With the groundbreaking elections we have had and so much attention that has been shined on racism, sexism, and ageism… It got me thinking about my own patterns and the prejudices I’ve faced and those I’ve directed at others.
I remember taking a globalization class in grad school and gender discrimination came up as a topic of discussion. The women in the class were sharing their experiences, primarily their experiences of being held back by men in the corporate world. While the men in the class sat glum and humbled.
I was the only female in the class who raised her hand and rather bluntly and angrily told every female in the room to get a F#$@%ing grip and stop blaming “men” for their inward sense of inferiority.
Personally, I have never been professionally held back by men, but I have been sabotaged MANY TIMES over by women as I was climbing up the corporate ladder, due to hidden jealousy. Quite the opposite, men have provided valuable counsel and mentorship to me. And although I’m an attractive female, the rapport I’ve shared with men professionally has never crossed into inappropriate sexual territory. Perhaps, because I make it very clear to men my moral thresholds.
I have a great job and I’ve also been interviewing with a well known gov. agency. The vetting process is rigorous (and I been through the process of committee style interviews before, so I know what to expect.I’m close to my last round. Here’s my
problem, my interviews with senior level male officials went well, however, my last interview with an obese and rude female left me baffled. In our interview she give me an entire lecture on sexual conduct in the work place, which I have NEVER received during a professional interview in my life. She ended up dismissing my resume as insignificant and I was turned into a sex object, a
tart, a brazen hussy (who in her mind has only made it this far based on looks). This is a lecture she would never have given an attractive male candidate!
I have vowed never to make professional or personal associations with women anymore on a intimate level and to keep my distance from women.My male friends tell me women are catty towards women who are driven, attractive and successful…
I don’t know if this is the norm, or do I emote certain masculine energies that women find threatening? How much of what we emote is environment versus genetic/astrological composition?
Deep down I don’t want to hate women, but it’s increasing more difficult the higher I climb professionally…
Dear Job, this is an extremely interesting (and provocative) question and I will be happy to give you my hit on this. I think you are extremely pissed off and I can’t say I blame you. The issues you present are real but on a deeper level, I think your letter is cry for help so I am going to try to offer some and leave others to dialogue on the 100 other angles you’ve offered here.
First, I’ll tell you how I got on to you… it was the astrology. You do not have the chart of a ball-busting bitch. You do have the chart of a blunt, smart hothead which I think we can all see here in action but you’ve got a sweet, compassionate side as well which was shown by the PS you tacked onto this.
Basically you could boil this down to a talented, trying-hard woman in tears asking, why do they hate me so much? And you are smart enough to ask, see the course you’re on and want to change it. I commend you for that but would add it is in YOUR best interest. Because if you do not change this you are going to be on the outs with (more than) half the people on this planet and I have seen it.
For example, there is a gal in my gym… she’s very attractive. The men like her, they flock to her of course but the women do not. I have seen her for years and she used to try to talk to women but she no longer bothers. Basically she just gave up and I would say the whole gym knows it. “Her! That one right there is the one we all shun…”
And I have personally tried to talk to her a few times but guess what? She is so sure I am up to something… going to hurt her, feel jealous of her or whatever else along those lines she’s just completely inhibited and unless she does something to liberate herself from these notions (prejudices) I would say her fate is sealed. She will never have a woman friend.
Now she has probably had many reasons to draw these conclusions and become defensive but it’s not smart. Dig your heels in like that and it is YOU who is stuck while the rest of us move around freely. So here’s my advice:
Realize a lot people are going to cop an attitude toward you but lose victim shirt about it. Because they cop an attitude about me too and so what? Should I expect everyone I meet to cop this same negative attitude? If I do, it will eventually become a self-fulfilling thing so instead I take my grandfather Henry’s advice.
Henry said most people are good and you should assume to be treated well and right by everyone you meet. Most times this is exactly what you get and if the person does prove themselves “disagreeable” (his word), then you can cut the tie. If you adopt this policy, it means the next time you head into an interview with a woman, you assume she is going to be completely friendly and supportive and I am telling you, you’ll increase your odds of this happening astronomically. And if you don’t?
Well eventually you are going to be like that gal in the gym and it’s got to suck not getting along with 1/2 the population. I mean, come on.
One more thing:
When you do run into someone like this last gal who interviewed you, why not just shrug? I realize you had or have a lot invested in getting the job but hey! If the universe throws a block up in the form of this gal, then that’s what happened. If you decide to hate all women because of it, whose problem is that? Here’s another option:
“Jeez, what a crazy. Holy cow!” ::shakes head:: “I am going to have to get a different job, that’s for sure but at least I’ve got a good story…”
That’s what I would do if I ran into her so who would you like to work with / be around hmmm?
Don’t let bitter, crazy people make you bitter and crazy, less you be a fool. And watch the victim thing too because virtually everyone gets an attitude copped about them, think about it.
In one light that woman in the interview was your oppressor but in another she taught you exactly how not to be.