Can You Avoid Becoming Old And Bitter?

We encounter various horrors as we age. I was about thirty-five when I noticed my breasts began to droop. I couldn’t believe this was happening to me, me, me!  But it’s important to accept and integrate these changes. If you fail, you’re likely to end up old and bitter.

I’ve wrote this a few years ago: Is Bitterness Shown In A Natal Chart?

The comments on that post are interesting. But today, I want to discuss bitterness as it relates to aging.

I have always aspired to live well, age well and die well. I’m not sure how successful I’ve been, but I’ve managed to avoid becoming bitter. I see a lot of it, though. I’m talking about people who feel they have nothing to be happy about. They’re just cranky and hobbling around.

I think this is a Jupiter problem in some form. A person’s perspective may be off. They may just be a pessimist but they may also be uneducated (Jupiter) and I’ll explain this.

I had the advantage of growing up around men who were a lot older than me. There was Henry – Desert Philosopher & Authentically Interesting Person.  But there were also the WW2 soldiers from the Old Man’s Bar I worked in as a teenager. Click to see some of them. There is also a tag – Old Man’s Bar. You can see their faces.

These men were alive during a time when people were expected to be wise in their old age and meant to help young people along. They were teachers, basically.  Most everything they told me not only taught me but their words stuck with me.

One of them told me that aging was painful, but if you bitched about it, you’d run everyone off.  That man was right. Bitter people become more bitter. Non-bitter people adapt.

Have you managed to avoid bitterness? Tell us how!

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Can You Avoid Becoming Old And Bitter? — 96 Comments

  1. It’s not always an either/or situation. You can have moments during the day where you feel compelled to be helpful to someone younger and it’s a nice exchange and you’re glad you did it. Doesn’t mean you don’t also cry yourself to sleep ten hours later.

  2. I would also imagine aging without bitterness is far easier with a loving partner than having to do it alone. I don’t think anyone struggling with aging, partnered or otherwise, needs to feel obligated to be a beacon of enlightenment either.

    • There’s no obligation, but if a person chose to volunteer they’d probably get their energy back in spades.

      Year ago, I wrote about I’d noticed that people who always gave, seemed to always have something to give. Those who never gave were generally bereft, themselves.

      Jupiter.

      Take and take and take and never give. I think that’s called a “hungry ghost”. I would not choose this, personally. I’d rather give until my dying breath.

      • I have not found that helping or supporting people when I can, although I am happy if they benefit from it, is of any use at all in alleviating my own sadness or changing my energy. None at all. It doesn’t work that way for everyone.

        • I kind of agree since most giving results in takers lining up and that tires me. I think people give because they are happy or strive to be happy, not that giving necessarily rewards by providing happiness. Giving is the result of a happy heart then. It’s a mixed bag for me. Giving is rewarding inside, but I don’t like being taken for a ride, either. Most people are waiting for someone else to come fix their problem.

          • The bible says Give and you shall receive. I sometimes doubt this ideaology as well. I think it needs some limits. Givers attract takers. Does it always come back to you in some way? I do believe in good karma, but I also question this idea of giving selflessly. I have been a selfless giver and have been taken advantage of by users many times, and grown resentful of it, felt like I betrayed myself in the process. So I question the truth of this. Sometimes, when you give, you just feel tired. You dont feel replenished or joyful. A lot of this teaching seems biblical or karma related… as one is supposed to be ”the hands and feet of God” who is the ultimate provider. For the non-biblical, it becomes a karmic thing, what you do comes back to you.

            • Agree with you guys. I just don’t see the payback. And if you have to go as far as eternal reward, which some people do maybe having run out of ideas (lol) then maybe random giving isn’t guaranteed positive.

      • Hallo Scottish!
        Indeed, be a volunteer gives inner wealth. Love the nature as well. Being grateful for your every day food, for your safety, and your own warm and clean bed does the same.
        Thankful for health does the same. And for me personal: love the most beautyfull cat in the world: my Chartreux Floortje. She does not care that I become older and that my “tight body” has gone! 🙂 🙂 Meet some nice people helps as well!And my father is an example for me: he was charming and kind till he died. When he was young he had a big Harley Davidson, when he was old he had a weel chair! I am aware of my inner wealth! And thank God for it.

        • WHEELchair!

