Am I Destined To Be Unloved? Venus Square Saturn

Dear Elsa,

I am constantly being disappointed in love. The men whom I could love simply don’t love me back. The only guy who ever stuck around for me was the one I wasn’t in love with. When I was a child my father rejected me, and ever since then the same thing has been happening with the men that I care for.

I fall for hypnotic, charismatic men who know how to influence their surroundings. They are capable of deep and powerful love. Unfortunately, I am never the person who receives it. To make it worse, two men I fell for are now madly in love with the same woman, who is ten years older than me. At the same time, after all this time I still don’t feel like I’ve met the person who can truly sweep me off my feet.

In other areas of my life I am independent and in charge, but in love I just feel like a victim. I’m starting to believe I have this terrible deep inadequacy that can never be erased. I need a lover who is as strong as I am, but my partners never seem to recognize my best qualities. What can I do? Am I simply destined to be unloved?

Unloved
United Kingdom

Dear Unloved,

I don’t believe anyone is destined to be unloved, but I know for sure that loves comes easier to some than others. And with Saturn ruling your 7th house and Venus in Scorpio square Saturn, you are clearly one of the others and for that I am sorry and I will try to help.

Saturn tied to Venus delays love in most cases, and if you read around you’ll be told that love comes later in life but I’d say there is no such guarantee. Love comes later in life to those willing to work for it. And I am sorry but this is just a fact and thinking otherwise is sort of like believing we all get rich in the end. Er… no we don’t!

So yes, Venus Saturn can love and be loved but you have to accept the conditions which most people just will not do. And I don’t mean to make this about me but I am going to use my personal life to illustrate this because I can’t see any other way to offer you something of substance that might actually help.

I don’t know if you read my blog regularly but I have a great love with a man I call the soldier. And our relationship is basically impossible. We are constantly thwarted. We are pounded in every way you can possibly imagine. With Saturn highly emphasized in both the synastry (aspects between charts) and the composite, we are delayed, screwed, blued and tattooed on a routine basis but we love each other and we hang in.

And we have found that by accepting the conditions and the limitations, the universe does support the relationship, but hey! No whining. No whining when sometimes weeks pass and we can’t see each other. No whining because other couples have it easier than we do. No whining even though we are pretty sure it will probably be years before we can actually be together. Getting the idea? Who would sign up for this?

Well you would if you were smart. Because the love is real and it is deep and with a chart like yours anything less well never satisfy. So here’s the point:

Forget the love that other people have because it has nothing to do with you. Be willing to redefine what it is you think you want because as you have noticed you’re not getting it. If you are consistently denied what you want, it might be productive to want something else.

For example, I want convenience! I want a man who lives right down the street who loves me like the man who does not live right down the street. And I want this new hologram man to be of the same quality of the man who comes with all the challenges and guess what? Too bad! That man does not exist. So I can pine for this thing that doesn’t exist or I can live in reality, yes? And you can do the same.

Ask the universe to send you a real love, not a fantasy love. Ask for something singular and hand-picked to challenge you. Then commit to doing absolutely whatever it takes to feed and maintain the relationship. And accept that pain is part of the deal. With a chart like yours, relationship at times will be absolutely grueling. You will be made to face your fear when you are scared to death but I can tell you firsthand the reward is in proportion.

What you’re doing is working the deprivation side of Saturn. No love is safe, see? No love = control. You’re going to have to work much, much harder. Believe it or not you’re shirking your duties here. It is much easier to say I don’t have or I will never get, then it is to go out and work for it.

And I am sorry but if I wrote this any other way this would have been crap for your purposes. La la la, you’ll find love late in life just isn’t going to cut it. The love is there, you’re just going to have to swim upstream to get it but here’s the trick: if you decide to do this you will find it exhilarating and incredibly satisfying. It’s the difference between working for your money and being handed it. Which of those experiences do you think is peak? Come to recognize you’ve got no interest in tutti-fruitti easy-peasy light-fare love and you’ll be on your way.

Good luck.

