8th House – Family Trends

turkey platterSeparate but related in regards to the china people no longer want, someone told me recently that younger people don’t cook. They don’t really know how.

She wasn’t talking about everyone so I hope I don’t get lectured over this; something someone else said.  It wasn’t a long conversation. She just made the one remark but I thought about it.

I grew up, cooking for my family of six. I did 80% of the cooking for the family from the time I was seven or eight years old.

I didn’t mind this. It came natural to me. And if you can cook for six, you can cook for twelve or twenty with no problem at all. But what about kids who grow up in a single parent family, the only child or one of two. Chances are they are not going to learn to cook for six or seven or eight people. This would just not be something included in their world.

To be clear, I am not insinuating that I am or was better prepared than kids in this other situation. Only that it changes things.

See, I want service for twelve. Matter of fact, I would like service for twenty!  And I would like to put it into use, often.  But people like me are becoming a true oddity in the US, as far as native-born Americans go.  By and large, my generation failed to teach their children these skills. Consequently, they have no use for all the dishes, serving bowls and platters, taking up space, gathering dust.

This is a good post for the current stellium in Cancer, isn’t it?

I have another thing add. Some of the older women refused to pass the torch. I recall the wife of one man, she wanted to cook for the family. She wanted to host the family Christmas dinner – her mother-in-law would not allow it.

Weird, huh?

Have your family traditions changed in the last twenty years?

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8th House – Family Trends — 40 Comments

  1. I’ve never hosted a single holiday and I have been married twice. The Libra matriarch of my family was the queen of all holidays for decades. She cooked and decorated her heart out. She still hosts Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter. I cannot recall the last time I visited her. I spent last Easter alone. I spend most of my holidays alone. My mom was a single parent to me and my two younger siblings for three years. We lived on fish sticks and Malt O Meal. Then she married an upper class man and we lived on steak and roast beef and desserts with every dinner. She never taught me how to cook. My ex-boyfriend the Capricorn Latino taught me how to cook. We made a Thanksgiving feast together and took it to his mother’s house.

  2. We still do it in our family the way the old folks did. The torch was passed to me now. We still use the china. China is pretty and we love our dishes as much as the food. It is fine that others don’t but we have it and to not use it is just a waste.I like using what l have.

  3. I’m one of those (young) people who don’t cook. I feel sad about that. The reason is mostly one, I live alone and I have no one to cook for (Cancer/Virgo/Libra placements), so I don’t. I enjoy cooking for others when I get the chance. Generally speaking I think nowadays’ lifestyle doesn’t allow the necessary spare time to nurture yourself and others properly.

  4. I’m from the older generation — born 1950 — and my aunts and uncles on either side of the family hardly ever had big dinners. Maybe once every 20 years, LOL. My mother did Thanksgiving for the relatives, but just for a few years, because it was too much work. She never taught me to cook because she barely knew how herself and, anyway, I never asked. We didn’t have any fancy china — just regular dishes. I can’t cook but I have learned how to do enough cooking for myself, since I am single. I actually hate to cook; I’d rather eat out. Oddly enough, both of my brothers learned how to cook and my younger brother is brave enough to invite people over for dinner. No fancy china for him either; just bowls and plates that don’t match. Both his daughters from his first marriage are fantastic cooks and they’re in their 20s (although their mother is a great cook). So, all in all, it’s a little bit of this and a little bit of that. I know lots of kids in their 20s who know how to cook and who like to cook. In fact, people think I’m weird because I hate to cook. Most people I know — from all age groups — enjoy cooking. As far as owning fancy china, I have to say that it still seems to be something that the older generation likes.

  5. our family of 6 has always had holiday dinners here at home..with me doing all the cooking,cleaning,etc..my husbands favorite hoiday is thanksgiving and one year we had 6 pies with daughters adding their dishes they made also…for the last 10 years I have been saying please please..lets go out to eat. im sick of it. sick of my cooking..sick of cleaning and sick of always staying home. I don’t use gravy boats or good china or the “silver ware” unless it’s a holiday dinner. I am so ready to pass the torch..but none of my children (late 20’s,early twenties) are married or set up to entertain.

