Am I Cut Out To Be Partnered?

“IΒ  don’t think I can do anything without a partner,” I explained to a pal. “I really can’t, I just get stuck.”

“I can’t either,” she said. “And people give me a hard time about it.”


“Because they think you’re like them?”

“I don’t care what hard time they give me. I can’t get anywhere without help. Like a book. I can’t write a book until someone shows up and partners with me. If there is no partner, nothing is going to happen.”

“Well I’m the same way and I don’t know why it bothers people so much,” she said.

“Maybe they have a lot of Aries or a packed 1st house. I have no idea but have come to this conclusion: If someone doesn’t show up, I’m going to be screwed until they do. And if no one ever shows up then I’m going to be screwed, period. I don’t mean, just anyone can show up. I mean an actual partner. Someone I can exchange with and go back and forth. Otherwise, nothing. It’s just a pure hardship.”

“I’m in the same situation,” she said.

“I’m sure some people operate better independently. But for me everything is 1000 times as hard if I do it alone.Β  I’ve just got to have a running buddy, which means I’m dependent or even disabled to a degree when there is no partner. I don’t mind saying so.”

Do you operate better when partnered, or does a partner hinder you? How does this show in your chart?



Am I Cut Out To Be Partnered? — 51 Comments

  1. Sun/Mars conjunct in Leo in the 5th house.

    Moon/Jupiter conjunction in Libra, and Jupiter is exactly conjunct the DSC. Neptune is also in the 7th house (in Scorpio).

    7th house ruler is Venus, conjunct Pluto in Virgo.

    I need a partner, but I also need my space within a relationship. Odd, but it works for me.

  2. north node and saturn in the 7th.
    If the partner is right, it’s total heaven, but that happened very rarely in my life. Usually I’m partnered with people that I feel ok with some of the time, and that means sometimes i wish i was alone and so I’ve found it necessary to be more independent.
    But yes, it is much more confortable and easy to do things with someone if you have that choice. I don’t have that choice so I adapt sometimes, or don’t, and let life pass by which I don’t like at all.

  3. My relationships are pretty karmic feeling for me at least. I learn a lot, purge (venus sq pluto natally) but I have a hard time growing WITH the person and usually feel the need to leave to grow (venus opp jupiter natally). But I have been getting hit hard with a sag pluto transit to my natal gemini sat/moon and now venus and am freaking out! Talk about binge and purge. I hope things work out smoothly…

  4. When I’m partnered, things seem to be a lot less overwhelming, and I think it has to do with having an almost immediate support system in place, not only to bounce off my ideas, but also to know that someone’s got my back when I stand up for myself. Have no clue how that’s reflected in my chart, though. πŸ˜‰

  5. I do most things better alone. The default situation is that people get in my way and I end up spending my time in a fight against whoever or whatever they are instead of doing anything productive. In most situations, if I don’t do something on my own, I get irritated. Also, I hate it when people mimic or follow me. I have a bit of a lone wolf, cowboy (or cowgirl? eh.) complex going on. (mars conjunct ascendant, “packed” 1st house)

    but I do simply need someone ‘there’. and I do like to share my experiences in life with someone, hopefully someone who sees the world the same way. I obviously need a partner of some kind, but I don’t die if I don’t have one. (mars/ascendant in libra & my strong venus)

  6. I’ve got a lot of “needs partner BADLY” stuff in my chart (Libra NN, 7th house stellium, born around sunset), but on the other hand, have an Aries SN and Sag moon and Venus square Saturn. I guess that means I could go either way, but really, circumstances are going to dictate it for me.

    My experience has been that no partner is going to show up for me and stick around. In the end, maybe that’s a good thing, because if I had someone else to depend on and take care of me all the time, I wouldn’t do squat for myself. If I don’t have the option at all, I’m forced to suck it up and deal.

