Astrological Red Flags When Dating Men

red flagA reader asks:

Regarding the opposite sex: what is the number one astrology aspect or configuration that you stay away from?

As in, what, if anything stands out as a ‘signal’ or red flag for you (for you personally), and is this due to personal experiences?

Thanks for the great question!

I don’t stay away from anyone for any astrological reason. People are too complex. Also, there are exceptions to every rule and there are people who are exceptional in general! This doesn’t mean there aren’t things that catch my eye and cause me concern.

As far as a lover goes, I have always avoided really airy men. You can’t get ’em down on the bed to save your life. They’re usually not interested in me either, because I bog them down.

Also personal to me, but also widely applicable, I have concern when I see both the Moon and Venus beat up in a man’s chart. My number one rule is to run with men who like women and when I see this stuff in a man’s chart, I’m careful.

I can’t tell you that I have a lot of personal experience with men with those aspects because I don’t. My learning has come primarily from working with the charts of clients and their partners. I suspect this is because I gravitate towards men who adore and appreciate women and these are not the kinds of aspects you see in charts of men who really like women.

As an example, my husband is known to be cruel. Cruel! However, Venus and the Moon in his chart take no hard aspects as well. He would never harm a woman. This is very telling.

It’s only cases where BOTH Venus and the Moon are besieged that I pay attention. And I don’t just convict, I ask. I might ask a woman who is with a man like this, “How does he treat you”? Because being inclined in a certain way is nothing more than that.

When looking to partner, are there placements or aspects that you avoid?

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Astrological Red Flags When Dating Men — 96 Comments

  1. Pisces. I love Pisces men but should stay away from them because it usually ends badly. Scorpio men because they try to control me. Saturn, Pluto, South node there = heavy… Otherwise, it’s fair game 🙂

  2. I think this is great. I AM someone who attracts men with those hard aspects. The current guy i’m crushing on has Moon opp venus, both square uranus in a mutable t-square. he’s friendly to me, though a bit flighty.

    My question – I myself HAVE those aspects. I’ve got a moon squaring both venus and pluto. (though thank god not a t-square)

    I think that, for me, I know I have to resolve my own moon/venus/planet squares…

  3. whoops – my question was – is this inevitable for women who have similar aspects to the men you describe?

    Does it become a double standard to only think of the men as having a red flag?

    • Hrae, I would not say it is inevitable a partner’s chart be like yours. I have a chart of trines and routinely run with people who do not.
      I don’t understand your double standard question.

  4. Okay – I understand about not attracting like

    I was thinking it’s a double standard in the sense that, women have those very same aspects, and while I know you were advising caution around men with afflicted Moons and Venuses, should the same be said for a woman? Should any relationship, regardless of whether it’s romantic, lead someone to be cautious if they have those afflictions?

  5. Anyone with Cancer personal planets… They’d make a big ole conjunct with my Cancer Jupiter in 7th (and consequently oppose my Cap ascendant, Saturn, Uranus and Neptune). Usually they’re good friend material but not much else–I get a “baby me please, I need help!” vibe from them.

    I also can’t hit it off with Aquarian types either. NN is in Aquarius and they usually make the best friends I could ever have, but there’s zero romantic connection (though I do get a little possessive)

    I have Moon sq Venus, so they’re both in bad spots. Aspect one of them badly and you’re punching all of my personal planets too.

  6. Overly earthy types, especially Virgoans. My best friend is a Virgo, a quadruple one, and I love her dearly. But it wouldn’t work for a romantic relationship. Well, maybe it could. I don’t know, I never dated a person with lots of Earth. It just sounds bad as an idea.

    One thing that I know for sure is that an Aqua moon, although beneficial as it could conjunct my DC, is not a plausible candidate because my Venus-Pluto in Scorpio couldn’t stand the detachment. Plus it might conjunct my Saturn…

    To see how a woman treats a man wouldn’t it be more fitting to see how the Sun and Mars aspect each other?

