Pluto In Capricorn: Suicidal Baby Boomers

The second Saturn return.

Lately I’ve worked with a several people who wish to die.  These are baby-boomer era people, heading into their second Saturn return and scanning the horizon, they just don’t like what they see up ahead.

They are facing their age. Many of them are alone, the conditions of their life are difficult and not what they’d imagined in their younger years.  They are divorced, families are broken, they do not feel valued and most importantly, they do no feel things will improve over the next ten or twenty years and they simply want to call it quits.

I feel this is a private matter but am posting it because I once saw the effect on a friend when at twenty nine years old, his father made a suicide attempt.  He was into his own life at the time.  He talked to his father once a year, if that, primarily because parents were divorced and he’d been raised by his mother to hate the man.  It was quite phenomenal, the feelings that surfaced at that time. They took all the air out of the room and the man traveled out of state to spend time with his father, ultimately moving to his city and establishing a relationship with him. It’s that blood thing, see?

This is too complex to draw a broad conclusion though I will say I think it is more romantic to face the conditions of your life that you’ve created rather than try to escape them. Mostly I just want to put this out here so people can talk about it, if they like.

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Pluto In Capricorn: Suicidal Baby Boomers — 107 Comments

  1. Does anyone else feel as if the powers that be are some how suggesting baby boomers, the age of their second saturn return, are redundant? Obsolete? I was reading about the 99ers – people who have been unemployed for 99 weeks, their unemployment benefits about to be cut off — and there are all sorts of programs to reeducate these people, but they feel like, for what? For a career that doesn’t exist? For a time in my life when I should be retiring?

    Perhaps it is harsh to say this, but I feel the boomers are facing this fear versus creation vibration even more powerfully than those going through their first saturn return (I am currently beginning saturn return, which conjuncts my natal sun. yay). And again, harsh, but wondering if the boomer generation, who had such a hand in shaping the current world or allowing it to be shaped by acting complacently in the face of forces not to their liking, are forced to pay the price? They are forced to be judged by the values they had a hand in establishing in the world, the culture we now find ourselves in.

    The culture created by boomers values work to the detriment of personal life and relationships, youthful appearance to the point of absurdity, extravagant spending, me me me culture. The current saturn in libra generation (whether it’s your first or second return) is coming up, face to face with the necessity to change this paradigm. To change our responsibilities and focus toward understanding and relating to each other, being fair in all our dealings, both with ourselves and others, to move from a self-focused atomized world to one where we live in community and actually know our neighbors again — this is the challenge the saturn in libra folks are essential in bringing about.

    Hoping off the planet isn’t going to do you or your descendants or the world any favors. We need everyone’s medicine; we need everyone to be aware of their value and their ability to contribute to the collective. It would seem a great shame to me, as part of the younger generation helping to usher in this change, to loose the elders who are on the other side, farther down the road, who I know have much to share. We need your perspective, we need your courage, and we need your wisdom.

    Don’t be selfish. That’s not the way any more.

  2. I have been suicidal before but never really attempted suicide. I accidentally placed myself in a potentially fatal situation and considered staying there since the opportunity to get offed presented itself. For example, if someone were to trip on the tracks and a train was coming. At the last moment (mere seconds), the voice in my heart/head asserted, “I don’t want to die!” So now, even if everything feels horrible and maybe depressing, I don’t want to die. There are still things I want to do in this lifetime.

    ((( Everyone who feels or have felt loss of will)))

  3. Parin, I did not delete your posts. I went to sleep at night. And I don’t care what you think of me. I didn’t solicit your opinion but if you’re going to offer it, then you should not be surprised there is a response.
    Now get on topic and off my ass or I WILL delete your posts because people are coming here to read about suicide and baby-boomers, not Parin’s opinion of Elsa.

  4. I can only speak for myself. Being almost 49 now and having been alone all my life, the prospect of another 20 or 30 years of unconsolable loneliness is just too much to bear.