    Plus, well, other people usually equates to fighting going on, or trying to get the other person to shape up and do their part. Very irritating! I tried writing companion novels with my friend once during NaNoWriMo and she finished hers within 2 1/2 weeks, and getting together in the first place to write was kind of difficult even before she finished faster than me. I don’t know how people adjust to working as a unit- it’s really never worked for me. It sounds far nicer to have going on than has worked for me in reality.

  7. Like june, I’ve Mars conj ASC. Plus Uran on MC, lots of Sag and Aquarius, empty 7th house. I tend to go it alone. Don’t like other people getting in my way. Plus some things by necessity you HAVE to do it alone or it isn’t as real. Like following your conscience.

    Of course, I prefer lots of things partnered. Cooking, fine dining, dancing, etc. And there are obvious things that are impossible to do w/o a partner.

    I work well either way, single or partnered. It doesn’t make nearly as much difference to me as other factors like whether I am being creative or not.

  8. I don’t know right now I am not functioning very well. But I don’t know if that is because I don’t do well without a partner (a lover) or if it is because my friends that I used to be able to count on are all distant right now.

  9. Well, ma’am, I’m still new to this astrology stuff.

    Let’s see:

    Aquarius ascendant square my Taurus Sun
    Sun and moon in taurus 3rd house
    Venus in Aries sextile my ascendant
    Mars in Gemini trine ascendant/jupiter, opp Uranus
    Jupiter conjunct my ascendant 1st house
    Midheaven in Sagittarius conjunct Uranus 10th house

    But oh, saturn in the 9th conjunct pluto in Scorpio. Tsssssk.

    from what i gather from my life experience
    and birth charts, i’m pretty eccentric and independent, but i like to be around like minds.
    i have avoidant issues, and too often require the proper stimulus to get me motivated…I’m a “procrastinatron”. I love to study though.

  10. I’m not really sure on this one. I have an Aries NN, so I desperately want to partner but always have this sneaking suspicion that I should be doing more on my own. My moon is in Gemini, so I’m nearly incapable of dealing with any sort of emotion without communicating it to someone. I have the Sun, Merc, Venus, and Mars all conjunct in Leo in the 5th, so I love to partner, but I mostly want someone to act as my muse and support and biggest fan while I go out and do my thing. I need to feel like the brightest star in the sky. I end up with lot of Cancers. XD

  11. I like the Aries/Libra NN talk!
    I have 7H Saturn as well as a Libra NN. I need to partner up in this lifetime. I regenerate by being alone, but I am learning that with this Libra NN I will fare better in this life if I accept the love I am given and not push it away.
    I have had many partnerships that have felt awesome but they tend to be trumped by my MC in Scorpio that conjuncts Uranus.
    I have continuous urges to bolt, and they began with the zillion times I was lost as a child after wandering off away from my parents. πŸ™‚

    Partnering up just feels better and better.

  12. When people say they need partners and can’t function without them, it makes me uncomfortable to hear because I have an issue with perceived weakness. And to me hearing ‘I can’t function alone’ and the implied dependence therein unsettles me, because to me that person is weaker.

    That’s my perception, and my issue really, because I have spent a lifetime struggling with weakness/giving myself too much of a hard time so when the sutff others say touches that… it is uncomfortable.

    I haven’t got any Aries in my chart, but I do have Saturn and Mars in my first house (which I think accounts for the ‘having a strong armour and managing by myself thing’) and a Scorpio Moon-Uranus conjunction (which I think adds up to the ‘survive, survive at all costs thing’) and needing to rely on somebody in order to get stuff done – well I’d find that both crippling and horryfing.

    Sure, having a partner is pleasant enough, although for some things (like creativity) partnering just gets in my way.

  13. lol…oh, what a question.

    stellium in 7th, virgo. mars and uranus in sag. but my career is going well, at least.

    The only thing I do better on my own is run.

  14. I like my partner at a distance. I learned this after many years of I am not marriage material. You’d think I was after 19 years, but no. I realize that I like my marriage when we dont see each other often. I need alone time, lots of it.
    But I do love having a relationship, alot. Just give me space.