  7. Men with major planets in middle degrees of fixed signs. I’ve always done it in the past because it triggered my t-square, but no more! Now I run like the wind. Also men with no or low water planets.

  8. I agree with Lis on hard Neptune aspects. In my experience, hard Neptune aspects play out like the #@$%%%^ Michael Jackson ‘Thriller’ video for me after awhile. The fog lifts only for me to realize that I’m surrounded my monsters and they are trying to eat my guts out. It’s hard being both a Neptunian and a Plutonian. My love life starts a dream and ends a friggin’ nightmare each and every time..smh

  9. So should a man with afflicted Moon and Venus not bother wanting a healthy relationship, seeing as its highly unlikely they can approach one the right way?

  10. Men with many planets in air signs.
    I have manyyyy close friends and we get along very well, but nothing more than that.
    For some weird reason we dont seem to attrack each other in that way. Its more like brotherly/sisterly love,if that makes sense:)

  11. Well, I have moon opposite Venus in a T-square with Saturn and I don’t hate women. I just don’t fit in with traditional femininity. I guess it depends on how we manifest those things, and a man with those issues is more likely to take out his not-fitting-in/dissatisfaction with femininity in a different way, which may be bad.

    As for the question, to be honest, Mars/Saturn gives me the heebie-jeebies because most men don’t seem to be taking care of their anger in a practical, not-aimed-at-their-loved-ones way in my experience. This is not to say that some can’t handle it–I’ve known the occasional mellow M/S guy who wouldn’t hurt a fly. But most of the ones I have known really seem to want to take out their rage on a woman. Hell, even with a synastry contact it can get scary. My dad didn’t have M/S natally but had it with me in synastry and boy, could I piss him off. Never anything physical, mind you, but I felt like I was inadvertently setting off a volcano frequently. It unnerves me.

  12. Mars-Neptune or in Pisces. I can’t handle it if it triggers my Pisces and Sag planets.

    Also strongly Cancer and Cancer Mars men tend to make me cry because I cannot see the punches coming and everything ends up being my problem, never his. I’m sure it’s just the way it hits my chart, highly personal to me.

  13. The love of my life had Capricorn Moon exactly square his Aries Sun @14 degrees.

    Plus Venus conjunct Chiron in Taurus. I think Venus/Chiron must be a sign for “heartbreak.”

  14. What a GREAT question!!

    I actually see what you mean in the moon and venus taking hard hits in a man’s chart. Most my close guy friends and the men I’ve dated have moon and venus in easy aspect (to each other).

    They’re very kind and gentle to women, no matter what they’re like in the outside world. 🙂

    I hate to say this because I hate type-casting people, but I usually avoid Aquarius-heavy men. They’re too detached! My Uranus and 11th house signature should like them… but my EMOTIONAL side doesn’t. 😀 As I am too detached myself, it is the emotional side of me that needs to be won over.

  15. In my experience, energies work both ways. Bad aspects for the Moon, Venus, Mars, Pluto etc can come out as man-hates-woman or as woman-hates-man. If both partners are evolved enough, nobody hates anybody. So, the trick is to choose a partner who’s on the same evolutionary level as you. I mean REALLY on the same level. Imaginary levels do not count. Unfortunately, a lot of people rank themselves too high or too low, which leads to choosing the wrong partners. I’ve done it myself, so I should know.

    Judging by my chart, I should be the most evil man who ever lived. In practice, however, I have this little thing called free will, which means I can either prey on people or I can hate predators. It’s a simple choice. It’s also perfectly possible for people with favorable aspects to use them all wrong. Mars on Venus can easily be used for cheating. Regulus Mars trine Venus in Sag, trine Jupiter in Aries can easily attract so many partners there’s no real incentive to settle down, but the aspects do look fabulous. How about Mars in Scorpio on Alpha Serpentis, trine Venus in Pisces on Markab? That’s a really nice trine, till you check out the descriptions of those fixed stars. Finding positive expressions may prove more difficult than one might think. How about a Grand Earth Trine of Virgo Venus on Alioth, Mars in Taurus on Hamal and the Moon in Capricorn on Facies? The aspects look good on the surface, but there seems to be a slight possibility of this guy effortlessly driving his numerous women to suicide, after some unspeakable acts of cruelty. Admittedly, it’s perfectly possible he could also find some positive use for a star associated with female suicide, another associated with cruelty and a third associated with violent death, broken limbs, war and what not. With all of them linked so closely together, however, this may be a bit of a problem. With a Neptune square to Mars, he might be perfectly normal, extremely suave and charming while sober, but an ogre after a couple of beers. Still, no hard aspects to Venus and Luna.

