a good investment, invest in your family and the people around you.
Hmmm, I agree, Elsa. Not every investment is monetary only 🙂 . I hope more folks find out a different way to love, for themselves, though, and before the point of no return …. Too much loneliness and pure anger out there, not enough giving and forgiving. Not sure how to help everyone else at this true community / friendship stuff, I guess. Going to keep trying to connect with folks around me in the meantime, like you said. Thanks Elsa 🙂
it’s really the only thing of any value. The people there when the chips are down, and not because they have an agenda.
We’ve lost this, because people don’t think they are going to be judged. No one can judge them. No God can judge them, since they are God, I suppose.
I am sorry. This is not popular, but I read about the die with dignity thing….
People think they can control death too. They get to control it all.
They don’t believe their is an afterlife, so they’ve got this all dicked.
But here’s the thing…my husband told me some years ago. It hit me hard. It penetrated.
He said, maybe they’re right. But maybe the instant you die, you in a MUCH worse situation. Uh oh!
But people are convinced at this time, many of them, that whatever they say is real and true…because they said it or they heard it or something.
It’s also said, at the end of their life, no one is ever counting the money they made. It brings no comfort. You can’t take it will you.
What kind thing did you do? What did you give? Did you put yourself first? Where did that get you?
Is it you and your cell phone in the hospital when you’re dying. Texting?
Or are you surrounded by people who love you, who will mourn your loss and pray God to rest your soul in peace?
Wow, you’re right. Family and friends are the only thing of any value.
I do want to die with dignity on my own terms and l do not want people around me when l die.
My grandmother, an Aquarian, who lost both her legs when she was run over by a train when my mother was four,waited to say good-bye to the family then asked every one to leave…and died. No funeral for me either…
A whole music concert with 400 people? Probably not my cup of tea. And I do love music, just to clarify. A book club with 30 people? Bingo.
I’m somewhere in between, not extremely extroverted nor am I extremely introverted. I have met a girl once that was on the extremely introverted spectrum on a scale of 1 to 10, she’d be a 9.
What an incredible conversation here! I’m an introverted mix of everyone here. Invite me – and I’ll say yes at first, then not show! It’s too hard. So I mix with friends at times when I feel good (Aqua Sun, Taurus Rising, Leo Moon). That’s all I can manage these days, but when I do mix – it’s very very lovely. Otherwise it’s a firm, “NO thanks”, (until it’s a yes, again). That’s how I fly this plane. I have very savvy friends who get me, read this blog, have some knowledge of their natal charts, and “get” how we are all different, with mixed needs and differing values. With a lot of understanding and no judgement we find a way thru to socialize at infrequent times which are usually of high potency because of it.
I don’t like being social. I have little patience for humans. I’d rather hang around with my cats and snake. Theres only 3 people I tolerate. The “social obligations” are simply ridiculous to me. I don’t have to socialize to be considered “normal”. I’m considering moving to the country side so I can be on my own 100%.
I’m not shy though. I have no problems speaking in a room full of people.
A Scorpio stellium is a heavy thing to carry, but I’m sooooo thankful for it! The “unaproachable” aura which I’ve heard seveal times from people is something I like about myself, even though most people would hate it. It’s fun that it also makes you get noticed everywhere!
The ONLY planet I have in an air sign is… SATURN! (in aquarius, 3rd house. Communications anyone?) haha. And it’s making a square to mercury in 11th (no seriously, wtf).
Something I still havent figured out is that, my stellium falls in 11th house and I’m a sag sun. I should be the one who makes the party start. It feels like the stellium is either being useless there, or it is actually cousing all this antisocial bahavoir.
I’m kind of an extremist. When I’m in the mood to socialize, I really enjoy it. Its my Libra rising and Sadge sun in the 3rd house. I like to get the party started and talk to everyone, and I mean EVERYONE there. I even bring food because I love cooking and everyone loves to eat it. I think people are interesting and I like to hear their stories. There are very few people that I’ve met that I didn’t like.
After I’ve had my fill though, I need alone time. I wouldn’t call it anti-social, I’d say its more like time to reflect. My Scorpio Moon, Saturn, Mercury and Venus demands it. I guess I’m an all or nothing kind of person. I have an on and off switch.
My husband is pretty much on and off like me, but he’s crankier. He always has a good time if we go, but socializing is a PITA to him. He’s a Libra with Moon in Scorpio. If he doesn’t want to go to a party or socialize, I just leave him home and go myself. It works out for both of us. Who wants to go to a party with Mr. Cranky anyway? Keep in mind that I’ve lived with and been married to this man for about 38 years. I truly understand him and love him dearly, so, this arrangement works the best. I think he’s missing out, but know I can’t change him. I’ll always try to, but its up to him in the end.
I’m like your husband. But I also have Gemini and Libra and need to talk. So I find myself in such an odd place, pulled between the two sides of the coin.
What I’ve noticed is that when I’m alone too much, I get too far into my own head and it’s not good. So when I make myself get out and talk, I feel better and realize I need it more than I think I do.
I listened to a great podcast on the Huberman Lab about this. He says that we each have a kind of a set point of how much socialization works for us. Anything more is too much, anything less is ‘loneliness’. So it is different for each of us. There is no standard right or wrong way to be.
He also says that if you have less social than you want for too long, you become crabby. Some people even get hostile. (I can relate!) But that you have to kind of put your toe in bit by bit to get back to your normal level. In other words, you need to force yourself a bit if you have become too isolated. Then you will reset to your natural level.
Interesting and sounds correct.
I’m in your husband’s camp. I get bored really quickly around people who just want to chit chat. I’d rather be reading. The only people I can tolerate are people who can teach me something.
