75% Of Married People Say They’re Unhappy

Recently I read that when questioned, 25% of married people said they were happily married. I was floored by this statistic.

On the surface, it makes a strong argument against marriage but if you go just a little bit deeper, might it be something else? I think so.

I think people have unreasonable expectations of what their spouse is supposed to do for them… or make them feel.

Recently, I a client who told me she was not always happy… well, who is?

It must be hard to be married to someone who does not make you happy but it must be just as hard to be married to someone who is not happy with you. Especially when you’re doing everything a spouse should do.

I’d like to have this question, expanded. Why aren’t you happy?

What do you think of this? Do you think the statistic is accurate? Mercury and Mars in Libra wants to know.

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Comments

75% Of Married People Say They’re Unhappy — 18 Comments

  1. Oh no. I believe it’s more than one thing. Things such as picking a spouse for the wrong reasons, not learning to compromise with your spouse (my generation, the Millennials can be a little self involved sometimes). And perhaps partly because of lack of evolving in a relationship.

    Too many factors to say.

  2. I think too many Marry during the infatuation period and then when it ends and life gets real its difficult to handle.
    Too many people think they can enter in the marriage thinking they can change the partner. Just know what you see is what you get.
    If the relationship is work at the beginning of the relationship you know that its not worth keeping. Good relationships are not work.

    • I completely agree with this. I have heard so many times that relationships take work, and while I agree with that, I don’t think they should *feel* like work. It’s like the difference between someone who works at a job they hate and someone who works at a job they love.. no comparison.

      I also agree that you can’t change a person. A person can change themselves, but you could be waiting a very long time for that to happen.

  3. I’m a little skeptical of the statistic. But I also don’t think it’s an argument against marriage, I think too many people get married just because it’s the “thing to do” and haven’t thought it through all the way. It’s not something to be taken lightly.

    • Yes, I agree cosmicbeast. Many also have children just cause “it’s the thing to do”. More care and consideration needs to be put into such decisions.

  4. Thanks for the stats! I’m one who believes the “happily married” could be 25% or even less than 25% as shown in the statistics. More people these days are unhappy with themselves than I ever noticed. Maybe it’s the clues on social media where people post attention seeking things, lots of selfies, constantly change their profile pictures and are trying to convince themselves they’re happy. How can they be happily married when they aren’t happy with themselves and they’re too busy searching or believing a partner is meant to create the happiness they lack. Media shows us the perfect house and spouse and there are those who believe all that they see. It’s a superficial world out there folks! It’s a staged environment everywhere we turn and who can blame the unhappy for looking to the stage for happiness. What they don’t understand is it’s not real!! The lack of self love and respect coupled with the fact that we are a busy stressed out society as a whole, leaves a low percentage of folks that are happily married. I venture to guess 3 out of 10 are the people aren’t really meant to be married. I know I’m going to catch a lot of comments now 😱. Monogamy isn’t their thing but society in the past has programed the concept of marriage as a one size fits all way to live out your life. You grow up, marry and have children… the American dream? Not for everyone . It’s like being allergic to food, one shouldn’t eat the food if it causes illness or suffering. Maybe, just maybe society was and is wrong in touting marriage as a “must do” sometime in your lifetime but oh you better do it early and not wait until you’re 30! Maybe, just maybe one shouldn’t marry at all. What do you tell the person if they have Aquarius rising an afflicted Aries Moon, Venus in Sagittarius and Gemini in the 7th? I’d probably tell them I need more data but the odds are stacked against them to be happily married in fact they could be relieved to know they shouldn’t marry. It’s just not for everyone and if we can shift what society teaches and accepts and people come to understand, than I believe the statistics will improve. Monogamy is relatively new concept if we look at the history of the world. I’m monogamous and have never cheated on my spouses (2nd marriage for me)having said that, monogamy comes easy to me and I know that’s not the case with many good, kind and loving people out there. They may want to be monogamous but aren’t really wired to be successful in doing so and therefore it creates an internal battle for them. Wouldn’t they be better knowing they’re good people too and maybe they should just stay single? Marriage is dirty work and it’s the kind of work many don’t want to do especially if you married a soulmate who came along to teach you some heavy Plutonian or Neptunian style lessons. Heavy karma is typically a recipe for some in happiness and unless the players recognize the reason they’re together and learn the lesson early on and work to keep things healthy, it often results in a failed marriage. Reading a chart can certainly be a great roadmap if you’re willing to stay in your lane and see all the signs aka mirrors meant for you. I meet so many young people dragging around “what can you do for me” attitude, it’s a wonder they can live with themselves let alone a partner. I would venture to guess the “happily married” percentage is more like 15-20%. Elsa – you read charts and talk to so many people, I am curious what you think. For those of us that are are truly happy, we found an imperfect person who was perfect for us. That almost always happens after we learned to be alone, love ourselves and maybe were blessed enough to have a natal chart set up to be a good partner and attract the like. Are we happy 100% of the time? No! Conflict, reality checks and mirrors is a recipe for growth. I also believe people give up too easily. We are all works in progress and everyone single human out there male and female wants and deserves to be happy. It starts with self love, and that is more rare than ever. Thanks for the post – signed Taurus rising -First house Gemini 🌞 with Capricorn Moon 🌙 gal