          WHEELchair !!
          of course I don’t want to be preachy. I wrote this with modesty.
          Life was often very hard for me, really it was!
          And that inner wealth saved me from nasty things and for becoming ill.

        • Hi Dorien. Giving is always a good thing to do. But not everyone consciously experiences increased well-being from giving or feels healed by it. I never have.

          • Dear dear Scottish, that I know. I suspected something like this and for nothing in the world I would harm you. That is why I wrote with modesty. And that I am aware of my inner wealth. I would I could do something about it, I really do! I whish that I know some kind of formula!!
            I will write you soon!

            • Lieve Dorien, please don’t worry, you didn’t harm me in any way. I was just responding to what you said. Gezelligheid kent geen tijd :).

      • You can make an effort to nurture others and give what you can and still feel like a hungry ghost. And doing more changes nothing.

  3. I had children in what was once termed “late in life.” But they weren’t surprise pregnancies, it was a choice and now I see so many mothers in their 40’s (Janet Jackson is 50 and just had a baby). At 39, 40 and 43 I felt young still, strong and positive. I didn’t know how it would feel to now be 65 and my last chick is graduating from college at 21. But you know how it feels? It feels fabulous! It feels like at 40 I had had an opportunity for a career and there were remnants of it I could do forever (I’m a writer), I had danced in the clubs with the best of them, gone to shows, eaten in a ton of restaurants and what I wanted to do at 40 was play, teach and love my children. I’m so far from bitter – but sometimes I’m cranky. My children are too. People get cranky and then they get over it. Bitterness I see around me and it sinks down into people’s bones. They hold onto it. Coddle it.

    No thanks.

  4. Super cool post, Elsa.

    I’m not bitter about aging and it’s quite freeing. I’m 34years old and my books are starting to droop, lol. I noticed it this past week. I kinda like that they’re more soft and they still look beautiful if I must say so myself, lol. I think there’s a certain beauty to aging.

    I’m definitely not going to be one of the ones who complain.
    Even if I get sick or crippled, I’m still going to make the best of what I’ve got. I’m going to get up everyday and see what I can do to make this world a better place.

    I have Jupiter trine Mars and trine Asc…a grand trine I guess if you use Asc as part of the trine. I’m blessed and I’m going to use it…I’m going to be grateful for all of my life.

      • I know. Aren’t they wonderful? I thought gravity-defying perky ones were heavenly when I was a young man but time marches and it would be embarrassing to be with someone half my age. You know, when they sag, they’re more down to earth. Ha ha ha – the women’s personality, I mean. It isn’t so much that men have to lower their sights (there I go again) but a woman with a few miles on her is generally a more fun person to be with. I don’t value youthful looks so much as honesty and kindness and the saggish ladies have been through life’s drill. No offense to perky women there.

  5. It’s the inevitable stuff that happens in life which really humbles us to how not in control we are. I went from being a young, virile guy one day to being the oldest fellow at work. Society has adored youth to excess. Maybe society has it all wrong. Every age has it’s good and not so good aspects. Wisdom is way underrated. Youth is great but it’s there for a reason. That time of life is rugged and a person has to be hard to survive it. Hunting for a mate, proving myself, being poor, being a babe in the woods and learning how little I knew – I wouldn’t want to go through that again for the whole world.

    • being a kid was fun, but late teens to late 20s… between college and studying, then trying to prove myself in my job and become independant, wasting time in dead end relationships because i didnt know better or what i wanted… it hasnt been a walk in the park! i suppose each age has its own difficulties and perks.

        • GTO: this is what I recognize very well, and it took a long time before I could let this behind me. I am 62 now and I only can hope that it brought some positive things tho the other person. I did not fight them! There are no more regrets, because it won’t change it.

          • Life is precious and I wasted so much of it nurse-maiding people who wouldn’t help themselves. I can be wishful that they benefitted and indeed several returned to say they should have treated me better. If I had it to do over again, I’d put myself further up in the line of priorities.

    • I’m a few month older than DJT but so different in like many others on this thread, grateful for above all else, my continued good health which I look after much better than say 10 years ago. I would like to be paid fairly for my skills and have the occasional thank you from a few people who are seeming to make a habit of asking for help rather than help themselves which they can but wont put in the effort. I used tobe resentful of the super wealthy but got a lightbulb moment that they must be quite insecure needing so much and not being able to relax and simply just be. Then i realised I was getting just like that so Im trusting more and more that I do what I can each moment that make me feel ok with myself and that all will get done in the right time and if not then so be it.