Do you have Venus in aspect to Saturn in your chart? Check out How To Find Your True Love & Soulmate

Related Post


Comments

Am I Destined To Be Unloved? Venus Square Saturn — 22 Comments

  1. One other thought to add to Elsa’s great feedback. With Venus trine Saturn, I had to learn to love myself – warts & all – before a deep & lasting love came into my life. Was it worth it?! YES!! 🙂

    Saturn aspects can make us doubt ourselves but when we do learn, we own it forever.

  2. I have a Venus in Scorpio connected to Saturn too, Unloved and I relate to what you say. Everyone else seems to have it easy and furthermore they don’t seem to take relationships as seriously as I do…it used to enrage me.
    But here comes what Neith said, I realized I wanted love very badly but I wasn’t really ready because I hadn’t accepted myself for who I am first. So I’m working on that, for starters. And then I’ll work on the love-bit. Good luck!

  3. As someone who has Saturn putting the whammy on Venus, along with some Pluto thrown in, I can relate… That said, allowing yourself to feel like a victim never helps, I know, I’ve tried. It just ends up creating more situations in life that make you feel like a victim.

    I agree with Elsa on this one — I’ve had similar disappointments with love and I’ve looked around with envy at the relationships around me but when I take a closer look at them, they really don’t measure up to my standards. I want more.

    At the end of the day, the challenge is to come to really know that you ARE lovable no matter what, rather than relying on someone else to do that for you. There are plenty of times when I feel like I’m ready to give up but most of the time I realize that its a lesson worth learning.

    You can either let the experience make you strong and trust that the reward will be great or give up. Its all up to you.

  4. I’ve attracted several men with Venus-Saturn conjunct (the last in Scorpio). To me it was pretty obvious they were able to turn a tourniquette (sp?) on any flow of love outward. So that if they had doubts then their natural inclination was to shut off Venus: no frills, no appreciation, just (I’d assume) an inward-facing self pity. The last one could turn this energy into a pursuit of money – he wanted to be rich. (Bill Gates has this combo.)

    I wonder if they’re attracted to deprivation on some level? It can be an exquisite feeling if it’s gotten used to I guess…

  5. Well, I don’t know if it’s “exquisite,” but you get used to it. You feel more stable than you will when you’re in the midst of roller-coaster relationship drama. And (as was pointed out above), to some degree life is easier and calmer when you’re not chasing after a difficult relationship. The freedom that comes from not doing that is kind of a high of its own for at least a while. After the last relationship ended, I felt like I’d grown butterfly wings out my back for like a year and a half afterwards. (Alas, this effect has mostly worn off.)

    I…can’t argue with this post. (Another VS square person here.)

    I do feel like I am “shirking destiny” in a way to avoid relationships, especially with the Libra NN. (Though obviously, most of the time these days I am enjoying doing so.)

    On the other hand, it’ll take me another 20 years of therapy to get that “self-love and not self-loathing” thing down (whee, Chiron conjunct sun), so maybe I’m better off avoiding my relationship karma for the time being.

    Elsa, you and the soldier are a darned good example…

  6. Another agreement with Elsa on this one.

    Like Marc I’ve got Venus square Saturn with some Pluto thrown in love wasn’t a simple thing. I had to work for it, and I had to learn how to do it.

    Not feeling like a victim is a good start. The Universe doesn’t care what a good person you are or how much you deserve a partner – it will whack you on the head anyway. And feeling morose and sorry for yourself doesn’t tend to be that attractive to partners either, unfortunately.

    I think one of the greatest gifts of Venus-Saturn is being able to hold on to realistic love. My best relationships have been with people who were my friends at the beginning, and the relationships could grow from there.

    Charismatic and hypnotic men are well and good, but unless they are sociopaths they tend to prefer to be with other charismatic people. Youv’e got a Scorpio Venus so find the charisma and the sexy inside yourself and go smolder with confidence.

