A 50 Year Old Man’s Divorce And Regrets

Pluto pendant silverI like to socialize. I was in a small group of adults the other day, meeting for our common interest. There were about a dozen of us. I had my Woman’s Club until it folded last year, after roughly 85 years. I still meet with a couple of the women monthly, but I miss the larger group so I was happy to have this opportunity to meet new people.

We each introduced ourselves and talked briefly about why we were there. This was challenging. There were two men in the group who did not speak English.

This is a common situation around here. If you’re not bilingual, you’re either left out of the conversation or leaving someone out, if you’re the one who is speaking. It makes things take twice as long, because someone will tell a story or converse for awhile in one language.  When they come to a stopping place, the story has to be retold.

We had two people who could translate. We each had a chance to speak, except one man. The stories were interesting so I focused on that, rather than the language barrier which frustrates the community here, on both sides.

There were two Mexican men, sitting together. One spoke with, with my husband translating. I think we all assumed they were together or from the same family and that one man was speaking for both. But eventually the second man said that he wanted to speak. Just the way he said it, got everyone’s attention.

He explained, he had worked all his life – as hard as he could. He was now, fifty years old, and his body was giving out. He had six kids, and then he shocked us when he told us that his wife had left him.  She left him with the six kids!

Now if you know anything about the Mexican culture, these men do not cook.  They certainly don’t cook when they’re out trying support a family of eight…so this was the first thing that came to me – how are you doing this?

It’s none of my business of course. I’m just telling you this story.

His voice cracked as he explained that he got a “government divorce” (lost in translation). He said that he and his wife were separated, but that he was Catholic so he still believed he was still married to her and that he would always would be.

You could see the agony on this man’s face and hear it in his voice. Pain flowed off him in waves.  We all sat, rapt, as he finished speaking.

It was another man who translated.  On the way home, my husband told me that the man got some of what he said, wrong. The story my husband told was even more compelling.

The man said that he regretted trying so hard to make money. He wished he’d have spent more time with his family. He said he’d come to better understand that he’d been entrusted to care for the souls of his children. He was now fully devoted to them and their well-being.

The next day, I started this thread in the forum, to discuss this – the pain of divorce.  But it didn’t help me to set this aside. I thought about the man all day long.

I love the Internet. I work here!  But it’s made people are so flippant. A digitized face, is not a human face.  Especially when it’s photoshopped as most of them are.  There’s really no comparison.

What happened to this man, and to his children is bonafide tragedy.  His wife has suffered too, I’m sure. As I wrote in the forum, I highly doubt he’s innocent.  But after meeting him, I have deeper reason to seek to socialize in real life.

I want to experience life, fully.  Words could never convey what I experienced, because I went to this meeting and listened to this man talk about what had happened in his life and where he is today, at fifty.

Do you miss human contact? Or do you feel human emotion is pretty sloppy, and the Internet will do?

 

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A 50 Year Old Man’s Divorce And Regrets — 44 Comments

  1. I love online, too. It’s easier to reach me online and I prefer it. However, when I do get with a group and we click, have fun, the flow is easy, exchange artistic ideas (I really miss my sister for this) I do see how much I miss it and how much it enriches my life.

  2. I’d love more human contact. Face to face. I used to go camping with a group by my friends had a baby and no room left in the truck for me anymore. I’m happy for them but sad for me. My guy doesn’t want to go anywhere or do anything; he just seems to want to sit at home and tell his dog it’s a ‘good boy’. We hardly have sex. I look at this guy and wonder “WTF did you need or want a girlfriend for?”

  3. I’ve been saying this for the past few years… the Internet and social media is Great, but to a degree it has ruined human contact and real relationships/friendships. The world is moving so fast and everyone is racing to keep up… but what about real love, real friendships, real relationships…everyone has become so conditioned to texting and email…many have forgotten or don’t know how to communicate one on one, with real feelings and soul connections… relationships/friendships cannot survive in the long term without this

  4. I’ve been saying this for the past few years… the Internet and social media is Great, but to a degree it has ruined human contact and real relationships/friendships. The world is moving so fast and everyone is racing to keep up… but what about real love, real friendships, real relationships…everyone has become so conditioned to texting and email…many have forgotten or don’t know how to communicate one on one, with real feelings and soul connections… relationships/friendships cannot survive in the long term without this

  5. oops sorry for the double post…thank you Elsa… I’ve been MIA on commenting, but this post made me come out of lurker mode 🙂

  6. I really miss real human interaction. The last few years, by choice, I have not worked due to some health issues and I have become very isolated. I know it is not healthy and getting out of the house has become more difficult. I am not on Facebook or any other social net working cite also by choice because I am old school and I don’t like the superficiality of it. I think it is also ruining communication. It seems a lot of people are trying so hard to sculpt their images for the approval of others and we have become so small minded commenting on others comments! Do you think having natal Uranus in the 12th has anything to do with it? I don’t know. Anyway, me commenting here is as social as I get! Good to be here!

    • I appreciate your comment, Cosmos66; it IS good to have you here. My life situation has been similar to yours, as health issues prevent being in public/in groups as well.