    I watched my grandmother live by herself until her 90s. Just basically trapped inside her house with only few weekly interactions with anyone. My father, now in his 80s, spends most of the time alone, save for doctors visits, maybe visiting his brother once a week, and seeing me on Saturday mornings.

    I would like to say that I don’t want my life to end up this way, but it already has. My youngest son is 24, and I’m lucky if I see him every other month. The eldest is 27, and I see him maybe once every 4-6 weeks. The middle twin sons I do see about once a week. I can only imagine that it will get worse after they marry and establish families.

    Please don’ tell me to get friends. I have a Gemini Ascendant. I have tons of friends. I’m tired of flitting from activity to activity because I don’t want to go home and be alone. And the prospect of my finding someone to share my life with is such a long shot that it’s not even worth considering.

    I just discovered I have diabetes. My doctor doesn’t know and I know enough about medicine to hide this until it blows up and can’t be hidden anymore. For $20 anyone can buy a glucometer at Walgreens and self-diagnose. I also have only one kidney. Diabetes can really wreck kidneys. And there are a few other medical conditions that are completely manageable, but I can choose to ignore and allow to worsen.

    The way I see it, I should be free to check out. It’s my life, it’s my body, and if I don’t want to stay on this plane, it’s my prerogative to find an exit in the least disturbing way for others to handle. It may take me 5-10 years, hopefully less, but it will save me 10-20 years of being by myself.

  5. Hi Trish:

    I’ve really been feeling this too. I’m not that worried about being alone, I kind of always have been. And I’ve still got stuff to do for my kids so I’m not quite ready to go yet.

    But at some moment in the future I really don’t see why a person shouldn’t be free to just say, okay, I’m done here. it hurts too much and I don’t want to try anything else.

    Sometimes though I wonder if people don’t do this anyway, subconsciously. I know when my mother was dying — once she found out she was sick she seemed to have some control over when she would go. And then there are people who just catch pneumonia one day and they’re gone the next. I wonder if there is some kind of control we have over our lifespans that we can’t see.

  6. “I wonder if there is some kind of control we have over our lifespans that we can’t see.”

    I have zero doubts about that. For example who has not witness someone ill who waits for that one thing to occur before passing on immediately after? Other examples that come to my mind may be controversial and this already veers away from the topic’s specificity at hand.

  7. @krustallos–first of all, and I do not mean to be antagonistic in any way, as someone who is from the end of the boomer generation, and has been unemployed for a long long time–the reeducation opportunities that are supposedly “being offered” these days, are not what they seem to be on the surface. As someone who has researched the question, there are a lot of loopholes and Catch 22s involved. I don’t want to make this a forum for the problems in our system, but take it from someone who is now looking at having to sell my beloved home in order to be able to go back to school, the government offerings are not a panacea.

    Secondly, please don’t forget that along with the downside of my generation, came a lot of “ups”. I remember the first Earth Day. The previous generations thought that the whole idea of environmentalism was crazy. My generation is the one who went down to the South, put their well being, and even their lives on the line to bring about the end of segregation. We marched against the war, and eventually brought down governmental support for it. Prior to my generation, ideas like spirituality, metaphysics, alternative approaches to religion, environmentalism, were kind of viewed as “crackpot”. So please, don’t throw the baby (boomer) out with the bathwater.

    Third–as a boomer who for many many years worked with people in their late 20’s–I was the only one in the department who tried to create a win-win situation. People who I supported, helped, lent a hand to over and over, told me that “that was all in the past, this is now” when asked to look beyond their own selfish drives. I lost my job because I cared enough about someone in her 20’s who had turned to drugs and alcohol to fill the void caused by the decision to abort a child, to sit her down and kindly and quietly advise her that she needed to find some sort of help before she mistakenly killed herself. I guess its all from the point of perspective that one looks at it–but to me, the younger generation that I have dealt with, is even more narcissistic and selfish than what is being said of mine.