  6. I don’t know if I’m young people. But I can cook. I just never do. It makes me a bit sad. No local family. No local friends. I work all day and he works all night and we swap the kid back and forth. No time to cook, no money for groceries, (we pick up free food weekly at a community pantry. Mostly it’s prepared stuff for the freezer). I mostly eat out of a vending machine at work. Can’t drive and no grocery store close than a mile and a half which is a long way to walk with a 3 year old after a long day. The child will barely eat anything anyway.

    sigh

    My parents used to cook every night. They met at a cooking class. We had extended family holidays, dinner parties. But everyone died, got divorced or moved away, or stopped returning calls.

    I recently put my giant shelf of inherited cookbooks in storage.

    Maybe eventually…

  7. I had to work at it, to learn to cook smaller, when I moved into my first home, away from my family. Many (very many) years later, I had to stop traveling to the annual family meal… and, none of them asked, “Why…?” Which, I guess, kinda highlights, at least to me, that it was necessary – for me. Heart wrenching, on my side. Ongoingly so.

  8. I couldn’t even reach the stove when I was 7 or 8! I did watch my mom cook and bake (Italian) throughout childhood, absorbed it without trying, so beyond burning a few things at first, I became a decent cook. Took a classic French cooking course when first married, and got quite creative with food over the years. Only enjoy cooking for others, so rarely do so now, but still have some inherited china in storage. It’s fun to mix two or three compatible styles, add some odd vintage pieces.

    These days I manage quite adequately on discount market and dollar store staples to save money!

    My favorite holiday dinners have been gatherings of people from all over who had no family nearby to join, a mix of ages and cultures who brought not only some exotic foods but also fascinating stories to the table.

  9. I don’t know about America, but in Europe (at least my part of Europe), cooking is very ‘in’. There are culinary shows all over the TV program. You can’t change the channel, without someone cooking.
    From the US we are currently watching Lidia Bastianich, a young Italian and a Greek girl making great old fashion meals ‘from the old country’. The UK program is great for desserts. You can practically learn to cook watching TV.
    It has become quite a trend and even a bit snobbish sometimes – molecular gastronomy, anyone?

    • Oh, the food trend definitely exists in The States, too, but I think Americans don’t have time to cook! They work so much longer hours than Europeans, in general, and many have two or three jobs. So, people eat out and order take away food. In most restaurants portions are very generous and “doggy bags” are not only accepted, but expected. My Husband, who has never had any problem finishing a three course meal anywhere in Europe, including Southern Italy, got angry in Florida, because he couldn’t finish even his starter in a couple of restaurants.

      We both cook, too. We never were taught how to, really. We just hung around our parents and grandparents when they did. We don’t really entertain. We live in a 80 square meter/ 860 square feet flat with a really bad floor plan, have erratic and long workdays (Husbands just pulled 27 hours “workday”, practically a 37 hours one, since he started Thursday morning 7 am, fetched our daughter from daycare, and went back to work when I came home 8 pm…) and families living far away. But if we ever get to move into a bigger apartment, I think the first thing my Husband buys is a set of Villeroy&Bosch Old Luxembourg china. He has Venus conjunct MC in Taurus, and loves nice things, preferably antiques. He has been talking about these from the time we got together.

  10. My mother cooked everything from scratch so I learned from watching her. She would have dinner parties occasionally and we usually had relatives over at Christmas and I would help her with the preparations. Big family, big extended family so always catering for large numbers. When I left home and shared flats with friends I would be the one who organised the parties. Nowadays it’s just me and my son. I miss cooking for a houseful of people, but I just can’t afford it now, even if I had the friends. He’s a very capable cook already, at 13, can even make bread, but he’s never cooked for more than two. I’d never thought about the numbers issue actually.

  11. I don’t think much has changed here when it comes to family traditions, mostly because the economic situation of my country dictates that families stay together (longer than they should).
    Young people do cook, perhaps because of the greater awareness of healthy nutrition.
    As for older women refusing to pass the torch (the throne), it is a familiar thing everywhere.