  15. I’m better partnered. Work-wise, I like working alone (doing it myself because I need perfection) but need someone to bounce ideas off of otherwise I second guess everything too much.

    Emotionally, I NEED a partner. Someone with who I can relate, who understands me, who GETS it. When I don’t have that, I feel super unbalanced and crazy.

  16. Interesting….does a packed first house and a nearly empty seventh house mean that person is more independent?

    When i dont have a partner, i long for one and always want help–
    It is easier to do anything with a little support!

    Moonpluto (and uranus, depending on the house system) in the 1st/pallas in the 7th

  17. I’ve finally become convinced that having any planets in the 7th house is not what is cracked up to be by some. Venus in the first is not too good for marriage, or so I’ve heard

  18. I have a pretty strong pull between wanting to be left the f*** alone and not wanting to be lonely. (I know, I have issues. Actually Elsa helped me see them and sort through them so yay!) What works for me is a partnership – or, you know, two or three – with plenty of space. I don’t need someone to help me do things, but I do like to have someone I can talk to about it and who will support me while I do it. Once in a while I’ll even accept help if it’s offered. *chuckle*

    Sun/Saturn/Ascendant in Gemini opposite Moon/Neptune in Sag in the 7th

  19. I think of myself as a very independent person, but I guess I like to be partnered, because I can only recall one 6 month stretch in the past 17 years when I’ve been without a partner. I have a packed 7th house, containing my moon, mars, jupiter & chiron. I also have Libra rising. However, I usually attract partners that are also independent and who like their space, so it seems to work out. I weed out the really intense and smothering ones right away. I need a ton of space.

  20. Well, I’m a dooer. Rarely want to, but if there’s no one else around then you have to do it right? Or just watch everything fall to pieces around you.

    I put in new taps this weekend (two sinks in my bathroom) and people that hear about it look at me a little as if I’ve climbed Mt. Everest or something. Why can’t a woman do things just like a man? Probably because we don’t want to, and are more than happy to play the weaker role in those instances.

    Loonsounds, I know what you mean. I have Neptune, Mars and Uranus in the 7th House. I think Uranus is the problem here. But I was with someone for almost 17 years. Him being gone a lot helped make it work, I guess. While I really desire a partner, I’m not sure I could deal with one underfoot (so to speak) 24/7. I would be okay with something a little different.

  21. Sun in the 12th, merc/Mars in the 1st and moon conjunct jup in cappy, I don’t necessarily “need” a part. But north node in 7th and venus in gemini, both point to learning to partner, or learning thru partnering. So I’m learning to balance my sun/moon opposition, so I can hopefully learn thru partnering successfully. At least that’s my take on it,

  22. With moon in Aries 7th house, I’m a native of neediness in relationships,. The emotional connection to a partnership is strong, yet deep within me I crave independence. Confusing, huh? However, the drive to care for and be cared for is also strong. A relationship that fails to met my emotional needs will be unsatisfying to me.

    Also with Saturn in Aries 7th house I did marry young and now divorced; I realize that I don’t like excessive neediness. How strange of me!
    My chart is quite strange because one side I’m not needy than another side says I’m needy.

    I operate better when partnered, however, if my partner is too needy he hinders me.

    Right now, Saturn in Libra is teaching me how to find the balance so I may attract a balanced partner/relationship.

  23. A lot of my life is spent alone, doing things unseen by others. (Scorp rising, Venus, Neptune,NN) But when I’ve got physical stuff to do – building stuff, cleaning stuff, etc., I do really well with a friend helping. We get everything done three times as fast, and laugh our way through it. (Libra Sun/Moon/Jupiter/Mars.)