    I’m glad that you are one of the younger generation who might be willing to embrace the wisdom of maturity that my generation has to offer, but I have to tell you, that has simply not been my experience. I do not plan to hop off this plane of reality any time soon, but like other friends, others who have been quietly living lives of kindness, and compassion towards others, many of us feel that the world has passed us by.

  8. @grrr–was composing the last post while yours came up–I totally agree with you. I watched my mother die of a cancer that should have been easily overcome because it was found so early. My thinking is that she just didn’t want to go on anymore–her life with my brilliant,rageaholic father was too painful. I then watched my father get the “perfect” out for him–a cancer whose course was so gradual, so slow that 3 weeks before he died, he took a 9 mile hike, 2 weeks before, a 3 mile walk, a week before, he finished his book, and then he died. He was only 71, in great shape other than the leukemia, but I think he would not have liked growing old. He would not have dealt well with the gradual loss of everything that leads up to a later death. I have to believe that we get the lives we choose, as well as the deaths we choose.

  9. Ruth, I really agree with what you are saying. I see much of the good we accomplished taken for granted and mistakes horribly magnified. The intense idealism we felt and lived is now denied, denigrated or cynically twisted into something it never was for us. No one even talks about the ideas we spent years trying to put into practice.

    These are some photos that although very surface oriented, show some of the massive changes we have gone through. http://objflicks.com/TakeMeBackToTheSixties.htm

    If we, as a generation, have earned bad karma, the only thing I can think of that we should have done better was to have had more empathy for our own elders during those huge changes. Compared to the richness and depth of thought and caring we considered normal, todays world feels very bleak and cold.

  10. “I wonder if there is some kind of control we have over our lifespans that we can’t see.”

    LOA and visualization absolutely work, both for “good things” and for “bad” however we choose to define those concepts.

    In my case, and returning to the initial purpose of this post, I have Pluto paying a long visit to my natal eighth house Sun in Cap and right now is exactly over my Mars, bringing up repressed anger about my situation.

    The thing here is that Pluto’s transits are all about giving things up, ideally to transform into something better. Pluto takes whatever isn’t working in your life and gets rid of it.

    For me, having the lord of death and rebirth pay a visit to the ruler of my vitality in the house of death and rebirth gives me an opportunity to either transform, or exit. There probably won’t be a better transit in my lifetime that I can misuse to call it quits, especially when Saturn pays a visit to my Sixth House of health next year.

    What is death but the ultimate transformation?

  11. I agree with joecoffee. A former work colleague chose to die from his health issues in exactly the way joecoffee described.He would never have committed suicide outright in order to spare all of us who loved him the devastation. He was a talented writer but chose to call it quits. Hi Trish, Your post could have been written by myself, apart of course from the personal details of your family. I too, will soon be 49. My son is still young and I want to see him partnered and settled.
    Once this happens I will certainly not be taking any steps to prolong my life expectancy. I am definitely not in the market for a further 20 or even 30 years of loneliness.

  12. My first Saturn return began with a recognition (and getting help for) anxiety that I had lived w/ for some time (in a very unhealthy manner) and then finished off with the whopper of a stressful pregnancy/delivery and undiagnosed (until it was a year later and hardcore clinical) PPD. Capital D that. Not wanting to be around anymore was interwoven though much of that time and this was supposed to be “the happiest time” of my life.

    Although I have moved past that part of my life and the lessons it imparted (and they were OUCH lessons)I still have my dark times. I have thought more than once about the end – though mostly conceptually.

    What Satori said about accepting who you are & using it to move through the darkness is very wise.

    I feel for the boomers who are struggling right now. There has been so much good from your generation Ruth — and your story is a hard one to read as it seems you did much good and deserve much more karmically. There are those of us who do value your experience and insight.