  12. I Love Love Love to cook!!!! Scouring the Internet for different recipes is my passion. Putting on a spread for dinner parties is such a fulfilling achievement when pulled off just right. My Dad was one of those amazing cooks that could make a meal out of anything. He never really taught me, perhaps just fueled an interest. I even started to create my own recipe book. I’m not sure how this makes my Mother inlaw feel (who now lives with us) but I do try to give her tasks to help so she feels included. Often she makes dessert because I’m a terrible baker. Some people indeed have a difficult time “passing the torch” I almost get the feeling like they view it as they’ve been taken over. My cat doesn’t deal well with change either. But time and yum yums doesn’t cure everything…

  13. My mother was not a good cook, and neither was her mother. Neither of them cared about it. Mom was born in the early 1930’s and remembers that an African-American woman came over and cooked for their family. The really wonderful foods I remember from my childhood were things like arroz con pollo, escabeche, ceviche, tamales, etc., made by my Puerto Rican paternal grandmother. That woman treated me like Cinderella, but “ethnic” foods became a passion of mine (Jupiter and Chiron conjunct MC/9th opposition Pluto 4th conjunct IC). One sister and I became very good cooks by pursuing it in adulthood, and our other sister… raised her kids on restaurant food. I’ll never forget handing my then-11-year old niece (who’s now 18) a hand-crank can opener one day as I was fixing some dinner, and she just looked at it, having *no idea* what it was. I was appalled! None of the Millennials (in my family, at least) has much interest in cooking for themselves, though they love *my* cooking. 🙂

  14. Oh most certainly. My parents died so the family became un-nuclearized. I only spend holidays with the people I like now. And I imagine the rest do the same. We plan the festivities and menu together. It’s a hoot. I host a small (to date) new years eve get together now for other strays like me. Far less stress now, holidays. Much more love.

  15. Even though we didn’t do the family dinners thing, I inherited my mom’s Spode blue-and-white and the silver that belonged to my great-grandmother, grandmother, and mom. My hubby and I eat off the Spode every day, because I refuse to lug that stuff around from place to place if it’s not going to be used. It still means a lot for me to have it, though (4th house Sun conjunct BML in Libra). As pieces of it break, I’m replacing it piece by piece with everyday-type dishes… I’m now calling the set “eclectic.” 😉

  16. I think the fact that fewer people cook, whether it’ because they don’t know how or they don’t like to has a good bit to do with social changes, structure, expectations. Multiple jobs, long hours, devaluing of family time = increased dependence on convenience food. People have developed a taste for it. Of course it’s good for corporations to have a population who depends on push button food. My observation is that many people who cook now do so primarily because they have food allergies, sensitivities, or intolerances, and can’t be healthy on the processed stuff.

    Of course, some people do it because they want to, enjoy it, or it’s part of their personal value system. I fall into this category. I also do it because to maintain my health I need to stay away from processed foods.

  17. Cooking is a strong thread in my family, we can all cook and we all do it well. We also love to love each other with food. This includes the young ones. My nephew is 26 and an unbelievably great cook. He can take average anthing and make it wonderful. So much of our happy family times are centered around food so I believe this is part of why it is something we all do.

  18. I’ve always said the reason I didn’t learn to cook as a kid is because my mother was so good at it. Much easier for both of us if I just kept out of her way!

    I eventually learned to follow a recipe to produce something edible. My husband is the one who has no problem cooking for 12 or 20. I cheerfully turned over the kitchen to him as soon as we got together.

    I still have Mom’s good china service for twelve, but we haven’t had an occasion to use it.

  19. Cooking is my favorite hobby! Besides eating, of course. I wasn’t always like this. I refused to learn how to cook until I was past 30 because I didn’t want to be required to do this for a man. Weird. My mom did ALL of the cooking, and everything else in her relationship, so this was me rebelling. Then I realized I was hurting myself and learned from my friends’ husbands and cooking shows. It’s how I nuture people now.

    I can see this with people in their 20’s and I wonder if its not a change in how people are viewing relationships? I know there are still relationships happening, but the overall structure has changed. And with tinder and easy hookups, there’s not as much of a need to build a relationship or nuture through cooking. I’m broadly speculating, of course!