  6. er, the older i get, the happier i am. being young and clueless was extremely painful.
    granted, i’m not all that old yet.
    but, uhm, a buddhist approach helps. resenting missed opportunities is a waste of time when there’s life to be lived right now.
    i worked for a paraplegic when i was 18. she lived surrounded in beauty, which struck me deeply. what right do i have to complain about restrictions on possibility when she could manage to find joy in her constrained world?
    i think that’s what people become most bitter about with age- their windows of possibilities (in certain realms) diminish, sometimes drastically. what they thought was possible they now realize, isn’t.

    fyi, i like bitters in my whiskey. yum!

  7. For some of us, bitterness has been a better and more reliable friend to us than the people we should have been able to trust most- parents who pretended to love us but really were happiest when we were in pain, etc. It’s too easy to brand the bitter lonely person as weaker or lesser and I find it actually rather cruel. It’s essentially saying to someone already hurting, “You don’t even know how to SUFFER right.”

    • Agree w/ you Scottish.
      There are all sorts of moralizing approaches to how one should handle suffering, pain & sufferance.
      Someone somewhere always has a higher and better outlook on this problem (good for them) – often makes you feel like a shithead if you aren’t handling this very well.
      The usual hierarchy, I suppose. Those who do well, those who don’t.
      Eh, tired of this, already.

  8. Gratitude for what you do have mingled with agony over not having what you need most can coexist, people are complex.

  9. It’s okay to be grateful you’re in good health yet absolutely hate what aging does to your face and body. I know I do.

  10. Maybe because I’ve always been an outdoors/naturalist type, I’ve never seen old age as anything but natural and fine….I have Uranus smack on my ascendant, and several planets in the 8th house.

  11. I made a conscious decision to contribute to others as part of living my ‘values’. I am not bitter about volunteering and helping others and I know better than to expect anything in return. However, I am astounded at the selfishness of people around me. They give zero to me, ever (except my husband who’s wonderful). Everyone is in their own bubble and are happy to take take take. Volunteering doesn’t give me energy or make me feel less bitter or old, but I do it because it’s a value I believe in (sun Sag: 8th Jupiter).

    • Kahlil Gibran said in The Prophet:

      “There are those who give with joy, and that joy is their reward.
      And there are those who give with pain, and that pain is their baptism.”

      I never said volunteering MADE me feel bitter or old, I said the popular idea that volunteering eases the already-present pain of being bitter and aging is, in my opinion xompletely false.

  12. Great post Elsa, interesting responses. I think you are right Elsa when you say ‘others adapt’. I think it’s a challenge but bitterness is not a must. I’ll be 49 at the end of this year so I’m nearly a half century old! I can’t bear bitteress, I hate the churning, sour, uncomfortable feeling it gives and I always look for outlets to release the threat of its presence. Helping young people is a great thing to do. When my son was in hopsital having chemo we had volunteers at the hospital. I made friends with most of them and two are still in contact. They are young girls half my age but they were shining lights in a difficult time. We helped each other, I talked them through some of their problems, while they filled me with joy with their young hearts, optimism and smiles. I’m a capricorn with a saturn moon conjunction in aries, so the saturn crustiness is always creeping around but no way – as a capricorn I also know we have a duty and responsibility to help the younger generation. If boobs are sagging get a push-up bra. If your hair is going grey, go blond or have highlights. If your tummy is too floppy, wear support knickers and so on. . . you get it – there’s a solution to everything that can make us bitter but don’t . . .don’t give in. I can’t. I have a five year old son (a 16 year old too) but I have to stay young, or at least try to be young-minded. I haven’t yet seen the advantage in bitterness, along with its brother, vengence and sister meanness, I’m planning to stay well away.

  13. I think meaningful work helps a lot, whether it’s a small business, a job, making art, or volunteering. The people I see who aren’t enjoying being older aren’t really working at anything and they’ve become sidelined and seem to want to fight and argue and feed off the discord they sow. Especially when you have health or physical challenges, it really helps to maintain a sense of competence and work toward goals that mean a lot to you.