  13. Consciously or not, I feel that we do choose it all. I developed some conditions several years ago and with one of them, when it flares up, I just want to die: the physical pain gets unbearable. I’ve managed to gain some degree of control over it through various techniques; ironically it is about allowing and embracing it, breathing… Choosing to breathe deeply. Last Sunday it flared up again in a way it had not for month and it was so scary. A sentence came up clear which was “Do you want to choose life here or do you want to go?” instead of the usual “I want to die”.

    I’d venture to state that one’s degree of choosing life is measurable in everyone by noticing how shallow or full their breath is, or by how conscious it is. It is supposed to be automatic, like one’s heart beat, or digestion. I beg to differ that breath is not separate from our psyche.

    It’s clear that my long history with death wishes has some contributing role in this physical condition. Medically it stands on its own. But other people I know who share this also share a difficult history. Not that I want to blame one’s past onto one’s current conditions but if no conscious attempts are made to process then yes we’re screwed. That to me is where the Saturn return demands come in.

  14. Consciously or not, I feel that we do choose it all.

    I have to believe that. Not for looking at others and “blaming the victim”, but instead for looking at me. If I believe that on some level or other, I chose to live this life that has, until now, been very lonely, painful, difficult, then that means that I can “un-choose”, or “re-choose”, or at the very least, choose differently next time around. I want to have that power, and not just have to look at my life as it having all been just a crapshoot, and I came up with the unlucky dice this time.

    grrr–good luck. I have to agree, that in my days of debilitating menstrual cramps, (yay menopause!)awareness of the breath was what helped. Something tells me that the answer to the question lay in the fact that now it is a question, not a statement. Yes, it is all about conscious processing.

  15. @Trish I do not believe that letting health issues go untreated is as simple as it sounds. Yes, you may damage your kidney by letting your diabetes (if you indeed have this) get out of control. Eventually.

    But before it gets that far, there will be day after day, week after week, and month after month of unpleasant symptoms such as headaches, nausea, fatigue, inability to focus, irritability, numbness in your feet, vision changes, among others you may not have considered.

    Rare is the person with the strength and determination to willingly be in pain or uncomfortable for long periods of time. Eventually, you may scream “uncle”.

    Moreover, our bodies are not machines, like car engines than can be run to the ground if we don’t change the oil. They are self-adjusting organisms bent on independently maintaining homeostasis at all costs and despite your best self-sabotaging efforts. So ask yourself if you really want to be miserable every day for however many months and years this may take. If you think being alone is bad, try being alone… and blind.

    Consider that if you take care of the diabetes, you may feel better, and think differently.

    I’m curious. Have you always felt this way, or is this something new? If so, how new?

    I can’t comment on the astrology part, or whether one can make one’s self sick through deliberate visualization. Why not visualize yourself with someone? Takes the same effort!

  16. @joe I believe what you are saying is that it’s not a straight line to ESRD. Point taken.

    Not sure how long I’ve felt this way, I have been lonely for a long time, but it really hit me this past weekend.

    As for your last question, my answer is this: If in 5 years my end-game intentions have not materialized, I won’t be in any more pain than I am right now. But if I do the same to visualize someone, and 5 years from now it still has not manifested, I’ll be in a lot more pain when 5 additional years of hope are dashed.

    Apparently, I don’t truly believe it can happen, so it would not work any how.

  17. For some of us, it might be the only actual choice we make in a life that stopped to be ours a long ago…

    I believe that people should have the right to choose what to do with their own lives at least, if they want to end it for whatever reason, so be it.