  24. I have an empty 7th House, half in Pisces and half in Aries! Sounds about right…

    I like an emotional/sexual connection, but I’m not good with a full time partner. When I have lived with someone I’ve tended to get distracted by my Cancer & Libra planets and turned into a ‘wife’ – doing things for him and for the partnership rather than for myself. Basically I can function either way, but so far as fulfilling my own potential is concerned I operate better alone. It’s damn lonely sometimes though, and I do miss having that help around. I’m not good with an electric drill…

  25. I partner and prefer to partner but do act alone. I do my libra now in terms of balance. If someone can come with me.. if I enjoy “running with them” then that will be my choice. If we don’t align then I do it myself. I just want to be in balance. If I do xyz chores all the time and they think great i can go to the game then there will be issues. But if I’m doing x chore alone and they are doing y chore alone then i’m all good.. as long as then we can meet up for shared pleasure.

    Libra stellium in 12th with aries ruling 6th/7th.

  26. I have my n. node and venus and mars conjunct in the 7th in aquarius. I agree with Shannon that sometimes I want to be left alone, but I also want to be with someone.

    I’ve never seen myself as being the wife, but I have always seen myself as being someone’s partner. I’m cut out to be partnered, but only with the right, independent person.

  27. Yes, all my life I’ve been crippled by lack of partner. I think I have a lot of past life issues regarding dependency to work out. Saturn and Mars conjunct both squaring Venus Pisces in the 7th.

  28. It depends on the situation. Sometimes I’m fine alone – I used to be better about going out alone in England, and moving to the US hurt me in that way when I was a teenager – but I also prefer to do some things with others. i also need a boost at times – some things get done faster or better, when I have someone to work with, or laugh with.

  29. I’ve never thought of it this way before, but I think I fare better partnered. I have an unaspected Libra NN. I also have a lot of oppositions in my chart and am driven to find someone to help me balance that out. You can’t teeter-totter alone.

  30. Thinking of Libra: i posted a link to a blog last night, on the boards, not knowing if it would okay to post it in the comments on this blog (if it would be rude), and then it hit me when I woke up this morning: the Astro Dispatch is here, and you run it, so of course it wouldn’t be rude.

    I’m so used to boards that charge for certain areas, and don’t want people to link to other boards or sites (unless they pay to subscribe, like one tarot board, and a hayhouse author who had the same rules for her board, without subscription fees).

  31. Salali – I don’t mind people linking other astrologers at all. I do mind the astrologers themselves showing up to spam the place. Thankfully, it rarely happens. πŸ™‚

  32. I’ve got the N.Node Libra S.Node Aries and they’re intercepted, and then Uranus conj DSC. I’m learning A LOT about the differences btwn being alone and partnered. When I’m alone I desperately want a partner and when I’ve got someone I really want to be on my own:-(

    I believe Saturn in Libra right now is going to learn me a thing or two about all that;-)

  33. I’m a little less than ok without a partner, but much better with one. Working on the first part though. I really don’t like that fact! I feel like I should be great without one. Of course an extra person always makes things better.. double the fun.

  34. With a Pisces Sun & Mars, Jupiter and Saturn and Moon conjunct in Libra, I have longed for a partner most of my life and always imagined that I would work better with one. However, my freedom-loving Venus in Aquarius will have none of it. So, this is what I have done: consciously created a split personality, i.e a partner “taskmaster”. Half of me is the indecisive, anxious but creative person. The other self is the “manager”, the one with the whip, who constantly reminds the other of the best use of my time. Maybe this will work for the rest of you with strong Libra placements.

  35. Oh, it goes both ways. When I’m with a partner more seems to get done but with Neptune conjunct the moon I tend to be the one who gets eclipsed whether I like it or not. I find myself struggling to get equal time or knowing that really the relationship eventually serves the other person more than it serves me.

    I feel like the thing I need to do now after twenty years of being partnered is to learn how to be effective alone. Truly effective, happy, confident. On my own.