    • I can’t help but notice those posting how they don’t understand bitterness have husbands they are praising highly. I suspect they would understand bitterness far more acutely if they were experiencing the joy of getting older alone the way some of us far less fortunate souls are.

      • @Scottish, your sadness is heard. 🙁 when I read your words, I wonder about all the ladies, including my mother in law, and her best friend who passed away from cancer, who have been alone for decades if they get sad and don’t tell anyone. They never utter a word, and are busy /were busy doing charity work or helping others, and other family. her sister has cancer again, and she’s an awesome support. she has everything, seems quite happy, she travels everywhere and has loads of books that make her happy. we don’t ever sense any bitterness, nor do we sense any from her senior girlfriends. we make sure she is always welcomed and I cook dinner for her and buy her wine that she likes. she seems to really appreciate that too.

      • Dear Scottish, I can FEEL your sadness. I know a little bit how special you are. I understand bitterness as well, I was there to. But I also experieced that having a husband is not only heaven on earth. And you know my story a little bit. Heaven on earth are flashes and they are a gift. And they are elusive. To hate getting older ruins your days and it wont help you because nature is like this. Everyone and everyting is getting older, even the earth! I know you know this very well, you are such a smart woman. Sometimes answers are so simple. When people become bitter there is no room for flashes of happiness. 🙂 Again: it is not absolutely not my intention to be preachyand I write this because I mean this with whole of my heart. And with modestly. I don’t want you to be sad about things you cannot change! Therefore you are a to lovely person! No one has to be!

        • Dorien, you are wonderful.

          I agree gratitude is crucial for living a happier life. I am VERY grateful for the considerable amount of kindness I have received from you and others in this community because you empathize with my pain and don’t feel the need to berate me for my anguish and how I express it. Or act superior. That is real compassion and real strength.

          • BERATE you!! It does not occur to me. You are so eloquently. I just was worried so much that I hurt you at some point. And I would not do that for anything in the world.
            I whish for you all the possible sunlight Scottish.
            And there are often times that I can use it for myself to. I’m not so tough! 🙂

  14. It took a while to get here but I finally realized I am much happier without a partner at this time of my life. I especially enjoy pursuing my own interests and being a bit eccentric in my habits and schedules. I do think if being partnered is important to someone’s happiness they should aim to find someone. There is a family friend who enjoyed a wonderful and romantic partnership with a widower in her circle when she was in her early eighties, and after he passed away she got together with another lover and they’re as happy as any young couple. She’s in her lat 80s now and not in perfect health but she’s going for the gusto as they say. Meanwhile I’m so happy to be enjoying a solo phase. My progressed Venus just entered Virgo, could be a factor.

  15. I turned 50 last December. I had honestly been dreading it. But it is really a number which society ascribes so much meaning to. My life has not changed dramatically. If anything Saturn transiting Sag is giving me more confidence and more faith in my choices and decisions. I think you can choose if you want to be grumpy (have done that sometimes) or choose to find the lighter side of things.

  16. I recently heard someone say ”aging is a privilege”. I agree. Not everybody gets to live until old age. Many people’s lives get cut short. Aging is a privilege denied to many. If you view Life as a gift, then aging is a gift too. I mean obviously if you are barely hanging by and living alone in adject poverty or ill health, then maybe not, but to live healthy into older age is a gift. As I’m getting older, I feel myself getting freed from psychological chains and sociatal obligations, giving less f-cks and living on my own terms. This part of growing up I really enjoy. Saturn conjunct Uranus in my chart in Sagittarius.

  17. So much of this is ingrained too. There are optimists and pessimits. Optimism and the ability to always focus on the bright side of things is a blessing, but doesnt come as easy to everyone. It can be a choice for anybodhy, but just not as easy for some.

    • Pessimism is a cop-out. It’s just so easy.
      It is fathoms more difficult to be an optimist. Especially in the face of adversity. I truly admire optimists. Especially those who have not lived charmed lives. They are beacons to me. So much to learn from.
      We all will die anyway – what’s our journey & message in the meantime???? It’s up to us!

      • I think there are two types of optimists. There’s the natural optimist– I respect them even if I can’t always relate. Then there’s the smug, preachy optimist who clearly feels superior to those who struggle with difficult feelings while cheerfully rubbing salt into the wounds of the hurting. I don’t think much of that type.