  16. I’ve had a few serious relationships with men who have the Leo / Aquarius opposition, esp Sun /Moon and in retrospect I can see exactly why that made them so hard to deal with

    If I had my time again knowing enough astrology so see what’s in play here, which I didn’t at the time, I’d be very wary of that particular combo. In fact I;d be very wary of Aqua altogether in an emotional relationship

    I’d also run a mile from any man with both an Aqua Moon and a Gemini Venus

    • I feel the same about a gemini moon – so very dual in my experience. Oh and personal planets in pisces (moon/mars).
      Although that might be my sadge planets coming out.

  17. My moon and venus are beat up… badly. What do you say about women who have venus and moon beat up? What would a bad aspect be for a woman?

  18. Well anyone who looked at my ex’s chart – will see how horrible it was. So, Moon Square Mars and Sun Square Saturn. And he also have Venus/Neptune conjunct (both Scorpio) and his Venus was also conjunct my Neptune in Scorpio. But I thought conjunction were good but maybe not for Venus Neptune still better than the “square” and speaking for which….

    For me, I am now worried about the Neptune hard aspects for synastry – I have Venus in Leo square Neptune in Scorpio – and I want to date men around my age but this means they will also have Neptune in Scorpio too – which means that their Neptune will always be square to my Venus. 🙁

    I don’t want to date guys 15 years older than me to have a Neptune in Libra nor a guy younger than me to have a Neptune in Sag – because neither one of those would need up square. I am doomed!!!

  19. The moon is typically the mother in a person’s chart. You’re relationship with your opposite sex parent (if you’re straight), growing up, is the foundation upon which future relationships and interactions/treatment with the opposite sex are based. So, yes…I think the moon is especially significant in a straight man’s chart (…and probably in a homosexual man’s, as well, for that matter.

    Recent guy had Venus rx conjunct Pluto, conjunct Sun in Scorp in the 12th….whole thing squares his leo moon AND his Aqua mars. Also trines his Jupiter in Pisces….and man is he charismatic and charming….but it’s starting to look like elsa’s take goddamn dead on accurate. 4x now guys with similar aspects, similar situations. …actually, identical situations. All had Venus rx, too.

    And per the very Airy men, and getting them into bed…ugh, God. Too accurate! Last serious relationship had Venus/mercury/mc/Pluto/moon all in libra, all conjunct. No sex for 4-5 years. Very affectionate, but that was it. Great friends…but it ended because of the sex issue.

  20. Same hear. Too bad I screwed either way. Everyone my age has their Neptune square my Venus. I go older, and I still have it, plus Uranus aspects to my moon, sun and mercury. Started going younger….as much as 5-10 years….and they STILL have either Neptune square my Venus, OR Neptune conjunct my AC (they all seem to project this fantasy girl onto me…each having told me how beautiful, gorgeous, I am. Each can’t believe their own damn luck that I came into their lives….and each disappeared the MOMENT the feelings were reciprocated). And finally…the younger ones all have a Uranus within orb of squaring my Venus. And no matter what, the composite Uranus is also square my natal Venus. Great…clearly.

  21. I was madly in love with a man with Moon conjunct Uranus AND Pluto. Plus Venus square Pluto (wide orb though). And yeah, you can imagine how that went. Just as things were progressing and he was feeling the love – he ran. It was intense and powerful, but short-lived. He had a string of short-lived affairs. I think he finally settled down but I can’t imagine what it would be like to be married to him. Too much “i love you, get away from me” for me to handle.