  20. I cook about 5x a week. It was always important that we all sit at the table for dinner. Now that the kids have grown, my daughter will come here to cook Thanksgiving (with gorgeous recipes that only a few will eat because they want the ‘regular’ stuff lol) But the summer months are my real entertaining time (Leo sun??). We have get togethers all summer long at the pool. I’d say a good 10-15 parties with at least 10-20 ppl….Its a big crazy thrown together thing but always ends up fun! I have tons of pool party entertaining stuff lol.

  21. Cooking has become trendy here in Scandinavia as well, especially younger men all want to become chefs 🙂 Its strange though, while people are really into cooking, the food for elderly people and patients in hospitals is really bad. This is sad. As for myself I like cooking, I cook for my family – husband and kids. Husband loves cooking even more (taurus), and my kids are beginning to cook a little. My oldest knows how too make pancakes from scratch, make an egg, french toast etc. and she is 9 years old (she loves food)!

  22. I am only speaking for myself when i say this but “fancy china” seems like a waste of money (don’t hate me! It’s my opinion). Why buy something that you only use once of twice and for no other purpose than to impress your guests? Most of us are scraping what resources we have for important things like the rising cost of organic food, college tuition, transportation, and rent (or to buy a home). Impressing guests isn’t a top priority among the younger generation because we’re paying more for those expenses that once were cheap for the older generation. The older generation had job security and union protections so could afford social graces like fancy tableware. We younger folks don’t have that luxury. There’s a lot less of that “extra” to spend. To me, fancy china is like buying a sports car…it’s just for show. There’s a much cheaper more option available that is just as good and leaves you with more money to spend on more important things.

    • I quite agree, I don’t believe in wasting money on anything expensive. The declining popularity of things like fine china has a silver lining for frugal folks like me — if we want some, a good selection can be found and bought for practically nothing at thrift shops and estate sales!

  23. I’m 27, an excellent baker and cook, with mass amounts of recipes from scratch and I always make way more food than what’s really needed. One of my childhood dreams is to own my own cafe/bakery. Cooking and baking are therapeutic for me, it literally makes me feel better when I’m in a crappy mood. I won’t cook for myself. I cook almost every night for my boyfriend, and I’ll occasionally bake for him too. When my ex and I were together and rented a house we would have friends and both our families over for dinner parties. I’d cook everything and there was always way more than enough for all. First time I met my boyfriend’s family I baked them a multitude of desserts from scratch that filled 3 giant freezer baggies. The second time I decided I’d make barbecue Chinese pork buns from scratch, dough and all. His mother is from China and she loved the ones I made. I have Venus in cancer in the seventh house. I find it extremely important to eat dinner together almost every night. My boyfriend had a difficult time understanding this at first. It’s just one of those things I really really value in a relationship. If and when I have a family, dinner will be had together every night, I’ll have my children help me make dinner and bake, and when I think they’re old enough to be responsible with a stove and oven I’ll teach them to cook and bake themselves and pass all of my recipes down to them.

  24. As for dishware, I used to have just one matching set of dishware for more formal occasions or for when the ex’s grandparents were over that didn’t appreciate mismatched plates. Otherwise, I absolutely love mismatched plates. Especially the colorful ones with the painted designs on them. At my boyfriend’s apartment, he owns just one plate like that and it has officially become “my” plate.

  25. I had to teach myself how to cook, because although I could make things like pancakes or a box of cake mix, I had no idea how to cook until I met my husband.

    My husband’s mother was a totally traditional Italian mother. I have pure Italians in my family too (my mother is half Italian) but no one taught me. My father’s side of the family is Polish and German, big boned women always in the kitchen. So you’d think between them I’d learn something…but no. No one taught me.

    So back to my husband…it wasn’t until I met him and volunteered to cook for him (bad idea to test and grow out your cooking skills on a double Virgo) that his high standards of perfection led me from melted plastic strainers of elbow macaroni noodles to copying what Gordon Ramsey does (I am partial to Gordon Ramsey, very partial).