      This post Elsa makes me so aware of the value of interacting with all its sloppiness and the richness of a non-Photoshopped image. Your telling of the man’s story told in a language that requires translation to get to the words, while the meaning and heart of things found you anyway, that’s the direct human interaction that can go missing. Re-entering face-to-face interactions requires real courage to show up, and be present. I’m by nature a private woman, but thrive on depth of exchange. In person, or through written communication, it is possible to make connections. The effort is not lightly taken, the outcome? That’s the mystery isn’t it, messy as it can be.

  7. I have, because of the type of work I do, seen many Mexican men gather together after work, cook and eat together. I’ve seen them kill wildlife (Raccoon, etc…), cook and then eat. They share with anyone and everyone who wants to try it. 🙂
    His story is so completely and utterly said. I have often wondered if these men, the ones who leave home for months at a time, to work so hard to provide for their families, ever pay this kind of price. These guys work so, so hard. I know, I’ve seen with my own two eyes, what they do.
    Having said that, thank you for sharing his story. 🙂

  8. Both. One minute I want honesty, the next minute I want decorum. Mind over emotion. Emotion over mind, Then back again.
    Sometimes I just want to be affectionate and the next I want space. Even too much emotion, too much honesty makes me want to hide out and be still.
    Even though I love reading blogs, I would never truly replace anyone with a computer. Even if it gets overwhelming for me sometimes. A computer can’t hold you. lol. Human contact is apart of life. Even when it gets messy. I’m not going to give up that easily.
    But I do worry about too much internet and smartphones that we’re losing our physicality as people. A healthy component. I remember always going outside as a child without a technology. I lived through my senses. I feel like that’s a fight sometimes to be a earthy human instead of a digital reference. But then again, I’m a Taurus Moon. I need hugs.

  9. For me (scorp sun, gem moon, libra rising) it’s all about balance. I need my alone time, enjoy my online time, but when I’m out running errands or at work I actively interact with others. People tend to share their stories with me because I listen and I can keep a secret. 😉

  10. There is NOTHING like the richness of hearing a person tell their story in a heartfelt way. It’s a sacred thing. Yes it changes those who hear it (if they let it). I find that there is not a lot of that in a daily life and I crave it; at least a proportion of it. Not that I want to experience that all the time as I take it in and then I have to recalibrate.
    But I crave that realness and energy exchange. I’ve been missing it a long time but I don’t think the internet is the reason per se (not for me). Stage of life; most around me are involved with their families and I was confused, for many years, about what part I could play, socially. I get some of it from work.

    • Yes arachne, hearing another’s story with an open heart IS sacred. Thank you.

      The space for story carries a responsibility, I think. To speak from the heart, and to heard from the heart. It does change both, we leave being more than when the story started.

      • Yes, beautifully said Mokihana. When we really let others in, really see them, really hear them, and when we really show others; are present with our selves. It’s a surrender of control. To the power of the story, the power of the space between. Of what might change in the saying.

  11. I loved this post because of the blending of culture and language… this is my life! I live my life half understood, half understanding. There is a quote out there that says you’ve never really understood a language until you’ve learned two. Working through language and cultural barriers is not easy but it’s SO VALUABLE. I really truly deeply value this post and the moments you all shared, the willingness and patience to work with multiple languages… this is life.

  12. So glad to read this post. Human contact is important. I realized that’s why I like the area where I live. I can walk around and feels safe and interact with people. Nothing deep, but still. Have to be careful though with interactions. If I have spare change, I sometimes give it to homeless people. How one homeless man found out where I live, I don’t know but it was jarring. The same thing happened to my dad about twenty years ago.
    Now I’ll be thinking of this family man and wondering if his wife will come back.

  13. I am not at all satisfied with online contact. It will do in a pinch, but even a bona fide introvert like me needs to hear another voice and speak to someone face to face at least some of the time.

  14. I miss real human contact as well. Like others have mentioned, I am fairly isolated due to health problems, although I do have my husband and grown children I communicate with and see often. I miss the very presence of the people I communicate with online, as I can’t really feel them in the same authentic way as I can in person. I also am I very private person and can easily get into the with holding pattern as was discussed in a previous blog.
    All that aside, this blog and so many people here have made a a lot of difference in my life in the last few months and I appreciate the sharing.

  15. I feel that human contact has always been there. It’s language that gives way to depth and exploration. It’s what differentiates us from the animal kingdom. The English language has more words so it can go deeper than any other. Language is lost via the methods of communicating we are getting into. It’s all becoming chatter. We’re all getting away with less thinking. Astrologically speaking, I don’t know.

    • “Language is lost via the methods of communicating we are getting into. It’s all becoming chatter. We’re all getting away with less thinking.”

      Very well said, JAWS. I agree! But I also don’t know what the answer is. :/

  16. I’ve said many times that I’m an energy reader and I can do that over the internet more often than not; I don’t know if this qualifies as some sort of psychic-ness (I don’t see it that way), but there it is. Very rarely am I wrong. Very rarely.
    So I can pick up a surprising amount of my social needs through online contact only. However, I still need FTF interactions! It’s necessary or I start shriveling. And let’s not even get into skin hunger, which a sociology professor on another blog called “an epidemic” (don’t know that I’d go that far, but it is profoundly on the rise).