  22. Scorpio men. They could be not-my-type, and I’m still attracted. I learned my lesson once, and now twice. I can’t seem to avoid them. Pluto 7th. I honestly don’t know what I should be looking for, as far as astrology goes.

  23. Hi Chandra
    My moon and venus are also beat up–they’re squared by a Mars/Pluto conjunction so I learned early on not to date men whose personal planets activated this tough square. You’re young so it may take a while for you to grow into your difficult moon/venus aspects.

  24. @starf “Everyone my age has their Neptune square my Venus. I go older, and I still have it. Started going younger….as much as 5-10 years….and they STILL have either Neptune square my Venus, OR Neptune conjunct my AC”

    Wow, that explains a lot! I hadn’t thought about the generational placement of Neptune. Those my age are square my Venus also. I had to go 10+ years younger to get a trine!

    Thanks for your post.

  25. @STARF – Me too! Just reading your post I realize that I have ANOTHER problem. I have a Scorpio ASC AND my Neptune in Scorpio is in my 1st house! I already get that “fantasy” thing from everyone (not just the guys my age) But yeah, now any guys with Neptune in Scorpio with have conjunct my ASC. Of course of many of them will also have conjunction with my Neptune too but I can’t see how that can be TOO bad of the things or we wouldn’t see so many couples close in age because of the generational aspect. I still think a conjunction isn’t that bad. I think there is an orb of degrees of squares meaning if you can go back or forward so many degrees (different for each planet) than there isn’t as much influence – meaning you might still be able to date someone with the same Neptune sign but either several years older or several years younger so the degrees aren’t that close. I know I have a list somewhere – I have to find it.

  26. I’ve always avoided Aries because as a Cancer I’m pretty awful at confrontation and whenever anyone shouts I start cowering. Also they tend to trample all over my feeeeeelings.

    On the other hand my husband has an Aries moon and he frequently tramples all over my feelings, but my tolerance has increased (just as he has increased his tolerance of my moods).

    I’ve always gotten along best with people who have a Sagittarius Sun or Moon, but in terms of sex and pure physical chemistry Capricorn has always done well by me. (Not that sex with others is bad, simply that Capricorn and I fall most naturally into sync. Bonus if the man has a Mars in Capricorn).

    My husband has a somewhat afflicted Moon (it’s in the 12th, conjunct Chiron, opposite Pluto although it is also supported by a sextile to Jupiter) and a beleagured Venus (head of a t-square with Mars and Uranus). I’d say he is not the easiest person to relate to because his feelings are skittish – I like to be adored openly, whereas he adores me secretly – but he is the kindest, most honourable and trustworthy man I know. He was raised really well and it shows – I enjoy the benefits of that daily.

    He really struggles with trust and intimacy though (which is fine, so do I) but we’ve reached acceptable compromises over the years.

  27. i am a man who has an afflicted moon and venus and i would never harm a woman, nor do i hate them. but i will say that it is hard for me to trust women as they have hurt me soo badly in the past.

  28. so i would strongly suggest not writing men off because they have hard moon or venus aspects. as i said i would never harm a woman, on the contrary i want very badly to have a loving relationship. its just my moon/venus makes it hard to find a good woman.

  29. mars conjunct neptune, oppositions with saturn to your venus or your moon, scorpio men. though, unfortunately, i’ve looked at their charts and said, “whoa” and then gotten involved anyway, thinking, “this time it might be different”. “whoa” again.