  5. I have never been married, only lived with a man once
    and it was hell on earth for me, I am about to turn 56.
    I am not lonely at all, I have a close boyfriend of 9
    years who himself is married since the 1970’s. I do
    not meddle in his affairs, and I tell him all the time
    that she sounds like a great person and I am glad he
    can live with her and still manage to spend a huge
    amount of time hanging out with me, happily. I would
    personally not be able to sacrifice my independence to
    live with or be married to anyone again. As soon as
    the man I lived with died 13 yrs. ago, I immediately
    lost 20 pounds due to all the stress leaving me.

    My late sister was the opposite of me, she had to be
    married or she was an emotional wreck. She could not
    function on her own. My son just turned 24. He has
    lived with his girlfriend for almost 2 happy years.
    I ask him all the time to please marry her, and to
    support her financially regardless because he has an
    easier time employment wise then she does. She is
    very pragmatic and frugal, so I explained to him that
    she supplies the comfort and the happy home life to
    his 9 to 5 job and need for trustworthy, loving
    companionship. Her chart has wife material “The Little
    Lady” written all over it. Before he met her, he
    kept throwing himself at all these “I want to be a
    professor and I my parents are paying for my doctorate”
    types. He kept playing doormat and got dumped for it.
    My son is a lot like my late sister than me.

    Some people are more cut out for marriage than others.
    Some people win the marriage lottery, and partner with
    someone amazing who makes life better and easier.
    Some people are married to absolute creeps and jerks.

    • aw its so nice to read about ur son and his girlfriend and you saw her as wife material and he breadwinner ^^ … yeah some people are more cut out for marriage role, and partnership than some.

  6. This stat to me is not a measure of marriage, rather it simply confirms that you cannot expect another human being to make you happy.

  7. I think you nailed it in regards to people’s expectations about marriage.

    My husband just moved out (2 blocks away in a tiny apartment) to deal with his indentity crisis that was kicked off after his mom’s death 6 months ago. Before he moved out, he was literally going crazy. Once his mom died, he turned to me with so much anger, and after 12 years and 3 kids I was totally confused. Months of therapy he came to the conclusion he was projecting his issues from childhood (abusive family) onto me and the kids. He married so early he didn’t take time to deal with this stuff so he would t recreate it in his head. He never truly gained psychological and emotional autonomy because he met me at 19 pretty much without a family and I’ve played both mom and wife over the years. If he can mature emotionally, he will believe he can handle his own emotions and not look outside himself for whose at fault and for someone to fix him. Unknownly, we’ve been in a co-dependent relationship, and he wants to grow up and feel like a whole person.