    It’s all so complicated. :/ I’d like much more FTF time with people, but it seems so hard to make connections out in the really-real world for me. Always has been. I’m weird. *snorts*

  17. that is so true w/ the internet. Everything is so digitized and photoshopped. The only true thing one can do is meet face to face, human interaction. Still, the internet is a good place to share ideas/thoughts/feelings/stories from around the world. But if people need to “know””see”, “Hear,”, “listen”, speak to, ect then it’s best to meet face to face, to get a feel of people upfront.

  18. I feel human emotion is sloppy and the distance the internet creates allows, me at least, to respond more rationally than I perhaps would in person. However, not having body language or vocal inflection can cause it’s own problems.

    It’s strange the I prefer to correspond with people either through e-mail or in person. I can’t stand the phone. Without time to understand the words, or the visual/physical translation of what they’re saying, I feel I often respond inappropriately because they (those on the other end of the line) expect an immediate response.

    • Good point. There are those of us that like to slow down and be deliberate with what we say. I feel I avoid being clumsy. Tho in writing, I think I can do that too. Lol just less often.

  19. I have plenty of human contact. I’m a hairstylist. I do feel blessed to have a job like this. I build relationships with people on a daily basis. I hear all kinds of stories. Uplifting and heartbreaking. If my only contact with the outsider world was through a device I wouldn’t have the little faith in humanity that I do have. People are out there living life, solving their problems, giving their hearts to others, building lives for themselves and their kids, and coping with tragedy.

  20. As far as the internet being all “fake”. I don’t know. I’m not fake. I think the people that are fake on the internet are fake in real life. Sometimes I get a weird vibe from these people. They stop the flow of energy because what they have to contribute is hollow. It’s strange but I think I can tell if someone’s full of shit in the real world and the internet.

  21. Elsa, more on that later…
    Ty
    . I am currently feeling this. Though not like the gentleman from your story. Geez that hurts me too- may they all feel full today:) ..
    ..

  22. I’m very internet connected I rarely have to interact with humanity at all if I so choose not to. My husband works for Verizon Business solutions and therefore other than when he is in the office he doesn’t connect with other humans. He worked from home for four years and I was pretty much the only human he was in contact with daily. At that time we were living at my parents old house and we ate out every day at the same place as the kitchen in the old house was really not conducive for cooking in. It had all that was needed to create a meal, but you were isolated in that kitchen I hated it and the house as well. I also felt we needed to interact with other humans and I was right. Now that we have our own house we go out on Friday and Saturday night purely for social interaction. Other wise we would become hermits.

  23. I could use a close new friend I would completely spare my past children and grands from; I think I live too far into the boonies. My new one to come I would stare into and smile all over them, on my wish list.

  24. I am definitely the missing human contact person. Since I moved to a new city 5 yrs ago, it’s been hard going making friends. It’s well known as such as place, it’s just the culture (silly me, I thought being friendly and sociable would mean I would bypass that. Ha!)

    Nice weather doesn’t make up for the lack of friendship and connection, and I’m planning a move back to colder, but friendlier, shores.

    • I find some warmer climate cities arent as friendly because of the more superficial and transit culture.
      Im staying right here in new england!

  25. Human contact is part of life. I have had to stop caring so much. Life hurts us all. I can listen but I don’t get emotional over other people’s pain anymore. It has taken me down many many times. I can’t go through it for them. And it just annihilates me.

  26. In 2012 I lost almost all my friends in one month due to different reasons.
    My BF took over our apartment, wanting me out and I had nothing except my job, my stuff and my duvet. This happened while Saturn had its exact return (I have a Sat/Pluto conj. in 8th house) and Pluto was having its 1st and second square w. Uranus. Transit pluto hit my natal Mars too, in 11th house.

    After that, Pluto moved into my 12th house, isolating me by moving me away.

    I moved in with my dad’s ex girlfriend (a lovely woman at 50+) and I’m actually not sure whether I would have been here, in this workld, physically, if not for her. I wanted to die. Literally. I didn’t have anybody. Saturn was touring Scorpio, hitting me again and again.

    Four years later I’ve grown accostumed to loneliness, isolation. I have had almost no success at hunting friends. They’re all caught up in motherhood stuff at my age.

    Yeah, I do think we need more connection….

  27. I feel blessed I have emotional connections. I see my family often and have 2 sisters(one virgo, other cancer with Scorpio Moon) I stay connected to my cancer moon son as well.. They have been there through rough times.
    I have many Scorpio friends as well.
    My Scorpio Venus and Jupiter in pisces pushing my North node in Leo forward,
    I naturally bond with people on a very deep level because Im not afraid to go deep with anyone…especially when they are in deep pain anger or grief.
    I give people’s feelings legitimacy.
    I get in trouble sometimes because my 12th house Virgo wants to help. Ive been learning to just try to be there more then let go when needed.
    This isnt easy for me because I get attched, but Im hoping it will get easier the more I do it.

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