  30. awesome blog post.:D
    I’m with you, Elsa, i stay away from airy men (it’s more than sun sign, as my libra brother in law is dominant water and earth and he’s a good husband and support for his wife, my aries sister); i just don’t even know their birthday….just a feeling, an intuition, you know.I can tell!! i could tell right away my husband was awesome in everyway and would never let me down. I was fearful at first because i had to sacrifice alot, like being away from my family, but he never let me down at all. i’m still in close contact with family all the time, but he is the best man ever in my life and gives me emotional, mental, and security that i’ve never known in my life before. once you have it, and have experienced the “bad” or the “mediocre” …the ones that don’t make the par, the ones that don’t give you how you really want deep inside, it is heaven once you find it.

    i feel sorry for those dominant airy men, but maybe their fate/destiny isn’t to be a house-husband, or husband to a family. they’re too airy and detached, so maybe their destinies are to do something world-wide, and not one-on-one with a mate — it is too difficult for them i’m reading – not enough attention, which is a huge PLUS and need when you have to be in a relationship. You will disappoint your mates who need love and security.

  31. I’m someone who attracts unhealthy men (as I am still single… turning 36 in dec). It’s a joke with my friends about the type of men I do attract…

    My number one issue are Pisces men (BUT… the ones I have dated their Sun conj my South Node which just spells trouble for me). I also have issues with men having too much Air… it just doesn’t work for me.

    But, it depends on how the person chooses to uses the energy. I have a couple amazing guy friends, that have dated at one time over the last 20 years, have hard aspects to Venus and the Moon.

    I have noticed for me, men I need to run away from… (when I say hard aspect I mean conj, opp, and square….

    Sun hard aspect to Pluto
    Venus in hard aspect to Saturn
    Mars in hard aspect to Uranus
    Moon hard aspect to Neptune


  32. I find at my age (soon to be 50 and in my Chiron return)Men with Neptune 6th house. Need to check other aspects.
    Thank you

  33. The only man that I had to take legal measures in order to keep him away from me had: Neptune tight square Mars. He had a tight mars square pluto and a mars square Jupiter.

    His Sun and MC conjuncted my dejanira asteroid. It became a very dangerous relationship for me. I’m lucky I got away (as in lucky to be sitting here and typing and not deceased).

    I read a lot of posts on the internet about people wanting to know the “soul mate” aspects, or the so-called “fated” and “karmic” relationships. Well, be careful what you wish for because a karmic relationship might not be a good thing.

    If someone were to just glance at the synastry between me and this man their eye would be immediately drawn to the fact his Jupiter is conjunct my venus and my north node is conjunct his moon to exact degrees. They would also see that four of my personal planets fall into his 7th house.

    It was a nightmare and I had to take a restraining order against him. To this day when I go back to my hometown to visit I always watch over my shoulder and it’s been 30 years.

  34. That’s really interesting. I’d have thought than soft venus or moon aspects might be good, but what I’ve seen, at least in my teens and 20’s, is that men like this are usually popular (and not just with women, generally popular). That’s great – they vibe well with women… BUT some misuse that popularity. I’ve seen this when the moon trines venus, particularly if the sun, moon, or venus are in scorpio or in libra. The most manipulative (but oh-so good looking) male I’ve had the misfortune of getting to know was such a man – trines to the moon and venus, with scorpio and libra energy strong in his chart. Everything to him was a game, was a manipulation. Yuck!

    Or I’ve seen soft aspects to moon/venus guys to be [emotionally] needy. This can be great in some ways, but time-consuming and draining in others.

    So as a result, I really do not put such a great weight on moon/venus guys anymore. As for girls & friendships – moon/venus trines and sextiles make them wonderful.

  35. I can’t seem to resist Taurus and cancer men but I think it’s because I have venus/moon conjunction in first house – one of them will always see me coming. and have Taurus on six what serves me and cancer on eight. Have met the almost impossible number of men with venus square saturn. Said next time I see it I’m running like hell is after me. Always a detachment that starts out warm and grows cold quickly. Don’t understand it unless its my ascendant ruler jupiter which is in a waning square to saturn. Sun sign ruler also square saturn. Hmmmm….maybe that’s it. My venus personally picks up an exact sesquisquare to uranus in eight house Leo but cancer (moon) is house ruler. Gosh I Guess when you look at these the energies are less obvious but very strong. I just want to work out that sesquisquare because I hate to think I’m actually the crazy one. Can’t seem to evade neptunians either but mars is conjunct neptune in my chart so that doesn’t surprise me a bit. But back on topic – I see those moon/venus trines as a route for some of the negatives aspects to play out. Women see them and go “ooh he’s so sweet”. You usually can’t lie to, cheat on or abuse someone who doesn’t trust you in the first place. My last s/o said he had a lot of problems with women because he was so insecure until he realized how charming his smile was and how smoothly he could talk to them. He has the trine but afflictions to moon and venus. So if he’s a nut the trine just helps it to happen.

