Adult Children With Parents Who Cling

zodiac signs dressI’m mostly interested in affairs of the 7th, 8th and 9th house. Relationships of all kind. Sex, death, psychology. Philosophy, beliefs and religion, luck, expansions, courtrooms and education.

I also death with caregivers to the very old or dying.

I also like topics concerned with business and health and children. I also work with people who are caregivers to the very old or dying but recently, I’ve been developing a new specialty.   The clients are Millennials in most cases; dealing with aging parents (who are reasonably healthy).

That’s enough right there to let you know, it’s sticky. Most of the clients want to help their parent(s) but many of them cling. It’s quite hard on the adult child because, hey!  It’s the parents who are supposed to teach their children boundaries. If they have none of their own, then what?

Our culture is such that people around 40 years old are taking care of themselves, their children and their parents. There has to be some lines drawn somewhere, just to survive.

I don’t think this topic is adequately addressed. Just comprehending, you’re set to become a parent to your parent is enough to see most people stutter. You know why? Because no one warns you about this. There’s no teaching on it.

I have a few reasons for posting about this.  First, if you need help with a situation like this, I can help you. I am strict but fair and judgment is pretty good in this area.

Second, if you are on the parent end of this, I’m sorry if you don’t like reading this, but if you’re kid needs a break or some space, it’s incumbent upon you to release your grip on them.  These transitions are quite hard on people but if you face them head on there are great rewards for all involved.

Last, if you are younger, Zoomer age, be advised, in the future, you may also face this.  Half the problem is you don’t see this coming because no one tells you. Then it happens and it hits you like a truck.

Are you involved in something like this? 

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Adult Children With Parents Who Cling — 9 Comments

  1. With Pluto opposite my Asc natally (sq the natal moon!) I sure have had a life of others trying to wrestle control away from me. Parents, partners at work and home, siblings. I did develop some firm boundaries but it hasn’t been easy for this Gemini with Pisces rising and a Sag moon.

  2. Extremely clingy in-laws /grandparents in their 80s, two teenage boys and GenX husband and myself trying to navigate it all. Feels like failure every day for Capricorn Venus but hey I’m climbing the mountain here. Setting boundaries and keeping them really tough as there is a lot of drama and emotional blackmailing around (Leo Pluto and Cancer Pluto in-laws). Is this all a game though? Life as a woman in patriarchy? I was fighting it for a whole Jupiter cycle but I’m tired and ready to surrender. Just want peace now. Mostly inner peace! Keep my sovereignty and dignity in all of this. I’m keeping detachment (Aquarius Moon), accept the challenge (Capricorn Venus), wonder what the purpose/meaning of all this (Sagittarius Sun/Neptune ), keep digging in the murky, swampy emotional depths (Scorpio Mercury) and feeling vulnerable (Pieces Ascendant) but keep fighting for my right to exist (Aries Chiron/Mars). Is this an incarnation with Pluto & Uranus in Libra? I think yes! I’m exactly where I meant to be.

  3. Oh I forgot to share in case you kind reader is wondering. My taskmaster Saturn is in Cancer the 4 house conjunct with South Node.

    • That sounds nothing like failure. More like resilience. Saturn in your chart isn’t very light but when is saturn light. I think with south node maybe it will mean a change, south node brings dissatisfaction where it’s at and how things are and the axis rotates towards the north node in this life.

  4. I did go through something like this but I loved being able to pay my parents back for them taking care of me. We three were very close, and I took care of my folks for four years up to the time, two years apart. I was felt drained sometimes, but felt honored. I have Venus in Capricorn, opp a Cancer 8th House which Houses Ceres at the critical degree of 29 and trines my Virgo Moon/Pluto (9th/10th houses in Placidius).

  5. After showing no interest in my adolescent and formative adulting years the relationship with my mother has been peppered with psychological land mines lately. She insists on calling me with a baby nickname that makes me shudder every time. I’ve been speaking in full sentences since age 2 and the baby prattle is very off-putting. She likes to play devil’s advocate with my husband and my relationship that seems somewhat like high-school. She’s old and I love her but….dread every conversation lately.

  6. My mother was clingy, way before she got sick. Maybe because my father was ill for so long, and he wasn’t the husband he was supposed to be, not just because of his sickness, he just didn’t have it. Those little signs of love and affection, showing love, remembering birthdays or anniversaries… My mum was an affectionate person, very sensible and emotional, and she never got the love in this life as she supposed, not even from her parents, especially my grandmother. I saw all of this since I was a little girl and I felt so sorry for her so I started doing all those things for her, just to make her happy, make her feel loved. When my dad passed, we finally found that missing bond between us and got so close. But, it turned bad for me. She became very clingy, suffocating, and possessive. It was never enough for her and emotionally she was completely addicted to me. I love giving love, I really do, in the end, I am Cancer Venus and Sun, Leo Moon. I love giving it, showing it, I enjoy making people happy, but I don’t like feeling suffocated, smothered by having to explain every move I make, why I did it, where am I going when I will be back, what I feel or don’t feel, what bothers me. Sometimes I share my inner world, but only when I feel the real need, I don’t like to be pressed about it. But my mum never understood my secrets, she always wanted more love and attention, all of her decisions, were actually ours because she was incapable of deciding anything by herself. It’s my fault too. I offered my back for her to lean on, and she did. I was everything to her. Husband, mother, father, best friend. I regret nothing, I’m happy I could make my parents happy, but I’m still recovering of carrying her on my back for almost 15 years. She was Sagittarious Sun, Leo Asc with Gemini Moon.

      • Thank you, Elsa 🙂 I was actually trying to stay short, but this topic is very close to my life experience and I could go on and on about it. 🙂 But, I know one thing. We should care for our parents when they are sick and old, even if they weren’t perfect. It’s a redemption road and it’s important to sleep at peace at night. Tho, I completely understand if someone can’t or won’t do it. We aren’t the same and some people wear terrible scars from their parents and want nothing to do with them. I understand that and I would never judge. But, one thing shouldn’t happen. Kids are kids, parents are parents. And no kid should be a parent or a spouse to his parents, or parent. I was that. It made me older than I actually am, too early, too soon. Yes, I wanted to help, my grief for her was huge, but there should be a limit and boundaries. I really hope I will have children one day, and if I will, my daughter or son, they will be kids, and I will be a parent and I’ll do my best that that never changes, even if I get sick, I will find other way and won’t allow them to put their life on hold to care about me. If they really want, okay, but there will be boundaries.

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