        • Arg!
          I know just what you mean!!! I know one! I don’t care about where or why it’s coming from, but the cheer to be had by rubbing it in, that is indeed full of shit.
          Also, not so sure thet it is real optimism on their part, just some sort of superiority feeling.

  18. Being there for yourself when darker feelings or depression are weighing heavily can be very helpful. Especially for those of us with Plutonian colors, sometimes the feelings need to be purged or expressed. Journaling or just talking with a sub-soul within me can really help. If I get too bottled up I know it’s not good for me. Being present to myself is what I’m learning I think. And listening to my favorite Bessie Smith CD.

  19. I’ve always been the kind of person to count my blessings no matter what life handed me. I feel that way because I had a very rough childhood with an alcoholic father and manic depressive mother. I ran away from home at 17 and made my own life, as tough as it was (that was my t. Pluto conj. Ascendant).

    I’m 63 now and I look back at where I came from and feel so grateful for the life I have now. I’m still with my husband of 40 years and we’re both reasonably healthy. I couldn’t ask for more.

    I’ve never been a person to volunteer regularly, but if someone needs a friend I will be there to support them. It doesn’t give me personal satisfaction, I just want to make them feel better if I can. Life can get pretty tough sometimes.

    I still look good, but these days I’m more concerned with staying in shape so I can do what I want to. Everything in moderation does the trick for me. Whenever I feel down, I hang out with nature. No matter how old you are there is always something new to discover.

  20. I saw the most beautiful older women today at the library. She looked to be about 60-65. She had her hair in a bun, silver streaks running through it, no make-up, except lipstick. Glasses. Animated body language and beautiful poise. She looked absolutely natural, vibrant and beautiful. Ahhh, aging is okay… just depends on who’s doing the aging. Grace shines outwards… bitterness and ugliness do too.

  21. Im just not ready to go as dramatically to seed as people seem to show me i am. Not yet. im only 30

    I think Jupiterians might have an easier time not feeling bitter or concentrating on stuff that sucks. Others may have a harder time.

    I would like to be wanted and not treated like i have somehow made choices or not retinoled my skin enough that now im a fogey or someone whos aged past their attractiveness.

  22. Wonderful post Elsa. I think our entire social and outer planets get involved in our aging. In our teenage and 20s we live our natal chart (hormones) in auto-pilot mode. Then, EYE-OPENING starts. With first Saturn return starts the transits that bring back the Karmic pay-cheque. Then there is second north node return. Then there are, Uranus, Neptune and Pluto squaring themselves in our natal charts. Then these planets make conjunctions, squares and trines with our natal sun and moon and inner planets. What we call midlife crises is just Karmic payback and God giving better direction to our life. As if God is saying enough of auto-pilot mode, wake up and become conscious of LIFE and this Universe and of the laws, that governs it, and the patterns that are everywhere.

    Problem is this is not done sweetly but by creating a wound in our heart (in a shape of maybe a physical illness or an accident or a divorce or a heartbreak or big betrayal or nervous breakdown or attacks of mean viciousness or loneliness). Now this wound acts as crack in the stone that is our heart. Now here is the difference; for some, from this crack comes oozing out hot “lava” of bitterness, for others, “air” of coldness and toxicity and for some, bursts out from this crack a fountain of fresh water of love. It’s very complex but I would guess, that Uranus creates these “wound making” events, and Neptune creates the material (either lava or air or water) and Pluto overseas all cracking and bursting out process. We will get a wound is given but love, faith and gratitude plays important part in deciding what comes out of that crack.