  18. It’s been fascinating to look back at these replies from 2010, 7 years ago, a Saturn-cycle ago. I’m 58 now and well into the subject of this post. I can only say this for me: The last 58 years have had much, much more sadness and struggle than joy and happiness. And when I say much, I mean like a 15/85 percent ratio. Struggle is my constant companion, I don’t even think of it as “struggle” anymore… it’s just what it is. I’ve gone through the years of trying to change all of this ala “the secret”, of self-blame and castigation that *my life* sucked because *I* made it this way. But now… meh. I don’t believe that. Not every life is meant to be a 50/50 split between struggle and happiness, and if I had a physical disability the struggle would be even worse. So I get the perspective. But I don’t see that deciding “hey, I’m done, I’ll take the check now, please” is on par with the dum-dum-DUUMMMMMMMM (emphatic music) stigma of “suicide”. Suicide implies to me the deep, deep depression and hopelessness of youth, the ennui and drama of thinking that your life will never get better. It is truly a horrific thing to lose someone from suicide at a young age.

    But us baby boomers? We’ve lived our lives. We’ve lived long enough that we want the respect of understanding that we can decide we’re done. Not dramatically, but quietly. Just….. done. I have a friend who laughs with me about moving to Oregon when we really get serious about this stuff, so that we can opt out. I hold out hope that in the next 10 years people can elect to “opt out” on life if they have reached a certain age. I wouldn’t be surprised at all if the government eventually condones it, because it’s going to save a freaking BUNDLE of money on Medicare.

    Again, I just think that once you’ve reached a certain age and had enough life experience, you should be granted respect for your decisions and if one of those is that it’s time for you to “close your peephole”, then so be it. I’ve told my kids about this… they understand how I feel. This isn’t a sad thing, it’s just that there comes a time where if you REALIZE that your health has peaked and it’s downhill from here, if you’re really done with the struggle of day to day existence and working to serve the bank and corporations and have stopped blaming yourself for not “creating” heaven on earth, then you should be able to gently opt out. Ancient Indians would wander off into the forest when they sensed their time on earth was over. Sometimes spirit just wants to go home.

  19. Besides being a coward, the only real motivation I have to keep going many days is what my father said to me: “How do you know being dead is better?”

    It has nothing to do with optimism, it’s cold, sad logic.

    • My husband says that too. He swears, these people who kill themselves may be very surprised, what’s on the other side.

      Neptune in Scorpio generation, often romanticizes death. I did, but not any longer.

    • Yeah, Scottish, what if there’s a ‘life review’, LMAO. Of course, what if there’s a heaven, or hell? Damn.

  20. Would never in a million years consider suicide. One, because you generally can improve things, eventually. If it’s really dire, truly, even then- there’s no guarantee your suicide method of choice won’t fail and leave you alive and horrifically disabled/immobilized/unable to communicate. ABSOLUTE NIGHTMARE. No thanks.

    • Just to say, if you have never felt the real pull of “checking out”, then lucky you. I have and life at nearly 61 is still so bloody hard, unrewarding and tiring. Always looking after everyone else and our kids do not want us(as a rule), so, often we have nothing to keep holding on for. Having money would help but we all want to feel love, happiness and kindness, a reason to get up without feeling we are just going through the motions, that’s why people contemplate suicide, and then when you get up the next day with no hope you wish you had done it, well, I do. We all need friends and they are so hard to come by, eating dinner together going for a walk. I look(in UK)at the elderly here getting all the taxpayers money,all the hospital beds, all the doctors appointments and none of them want to ‘go’….Bless. Pluto in Cancer generation(very greedy). I cannot have my pension and it has just reinforced the feeling I am WORTHLESS, USELESS etc etc. I really do believe in assisted suicide, put your affairs in order and check out in a nice calm way. I do not want to be old and someone washing my backside! I want a bit of life now. Now,I am lucky I have a hand to hold its my husbands, but, he is sick, dying, and the thing I will never get used to is not having his hand to hold, even when I am not too keen on him, its a wife thing, we all need just a bit of love and a hand to hold even on this blog. Its our life and our choice, no one should make someone feel bad if they have honestly reached the end of their tether, being tied up all your life with no release(happiness) makes us humans feel finished, like we never started and we just wonder why we have been sent here. And, so sorry Elsa, but no one remembers being born and no one remembers being dead either. As someone who has once almost died it was the most incredible feeling of peace and tranquility and I know that there is a veil where only people who cared about you wait. Finally, we are all only human beings with all the fraility that entails. Peace and love to us all.