    So, why are people unhappy in marriage? Because they are unhappy with themselves. You don’t like yourself, you’ll project it onto your partner. If you’ve blamed everything else for your unhappiness you start running out of things to blame and look to the people who love you. Also, without doing the “inside work” before getting married, you bring all the shit you are running from and recreate it in your relationship, which can be tragic if you never consciously figure this out.

    Also, I think people forget to just enjoy each other. There are so many stressors in life, if you can make a safe bubble around each other to just be and have some fun, that is important. While my husband is not living here (the last few months have been traumatic and my world has gone upside down) we have been dating and I realized we used to have a private world that was just us that kind of got smashed by our shared responsibilities. It’s odd, but our alone time now is more like it was before we were married.

    If you’re interested in the astrology, my husband has his moon in 27 degrees Cancer with the Pluto, Saturn, South node starting to opposite it has Uranus in the 6th (day to day obligations) opposite his Sun, Mercury, and Pluto in the 12 house (confused about identity). Jupiter return in the 1st house square Neptune transiting his 4th. Neptune is also opposite his Venus (marriage/partner) and Mars at 18 degrees Virgo. Uranus has entered my 2nd house (ruled by Aries, I have Mars in Libra in the 7th) has been opposite my Venus/Pluto conjunct in Scorpio in my 8th. Next year Uranus will start opposing me and my husband’s Saturn.

    I don’t know what this in the end will do to our marriage, but I’ve looked at solar returns a few years and it will go one way or the other in 2.5-3 years. I might get a consolation about that since it looks so bad and while I can see the aspects I don’t know what they mean (e.g. my husband’s Uranus with the transiting north node conjunct his decendent right when Pluto is exactly opposite his moon and Saturn is on top of my moon and a few degrees from his IC 😬).

    They say if you wait to get married you’ll have more realistic expectations and therefore make better choices. But, I don’t agree with that. I have a twin sisters who married 7 years after I did and she and her husband have issues that would have been better resolved before they had married. The ironic truth is most of us are bland to our flaws or issues until we try to partner up and see them mirrored back at us. It takes a lot of humility and maturity to realize the only way to improve your relationship is to fix you, and accept your partner for who then are because they can only work on themselves and they choose to.

    Mars in Libra in my 7th, here. Lol. My generation is getting hit hard right now with relationships. The peeps just a little ahead of me have Pluto at the end of Libra (all the Capericorn stuff squaring it) and have Saturn in Libra. My husband and I and those younger than me have stelliums in Scorpio taking a hit by Uranus right now.

    • ^^ Yep, this. Change the question to how many people are happy and leave marriage out of the equation. I don’t expect the results to be very different.

  8. I am the happiest person I know!!! 🙂 My first marriage was hell, and lasted 17 long horrible freakin years! It took me 5 yrs to de-tox from that one, then I married again, for a decade!!! I am super happily divorced. I KNEW I was going to marry BOTH OF MY HUSBANDS the moment I met each one. They were both karmic debts, paid in FULL. Now I am FREE, and living each day on my own terms. There is no guy, there are no problems. Life is better than good! I will NEVER marry again.

  9. Would you be able to post the link to the study??

    After some training about statistics, psychological studies and more, I’m skeptical.

    Methodology, sample size and more are extremely important for gathering data.

    Methinks it’s impossible to have every person in the US who is married complete the questionnaire, interviews etc.

  10. I think so many people waste their lives on some vision of being married, and that means they can express their life and love. If only they were happily married, everything would be wonderful.

    Marriage is a vocation. It is not the answer to your problems. It is not the only thing that can make people happy. It is not the purpose of your existence, or what makes for a fulfilled life.

    There are so many other ways to do it. If you are not happily married, the chances are you bought into the wrong way for you. Maybe you should not be married at all.

  11. 3Ms. “Most marriages are miserable.”

    Widely attributed to O Spurgeon English MD, but in fact appears in the work of his mentor, Wilhelm Reich.

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