    As for myself, emotionally, I have had my share of horror story and breaking events in life but I have been lucky on this count of physical health and appearance, with aging everything is becoming better and beautiful around me. Around 40, I am healthier than ever been in my entire life. And even looks are getting better. I always thought myself to be average looking but having much Scorpion elements women around me thought otherwise. I always invited too much attention and flirting from women since my teenage. When I was young, even going out of home used to mean getting lots of smiles and flirting looks from women and if I used to be in a crowed place like metro train or super-market I only had to count to fifty till some woman would ostensibly brush her breast with my elbow or her body with my body. In my early 30s when I started losing hairs on my head and my beard started greying, I thought, well this is the end of my Adonis life but NO. Now around 40 the rate of attention from women has increased so many folds more. I now know that having these Scorpion elements mean that as my age increases I am (physically) off to Clint Estwood-ness and silver fox-ness. Also having Mars in 12th house meant women of my own age NEVER came into my life. In my teenage and 20s I used to invite attention, mostly, from middle aged women and now in the age of around 40 I invite attention, mostly, from young girls (as Barney Stinson would say girls with daddy issues). But with age come wisdom and knowledge of karmic law. When I was young I used to enjoy this attention from women but now I shun it firmly and religiously. Now I know that all a Scorpio has to do, to have an emotionally and physically healthy life, is “letting go” and make soulful connections. Now I know that young girls come to their man in the same innocence like of a 2 week old puppy running towards your leg, in complete faith and trust. And teenager and early twenties girls are in their “Mills and Boons romance” phase, woe unto him who take advantage of this innocence or of their daddy issues. Now I know that every intention is a Karma and every Karma is a stone we throw into this vast lake of the Universe and it creates ripples and will bring back the returns. The more I am becoming attuned to the laws of this universe, healthier I am becoming.

  23. Have you ever been around an elderly, really bitter and jaded person? That will cure you. You’ll never want to be that person.

    • This is along the lines of how I think. I was in my mid-thirties when I realized I was definitely going to age like everyone else. I looked around at women who were older than me, Some set a better example than others. I applied this, but in reality, it was the old people I met when I was young that made the strongest impression on. I had no clue what I know now. That joints hurt and such.

      The people were just plain, kind. They wanted nothing more but to help a younger person. It’s such a privilege.

      It’s really important to have contact with people of all ages. It’s just makes like better…and if you’re an elder, then you ought to be helping the kids. What the hell else are you going to do?

  24. So many interesting comments… everyone is different. I especially appreciate your comments GTO, “I don’t value youthful looks so much as honesty and kindness and the saggish ladies have been through life’s drill.” Haha! So refreshing! You never hear positive things about saggy ladies. I’m one of them, too. At 48, I went through the shock.. still shocks me. But I’m still a woman and will be until I die. You can’t take that away.

    I’ve never married. Don’t have kids. I’m happy. It may be a built in set-point, I don’t know. I still get down sometimes about what my life won’t be. We’re sold a story when we’re young about the path we should take, or else you’re nothing. I’m lifted back up again when I’m grateful.

    I also volunteer, but it’s another set-point. I was at a soup kitchen tonight, and it’s such a reality check. I find grace in it. The soup kitchen would still be going if I wasn’t there, so I sometimes feel selfish, as though I get more than I give, but I try to connect with everyone and that humanity lifts me up and I hope makes their night easier. Sometimes it’s a pain in the ass, too, because I have too much going on. Nothing is perfect. 🙂

    So I just try to find joy in little things, focus on what brings joy in my life, focus on bringing a little joy or compassion to people who’s path I cross, be grateful, and for me, have faith. I don’t have to be married and have kids to have a good life.

  25. I also think it’s interesting how people sort of stabilize when they get older. You might not recognize someone from college 20 years later, they can change so much during those years. But I remember my grandparents and older relatives being pretty much stabilized during their golden years, both physically and in their personalities. I found that reassuring growing up. I was also very close with my grandmothers and I feel very positive about older women and their radiance.

  26. This is such a fascinating thread. If you read this, please don’t think that I am blaming everyone who is bitter, just observing what I see happening with some people I know.
    At 60, I see more and more people of my age who are bitter about their lot in life, This is particularly true of people I knew when we were both young and they seemed destined for great things (in some way). Now they feel so angry that these great things haven’t happened to them. Some of them are also very unhappy that that they are single, or that they don’t have the money they think they deserve, but often this is because of the choices they made since they were young. If you have spent all your life trying to be an artist, and living on very little money, or having many risky business ventures, then you aren’t going to have a good pension, or own a house. If you spent a lot of time travelling, and leaving partners when they didn’t thrill you any more, you are very likely to be single in old age.
    IME it is far more often men who feel this, rather than women.

      • I’m so very very tempted to make a topic on that folktale. So Virgo in one version of that sign. I so very love – to pieces, love to teeny tiny pieces, that story. Thanks, for that reminder.