    Best of luck

  7. I’ve got Venus-Saturn and attract Venus-Saturn people too. Elsa is right on the money on this one – you do have to swim upstream and have faith that it will work out when it’s supposed to. good luck to you 🙂

  8. Thank you Elsa and everyone who has commented. This post has really touched a nerve!

    It’s helpful to know that there is some astrological excuse for all the terrible bodge ups I’ve made… And if I know love will be a challenge then I can get ready for that challenge, and be prepared to struggle for the love I want, because I DO want it… whatever it costs.

    The self-esteem thing… Yes! A friend pointed out recently that self-esteem meant exactly that: SELF esteem, and that if I couldn’t love myself, certainly no-one else would.

    I guess I’m sort of lucky, because my last relationships ended so badly that now I am determined to fix my life whatever it takes – stop being a victim and become a sexy, confident person whom I can love – and someone else can too. Maybe if I can learn this life lesson the previous disappointments will have been worth it.

    Thanks Elsa!

  9. i’m no longer bothered by saturn venus. i’d rather have to work for something worth having.
    ‘course, mine is a trine, which i guess works a bit easier.

    i’m perpetually frustrated, though 😉

  10. Venus in Aries in the 2nd house squares a Jupiter/Saturn conjunction in the 12th in Capricorn. Venus in Aries says “Yes yes yes, I want it and I want it now!” Saturn in Capricorn… not so much. So I certainly know what you’re feeling.

  11. I love this post. I printed it out last year and every once in a while I come across it in my papers and it always stops me in my tracks. I have venus saturn and venus neptune– bascially you gave her the best advice possible. No one cld have done better- it totally gives the power back to her, along with the reality

  12. Thanks, Elsa. Absolutely right that your relationships won’t come smooth and easy like others’ seem to be with these aspects. I have Sun square Saturn, with Saturn in my 5th, and Venus conjoined Pluto. It may take a lot of time to work through the issues, and not just anyone is going to be a good partner. The idea that you can positive-think it into ‘all around me are lots of potential loving partners just waiting for me’ is such bs (people have actually tried to sell me this, and it ain’t true and a setup for lots of disappointment).

    The most consoling and wise thing I heard was an astrologer-therapist telling me (finally!) that I did not have an easy chart for relationship (yay, I’m not crazy!), but that it wasn’t impossible and that once I did find one that worked for me it would be extraordinary. And I finally did. 🙂

  13. Hi – I’m a new poster and I know this post goes back a few years.

    I have a similar configuration in my chart. Venus in Scorpio square Saturn in Pisces in my 7th house. I suffered from the same feelings for years – maybe it was due to this square, maybe it was due to Saturn in the 7th or maybe it was due to the Pluto transit on my sun that made me feel like I was being ripped to shreds from the inside out. But here is what this has all taught me…

    Embrace your Venus in Scorpio…it is sexy and powerful…many men are attracted by that and will chase you for it! You smoulder sexuality so use it with pride. I found my inner goddess through bellydance!

    Find out who you are…deep within you, you know what you most want to do in this world – so go do it. For me, I travelled around the world for 18 months…as I saw the world, I found me.

    Know that it will take time…get into a spiritual practice to learn faith and to learn how to trust in the universe.

    Understand that the right relationship involves a man who is likely going to be older than you and can appreciate your challenges. If he hasn’t been through trials and tribulations himself, he will never understand you!

    • wow yes! i argree; this is brilliant. astrology does take time, i never really saw this before in this light. Wonderful analysis.

  14. Love isn’t easy for me either.. I have Saturn also ruling my 7th house and it conjuncts Pluto. Saturn is in my 5th house.
    Love is a struggle.
    I have never attracted anybody to me and I know that I have to make the first step to attract someone of value but since I lack earth placements and my Moon, Mars and Venus is pretty battered, it doesn’t make it any easier to bring something solid. I’ll honestly try to get better at this and hopefully I’ll see progress.
    This post is very enlightening and smart. Thank you for this Elsa.

  15. Thank you so much for your post. I have venus square saturn. Besides my venus is in 12th house. Too painful sometimes. I realize now I am still not ready for love because I never loved myself. I’m trying to work on that first. I wish you all the best 🙂

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *