Divorcing Man Dating Older Woman As Friends Look On

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Hi Elsa,

I’m going through a divorce by my choice. I wasn’t looking to meet anyone until everything was all said and done and I could truly be available to someone. But as it turns out, for the first time a woman pursued me. She’s 12 years older. She’s everything I’d ever want in a woman and she says the same about me. I’ve only known her a month and we’ve been seeing each other intensely for two weeks.

This is my second divorce. I recognize my mistakes and have been very focused on growing mentally, as well as changing unhealthy behavior. I had committed to myself and friends that I would date around before getting involved in another relationship and now I find myself not seeing a need to do that. How do I know if I’m getting involved too fast?
Everything to me and my new love are great, but my friends (who have not met her yet) are worried I’m falling too quick.

We both want to do what feels good and healthy and not worry about what is “too fast”.

Divorcing Man
United States

Dear Divorcing,

It sounds as if you have moved fast but I can’t see the value in judging it or worrying about it seeing as you are already in up to your neck. And with Venus in Aquarius, your chart does indicate love and attraction comes fast and unexpectedly so what the hell. It is what it is. You are here now so I wouldn’t waste time looking over my shoulder, I would however look forward.

You say she is everything you want and vice versa. I believe you, so I would advise you to continue to work on yourself and the things that dog you. Whatever personality traits that have got you in trouble in the past, get on them and stay on them and one more thing.

You are going to have to talk to your friends or they are going to do this poor gal in. In trying to protect us, our friends can be very foolish at times and it sounds as if they have copped an attitude towards the new woman. It’s up to you to set them straight.

Ask them to lose their pre-conceived notions about the speed… her age or whatever else might be bothering them and give this woman a fair shake. Tell them she is making you happy and ask they respect this and her for it. It is up to you to set the tone here, otherwise I do think she’s going to be a lamb headed for slaughter and there is nothing fair about that.

Good luck.

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Comments

Divorcing Man Dating Older Woman As Friends Look On — 3 Comments

  1. My own opinion is that it’s not fair to HER to be so serious, when you can’t help but be in a weird emotional state due to your divorce. She should understand that and agree to slow things down, otherwise, I would question her ability to maintain a mature relationship.

  2. You know better than anyone else what you feel. I’m sure your friends are concerned because it sounds like it hotted up very quickly and they’re not sure you’re in a place to be objective, and in their place, I’d probably be concerned, too. But you know how you feel.

    And if it’s solid, time will show your friends (and yourself) that it is. So long as you’re taking care of your own issues, the rest should work out however it’s meant to work out. And even if it doesn’t long-term, I’ve no doubt you’ll get some useful learning out of the situation anyway.

    My friends had some similar concerns when I started dating a man freshly divorced and we hit it off quickly and hard. We’ve been married over 18 years now. Doesn’t always turn out poorly. 🙂

    Good luck to you!

  3. Um, yeah…my SO and I went on our first date the day after he broke up with his girlfriend. It’s been 6 years–not too shabby!
    I don’t know if this is normal, but I felt very, very sure. Zero stress, actually. And I have encouraged him to be in touch with her, as their families know each other for decades (she is his sister’s best friend).
    However…I didn’t even think about the ‘implications’ of everything as it was unfolding. I thought: ‘I love this guy’ and, well, I’ve Mars in Aries so I’ll spare you the details. But there was more action then talk. I would suggest allowing things to unfold as they will and screw what your friends think.
    I mean, smile and nod politely, but ultimately only YOU know what’s really going on.

    Oh, and by the way, I swore up and down I was ‘going to take things slow’ but if you know? You know.

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