  21. I’m not a baby boomer, I’m 45. Thrashed by unhappiness most of my life. Half dead from loneliness, relentless depression, and just about nonstop romantic disappointment. Enough common sense to be grateful it isn’t worse (health is ok, have food and shelter, friends, live in a developed country, etc.) but the psychological pain is nearly unbearable almost all the time.

  22. The periods before and after my second Saturn return were so negative and challenging. But I do feel so different now, there was a lot that came up to be transformed. I’ve realized that suicide was for so long my “plan B.” Which meant I wasn’t tapping into my own power or problem-solving skills, no wonder my life was so stagnant. More than once in my life I’ve experienced terrible black depression and not feeling able to go on. But then I emerged and realized a soul cleansing had taken place. I am consciously trying to not think there’s no way out and exercising my will more to create more happiness and fulfillment through work, even though I have health and financial problems. I do come out of these bad spells, which I have come to feel are a spiritual testing, a dark night of the soul. I would be so pissed if I went plan B and got to the other side and found out things could have gotten much better. I sometimes feel like a fool to keep hoping for miracles and happiness when I so often fail but there you are. Maybe some of that boomer egocentricity and defiance is a gift too.

  23. My first Saturn return was difficult in all ways. Money, relationships, you name it-terrible. The second one a couple of years ago, not so bad. Life wasn’t perfect but it was a time of awakening to the face that you (me) are no longer a kid, for sure. Once you get past this you have a feeling of been there, done that, dont ever need to do that again about many things. Also it becomes apparent you are the older, hopefully wiser person in the room. I liked the feeling of maturity and wisdom, but my chart was probably not as difficult at the time than some of the others. Age becomes a fact. Once you grasp this it seems to me you go on..But that was my experience, and I perhaps was luckier than many.

  24. My second Saturn return was very difficult, one of the low points of my life, but I had the support of my kids, friends and even the kids I was teaching, so it never got unendurable. I have the utmost empathy for people who do not have such support and feel alone….

  25. 2nd Saturn Return–you can see all of the “mistakes” done in the past yet can’t do anything about them. You have to reap what you sowed. The realities become stark during Saturn Returns. You see the stuff and you have to live w/ it. It’s a big ouch for sure.

  26. There have been many times I probably would have killed myself except for hearing that suicides come back. I can’t think of anything worse than coming back for more of this shit.

  27. Why does self-chosen death bother so many people so much?

    Like, people may be (and are) deeply affected by losing a loved one to some disease or accident or any other non self-chosen method.

    But the minute a person – even a sane, calm, mature, in control person decides for themselves they are ready to move on, some/many/most people are devastated and traumatized beyond any other type of death.

    Why?

  28. I think suicide is an affront to people are trying to survive. Not only that, its an affront to nature and God. Its the most selfish and arrogant thing imaginable. Life is a gift. Its not something to be taken by any human being. Its wrong to play God and its wrong to teach our children this. Its the ultimate abuse of our God given freewill. Theres no grace in it. No dignity.

    It hurts me so so much to see that people have so little understanding of what weve been given here. Especially those that are my elders. I cant stand in judgement. But I can say what i know in my heart to be true. That Life is formed from the Unconditional Love of the Creator. To say no to it? Its not our place. I cant imagine that a person who understands that or loves God, would ever do such a thing. Those that understand this, protect Life wherever they can.

      • It is. Ive been there. I had severe depression as a late teenager and young adult. And mild depression until about 2 yrs ago. I still have my days where I have low energy and have a hard time doing anything but spirituality and surrender has helped immensely. Astrology too, as well as recognizing and respecting my sensitivity to chemical and environmental depressants. Even things like flourescent lighting can trigger it. But the ultimate thing that causes it for me is negative thinking. I have to watch that like a hawk because itll take me down quicker than anything.

