I have a dear friend who seems to get upset over the smallest things. She makes me feel awful if I do something else with other mutual friends and not include her. I am starting to pull away from her, because she makes it harder and harder for me to enjoy being around her.
The group of friends we hang around are all within 5 minutes of each other. Our spouses get along great, as do the women. Our kids though, do not get along very well (they range in age from 4 to 12). The friend who I am having an issue with also takes it very personally when the children don’t get along. Plus she always seems to take her children’s side.
I guess what I am getting at is, is this friendship over? I really like this friend… and her husband and mine get along very well. I just feel like I am always on eggshells. Any advice?
Yes I have advice, and no I don’t think the friendship is over. If it were over, you’d know it. But you are calling this woman a “dear friend”. You say you like her a lot. That’s a high compliment and tells me the relationship is very much worth salvaging.
Now I acknowledge her annoying behavior, but there is no deal-breaker in there. You know. She didn’t screw your husband, betray you, burn your house down, etc. She is flawed and that’s all. She’s not perfect, but neither are you, so how about we look at your side of this conflict?
You’re a Virgo, with Venus in Virgo. I guess you’ve heard about Virgo nit-picking, yes? And Virgo fault-finding? Well your posts reads like this. You have discovered this woman’s faults and you can itemize them.
Venus is a detriment in Virgo for this exact reason. It seeks perfection (Virgo) in relationships (Venus) which is an impossible standard. And it will be YOU not her that falls on your knife if you do not work with your tendency to focus on what is wrong with the people you love. Why? Because every relationship will always fall short.
But there is a way to work with your energy that is positive for all. Like this: you’ve identified her problems, but don’t stop there. Help her resolve them! This is Virgo’s job. And you need to communicate (Virgo) your criticism (Virgo) in a loving way (Venus) that benefits others (Virgo service).
So this is my advice. Call up your friend and say this: “I love you. I love you for this, and this and this, and this, but you are driving me crazy….” And pick just one thing at a time, okay? Pick the thing that bothers you the most and work on ‘transcending” the thing that bothers you the least. Do this and I bet you meet in the middle and keep your dear friend.
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