    My Virgo daughter was sort of interested in cooking when she was a kid, but not really. My Scorpio daughter (born on the same day as Gordon Ramsey!) is obsessed with the kitchen and cooking and food. She wanted her own little kitchen and loves nothing more than to *cook* us her food concoctions with her toy food. One of my personal favorites is pie in a cup…

    I try to teach the Scorpio because she has an interest, but I worry about the Virgo. She also has Aspergers and her common sense is like -100, so her being in the kitchen is a dangerous proposal.

  26. Timely. In the last month, I’ve “inherited” 2 sets of china, one of my mother’s sets, and the other belongs to my mother in law, she’s in an assisted living facility (we were clearing her home in order to sell, and my mother wanted the kids to take stuff before she and my dad need to leave the house). I now have 4 sets of china, and no room for it all! And the only grandchild on either side is my son. What’s he going to do with 4 (or potentially more if my siblings don’t take the remaining sets of china my mother has) sets of china? At least now he wants to learn to cook.

  27. I also have my mom’s china, which was given to her by my grandmother. It’s beautiful and I’m very attached to it. I have my moon in scorpio in the 8th house. 🙂

  28. I asked my mother a couple of years ago, “How come you don’t bake, but I do?”

    She pondered it for a bit and said that she never had to. She told me that when she was growing up, she had to help scale/gut the fish, clean the chicken meat, and etc. So, she helped cook when she was young and learned how to cook. She never had to bake for anything, so she never learned how to bake. Her mother (my grandmother) was a part of a family of 20, but my grandmother never learned to cook because they had maids. My mother’s family is a family of 5.

    I know how to bake, but I don’t know how to cook, which is why I asked the question. How come I know how to bake but not cook? Well I bake because I like cakes, cookies, etc. so I learned/taught myself how to bake. I never had to help descale/gut the fish, clean the chickens, and etc. so I never learned these skills. I just knew how to cook eggs and boil. After living on my own, I learned how to cook, but I don’t know how to gut or clean anything… although grocery stores do that for you now.

  29. I am generally a non – cook. Husband, double Virgo does 99% of the cooking, partly why I married him 😉
    Grew up with a Taurean mother who loved cooking and baking, we did make lots of cakes when I was young but I never have the desire to cook. I only tend to cook when I’ve got a day off work and don’t look forward to it!
    As Belle said in an earlier post, sometimes you want to rebel at the stereo type woman having to do all these duties for a man. Think I would resent cooking when all the other household chores are left to me.
    As Marina said there is a lot of cooking on TV, way too much in my opinion.
    I do enjoy eating though!

  30. I’m in my 30s. I cook but my parents didn’t teach me. I taught myself because when I became a mother I quit my job to be a housewife. So really the only reason I can cook is life circumstances. It’s too easy to get by without cooking.

    Also, a thought: all of this china going to waste, becoming cheaper – our culture was more cohesive back in the day. It’s all over the place now. What is American culture anymore? Everyone has their own niche, so to speak, and the traditional is no longer the norm in many places. We have my husband’s grandmother’s china. I dislike the pattern, but I wouldn’t have used it regardless. It serves 12 I think. But it’s in a box. We don’t miss it. (That said, I dream of buying some of the cheap stuff, all mismatched and eclectic and using that as my service for whenever I might have people over for dinner. Not hosting holidays, I don’t know when that will be!)

  31. I kind of understand actually. a lot of people in my generation (90s babies) don’t cook or don’t know how to. It’s not that all of us can’t, we just are so busy all the time. I’m 21 and I can cook very well according to others.My food is usually very flavorful according to everyone who has ever eaten it lol. I taught myself how to cook,actually.I’ve hosted a few dinners for friends(10 +people) and they loved my cooking.

    There are a lot of things that I can do naturally that I taught myself and on the first try, it was really nice(painting,drawing,poems,cooking,fixing stuff) I honestly have no idea why or how(maybe Taurus 5th House,Libra Venus,and Virgo Sun?)

    Growing up, I had mommy issues,she had major problems with alcohol and took it out on my father and me.(Moon square Mars,Aries Moon,Venus square Ceres).

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