  29. My sister has made a suicide attempt in the past. That night in the hospital is one I’ll never forget. Next morning, I felt as if 10 years had passed over me, as If I had aged rapidly. The worse part is that it took me many years to realise what a deep wound this had caused in me. It worked as a hidden from herself manipulative trick of creating a kind of threat within the family. ”Look after me because you know what I’m capable of doing…”. My sister unconsciously kept me locked in this dark love quest. It took years and many fights with her to free myself from her spell of guilt. Yesterday, someone I hadn’t seen since 1998 sent me a email of despair mentioning suicide. I called the police emergency lines.

  30. Boomers were raised to have unlimited hope for future expansion and some made it very big. Many who did not are no longer the media sensation they were in popular culture and being pushed to the margins is not easy to take especially in career. Young people now are brilliant, with a world view and see many areas where life has gone wrong due to the boomers self absorbed ways. Here’s to positive change.

    • There are many boomers that are alive and thriving. Happy, and still brilliant. Not all boomers where or are self absorbed!

  31. Satori’s comments are most welcome, facing into the Truth. I’m heading into second Saturn return. I’m doing yoga and meditation every morning. I begin each day with Awareness of the consciousness that connects everything. By night time the loneliness is difficult. And I cozy as much as I can into dreams. And morning comes again.
    I’m getting a teaching degree at 55. I’m hopeful the energy of children will help me to continue to appreciate life.

    • @tracey, that’s awesome! it’s never too late. gives me hope too, for when it’s my turn before 2nd saturn return later on down the road.

  32. During my second Saturn return I experienced illness. And, it wasn’t illness that anyone could see, and was very hard to find. It was shocking because up to then I was full of energy and worked hard physically. When I didn’t feel like moving I got concerned.

    It took almost two years to get back up. I was never completely flat, but I was pretty low. I remember being tired of being sick and I remember feeling like giving up at xmas time 2016.

    But, it passed. I got stubborn in Jan 2017 and said, whatever this is I am going to kill it – or its going to kill me. And, I killed it.

    I was worried about my health. But, I still had responsibilities so I kept getting back up. Plus, there are always the people that count on you…and the ones that love you that make you try.

    Never did I ever think of killing myself, although I was not afraid to die.

    I am vibrant, moving, healthy and very happy today. I have more up my sleeve so WATCH OUT 🙂 cos, I’m coming up. I am going to take all the knowledge, all the years, all the misfortune and the fortune….and all the love and build another something.

    I went roller skating with my husband, adult kids and my Grands last night and skated for 4 hours ….we laughed, and had a blast. I don’t want to be left behind so I am working hard to get myself back in the shape I need to be in to keep up. I love those people. And I love being with them.

    I worried about my second Saturn return because the first was an absolute nightmare. It was horrible. And, an inside job. This time IT’S AN OUTSIDE JOB….cos I know right from wrong, how to act appropriately, how to love deeply and unconditionally and how to treat other people. This…is all about being healthy, and strong so I can love my family.

    I am thrilled to be here. I am so happy to be able to see how things are turning out. A bus may hit me, I may be taken at any moment…but I got through it and I am much stronger right now than I have been in years, physically, mentally, emotionally and at heart.

    Bring on the next THIRTY BABY…. I cant wait for each day!

  33. I tend to think if these people commit suicide then they give up on the likelihood they will get revenge on those that have put them in that position.

  34. So that was 2010? What was goin on then? I don’t know maybe it’s different now or maybe it’s just the people I know at this time. Really appreciating our golden years. Oddly enough, we are a bunch of old single broads. Death is discussed as we begin to understand how it could happen. Realizing and accepting. But in the mean time it’s yahoo as much as possible.

  35. my father has had a couple of close friends commit suicide in the past decade. it’s pretty awful.
    though in their cases the issues were incurable degenerative diseases. sometimes life doesn’t provide any decent choices.

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