So many people stop growing as they age. They leave jobs but have no interests to replace what they gave up. Ugh. Stagnation sets in. That’s just deadly.
Social is not what it used to be.
Social post covid (clown world) is one thing but social like even 5-8 yrs ago where you are not ‘normal’ cause you don’t have social media accounts and 50 -100 ‘friends’ and that’s somehow unnatural. I stick to the animal world aka – small packs. To me social is akin to dopamine hits.
We are far beyond the early days of large families and community helping one another and exchanging with purpose now it’s highly based on ego and bullshit in my opinion. I know this may not be a popular response.
My comment went astray. Maybe l didnt hit the right whatever…l thought it was relevant.Maybe it just went up in smoke…???
I have just joined a group of people who really like being alone– mostly by choice. People who dont need to be tied down in relationships, but like engaging with people.Individuals in a group of like minded ‘others’. Very Pluto Aquarius l think.
I heard about it on radio–one woman phoned in and said it was ‘selfish’. Selfish to whom exactly? A lot of old blokes looking for a live in housekeeper. I dont expect my choice would appeal to many …but saying it might help some feel ok about not doing what most people do.
I want to socialize . Right now I’m unemployed, and it contributes to shame in contact with others. Yesterday I helped a friend organize an event, but didn’t feel comfortable staying there while it went on all thought I was invited. I am consciously applying for positions with much human contact. I’ve worked retail for 12 years and miss people tremendously. I don’t miss sales. On the other hand, love traveling alone, but it also makes it easier to connect with many strangers. Have had some magical conversations with people when traveling. A former colleague of mine is a bit antisocial, and I worried about her when I quit ( single , few family members ) but we have a hang-out planned. I think the anti social has to be somewhat of a symptom of other things, again I’m very independent and and uninterested in having daily catch ups with people , but I really can’t comprehend always pulling away from others
I feel for you. I’ve been through periods like this. It’s humbling.
Thank you Elsa 🌸I’m trying to keep my faith and try to believe what I have to tell myself: you’ll work again, you’re a hard working person although unemployed, you might not have a job, but you are still incredibly lucky and free. But in social situations it’s very humbling, I agree.
I am social and anti social, in fits and starts.I recently withdrew from 2 social groups, and the people in them that i had befriended,due to so much drama and a fun time turning into therapy time.I just don’t have the bandwidth to hold OTHER peoples (very serious) problems right now.
I’ve also run out of energy for the “running around” to coffee dates,lunches, etc..at least for now.
I am a Cancerian and in general love my home, and lately i want to be IN IT a whole lot.Cooking,making art, listening to music,reading,relaxing in my yard,swimming in the pool, riding my bike i the early mornings.
I do belong to. unitarian Universalist curcha dn enjoy my Sunday mornings there.. as uplifted.I agred to host the monthly social pot luck supper.. so I will have 15 people here on Saturday night ad that will be fun.I lve to cook, and on occasion like filling my house up with laughter.
In general, since Covid, and since othr stresses of these times,I feel more withdrawn and anti social than usual.. but I keep a few important social commitments that I still DO enjoy.. I play cards with a great group of ladies twice a month, and that is a staple in. my life.
I’ve been studying a lot of deep astrology and tarot, reading good books, and cooking.
The world and al lot of the people in it seem quite harsh to me, lately. People are guarded, mean,even.
For now, I think I’ll relax in this semi- anti-social space till i feel like peeping out again.
I’m anti-social due to past experiences of being bullied/excluded/ridiculed. Even through adulthood, I tried and tried to make friends, only to meet snobs, users, and bullies. So my social energy is focused upon family and work colleagues only. And whenever there was a big crisis in my life, NOT ONE HIGH SCHOOL FRIEND CONTACTED ME. These people didn’t leave home. Mind you, if I’d heard about any of them having problems, I’d be WITH THEM. Oh and all my best friends would move away after 1-2 years so trust became an issue. Never again…
People have lost their minds you cant even go to a dr’s appointment and make small talk…hey ‘let’s be social’ without them stuffing BS and deadly BS down your throat and then you turn around to share your experience from 2020, 2021, 2022, and now 2023 and you realize people are completely unthethered. People are all trying to lull you in their ‘tribe’ best be with nature, flowers, gardens, trees, birds and peaceful.
I have never had many friends. Maybe 2 tops. I do love a crowd though and a party as long as I can sit back and watch. I quess that’s the Scorpio in me and I am quite comfortable that way. My son who is an aquarian sun, taurus asc and Gemini moon does not have one friend. He doesn’t like people too much and if anyone tries to befriend him, he is so picky he doesn’t let them in. Here is the kicker, he is so extremely lonely. He so wants someone in his life. He is part of that Scorpio in Pluto generation. I wonder if that has something to do with it.
I notice the word you used: “cultivated”. The cult-ure, indeed. I think we’re socialized to become anti-social. For one, everything is a competition from the moment the child enters kindergarden these days. But the you are telling the same child they should get along and help each other. hmm. i feel conflicted, i FELT conflicted.
On the other hand I also understand your husband. I have strong pluto/scorpio signature and that hydra beast Mars opp saturn 1/7H. Lol.
I think both realities co-exist. Those who decide to be, those who become because.
great post Elsa ☝
Thanks for pointing this out. I agree, it’s significant. 🙂
I choose to be antisocial. I just can’t handle a lot of people at once. Also, there’s a lot of anxiety and phobia that has only gotten worse since Covid.
I think I’d like to hang out with friends. Then whenever the time comes I don’t want to. I’d rather send a text or an email.