  36. Looking at my chart you’d at first *think* I’d do better partnered up: dominant right side (eastern) influence, Sun in the 8th, Libra stellium, Mercury in the 7th. Fact is I don’t. I’m quite stubborn and incredibly focused, know my own mind, I will compromise, but I won’t compromise with just *anyone.*

    What can I point to?
    Biggest Factor: Leo Asc, Sun (Asc ruler) square Uranus (Dsc ruler).
    Also, Moon square Pluto, Moon/Venus in Capricorn, Mars conj Saturn in the 3rd (even though they’re Rx and in Libra they pack a punch, possibly since Mars rules Aries Mc.) That’s how I roll.
    I will accept a partner, on occasion, I like rebellious types, but more often than not I feel as if I’m held back by partners in general, I move at a fast pace (lotsa squares, lotsa Cardinal influence) and don’t like being slowed down. πŸ™‚

  37. I think everyone does better when partnered, regardless of the astrology and how they feel – the rent is easier when shared, business is less difficult when responsabilities are divided,a partner can provide a better perspective when you’re at a crossroads, etc.
    And I like to believe that some people out there are lucky enough to meet partners that actually help with their individuality – maybe independence and partnership are not mutually exclusive concepts.
    Admitting, especially in public, that you need a partner is, however, a very difficult thing to do – and I admire you for that, Elsa. I would never do it because it would be like putting a cross on my grave – I know that my chances for partnerhip are extremely slim given my track record, so I carry my cross in silence, I don’t need to openly give myself a funeral.

  38. Ai, difficult! I have Libra NN ruled by Venus conjoined Pluto in Virgo in my 1st house. Intense desire to be partnered, but got involved with lots of noncommital types (or not committed to me anyway). I also have Leo Moon conjunct Uranus on my Ascendant that needs emotional freedom. I’ve been partnered now for 2 years and it’s very satisfying, overall. Maybe easier that we don’t live together, though!

  39. I have Lib sun, moon, merc, pluto, & true node (is true node same as NN?). And I KNOW that I prefer partners but I also dispise them if they are lazy–or if they hrlp too much and end up taking over the task completely. My Cap AC and 9th hs Sun/Moon placement like to be in charge… I wish it wasn’t so but it’s the truth! So, I prefer to have someone riding shotgun and more so just being creatively supportive. THEN I can do anything!
    I thought when I was younger that I wanted a real clingy type to melt into one with me… Gushy! But I dated countless Aquarians and married a Scorpio and have since learned that I don’t like the clingy types. (but the libras get ooey-gooey sometimes til Cappy shakes her head at them) hmph! Living this squared life gets exhausting!

  40. I’m supposed to have a N. Node in Libra, but I have never been partnered and prefer to work alone (Sun Jupiter Uranus t square, stellium in the 6th house, empty 7th house, etc.) I spend a lot of time by myself, too.

  41. Wow I never thought of it. I have a packed first house: Uranus Pluto moon Mars. Only Chiron in the 7th(Pisces). Aqua sun in the 5th. I’m perfectly fine doing things alone and there are some things I would rather do alone. Being partnered is ok as long as I have my space every day and even days on end. I never had that little girl dream of my wedding day.

  42. Phew! These comments have taught me a lot! Thank you.

    I have had long periods of being alone, and one long marriage. My partners before marriage, and my marriage partner, were all highly critical of me, sought to impede my academic progress, ‘borrowed’ my money, and ‘ran me down’, either to my face or behind my back: Natal Sun conjunct Scheat in 10th House Pisces opposite Neptune (ret)in Fourth House Libra. My partners were remarkably like my father!

    But I like men, and still hope that my soul mate will appear: Ninth House Venus conjunct my Aquarius MC and trine Mars in Twelth House Gemini.

    My Seventh House Capricorn Moon is the apex of my Yod, base Saturn in Twelth House Gemini and Second House Jupiter in Leo. So no: I am not cut out to be partnered. But I never miss a ‘good'(?) opportunity to partner up. There are all these nice things to do, like dinner and concerts and trips, that are no fun alone or with other women. And you need one for the garden. πŸ™‚

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