    • Not everyone experiences the same abundance in desirable romantic options. Maybe the people who remained in relationships just had more compelling reasons to stay. Maybe those who spent money traveling, pursuing impractical artistic goals, etc did so partially to soothe the pain of never having found what others did. It’s easy to be frugal, prudent, restrained, when your deepest needs have already been met to begin with.

      • Ah, crap. True but, really, this does *not* have to be true for you, if you dare to set your sights on happy love.
        Yes, I get it. The difference is, I see your powerhouse capacity.
        Maybe not yet – you’re doing structural work, good grief work (it shows, btw) – but soon-ish!
        Yes, there are a too-large number of people who don’t know why they engage in relationships doomed to crash. You, dear Scottish, have the guts and creative potential to discern who might make a satisfying partnership with you!
        Those potential partners are as motivated as you are, to find an equal partner with whom to express their passions. I know this because I have my kind of face, people tell me stuff – and I *always* am open to conversations about relationship. <3

          • So, you *grok* (sorry, if you detest Heinlein) that I very much enjoy your expressions? Mine are different, and who cares? Nobody. Not me, neither you (I hope)..
            I have conversations with people “at the drop of a hat” (why is this an expression?) about anything relationship, or anything love related.
            Love to you, scratchety-for-now Scottish. 🙂

  27. As they say, “Youth is wasted on the young” I wasted my youth being reckless and stupid and dealing with stupid people and stupid situations that have had ongoing implications. I’m approaching mid-life now with a fresh set of eyes and instead of becoming bitter, I’m working diligently to become better. I’m in better shape of my life. I’ve got love all around me. So what if there are a few wrinkles and some stubborn gray hairs? The wisdom is worth the trade-off!!

    The only thing I do legitimately worry about in this cutting age era where youth is revered above all else is being cast aside or overlooked for my age as I get older. Ageism *is* a real thing.

  28. One of the hardest bthings this past year was becoming more realistic about my goals. Not in the sense of giving up but applying my energy in more productive ways. Too much energy going into things I’d been set on for a long time where after I’d entered the fray I realized there were some real obstacles due to my age, location, etc. So I’ve set new goals and increasingly happy about it. Since we often don’t have energy to splurge or burn when we get older, it helps to be more focused and clever, even wily in going for what we want. A lot of older people used to feel more settled and “done” as they got older, it seems many now still strive for fulfillment and resist being sidelined.

      • I wish! But some Saturn squares and recently experienced my second Saturn return. I think Venus newly progressed in Virgo is coloring a lot of my choices now, plus some hard (and prolonged) transits to natal Mars helping me change how I assert myself and go for what I want. I experienced some health setbacks 10 years ago with a lot of adjustments and felt like it was over for me, but I stabilized and got better. I feel much younger and more sprightly than I did a decade ago.

  29. Old and bitter? Never. I’m pretty jokey, and I just can’t imagine being a nasty old person. In fact, what I see is that some people are willing to succumb to the idea of aging- they can’t wait to be old because it’s an excuse for so many deficiencies. No thanks! I use those people mentally as a warning of what not to be.

    You’re just a person. Age might impact your health, might impact your ability to attract someone purely on a sexual level (depends though) but in general, you’re just doing your thing. Adjust your expectations.

  30. yeah I’ve never been bitter, not that I know of, I get depressed honestly around very embittered people, because their emotions and energy will effect me, so I need to safeguard myself from that. it will literally send me into depression because my energies/emotions can be porous.

  31. This is such a great thread to read through. I’d like to bump it to add: the other day I was very upset over something that happened to me in my life, which I wasn’t originally at fault for and unwittingly made worse. I was beating myself up for it, I was angry with how unfair it is, etc. Down in the dumps. And I moped and laid in bed for a while, wondering, what is the point???

    Then I thought: I’m 39 years old. Let’s say I’m about half way through my life, if I’m lucky. What am I going to do for the next 40 years? Mope and dwell? No way – I have so much I still want to do and I can’t let something like this hold me back from it. What a waste of life, and shame on me if I do.

    It’s unlikely I’ll ever fully let go of my past, but I’m not going to let it control everything. It definitely creeps in and has caused me to make decisions I wouldn’t have otherwise, which I regret. But those are also in the past now. Sometimes I have to just go day by day.

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