  36. Mars and Uranus in the 7th….especially if they’re a Scorpio. I know. I WAS married to one for 23 years. And he had a Capricorn rising. Wow. Gemini moon. Insane!! And me being a poor little Pisces ;),with a Leo rising, ’twasn’t easy, my friends!! I love those Geminis as friends, but yeah, the air signs, yeah right….NOT!!

    • Mars in the 7th house in natrorious for causing high volatile energy, argumentativw, insatiable sex drives. Mars in the 12th is also lame because is causes hidden sexual perversions. If a partner has lots, like 5 or more, planets I the 5th house they can tend to be players. If your plane’s are aspected by your partners chiron, that can indicate a wound they can heal, but only after they cut it open, which is incredibly painful and takes a lot of maturity to not blame the other.

  37. There are only a handful of sun signs that work well for me, and after years of online dating I can safely say that astrological sign is the best indicator of compatibility as far as search criteria go.
    I’m always wary of heavy Pisces/Neptune men because they turn vicious when disillusioned. But my real ‘stand up and run away’ combo is mercury-Pluto combined with Aries energy. I’ve found men with this signature wind up being very verbally aggressive, even abusive. The conversations are intense and fascinating…but they never stop. It’s almost impossible to disengage with these folks, and I’ve had to cut ties in harsh fashion several times. They’re the ones who scare me and simply will not let go. The stress of interacting with them becomes overwhelming and very unhealthy. The stress is simply not worth the effort!

  38. I am not too keen on Aries in Venus or Moon. I tend to see these types as too selfish and lacking in self-insight.

    I don’t mind Scorpionic types because I think they are capable of loyalty even if they can be controlling.

    I am cautious when I see Mars afflicted by Saturn or Pluto.

    I was once married to a man without a single planet in earth and it was a disaster. So my rule for a long term relationship is it’s got to have some earth.

  39. Moon square Mercury, Mars square Venus, Pluto square Venus is who I am involved with. Wish I’d known more about this.

  40. What an interesting post. I recently was talking to a friend who discovered some unsavory things about the man she’s in love with. She’s already told me quite a bit about him, so I had heard he had a dreadful mother. I can’t remember his whole chart, but the Moon was square Uranus — not that I’d take that or any other configuration as some final verdict on someone’s character, but it was interesting in light of what she had said. When she got a sext that had been meant for someone else, and was upset (of course) we talked it over and I mentioned something a therapist once said to me — ‘Find a man who liked his mother’. I thought that unfair, because I have issues with both of my parents that I have struggled with. I would hate to be eliminated because my parents were difficult and abandoned me. But I have to say, I’ve come to see her point and I’ve served my time with men in whose chart both the moon and Venus were afflicted. I would never rule someone out on the basis of astrology. It’s a fantastic tool, but people can handle the energy in charts differently. Anyway, I would like a man who has a lot of earth (I have none) — and is funny, smart and kind. And trustworthy.

    • Definitely! This goes back to “mother issues” and the moon /venus represents the woman/mother archetype. That’s the woman he looks for generally. So weird how that is. If he hasn’t resolved his issues, he will take it out on the woman he is searching. It is very subconscious. Many men don’t even realize it, but they are violent, cruel to the women (in a very physical and abusive way). Kind of like same with women, who have “father issues”…something like the daddy complex and mother complex, perhaps.

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